LESLIES537   13,966
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Sparkin'! =)

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

I really think that this time is it! I've successfully made a lifestyle change and not just put myself on another diet doomed for failure! It feels great knowing that the "new me" is emerging, learning and getting healthier every day!

By reading some of the articles here on Spark People I have learned so much. I really didn't know everything there was to know about dieting! (who knew, lol) I had felt that since I had been on so many diets, and lost so much weight in the past that I knew what I was doing. Boy, was I wrong!

Not only does Spark People provide me with useful and educational articles, but it allows me to track my food, my exercise, my measurements, glasses of water, and who knows, there's probably a place to even track my breaths taken but I just haven't found it yet! lol I've joined teams for support in things from grief, depression, and smoking cessation, AND on top of that, social networking!! Are you kidding me!?! This is GENIUS! I'm being held accountable while at the same time establishing friendships and a huge support system?!! ROCK ON!

Most importantly, I'm becoming healthy and loving how it makes me feel. My physical health is the best it has been in months! Praise God! And with the physical wellness comes the mental wellness, which I'm also glad to say has improved! My depression is better and in turn I am able to set a good example for my children, and start giving them the attention the deserve!

So thank you to all of my new spark friends for your ongoing support and encouragement! I couldn't do this without you guys!! Here's to a marvelous March!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1HAPPYSPIRIT 3/3/2010 10:37PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Leslie:

You have obviously caught the Spark spirit and attitude. Heed the wisdom you have learned wisely and you will find the road to success! Wishing you the best, in hopes you keep focusing on living a healthy lifestyle!

Hang in there!
☆-::-
*)) -::-
.♥ .☆)).*)
((.♥ .. ☆** 1 Happy Spirit **☆..♥

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YESITSDEB 3/3/2010 8:45PM

    You said it all! I'm excited to be on this journey with you and look forward to all that SP will help us discover. emoticon

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RUSSELLORAMA 3/2/2010 9:50PM

    What a great blog! Your joy really shines through.

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RUN2MYDREAMS 3/2/2010 7:41PM

    emoticongirlfriend! This is emoticon I'm so proud of you for how far you've come. Stay positive & focused. YOU CAN DO THIS! emoticon
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5CHRISSY5 3/2/2010 4:36PM

    Thanks for the encouragement. I have started with Spark again and hope to at least sign on once a day. I need to get a scale. I think I have lost weight during the time I had a cold over the past 3 weeks, but am not sure. According to what I am reading I need strength training. The tricky part to that is I had my foot rebuilt last January 09 and I am still working on walking properly on my foot, no less training. I am not sure where to start with a menu or diet plan...I guess looking at the ideas on here would help. Wish me luck. You are doing GREAT!! emoticon

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TEENY_BIKINI 3/2/2010 4:20PM

    Woot.

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ANGIEFAYE818 3/2/2010 3:54PM

    Whoa girl, you said it!!
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ANGIEFAYE818 3/2/2010 3:51PM

    Whoa girl, you said it!!
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KRYANPRINCESS 3/2/2010 3:48PM

    YAY!! I'm so glad you have found your way and are feeling so much better in so many areas of your life! SP had saved my life and mental well being in my opinion!! WOO HOO to a Healthy Lifestyle!! emoticon emoticon

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TWILAG 3/2/2010 3:36PM

    I completely agree! Sparkpeople is a genius concept. I used to spend a lot of time on other "networking sites" such as Facebook. Mostly that was unproductive time. Now I feel that any time spent here is valuable to me whether I'm learning about fitness, nutrition, or gaining some motivation!

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LOOZINITNOW 3/2/2010 3:35PM

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in a rut...part 2 :)

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Thank you so much for your comments and suggestions on my blog yesterday! Your support really means a lot to me!! To answer a couple of questions...I did go to two different counselors, one I didn't like and one that I did. My kids have been to numerous counseling appointments and my daughter is still seeing the school counselor about it. I think I've focused on getting them the help they need more than doing so for myself. But the feedback I got from my counselor was good, she thought I was doing all of the right things. I also went to a support group that seemed to help but I think it was a bit early in my grieving process to benefit from that. I've recently joined a widows online forum which has brought me some support and understanding from those who have been through similar situations. Maybe finding a local support group would be good for me, it's just that it's so painful to talk about it sometimes that I'd rather just try to focus on different things and get it out of my mind. Most of the time this works, it was actually a coping strategy that I got from my support group and some books about grieving. (When your mind starts thinking of the pain, switch to thinking about something else that brings you joy.) It's kind of helped me get through my work days and helps throughout the day when I'm around other people and have to do my job, take care of kids, and so on. When the day winds down and the kids go to bed it's much harder to not think of him.

Well, thanks for listening to my rambling. I wanted to answer some questions a couple of you had asked and wanted to give you all BIG emoticon for your support and prayers! Thank you SOOOO much!! I'm blessed to have found such great friends as YOU!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEWFLABULESS 3/31/2010 1:10AM

    I am so sorry for your loss. My advice is that no one can tell you what will work best for you. And what works best might change. For now, it might be counselling and support groups. Later, it might be focusing on other aspects of your life or taking up a new hobby. I would just try different options and go with what feels best in your heart. Be prepared for days when you don't feel like doing anything but locking yourself in a room and crying over pictures. It's all a part of the healing process. Remember that GOD has a plan for us that is greater than we can imagine. As horrible as tragedy is, there is a reason for the insanity. You and your family are in my prayers. emoticon

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CULACCINA 2/19/2010 12:21PM

    Hi there,
I'm really sorry for your loss.
While I was reading your post, I could hear my dad saying he had lost his rock, saying nothing made sense anymore, talking about mom. We've lost people we love and it hurts; but, as Kwenbee said, we should feel blessed for them being part of our lives.
We are going to be ok.
We must. For them, who loved us.

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Comment edited on: 2/19/2010 12:23:01 PM

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KRYANPRINCESS 2/18/2010 1:51PM

    Seems to me like you are doing all the right things to get through this difficult time in your life. Everyone Grieves differently and it takes a different amount of time for each individual. You have children to focus on and to help them through it as well, and your doing some things to help improve your process as well...as hard as this is for you and your children you are staying as strong as you can and are slowly moving on. You're doing great! And even though you will have though moments you WILL get through this! emoticon emoticon

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KWENBEE 2/18/2010 10:34AM

    In December 2000, my stepson and his mother were killed by a drunk driver. I, too, sort of got brushed aside by many people because it was my "step" son and not my biological son, much as you struggled with the "boyfriend" and not "husband". I can tell you that it gets baby steps easier every single day. I watched my husband almost disappear from me because he was hurting so badly....we had a 4 year old daughter and a 2 1/2 year old grandson who needed us to keep it together. I had a stepdaughter who lost literally HALF her family in one night who I had to stay strong for. To this day, I do not know how I did it, and a few years ago, my own sister, who is and has been my best friend for as long as I can remember, made the statement "Even I didn't realize how hard Keith's death was on you".

It is amazing how a "title" seems to make so much difference to people. I met my husband when my stepson had just turned 3 years old. He died when he was 19. I RAISED that boy and he was a son to me just as much as the daughter I had with my husband is my child.

You are doing the right things...it might be better to find a support group now that you are out a year...we attended one for a while and it did help. Talking about it gets easier and easier. What I tell everyone and the way I deal with it even today is that I refuse to dwell on the last minutes of Keith's life...I prefer to dwell on the 19 years he was alive and feel blessed that we had him at all. He is missed but he touched many lives. I am sure you can say the same.

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In a rut

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

This last year has been a roller coaster of emotions. It has been the most challenging year of my life. See, I was with this wonderful man for the best 3 years of my life. He was everything I ever hoped and dreamed for in a man, and more! We complimented eachother so well, like two peas in a pod. He loved me so much, and I loved him with all of my being. I was a single mother when I met him, and he even took in my kids as his own. They started calling him daddy, fore he was the only father they had ever known. (I left the real father 9 months pregnant and my daughter was just 1, they have no memory of him which is probably a good thing) Anyways, my boyfriend was my second half, my rock, my love. He was supposed to propose to me on Christmas morning of 2008 but three days before he had a sudden heart attack and was suddenly ripped from my life. All of my hopes and dreams have gone out the door and here I am...back to struggling as a single mother with an empty hole in my heart.

I've struggled with how to describe him to others, like do I call him my fiance since I was so close to being that? If I just say he was my boyfriend, which he was, people don't seem to "get" the depth of our love and the strength of our relationship. To me he felt like my husband. At the funeral and in the obituary his family referred to me as his wife, because that's more what I felt like. I believe that a marriage is between two hearts and I don't need a piece of paper to prove love. He would've claimed me as his wife, and we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. He was my soul mate.

It has now been over 13 months since he passed and I am still on this roller coaster. I feel like time is finally helping but at any given moment this ride can take a fast turn or a send me on a downhill curve quick.

At the beginning of this year I knew I needed to make a change. My depression had been spiraling out of control and I knew I needed help of some kind. I went to the doctor, got prescribed a new antidepressant, and found Spark People. Things have been lookin up! I've started feeling more energized and healthier than I have in years. But I've come to see that this struggle has not come to an end quite yet. Holidays and anniversaries are very difficult, and it seems like my tendency to find comfort in eating is a lot harder to overcome than I thought. Food has always been there for me and has given me something to look forward to when it seems I have nothing else that does.

I know I need to address the depression as the underlying source but it has proved to be more difficult than I ever imagined. Please pray for me, I need guidance and support to pull myself out of this rut. My depression is damaging my health and even worse, the happiness of my children. Any advice is sure welcome.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DETERMINDCHICKY 8/14/2010 5:33AM

    What an amazing and truly touching blog! You are such a strong woman to have endured all of that and still be here at spark putting in your all. Still envisioning a healthier life for yourself. I am so impressed with your strength.

I know how hard it is to deal with depression. I have been suffering most of my life.There are good days and then there are really really really bad days. I am so glad I met you here at sparks.

May your heart grow wings and fly to the finish line to reclaim happiness and good health.

You are such an inspiration to me. emoticon

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RUSSELLORAMA 2/17/2010 9:49PM

    My sincere and best wishes to you!

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KRYANPRINCESS 2/17/2010 12:19PM

    I am so sorry for you loss. It's heartbreaking to to lose someone so close to you that you love so much. You have every right to feel that you were his wife. My fiance and I have a similar relationship. We just refer to each other as husband and wife, and don't feel like we need that paper to define our relationship. You are taking the right steps to healing. I'm not sure if you have done this yet or not, but are you receiving counseling to help you work through the depression and grief? I am a firm believer that it helps. Making yourself healthier for you and your kids is also important, so I'm glad you are here. Cause they need you to stick around and watch them grow up! emoticonTake care! emoticon

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SALINA78 2/17/2010 11:36AM

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss!
I couldn't even imagine!

But know that you are doing the right thing!
You are making your heart healthy to stay around a long time for your beautiful babies!
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RUN2MYDREAMS 2/17/2010 11:32AM

    You and your children are in my prayers! I cannot begin to imagine how hard life has been or what the roller coaster of emotions has been like for you.

I too am on medication for depression. I started in November because I just felt completely overwhelmed with the responsiblities that are placed on me. I am married and only have one child, Emma, and I needed to get it together for her so I could function. I was suffering from some anxiety initally as well. Currently I don't take that medication on a regular basis. Sorry I digress...

Your children need you. They love you. Exercise with them. Go out to the movies or to the zoo or park. Spend time with them. Go out with friends from time to time. Have you gone to any bereavement support groups? I know some people don't like them. I just thought you may find support from others who've experienced what you have in some way. Or counseling? I'm not sure by what you've said here if you've done that. Everyone's personality is different. I like to talk my feelings out and get feedback and suggestions.

But always know that you can come here for support. We care for you and want to help if we are able to in any way.

emoticon emoticonYOU CAN DO THIS!

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JAG0409 2/17/2010 10:56AM

    Praying for you and your family.

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REDRUNNERMOM713 2/17/2010 10:55AM

    I am so very sorry. I wish I could give you a great big hug right now! As the others have stated, WE are all here for you!!! You can vent and scream and cry or do whatever you need to in order to help you get through the toughest of times. Food is comforting yes...in the short term, but in the long run it is only going to continue to 'hurt' you. I'm an emotional eater I've come to realize and it's been very hard to not turn to chocolate and junk at the first twinge of any stress, but I know if I do I will end up feeling worse afterwards. I wish I had some cure all advice for you! He sounds like he was a wonderful man and I'm happy for you that you got to feel that kind of love. Please know I'm here for you ANY time!!! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. BIG emoticon

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SAMMIEGAL 2/17/2010 10:42AM

    I am so very sorry for your loss. Don't even bother about what other people think, you know how much this man meant to you and that is enough. His family sounds like they were wonderful to you and consider you his wife as well. I hope you find the peace you need to go on and live your life and become whole again. I know it will take time and you will need support. We are here for you and will support you. Please keep blogging and stay in the open. I have some experience with depression and the worst thing you can do is to stay inside yourself all alone. You won't find support there, only your critical inner voice. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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LADYRINO 2/17/2010 10:40AM

    I wish I had a magic wand to make this nightmare go away. I wish I had the words to wash the hurt away. All I have are arms that reach out in a hug, ears to listen to you rant your hurt instead of feeding it food, a soul that says I understand and it is safe here.

I understand the situation - 1992 my fiance died unexpectedly (my mother and I actually performed CPR on him). It was hard to let go of all the what could have beens. It took a long time to heal. Now it is 2010 and I am happily married to my other half and we are healing from a much different loss.

Know that the food can not "fix" the problem. It may soothe the hurt but creates its own hurt later on. Talk to us, share with us, scream with us, heal with us.

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to cheat or not to cheat....

Sunday, February 07, 2010

There couldn't be a person less enthused about this Super Bowl than me! The one thing I have looked forward to all week was eating Rotel Cheese dip at my friends today and have been being good all week knowing I couldn't resist the dip. Now I'm not going over there but bought the stuff to make it a week ago just in case this happened, (lol silly i know). Now that I've done so good I'm wavering back and forth on whether I should give myself this "treat" or not. On one hand I don't want to sabatoge all of my efforts, but on the other hand I want to indulge in that cheesy yumminess! It's just sad these are the things I look forward too...cheese dip lol

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUN2MYDREAMS 2/10/2010 10:18AM

    Remember, this is more than a diet, it's a way of life, a lifestyle change. Try and have that approach when you are eating. You can do anything if you set your mind to! Good for you for tossing out half. The other night I bought Stouffers Chicken Alfredo and I am pleased to say that I only had one small bowl. A month or so ago, I would've had at least 1/2 of the container that's a Large Family Size. So be proud of the baby steps you are making! YOU CAN DO THIS!

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LESLIES537 2/8/2010 10:48AM

    WOW!! Thank you so much for the support! I'm still a bit overwhelmed at all the cool things Spark has to offer, and this support system is just outstanding! You guys are great! Thank you for stickin by me whatever decision I made! emoticon

I decided to indulge a bit, but didn't go overboard. I made the cheese dip but threw out 1/2 of it right away, knowing that I'd probably eat it if I didn't! For me this was big...I've always been the one to not want things to go to waste. Afterall, there's starving kids in Ethiopia, right?!!

I think you're right about the deprivation, it just makes you want to eat everything in sight. I've deprived myself on other diets, but this is not a diet and as long as I only have a little every now and then this will prevent me from going off the deep end in the future I'm sure. Everything in moderation, not deprivation! (I really like that motto, thanks!)

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SPUNKYDUCKY 2/8/2010 12:41AM

    I allow myself M&Ms now and then because 1. I love them and 2. I can control the portion size easily. If you decide to have it, get the portion you want and throw the rest out, before you start eating. In the beginning, sometimes the temptation is a lot and removing it allows you to enjoy the treat. Just an idea

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FITPRIS 2/7/2010 7:53PM

    Don't freak out is the first thing! If you decide to eat the cheese dip, you just get work out a little harder over the next few days. If you don't eat it, then no harm, no foul.

When you deprive yourself, you end up eating twice as much of everything...or at least it seems that way. Eating right means everything in moderation, not deprivation.

Whatever the decision, we will stand behind you.

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RUSSELLORAMA 2/7/2010 5:32PM

    I know how I get if I really try to deprive myself of something, I snap and eat as much of it as I can. I'm realizing that one serving size of something is really a lot larger than it seems! i haven't portioned out cheese dip yet, though! :D

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LADYRINO 2/7/2010 5:22PM

    LOL...I would go for the cheese before the football game...but if it were ice hockey....that would be a different story...LOL How about a small taste but not so much to go over the budget. Is that cheese reallllly worth a week of hard work?

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Comment edited on: 2/7/2010 5:22:21 PM

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CBHEINTZ 2/7/2010 5:09PM

  If you can have a little and be satisfied go ahead. If you don't have it, you'll probably go home and make it with the stuff you bought and eat it all!

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REDRUNNERMOM713 2/7/2010 5:05PM

    I'm having the same thoughts with the cheese dip!!! Also with lil smokies...yum! I have them both warming right now, but am not sure if I want to eat any or not! My thought is that I will allow myself a small amount of each...just because I don't get these very often, but then that is all. Just a little bit to indulge the urge, but not enough to totally sabatoge. I wish you luck in whatever decision you make!!! That's a great sign if you are weighing your options! Keep up the good work!

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SASKATIA 2/7/2010 5:02PM

  Oh I disagree. I absolutely hate everything about the Super Bowl, to the point that I've decided to toss my tv at the next person who mentions it to me. emoticon

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on a roll! =)

Thursday, February 04, 2010

Worked out tonight for the 3rd time this week!! I'm on a streak! Wahoo! emoticon

  
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RUSSELLORAMA 2/6/2010 10:20PM

    emoticon

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HICKOK-HALEY 2/6/2010 9:37PM

    Great job.
Jeanne

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HICKOK-HALEY 2/6/2010 9:37PM

    Great job.
Jeanne

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SALINA78 2/5/2010 4:53PM

    WOOHOO!!!
Way to streak! HEE HEE!

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REDRUNNERMOM713 2/4/2010 11:27PM

    Way to go!!! Keep up the great work!

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