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I AM WARRIOR *beats on chest* :D

Friday, December 10, 2010

Being held accountable is very important in this journey. Iíve always been thankful to Spark and to my friends for providing this to me. What I didnít realize though was how much it really impacted my day-to-day decision-making, or most importantly, my attitude when things just arenít going my way.

After I got home Wednesday from driving around aimlessly for two hours I started asking myself why I had wasted this time and gas money. I couldíve come home and vegged out, taken a nap, played on the computer and wasted the day away with mindless farmland games or facebook chatting.

But I didnít.

Why? Because I didnít want to report back to everyone that I just came home and crawled into bed thinking woe is me, why does life suck so bad. [Though the urge was something fierce!]

I didnít want to have to tell everyone that I ordered a large pizza, baked cookies, and had a big ice cream sundae before bed. [Though thatís what my mind kept telling me!]

After all, Iím a motivator. People read my blogs because they care but ALSO because they are looking to be inspired. I have an example to set and will NOT be perceived as weak. [Though I know all you would have said was ďBig deal, tomorrow is a new day.Ē]

I have so many friends that are working their BUTTS OFF to be productive, become healthy, and be who they set out to be. There are thousands of people in this community that work HARD every single day and who am I to let this one little thing get me down. After all, I AM a warrior, you know?!

I thought about all of this almost subconsciously. It was like my mind kept saying, turn this into a positive, do NOT let it ruin your productivity for the day. DO NOT let life knock you down. You ARE strong, and you will NOT see this as an excuse to binge on thousands of calories and sob your eyes out.

And THATíS what I did! I ended up even being MORE productive than normal. I took those lemons and THREW THEM right back in their face! Take THAT as an input error! Iíll show YOU who is in charge here! I ate healthy, stayed in my limits AND ended up producing 50 Christmas cards to give to nursing home residents. THATíS what IíM talking about! BOOYAH!

I signed this creed, took the oath and by God, I WILL NOT break it! I AM WARRIOR, HEAR ME RAAAWWWRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Warrior Creed:

I am a powerful Warrior.
I can weather any storm.
I am fierce; I am fabulous; I am unstoppable.
My tenacity comes in many forms.

I here and now commit to myself,
To embrace sheer courage and strength,
And vow to pursue wellbeing and health,
And to reach new heights and great lengths.

I shall pick myself up with determination and grace,
Each and every time that I fall,
I will give of myself and lift up my friends,
And will extend a helping hand to all.

I will start each new day,
With inspiration in my heart, as I look to the horizon-nestled treasure,
For am I am a Warrior; I am a spark;
Yes, I am powerful beyond measure!


~ AHealthierMe9 ~

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHOESCH 12/15/2010 4:58PM

    Leslie,
I haven't been a very good Spark Friend - I just read your last two blogs and felt terrible that I wasn't there to help you through this tough time of year. Then I read this blog and realize that you are the one who lifts me and gets me back on track when I let life get me down. You have faced some really difficult challenges and you are coming out of them an amazing and strong woman! Thanks so much for your encouragement, for your willingness to share not only the good but also the bad and for letting us see you overcome and become exactly who you need to be! I appreciate you more than you know.
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Cathy

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JESSIELOVE78 12/14/2010 9:33AM

    Thank you for the wonderful blog!!!

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GRACI5 12/13/2010 10:29PM

    Well said! Thank you for the inspiration...definitely needed it. emoticon

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TRANSFORMWE 12/13/2010 8:10AM

    Beautiful!

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MONKEYSNUFFER 12/12/2010 11:49PM

    You are a HUGE inspiration (well, a skinny huge inspiration LOL)

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CULACCINA 12/12/2010 7:58PM

    Go girl!!!
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RAINBOWFALLS 12/12/2010 11:33AM

    emoticon

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SM-ARTGIRL 12/12/2010 6:16AM

    Wow I really felt so good when I read the warrior creed.
I am realising that I can learn to be tough and determined too!
Thank you! emoticon

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MOBEANZ 12/11/2010 9:43PM

    Fantastic!!!

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REJ7777 12/11/2010 7:26PM

    You are indeed a motivator! emoticon
You are indeed a warrior! emoticon
You are indeed a spark! emoticon
emoticon SparkFriend! emoticon

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KTMAE2006 12/11/2010 1:50PM

    I'm glad you recognize what a strong woman you are!!

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KKP4673 12/11/2010 9:41AM

    You go, girlfriend!!! Thank you, too, for continuing to inspire and encourage us all! You look amazing!!! emoticon

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IUHRYTR 12/11/2010 8:02AM

    YES! That's the attitude! -- Lou

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ANNABELLE1957 12/11/2010 2:51AM

    wowowo awesome emoticon emoticon

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MCSNYDER1 12/10/2010 10:54PM

    YOU are a WARRIOR!!!!!

RRoooaarrrr!!!! emoticon

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 12/10/2010 10:27PM

    You ARE a warrior girl!

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MRSGEDDES 12/10/2010 9:22PM

    YOU CAN DO IT!!!!
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ELLFIN3 12/10/2010 7:56PM

    WooHoo for you!!! You are an inspiration!!! The cards for the nursing home is great!!!!!!! Enjoy your weekend!!!!
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WARMSPRINGDAY 12/10/2010 7:50PM

    Nothing to add - you've said it, girl!
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ZANDASMOM1 12/10/2010 7:47PM

    Way to go!!! I am so proud of you!!! You are emoticon

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ONEKIDSMOM 12/10/2010 7:23PM

    Way to go, Warrior! emoticon emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/10/2010 7:07PM

    emoticon emoticonLeslie! I am so proud of youuuuuu! emoticon

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AHEALTHIERME9 12/10/2010 6:57PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Wow... everyone... be afraid... be VERY afraid... This Warrior has got some charged-up spark going on!

You are awesome... I love your positivity emoticon

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JHADZHIA 12/10/2010 5:57PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Way to turn a horrible situation around into something special!! You rock!!

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GETFIT2LIVE 12/10/2010 5:40PM

    Oh yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about--you're a WARRIOR all right! Way to go on fighting back and making it an even more productive day. WOO HOO for you!

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LIVELAUGHXO 12/10/2010 5:32PM

    This is very encouraging to read. Thanks for sharing!! emoticon emoticon

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ESTEPHENSON2 12/10/2010 4:42PM

    AWESOME!

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NIKNAK1980 12/10/2010 4:23PM

    I am almost speechless after reading that yet I'm still here searching for the words because something HAS to be said for this!! You are humble, true to yourself, honest, A REAL WARRIOR, and an awesome inspiration!! I want you to know that your words were the ones I needed to see today, on SOO many levels! I am so glad that you were able to turn that situation around and give it a good smack in the face!! Thank you, well, for being you! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon and we totally need a RAWR! emoticon!! lol emoticon ~Nikki

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KAMAPERRY 12/10/2010 4:22PM

    There you go being awesome again!!! Way to go, girl!! Way to turn it around!! emoticon

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REDRUNNERMOM713 12/10/2010 4:16PM

    You are SO strong and such an inspiration! You turning what happened into a HUGE positive is amazing and truly is inspiring. I'm so proud of you for being such a warrior!! Let your RAWWWWWRRRRRRRR be heard for miles around girl!!!! emoticon

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PRYCELESS1 12/10/2010 4:10PM

    Go you!!

I could have done with that mindset an hour ago. I've just eaten,well, a load of crap and now i feel like a right plonker. I have done so well all week and now i feel like i've thrown it all away.

But,i will put my warrior hat on and get my arse moving first thing in the morning!!!
Thank you for this blog. I needed to see this.

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PCOH051610 12/10/2010 4:07PM

    This was yet another fantastic blog! Did you write the poem because it is awesome!

You are right in that you are an inspiration and a motivator to many of us but remember that you are human too. I'm sure even warriors have their "off-days"!

Glad to hear, nevertheless, that your spirit prevailed and that you conquered another challenge!

xo Susan emoticon

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Bummed but Blessed

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Immediately after I got off of work I went to CVS to try and get to the bottom of it. Apparently it was an input error and the prescription wasn't intended to be filled for Chris. The pharmacist felt really bad and before I had even gotten there she had contacted CVS headquarters and gotten his name deleted from their system. I told her I appreciated that. There was no need to get angry at her, it was just a misfortunate incident that hopefully will not happen again.

Luckily I had a 1/2 day of work and was able to get out of there and get some me time. I had intended on getting some Christmas shopping done but I wasn't in the mood anymore. I drove around meaning to stop at certain stores but just ended up driving right by them. I didn't feel like doing anything I had planned and found myself in a daze. After a couple of hours of driving and just a couple stops, I decided to go home and pick the kids up from day care right after they got out of school. I needed to be with my babies and see their smiling faces.

While I had been driving around I had been doing some thinking. I had let myself have a good cry and had been thinking about how a friend had told me her tip for the holidays. She said to take one day, not on the holiday, say the day after or before, and make that the day you are mourning, depressed, pissed at the world, what have you...and save the holiday to enjoy. This is easier said than done but is an excellent thought. This lead me to thinking that today just may be a good day for that. Then...my mind started thinking about my pay it forward plan to honor his memory. This year I'd like to visit a nursing home and take time to visit with the residents. Then, ephiphany! They'd love it if I had my kids with me and what if we brought homemade Christmas cards for them?! YEAH!

So I gathered the kids and went to Target, bought a ton of stickers, new markers and colored pencils, and some plain cards to decorate. The kids have been working hard and are so excited about delivering them to the residents. This family time has been great for me as well.

The comments on my last blog are so genuinely warm-hearted and incredibly helpful. I've been meaning to tell you guys what I'm going through but modest me has not done so. I guess it took an emotional charge for me to let it out. I'm glad I did though. Now you know, and now I have a blog that I can go back to whenever I'm feeling down this holiday season and I'll surely find some comfort. I'm very touched by the responses and have been proven again what dear friends I have found here on Spark. I'm truly blessed to have you guys in my life.

Well, I'm going to head to bed early. It's been a very emotionally draining day. Tomorrow when I'm feeling better I will get caught up on my blogs and in thanking each one of you personally for your concern and prayers. I love you all and am very grateful I can count on you in these times of need. It means alot.

Love,

Leslie

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BTRTHANEVA 12/18/2010 10:01PM

    Your status right now reads: Leslies537 is _______.

Let me fill in the blank: AMAZING.

What a great role model you are! Especially to your kids!

Tis the season. Keep spreading your sunshine, sunshine. This is a tough time of year for a lot of people (myself included), but there's a lot we can do to make it work for us. You are living proof!

Love you, Les.



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LZY0108 12/15/2010 8:31PM

    Such a great and inspirational blog. I can not imagine what you are going thru! It amazes me how well you deal though. You are awesome! emoticon

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TRANSFORMWE 12/13/2010 8:08AM

    Way to turn things around! And congrats on following your intuition to give yourself exactly what you needed.
Blessings!

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GINGERVISTA 12/11/2010 9:57AM

    I can't imagine what you're going through; glad CVS handled the problem.
But what a wonderful thing you did with your children.....good for EVERYBODY involved.
Lots of emoticon today & every day for your emotional time.
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MOBEANZ 12/10/2010 12:15PM

    That was such a fantastic idea to do for the Holidays. People can give advice and comfort but nothing can make it easier. The Holidays are tough but you sound like your kids are your comfort and that is absolutely beautiful. I hope you have a good week. One day at a time. hugsxoxo

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RAINBOWFALLS 12/10/2010 9:15AM

    What a fantastic idea with the cards. A great way to get the kids involved. I have found in the past that it isn't usually the holiday itself that is my saddest day, but the day after. It is like a let down or realization. I usually hold it together quite well on the holiday itself. Best of luck to you, my thoughts are with you and your family. emoticon

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SHERRY257 12/9/2010 12:44PM

    Oh, Leslie you are so strong! I continue to admire you and hold you up as my Super Hero! (Inspirator!) emoticon

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VIXEN2188 12/9/2010 12:30PM

    Glad they got it all sorted out for you and hope the cards turn out great!

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MTLHEAD86 12/9/2010 12:22PM

    YOU never stop amazing me. YOU inspire me to be more. YOU are the unstoppable, fierce warrior. This is just further testament of your resolve to reclaim your life. What an awesome way to pay it forward in his memory. The folks at the nursing home are going to love seeing you and the kids. I'm so proud of you and I'm certain he is too. Thank you for sharing this part of yourself with us.

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KAMAPERRY 12/9/2010 10:27AM

    Beautiful, and thanks for sharing that tip. I needed that. emoticon

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DEVORA4 12/9/2010 9:12AM

  U R a woman after my own heart by turning a negative into a positive. You are a true warrior. Thanks for the great blog and being on our team of Warriors, debby akadevora4 co leader Happy Holiday. emoticon

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AZURELITE 12/9/2010 8:01AM

    Leslie, you are a strong, courageous woman.
Angel blessings
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GRAMMACATHY 12/9/2010 5:19AM

    Lemons to Lemonade.

You are a great Mom. Your children are blessed and will always remember your positive spirit.
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WARMSPRINGDAY 12/8/2010 10:28PM

    Great job on turning a bad experience into something positive. emoticon

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LUNADRAGON 12/8/2010 10:27PM

    Way to go! Never mind lemonade, you are making lemon meringue pie with the lemons. What a positive way to change things around and show your sweet ones how to give to others at this time when they need you tremendously too.
Be blessed.

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DUSTYGIRL25 12/8/2010 10:17PM

    I'm so sorry that happened yesterday and it got you so upset. But wow you sure turned it around in the right direction. Not only will this help your healing but it's a great example for your children. The folks at the nursing home are going to love you and your family!
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KANSASROSE67 12/8/2010 10:13PM

    I'm sorry I missed your first blog but I've read it now. I think your plan to do to go to the nursing home with your kids is perfect. There's no way to lift your spirits that's better than doing something for someone else. Hang in there, sweetie!

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BELLALUCIA 12/8/2010 10:03PM

    You are a kind and wonderful woman and I love you to bits!

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SWEETMAGNOLIA2 12/8/2010 10:02PM

    My husband, an elementary church school teacher, takes his students to the nursing homes in the area to do music programs for the residents. All year the students do beautiful handwriting sheets with scripture verses and decorate the borders with colorful art work. Then the "hug patrol" is let loose to give out their creations. I enjoy watching the interaction between the children and the older people. Often I will see the papers hanging on doors or walls in the residents' rooms months later. What a blessing is in store for you and your children!

Comment edited on: 12/8/2010 10:11:20 PM

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RAVENSONG37 12/8/2010 9:59PM

    This is the first time I've read your blog and just wanted to say how incredible it is that you took such deep grief and turned it into something so beautiful so quickly. I give you so much credit for recognizing your feelings, your needs and doing something healthy with it. Thanks for sharing.

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JHADZHIA 12/8/2010 9:59PM

    Leslie you are simply amazing !! You know how to take something very depressing and turn it completely around into something special!! This is an absolutely WONDERFUL idea!!!
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GOGOMAMA 12/8/2010 9:52PM

    I love your way of honoring his memory! It is very touching and a great idea plus you are blessing others, making it a special way to make positive memories for you and your kids! You have a big heart!

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CREATINGAMANDA 12/8/2010 9:50PM

    emoticon

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MCSNYDER1 12/8/2010 9:41PM

    What a great way to turn your day around! Positivity!!!! No need to personally thank me, by the way. We have way too much in common. We know, don't we? Well, that's strange.... I find myself missing Bill. But it's all good. Wonderful memories. A tiny tear in my eye, but a smile on my face. I don't know why I just told you that. Oh, yes I do....you get it. Love and peace and a good night's sleep to you, my friend.

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NIKNAK1980 12/8/2010 9:41PM

    You are an amazing person! What a great thing it is for you and your kids to do together! Not only is it good for you but it's also good for your kids to learn how to be humble and decent people. I admire you and your efforts and it makes me wanna be a better person for myself and the people in my life and for my new found family here @ spark! Thanks Leslie!! ~Nikki

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TEACHINMOM 12/8/2010 9:24PM

    What an honor to his memory that is!!! You are really setting a wonderful example for your kids!! I've been just reading your blogs/page lately (keeping up to date through Lori's feed~LOL!) and just wanted to say that you sound like an amazing, strong woman with a wonderful heart. It's unfortunate that you had to go through that today but you've made something great of the rest of the day by starting your project and you will soooo be a blessing to those in the nursing home you visit.
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REJ7777 12/8/2010 9:24PM

    What a great plan for paying it forward in honor of Chris' memory! Your children will enjoy making the cards, and what a treat it will be for the folks at the nursing home. I'm convinced it will be a blessing for everyone concerned! emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/8/2010 9:25:11 PM

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TEACHDIANN78 12/8/2010 9:22PM

    emoticonSeems like you could use one. I think the nursing home is a WONDERFUL idea!! I can't even imagine how emotional the holidays must be. I'm glad you have wonderful friends and family to count on!!

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TEENY_BIKINI 12/8/2010 9:18PM

    You see - let me be clear... This is why I dig you. This epiphany is so inherently you - so kind, generous, loving and it just comes to you so easy like flowers just happen in the spring.

I just heard this on TV so I am just gonna tell ya...

You are one righteous, babe :) Spark on!

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Comment edited on: 12/8/2010 9:53:57 PM

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JUSTDUCKY1405 12/8/2010 9:15PM

    Hey! So happy you were able to see and make some good of this situation! I loved hearing your thought processess...

Take Care Hun!

Love Ya!

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/8/2010 9:12PM

    Aww, Leslie, that is PERFECT!!! Absolutely PERFECT!!! I am so proud of you!!! AGAIN!!! You have taken something sad, and even disturbing and turned into something JOYFUL!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IUHRYTR 12/8/2010 9:06PM

    Christmas cards for nursing home residents is a terrific idea. That the cards are handmade will make them all that more special. -- Lou

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Disgusted

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

I was just going to blog about how I wasn't going to let this my Christmas cheer be affected by grief this year. Then the pharmacy calls and asks for Chris and proceeds to tell me that his prescription is ready for pickup. Do what?? HOW DOES THIS EVEN HAPPEN? How does a doctor, of whom he didn't even go to, call in a prescription for a dead person? It was his date of birth and everything!?! WHAT THE...? I'm shaking with disgust right now.

All I want to do is enjoy my holidays and not be reminded of the tragedy that turned my whole world upside down almost two years ago. It's not helping that the anniversary of his death was just 3 days before Christmas. AND, it doesn't help that he was going to make me the happiest woman in the world on Christmas day by proposing to me.

What does help you ask? The support and encouragement of my dear Sparkfriends. So if you don't mind I'd like to ask that you might say a little prayer for me. Please God, show me that the holidays can be filled with joy and love. Amen and thank YOU.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAINBOWFALLS 12/10/2010 9:20AM

    I am behind on my blog reading and read your other one first. I'm glad that your prayers were answered. I am so sorry that this happened though. emoticon

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SUNSHINE634 12/9/2010 10:13PM

    Lifting you up right now!

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SHERRY257 12/9/2010 12:39PM

    I am so sorry this happened. I continue to pray for you and your kids. I hope you find joy in them and their sweet faces even as you continue to grieve Chris. emoticon

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GRAMMACATHY 12/9/2010 5:18AM

    Like a knife to the heart. I am so sorry this happened.
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WARMSPRINGDAY 12/8/2010 9:49PM

    Oh, what pain.
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GOGOMAMA 12/8/2010 9:48PM

    Hugs and prayers for you! Grief is tough, but especially during the holidays! Take care of yourself!

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TEACHDIANN78 12/8/2010 9:23PM

    Girl, I'm praying for you. Love ya!!! emoticon

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JUSTDUCKY1405 12/8/2010 9:11PM

    Oh hunny! I am really sorry to hear this!

Ohhhh... sending you big big hugs! I don't even know what to say about this one.

You know, I use to struggle with Tyler being gone just before Christmas, but I came to appreciate the true awareness it gave to me, for the real reason for the season! Now I smile, more than ever, when I think of him! This, too, will come for you!

May it be a gentle reminder, that he is always with you, and to just truly absorb yourself into the present moment with the ones you love, around you!

My prayers are with you!
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JHADZHIA 12/8/2010 8:56PM

    Sounds like identity theft. Such a horrible thing to happen so close to when he passed. Best you can do is gather your loved ones around and hold them close..
Never be ashamed of your grief, just let it come pouring out..Chris will always be dear in your heart, and he is watching over you from Heaven..
My thoughts are with you over this difficult time.
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NICOLELOVESGOD 12/8/2010 8:34PM

    Just prayed. Awww... soo sorry about this time in your life. Hugs to you!

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NORTHWOODSMOM8 12/8/2010 8:28PM

    I'm so, so sorry for your loss and for your heartache! I will MOST CERTAINLY pray for you! I pray for my SP friends while walking and I will be lifting you up. Bless your sweet heart!!!!! emoticon

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MONIKALW81 12/8/2010 8:25PM

    Oh Leslie. My heart goes out to you. Please know that I'm praying for you.

Monika

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SHEENADEE 12/8/2010 8:18PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TRANSFORMWE 12/8/2010 7:31PM

    I am so sorry. What an awful thing to happen! There should be better systems in place to prevent such a mistake, for exactly this reason. So sorry you're going through such needless pain on top of your grief. Hugs to you and know you'll be in my heart and prayers all through the holidays and beyond.
Amy

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TRUE-NESS 12/8/2010 6:29PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUNNYWAGAL 12/8/2010 5:45PM

    Hi, fellow Sparkie!
I saw your blog and read it. I am so sorry that you had to go through that especially during this time of year. I always think of my loved ones that have passed who aren't with me now for the holidays and there is an ache that is hard to describe and a longing to see them again. Sometimes the pictures aren't "good enough" for me missing them. I lost my son's father (and my exhusband) on Labor Day this year and it is our first Christmas without him. I pray that you and your kids may be comforted by your family and friends. God bless!

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MOUNTAINSTATE14 12/8/2010 5:17PM

   
I'm so sorry...If you ever need to talk I'm here for you. I know what your going through...it will get easier I promise!! emoticon

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TIME4ME-CHERYL 12/8/2010 5:07PM

    Sorry for you loss, you will be in my thoughts & prayers... emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 12/8/2010 4:52PM

    "InPuT" error! Have just got on the computer and saw your status so jumped straight over to your blog. This is such a horrible thing to happen. I have read all the other answers and I can see that you have an amazing group of Spark friends and this I can see is helping. Just try and feel our love for you and maybe having a good cry releases a lot of stored grief. Don't feel ashamed that you still have raw grief at times. It is OK.Lots of hugs from me in Santiago. emoticon

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PCOH051610 12/8/2010 4:52PM

    Leslie - I'm thinking about you and I will definitely say a prayer for you and your family! xo Susan

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PRYCELESS1 12/8/2010 3:47PM

    emoticonSorry you had to go through that. Must have been a shock for you,but try not to let it get you down (easier said than done,i know).

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KAT7457 12/8/2010 3:37PM

    Oh i am so emoticonto hear that and that the anniversary is coming up that is bad enought and than to have the pharmaacy call like that, I would call that dr. and ask him why that happened you didnt need that at all. the pharmacy should have known,my thoughts and prayers are with you dear at this time. God is with you and has his arms around you. I lost my mom on Dec 27 and that isnt to far away and that day is also was my fiance who passed in 08 bday. I will keep you in my prayers everyday. please write to me if you want to talk i am here for you and so is the team.God Bless you dear.be with your children and let them have a nice christmas vocus on them and have a nice xmas for them. think positive and stay strong its hard but i still have to do it for my gkids for xmas i am with you in prayers. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon sparks mail me if you want to talk i am here,xx

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MPALMER15 12/8/2010 3:20PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUCHAHOOT 12/8/2010 2:48PM

    I'm so sorry for your pain. That is such an odd thing to have happened. I'm with a few others, perhaps it was your sweet Chris. Maybe ask him to just blink the lights next time, huh? I got letters from colleges and universities addressed to my daughter literally for years after I lost my 15 year-old. I still occasionally get a credit card app or something and it has been 8 years. It can make you crazy.

The holidays are tough. I'm just getting to the place of enjoying them again. They are still a challenge. It is difficult, I imagine, to separate all of your feelings with his anniversary date falling right at Christmastime. Know he is with you. Know he wants to see you joyful. Know that joy is there for you. You just have to keep reaching for it. I believe these things with all my heart.

I wish you the best and I will certainly say a prayer for you right now.

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/8/2010 2:18PM

    Aww, Leslie, that was such a terrible mistake on their part! I'm so sorry you had to deal with that! I just don't know what else to say except that I wish I could give you a real live "Momma Little" hug right now, but I can't! You're too far away! So, here is a pretend one! emoticonFocus on your babies, Leslie... make it about them, and about the love you all give so freely! I can't wait to hear about the blessings you will experience this Christmas! Love you, sweet girl! emoticon emoticon

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REDRUNNERMOM713 12/8/2010 1:51PM

    Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry!! I DO believe though that everything happens for a reason and maybe it was Chris trying to communicate with you. I can't imagine how hard this holiday season is for you dealing with the grief, but please try and find joy and peace in the memories that you two had together! emoticon

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MRSGEDDES 12/8/2010 1:29PM

    Try to look at this in a positive light, that could have very well been his doing, a way of letting you know he is still looking down on you and loves you, but you do have to move on and find happiness because I'm sure that is what he would have wanted. Smile you are beautiful strong woman.
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AZURELITE 12/8/2010 1:27PM

    Sending out a big hug and prayers to you. My vision & prayer is for you to be filled with joy in each precious moment, to be wrapped in peace, to be filled with gratitude for what is yours right now, so that you can let the negative reminders go and remember only the very best of Chris.

Angel blessings emoticon

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REJ7777 12/8/2010 1:22PM

    I'm so sorry that happened to you! emoticon

The name and birthdate may not have been a mistake though (even though the phone number obviously was). Years ago, when I worked for the government, we received a claim that had the same name and birthdate as a file we already had on record. The agent was convinced that it was a case of fraud. But, when we received the file, there were, in fact, two people with identical names and birthdates. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen.

Whatever the reason, it's really sad that you had to live through that, especially at this time of year!

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POORGIRL_DIET 12/8/2010 1:15PM

    Hi hunny, I find that appalling and shouldn't have happened. Surely his doctor should have known this type of thing. I am sure your partner wouldn't like you to dwell on the past but instead think of the good times. Rely on the people around you as we are all here for you and to give you support always. I will remember you in my prayers and hope that this difficult time is made so much easier for you. God bless

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EACHDAYNCHOICE 12/8/2010 1:02PM

    That should never have happened. The prayers are going strong now and they will continue. You are not alone now, nor will you ever be. emoticon

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55TUCKER 12/8/2010 1:01PM

    Oh Leslie....I'm sorry that happened to you. As if it isn't hard enough. Praying for you that you can see human failure as expected at times and that you remember your God never fails. So glad you can verbalize what happened and how you are doing; I have a tendency to not want to tell others about the hardest stuff. We are here for you the best we can be. Praying for unexpected abundance of great peace, hope and much joy in your every day. May every small act of kindness to you be multiplied so that you are carried through the hard times and hopeful of the new to come.

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ELLFIN3 12/8/2010 1:00PM

    Bless your Heart! I have had this happen when my Dad passed the cancer Dr's office called to remind me of his appointment! It hurts!! But with support and love you will overcome this!!!! You have both love and prayers from me! May you be able to put this unfortunate call behind you and enjoy this holiday!!!!!
emoticon emoticon & emoticon emoticon Susan

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CREATINGAMANDA 12/8/2010 12:50PM

    So sorry emoticon

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IUHRYTR 12/8/2010 12:48PM

    Leslie, that is unbelievable and unforgivable. A total breakdown in professionalism. When Mom died on Dec. 21 several years ago it dampened Christmas for us, too, but what hurt as much were calls from her doctor's offices confirming her appointments, even from the attending doctor who was there in the hospital at the end. Doesn't create trust in them, does it? But you're right. We still have our Internet friends to support and encourage us. emoticon -- Lou

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WOODY113 12/8/2010 12:41PM

    Thinking of you!
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MIYASEDAI 12/8/2010 12:38PM

    emoticon
Wow, that's just... wow. I'm very sorry that you had to deal with that and you'll be in my thoughts/prayers. Take care of yourself this holiday season okay? People here obviously care a great deal about you.
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KAMAPERRY 12/8/2010 12:35PM

    ((((((((((((((Leslie)))))))))))) I can imagine how that feels like a knife turning. I am praying for you too. emoticon

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SIGNALSELLER 12/8/2010 12:31PM

    Oh Leslie,
I am so sorry. It is so hard to lose any loved one. I lost my dad Nov 16, 2009. He loved Christmas so much, it has been very difficult to deal with him not being here. As for handling it. I talk to him whenever I feel that I need to. I keep his picture in my desk to look at whenever I need to.

Stay strong, rely on family and friends and SP friends to help you through the difficult times. You will come out stronger.

You said he was going to make you the happiest woman, it sounds to me like he did. Don't drown your sorrow with that thought, live it to the fullest. Think of him fondly, say your thoughts and feelings. Let it out, don't bottle it up.

You are in my prayers.
Becky

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MJLUVSANIMALS 12/8/2010 12:29PM

    You know that is so weird. My parents have been gone for over 10 years, they still get mail. And what is really strange, it's for things like "plan your last days" Something to do with cremation. There should be something that flags the mail, that these people are deceased. But honestly I guess all, would not know. It seems it's all in the timing. But nothing meant to harm. I am sure your Christopher, is using his wings again, at these moments, just remember he is using his strength in his afterlife, to let you know, it's not so bad. Btw my divorce was final (not my doing, I was devastated) on Christmas day. So maybe, it's best to look at it, as any other day, and not dwell and make it a day to feel bad, but a day to celebrate.

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SWEETNEENI 12/8/2010 12:25PM

    I'm sorry that it dredged up all these feelings. Try to focus on the reason for the season. I know it's much easier to say than do, but try to consciously replace each sad thought with a happy one.

Also, and I commented the same on your status, check into the call to be sure it isn't identity theft or insurance fraud. I'm a highly suspicous sort of gal.

I will remember you in my prayers. emoticon

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RANGERFAN10 12/8/2010 12:23PM

    I am so sorry for your loss, prayers on the way.

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KARLI7707 12/8/2010 12:21PM

    Consider yourself prayed for! I'm sorry to hear that things turned sucky for you today. I really hope things turn around. I prayed for God to help you through and wrap his arms around you and comfort you through this trying time and help you grieve but still live life. Good luck with everything and you are SO not alone! We are all here cheering for you and encouraging you to succeed and even enjoy life. Give yourself a moment to grieve (again) and then hold your head up high knowing you can get through this. Hugs to you! emoticon

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BNBLYNNE 12/8/2010 12:21PM

    You got it, prayers going heavenward. God bless you and your children. You are a very strong and inspiring woman. Shake this off and move forward. Baby steps. You can because you have done it before.
I'm cheering you on.
Much love.

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The Best Concert Everrrr :)

Monday, December 06, 2010

Had an AWESOME time this weekend and at the concert. Shinedown was absolutely amazing. I've seen them twice before but this show had a different atmosphere and energy to it. It was all acoustic and they called it their "Anything and Everything" tour because we could ask them anything and they would tell us everything. They took questions from the audience and after every song the lead singer would give a commentary. He would introduce each song by telling us how it came about and what inspired them to write it. He was honest and completely inspiring. Not often does a band who has sold over 400 million records step down from their pedestal and give back to their fans like this. I was awe-struck and engrossed in every minute of their performance. It was by far the best concert I've ever been to! And I was even sober! lol JK! Really, it was so flippin awesome...and they even played OUR SONG! Neither one of those times I had seen them before had they played it...but this time they did! AND...it was the 2nd song in their encore so the anticipation had made it that much more exciting. Then...they followed it up with the song that has provided me with more comfort and hope than anything has this last 2 years...the song "Second Chance." It was just meant to be. To top it all off, they played a cover song by the band Foo Fighters. This song in particular had special meaning to me already and I had no clue they were going to play it, or shall I say, that Chris was going to play it. This song was something that symbolized the moment I decided to let myself love again...the time I had decided that it's okay to date someone and that I was ready. I don't see signs that often but when I do, I cannot ignore them! Chris's presence was all over that concert and I believe that he sent me his approval once again. It's an indescribably awesome feeling.

The kids had a great time too and enjoyed meeting the boyfriend for the first time. This was big for us...well for me anyways. To introduce them to another man that I'm sharing my heart with was and is a big deal. With his approval though, I know I'm doing all of the right things. Though my heart told me before, I've again been shown and proven it again.

All in all, it was an amazing time! Plus, we got into town early enough to enjoy a couple of attractions. We drove to a close-by town which is a big tourist attraction here in MO, (Branson), and AnnaBelle had never been there before so she was snappin' pictures left and right, lol, it was cute. We went to a wax museum and I had a little fun with the camera. This is me being silly....



Me and Hef....hubba hubba



And me and Forrest...(my girlfriend and I laughed so hard at this one our tummies hurt!)



Here's a couple from the concert. Wish I had a better zoom but you didn't have to be close-up to feel their energy!







It was truly an experience I will NEVER forget!

Anyways, thanks for reading! Talk to y'all later! XOXO

Oh, and here's a link to that song I was talking about...Second Chance


www.youtube.com/watch?v=H25ORRgLxdA

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIVELAUGHXO 12/7/2010 9:27PM

    Awesome pics!!!! Glad you had fun!!!

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KAMAPERRY 12/7/2010 12:20PM

    Awesome!! Glad you had such a good time!! Love the pics!

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JHADZHIA 12/7/2010 11:56AM

    Loved hearing this!! So glad you had such a happy, wonderful time and your kids got to meet the bf.. Here is to much more happiness for you all to enjoy in the years to come!

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VIXEN2188 12/7/2010 11:56AM

    haha gotta love that forrest gump...those wax things are creepy looking but soo cool! I gotta get to one of those one day. Glad you had a fun weekend!

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CINCYDORA 12/7/2010 11:26AM

    Sounds wonderful! I just love those moments in life that are so near perfection. It makes it worth working through the tough stuff.

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MLRICHARD 12/7/2010 11:11AM

    Sounds like you had an amazing time!!!

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HEALTHYME229 12/7/2010 9:36AM

    What an awesome experience! I saw Shinedown with Nickleback last spring and loved it. Nickleback was the bonus for me even they were the headliner. I went to see Shinedown. I would love an opportunity to see them perform this tour. What a great experience to share with those you cherish!

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AZURELITE 12/7/2010 8:38AM

    Wow, never even heard of the group, but after listening to the song, I'll be checking out more of their tunes. Thanks for sharing! Glad you had a great time at the concert and so thrilled you're taking your own 2nd chance.
Angel blessings to you and yours!
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PRUPLEBEAR 12/7/2010 7:31AM

    too cool!

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LIBBYFITZ 12/7/2010 7:31AM

    A beautiful song and a great blog. I have shared the video onto my Facebook page! emoticonSo glad you had a wonderful time. And yes love again! emoticon

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PRYCELESS1 12/7/2010 2:13AM

    Sounds like you had a really great time. I've not heard of this band before so i'll be having me a listen to "second chance".

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MTLHEAD86 12/6/2010 10:59PM

    WOWZERS!

Words have escaped me....The problem lies in taking the honor it was, add in the joy that is our love, shaken with not only his energy but that of stephanie as well...

It was indeed a memorable weekend, one I won't be forgetting. Thank you!



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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/6/2010 10:10PM

    Leslie, I really loved your blog tonight, my sweet friend. I'm so happy your life is full of joy!

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DORAL33178 12/6/2010 9:54PM

    Hello there. AWESOME blog.... I had goosebumps reading it. Oh and I laughed and then I cried while reading it. Thank you for sharing.

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REJ7777 12/6/2010 9:49PM

    emoticon Sounds like you had a GREAT time! emoticon
Love your photos! I also took time to listen to "Second Chance". It's a very moving song. emoticon

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IUHRYTR 12/6/2010 9:48PM

    So emoticon that you had such an awesome time. Glad you went, aren't you? -- Lou

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NIKNAK1980 12/6/2010 9:25PM

    emoticon Shinedown!! Love them!! It's so great to hear that this new chapter in your life is beginning in such a great way!!

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JUSTDUCKY1405 12/6/2010 9:13PM

    Who cares about the food!

Love the pictures... emoticon

And... love the story of the concer and all the meanings with the songs!

Yes CHRIS!
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HARLEYCHICK67 12/6/2010 9:11PM

  Sounds like you had a great time. Keep up the good work. emoticon

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BELLALUCIA 12/6/2010 9:10PM

    Awesome pics! I'm about to go listen to "Second Chance" now!

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Weekend Plans :)

Friday, December 03, 2010

This has been quite the week! I reached goal weight, became a Spark motivator, AND had a blog voted MPB! I'm still getting comments left and am a bit overwhelmed by all of the responses! I've gotten over 400 comments already and they are still rolling in! WOW! There is NO DOUBT that this Spark Community is filled with wonderful, supportive, and positive people. I LOVE IT! I wish I could respond to everyone but there's just not enough hours in the day for that. Sometime I'll be able to sit down and read through them all but it seems they come in so quick I can never get caught up! lol I'm sooo not complaining though. I love the responses and think it's awesome that people are taking the time to congratulate me. I feel so loved! emoticon emoticon

This weekend should be a fun one and I'm really excited about it. I'm taking the step kids to a Shinedown concert. They are thrilled! This band became their favorite after I chose one of their songs to play at their dad's service. The song was "Simple Man", the acoustic version. Funny story--their mom said that the next day after the service she woke up to the kids blasting this song in their room. She thought, "Uh, oh! Meltdown time, I better check on them!" But when she did they told her that they looove this song now. Shinedown became their favorite band and I think their music has brought them some comfort through this whole ordeal. When I heard that Shinedown was coming to town I thought that this would be a perfect thing for us to do together. Well, they sold out in 20 minutes but I did get tickets for their show the next night in a city that's about 3 1/2 hours away. So it's road trip time! Wahoo! I think this is even better b/c we'll get that whole time in the car to chat and do some bonding.

So if I'm not on Spark much this weekend that would be why! I'm out rockin w/ the kids while their dad smiles down on us and says, "I'm so glad you are together." emoticon

Have a wonderful weekend my besties! emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JO2TOM 12/6/2010 9:01PM

    I have never heard of Shinedown, but I will try to look them up on itunes and listen a little. Have fun.

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MOBEANZ 12/6/2010 4:16PM

    I love that band!! Have fun! And congrats on hitting your goal!

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MARCYNA 12/6/2010 3:23PM

    Wonderful,Leslie, you're turning sorrow into joy and I'm sure they'll give you back the love you're giving them emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHOESCH 12/6/2010 11:38AM

    I think you've gotten a couple of early Christmas presents. You are amazing and I'm so happy that this past week has been so good to you. Have a great time at the concert and especially spending time with the kids. Catch us up on the weekend when you get back! I'm so happy for you!
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Cathy

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BECKAFANO 12/6/2010 11:03AM

    Congratulations, you deserve it all!

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JUSTDUCKY1405 12/6/2010 12:26AM

    What a great story! So glad you enjoyed your trip and Shinedown!!!

Awesome!
>And again... you are a true inspiration... don't ever forget that!

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BELLALUCIA 12/4/2010 9:27PM

    Have a great weekend Leslie, lots of love to you for being a great Mom!

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REJ7777 12/4/2010 5:40PM

    Hope you have a emoticon weekend! emoticon

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KAMAPERRY 12/4/2010 1:10PM

    emoticon Enjoy your weekend, you deserve it!

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RAINBOWFALLS 12/4/2010 9:11AM

    What a wonderful story - I'm so glad you got tickets to the show. This will be something they will remember forever.

congrats on all your success!

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PRYCELESS1 12/4/2010 4:30AM

    What a good week you've had!! And what a great way to finish it.Keep it up pal!! emoticon

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JHADZHIA 12/4/2010 12:52AM

    That is so great you managed to get tickets for that band. Hope you and the kids have a great time. Road trips can be lots of fun!
Enjoy your weekend!
Congratulations on all your successes!

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SARAHJ19 12/3/2010 10:49PM

    That sounds like an awesome time with your step kids!! Have a great time! Enjoy each others company! Have a safe and fun trip girl!!

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REDRUNNERMOM713 12/3/2010 10:36PM

    What a great week you've had & what a great way to end it with the concert! I hope you have a blast. Have a safe trip!!

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IUHRYTR 12/3/2010 8:05PM

    Rockin' mama bonding with the family. A great opportunity. Enjoy. emoticon emoticon -- Lou

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HIPPIE44 12/3/2010 7:56PM

    Sounds like this was YOUR week!

What a great feeling!

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SWEETMAGNOLIA2 12/3/2010 7:23PM

    Neat way to end an already exciting week. Congrats! emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/3/2010 7:24:26 PM

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/3/2010 7:13PM

    emoticon emoticonHave fun, Leslie!!! And Congratulations! emoticon emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 12/3/2010 7:05PM

    How wonderful for you and the step children! One fun road trip! Drive safe! emoticon

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DKELLEY35 12/3/2010 6:53PM

    It sounds lik a really good weekend. Have a great time and congratulations on reaching your goal and being made a motivator. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ELLFIN3 12/3/2010 6:49PM

    Enjoy you weekend!!!!!!!! You deserve it!!!!!!! emoticon emoticon

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VIXEN2188 12/3/2010 6:35PM

    It's good that they are able to take that and make it apart of their lives. I hope you guys have fun this weekend!

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DUSTYGIRL25 12/3/2010 6:32PM

    I'm sure you will all have a really fun time! So wonderful of you to do something so nice for the kids. I know these memories will be with them forever.
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DORAL33178 12/3/2010 6:03PM

    You are a blessing....keep doing what you are doing. I wish I had someone in my like like you when I was younger. Enjoy the concert.

Daphne in Doral emoticon

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