Tuesday, March 02, 2010
I really think that this time is it! I've successfully made a lifestyle change and not just put myself on another diet doomed for failure! It feels great knowing that the "new me" is emerging, learning and getting healthier every day!
By reading some of the articles here on Spark People I have learned so much. I really didn't know everything there was to know about dieting! (who knew, lol) I had felt that since I had been on so many diets, and lost so much weight in the past that I knew what I was doing. Boy, was I wrong!
Not only does Spark People provide me with useful and educational articles, but it allows me to track my food, my exercise, my measurements, glasses of water, and who knows, there's probably a place to even track my breaths taken but I just haven't found it yet! lol I've joined teams for support in things from grief, depression, and smoking cessation, AND on top of that, social networking!! Are you kidding me!?! This is GENIUS! I'm being held accountable while at the same time establishing friendships and a huge support system?!! ROCK ON!
Most importantly, I'm becoming healthy and loving how it makes me feel. My physical health is the best it has been in months! Praise God! And with the physical wellness comes the mental wellness, which I'm also glad to say has improved! My depression is better and in turn I am able to set a good example for my children, and start giving them the attention the deserve!
So thank you to all of my new spark friends for your ongoing support and encouragement! I couldn't do this without you guys!! Here's to a marvelous March!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Thank you so much for your comments and suggestions on my blog yesterday! Your support really means a lot to me!! To answer a couple of questions...I did go to two different counselors, one I didn't like and one that I did. My kids have been to numerous counseling appointments and my daughter is still seeing the school counselor about it. I think I've focused on getting them the help they need more than doing so for myself. But the feedback I got from my counselor was good, she thought I was doing all of the right things. I also went to a support group that seemed to help but I think it was a bit early in my grieving process to benefit from that. I've recently joined a widows online forum which has brought me some support and understanding from those who have been through similar situations. Maybe finding a local support group would be good for me, it's just that it's so painful to talk about it sometimes that I'd rather just try to focus on different things and get it out of my mind. Most of the time this works, it was actually a coping strategy that I got from my support group and some books about grieving. (When your mind starts thinking of the pain, switch to thinking about something else that brings you joy.) It's kind of helped me get through my work days and helps throughout the day when I'm around other people and have to do my job, take care of kids, and so on. When the day winds down and the kids go to bed it's much harder to not think of him.
Well, thanks for listening to my rambling. I wanted to answer some questions a couple of you had asked and wanted to give you all BIG for your support and prayers! Thank you SOOOO much!! I'm blessed to have found such great friends as YOU!!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
This last year has been a roller coaster of emotions. It has been the most challenging year of my life. See, I was with this wonderful man for the best 3 years of my life. He was everything I ever hoped and dreamed for in a man, and more! We complimented eachother so well, like two peas in a pod. He loved me so much, and I loved him with all of my being. I was a single mother when I met him, and he even took in my kids as his own. They started calling him daddy, fore he was the only father they had ever known. (I left the real father 9 months pregnant and my daughter was just 1, they have no memory of him which is probably a good thing) Anyways, my boyfriend was my second half, my rock, my love. He was supposed to propose to me on Christmas morning of 2008 but three days before he had a sudden heart attack and was suddenly ripped from my life. All of my hopes and dreams have gone out the door and here I am...back to struggling as a single mother with an empty hole in my heart.
I've struggled with how to describe him to others, like do I call him my fiance since I was so close to being that? If I just say he was my boyfriend, which he was, people don't seem to "get" the depth of our love and the strength of our relationship. To me he felt like my husband. At the funeral and in the obituary his family referred to me as his wife, because that's more what I felt like. I believe that a marriage is between two hearts and I don't need a piece of paper to prove love. He would've claimed me as his wife, and we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. He was my soul mate.
It has now been over 13 months since he passed and I am still on this roller coaster. I feel like time is finally helping but at any given moment this ride can take a fast turn or a send me on a downhill curve quick.
At the beginning of this year I knew I needed to make a change. My depression had been spiraling out of control and I knew I needed help of some kind. I went to the doctor, got prescribed a new antidepressant, and found Spark People. Things have been lookin up! I've started feeling more energized and healthier than I have in years. But I've come to see that this struggle has not come to an end quite yet. Holidays and anniversaries are very difficult, and it seems like my tendency to find comfort in eating is a lot harder to overcome than I thought. Food has always been there for me and has given me something to look forward to when it seems I have nothing else that does.
I know I need to address the depression as the underlying source but it has proved to be more difficult than I ever imagined. Please pray for me, I need guidance and support to pull myself out of this rut. My depression is damaging my health and even worse, the happiness of my children. Any advice is sure welcome.
Sunday, February 07, 2010
There couldn't be a person less enthused about this Super Bowl than me! The one thing I have looked forward to all week was eating Rotel Cheese dip at my friends today and have been being good all week knowing I couldn't resist the dip. Now I'm not going over there but bought the stuff to make it a week ago just in case this happened, (lol silly i know). Now that I've done so good I'm wavering back and forth on whether I should give myself this "treat" or not. On one hand I don't want to sabatoge all of my efforts, but on the other hand I want to indulge in that cheesy yumminess! It's just sad these are the things I look forward too...cheese dip lol
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Worked out tonight for the 3rd time this week!! I'm on a streak! Wahoo!
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