LESLIES537   13,818
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LESLIES537's Recent Blog Entries

Life Reclaimed! =)

Friday, November 05, 2010

I FINALLY updated my info on my Spark page. I still need to work on my "goals" and "my program" but I got the main stuff updated. It was really needing it. What do you think??

-Reclaiming My Life!


Hi, I'm Leslie! I joined Spark People after a new year's resolution to 'Reclaim My Life.' I had gained a lot of weight from emotional eating and was extremely depressed from losing my hubby-to-be to a sudden heart attack. I decided that I needed to make a change not only for me but for my children. They deserved a happy and healthy mom who wasn't consumed by depression and grief. It was apparent that the best way to help my children through their grieving process was to address mine first and set an example for them. Monkey see, monkey do!

I found Spark People and the rest is history! This community has shown me support and encouragement like I never imagined was possible. It has inspired me to become the best that I can be; mind, body and soul. I'm now a confident and HAPPY person who ENJOYS life! I have seen remarkable changes in my children and truly believe that this is a reflection of MY happiness and my direct efforts to better myself. I'm forever grateful for all of the love and support that my Spark Friends have provided. I strive to pay it forward the best I can and inspire others as they have inspired me. I LOVE SPARK PEOPLE!

"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow." ~unknown author

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." ~Abraham Lincoln

"You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now." ~Joan Baez


Edit: Okay so I changed it again...that's me, the indecisive one! lol Atleast I have this blog so that if I want to change it back I just have to copy and paste it! =)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUSTDUCKY1405 11/21/2010 9:05PM

    Darn rights! That's what I do! All this blogging stuff is mostly for you anyways. And why I love it soooo much. And then the added perk of meeting awesome friends like you, and well.. I LOVE IT!

Love your intro! You truly are ONE AMAZING INDIVIDUAL!


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REJ7777 11/14/2010 8:16AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JO2TOM 11/13/2010 1:17PM

    Hope you have a wonderful weekend too. It snowed here, but now it is melting off again. I am at work, but off tomorrow. Glad to see you are on track. Thanks for the friend add.
Joanne

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MARCYNA 11/13/2010 9:39AM

    emoticon

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MONKEYSNUFFER 11/9/2010 4:05AM

    Congratulations to you! You have done so well!

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BTRTHANEVA 11/7/2010 6:09PM

    Monkey? You're a monkey? Can I spank you??? lol.

The apples don't fall far from the tree. Children learn what they live. You have lead by example.

Up to now, I have learned more about living from my children than they have from me. Now, I'm learning even more from my GRANDsons. Even better, I have people like you in my life who help keep me centered. And lately, that hasn't been easy...

Time for me to update my update. I need to rethink this last week before I start to slide too far backwards. Thank you for reminding me... Fall behind is just for clocks!

Love you, girl!

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KAMAPERRY 11/7/2010 5:13PM

    VERY inspiring!! emoticon

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IUHRYTR 11/7/2010 9:04AM

    Your positive attitude and can-do spirit are inspiring. Keep up the good effort. emoticon -- Lou

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LOOZINITNOW 11/7/2010 7:11AM

    I have loved watching you transform into such a positive, encouraging person! You have changed your life and your children's life for the better. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JOYSONG50 11/6/2010 5:38PM

    WTG! This is awesome, awesome, awesome!

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SHERRY257 11/6/2010 2:42PM

    Bravo! emoticon

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GETFITTER7 11/6/2010 11:34AM

    Reading your blogs, I find that you are an inspirational person, not only for us on SP...but for your children as well!
Keep strong, healthy and happy! Your children are lucky to have a mom as you. May you reach all of your goals in life! emoticon emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 11/6/2010 1:39AM

    Leslie, your way with words is so touching! I loved this! Your heart is as big as Texas, as they say here! I am so proud of you for what you are doing, and have done with your life! Your children will see this as they mature, and they will be so grateful that you've been there for them though all the thick and thin for them. It is so good to see you healing in such a healthy way! emoticon

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TEMPEST272002 11/5/2010 11:52PM

    Wow, that's beautiful and moving and inspiring. What a strong woman you are to make the changes needed for yourself and your children. You've created a more joyful life for all of you, which I'm sure is exactly what you husband would have wanted.
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KRYANPRINCESS 11/5/2010 11:11PM

    ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!!! I have watched you grow so much since you started Spark! I'm so proud of you! You have an unbelievable strength...I am a firm believer that we can wallow in our depression or we can pick ourselves up and change something, do something for us to push through it and make it right! You totally did that! BRAVO to you! emoticon emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 11/5/2010 10:50PM

    emoticonA fantastic blog! emoticonYou have done an amazing job. Well done. emoticon

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MOMFAN 11/5/2010 10:45PM

    emoticon

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ASHLEYKAT 11/5/2010 9:33PM

    emoticon

Fantastic job! You should be so proud of yourself!

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JHADZHIA 11/5/2010 9:20PM

    Really great Leslie!! You do have to look after yourself before you can look after others. And children are deeply affected by what their parents feel..You feeling so bad and the loss of their daddy would have been a doubly awful whammy to your poor children :((
I am so glad you have managed to turn it around and start living again!
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KANSASROSE67 11/5/2010 9:00PM

    Love it! emoticon

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Spreading the Spark by setting an example!

Thursday, November 04, 2010

I came to a realization that there is one huge non-scale victory that I've neglected to share! The office Culligan water consumption! You see, when I started my journey with Spark I immediately picked up the habit of drinking at least 8 glasses of water a day. Every day I walk to that water jug and fill up my water bottle 3 times and sometimes more. Once I lost a considerable amount of weight I noticed that one by one, my co-workers were starting to make more frequent trips to the water jug! I now have several other ladies who carry around their water bottles and visit that water jug religiously!

At the beginning of the year we would only order 3 water jugs to make it through an entire month. After I began my water chugging it got upped to 5 water jugs a month. As people starting drinking more we even ran out of jugs! That was a first!! We used to have jugs that would collect so much dust that I literally would have to check them to make sure that they hadn't expired! And now we're running out?! Wow! So this last month the boss told me to up the order to 10 WATER JUGS!! Really?!! SWEET!

I did a little math and figured out that I drink at nearly 4 jugs of Culligan water a month! That's 3 gallons a week for a grand total of 12 gallons a month! My good habits have worn off on others not because I was preaching to them or telling them what to do but because I set a good example for them. How awesome is that?!!

What examples are YOU setting for others?

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WINNIEVIOLA 1/14/2011 7:01PM

  I have so far inspired an associate to drink water instead of soda. I feel so pleased for her.

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TEACHDIANN78 12/1/2010 3:28PM

    That is awesome!! You are a Rockstar if I EVER saw one!!

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JUSTDUCKY1405 11/21/2010 9:02PM

    Also definitely deserved!

So proud of you!!!
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FOXY13445 11/19/2010 6:50PM

    OMG this is emoticon emoticon

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CHRISTINA791 11/19/2010 5:44PM

    I love it!

I get teased a bit for the number of trips I make to the water cooler, but really, my office has some of the best water I've tasted. It's directly tied in, filtered, and comes out perfectly chilled. I can't imagine choosing a sugary pop over that.

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BRANDI.FEY 11/19/2010 4:27PM

    Fabulous!

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SLASALLE 11/19/2010 4:07PM

    Way to go ... And that's really the best way to help others. Setting an example works, whereas nagging or harping on people really get you nowhere!



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MASE72 11/18/2010 7:19AM

    Spread the Spark ! emoticon

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JIBBIE49 11/16/2010 2:23PM

    Love seeing your BLOG featured this week. You deserve the HONOR. emoticon

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PANIK257 11/16/2010 12:49AM

    Friends who saw the change in my health and body shape have joined Roller Derby with me!

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LMMIMI 11/15/2010 11:35PM

    Wow, it is really amazing what drinking water can do for you. I used to drink two and three cans of diet soda and little water. As of June 1, 2010 I have not had even a sip of diet soda and sticking strictly to water, coffee, tean and wine now and then.

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DEBS1389 11/15/2010 9:44PM

    Thats great!

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ADVENTURE-GIRL 11/15/2010 3:37PM

    Very cool! Great job!

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BETHIE_BOO 11/15/2010 11:20AM

    drinking enough water is hard for me- I'm a teacher, and we can't just go to the restroom when the urge hits, so I've probably been dehydrated since I started teaching. emoticon I'm working on it though!

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CHRISTIEBUNNER 11/15/2010 9:06AM

    That is awesome. I find that drinking water is the hardest thing for me. I am a diet coke addict. I am slowly working on breaking that habit by drinking my water first. Some days are good and some are not so good. Keep up the great work. Water will help everyone in your office to feel better from the inside out.

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CAMSMOM918 11/15/2010 8:21AM

    excellent! very inspiring!

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BEEBEE75 11/15/2010 12:21AM

    Good example---one for me to follow. I don't drink enough water. Now I'm going to get on the ball and start drinking my 8 glasses aday.

Thank you.

Betty

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ANGELONE11 11/14/2010 9:04PM

    Great way to spread the Spark!! emoticon emoticon
Continue to be an example of those at work!!
Keep up the good work!!

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JEALOUSBAKER 11/14/2010 6:29PM

    You are setting a great example! I do think people notice changes in our bodies and try to figure out the reason why. Whenever people see me eating my healthy packed dinner at class, they feel a little guilty of their fast food diet and often bring in something from home the next week. It's nice to see healthy habits spreading!

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AGILLASPIE60 11/14/2010 3:52PM

    I love it when people ask me how I've lost weight and I can tell them how I use SparkPeople.com to watch my diet closely and monitor my exercise. When people see the results they are curious as to how it was done. I love this site! Keep on sharing your secrets--both in action and by telling others what you're doing :)

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AMARILYNH 11/14/2010 1:05PM

    How awesome is that??? SERIOUSLY awesome!! You should feel very good about the excellent example you are setting!!

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MARYCENTRAL 11/14/2010 12:13PM

  Great Job!

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CAROLYN0107 11/14/2010 9:58AM

    Great Example. Great Blog!

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LINOVER 11/14/2010 9:09AM

    Good for you! I too have been trying to drink a lot more water and carry my water bottle everywhere!

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NORDAKOTA 11/14/2010 8:42AM

    Yeah for you AND your office!

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VERONICAS_GOALS 11/14/2010 8:34AM

    emoticon

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DISCIPLE45 11/14/2010 8:21AM

    What a great accomplishment! You should be proud!
Ann

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MISSILENE 11/14/2010 7:37AM

    Thats a great idea you did with the office. I tried to help someone and they were not ready to lose. Best of luck to you. emoticon

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JUDYGENTRY 11/14/2010 12:43AM

    emoticon

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SMARGED 11/13/2010 11:52PM

    You have proven once more that "Actions speak louder than words!"
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CALIDREAMER76 11/13/2010 7:46PM

    Great job inspiring your office mates, I'm sure they're feeling happier and working better too! Way to go!

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KARRYB1 11/13/2010 6:49PM

    That's great, momkey see monkey do. emoticon

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SWEETMAGNOLIA2 11/13/2010 5:23PM

    I am so grateful for you posting this. I KNOW drinking plenty of water plays a major role in good health. What a wonderful leader you are, showing the co-workers by your example. They saw something they wanted, too. emoticon emoticon

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TRYINGHARD1948 11/13/2010 3:28PM

    What a fantastic outcome. Great role modelling, doing speaks many more volumes than preaching. emoticon

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MYSTERY-LADY 11/13/2010 3:00PM

    emoticon

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ZINNER44 11/13/2010 12:47PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MINDY502 11/13/2010 12:18PM

    emoticon

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KAREN42BOYS 11/13/2010 11:12AM

    what a cool thing! you've transformed your office!

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 11/13/2010 10:51AM

    LESLIE!!!!! YOU ROCK!!!!! I voted for this blog, you know! That feels GREAT to see you get MPB when you so deserved it! I love you, my friend, and I'm so proud of you for ALL YOU HAVE DONE and ARE DOING!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MARCYNA 11/13/2010 9:38AM

    emoticon emoticon

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DRB13_1 11/13/2010 8:33AM

    emoticon and hydrated people are able to think better & aren't as cranky with cravings emoticon

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BLOOM49 11/13/2010 8:21AM

    Great job! emoticon

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RECIPE4ME 11/13/2010 1:09AM

    emoticon

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LARENK 11/12/2010 11:49PM

  Just fill a personal coffee cup and it adds up to more steps to get that water. I have just inspired a fellow co-worker to sign up to Spark and to go out for walks on our breaks. Hope we keep it up during the winter...at least one break!!

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DEECEEWIS 11/12/2010 11:38PM

    i love water - rarely drink anything else - just wish i didn't have to run to the little girl's room so often! lol...nice blog. DC

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LTMD55 11/12/2010 11:27PM

  This is wonderful. You have helped other people.
ltmd55

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JO2TOM 11/12/2010 11:09PM

    Very cool!!! Glad your boss is happy to order more water for you guys. Good job.

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7WORSHIPS 11/12/2010 8:23PM

  Good for you! emoticon
What a wonderful feeling to know you inspired others to take up a healthy practice. Drinking my 8 glasses of water a day is still a challenge for me. Thanks for the reminder of its importance. emoticon

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BTRTHANEVA 11/7/2010 6:04PM

    Hey, Culligan girl!

It's not just to the water bottle you've been walking. I bet there's been a few extra trips to the potty as well. Why do we always seem to wind up in the crapper?

Sorry I haven't been around much. I'm still trying to *get myself back together* from a really difficult week. Now, if I could only find my mind... I know, I know - the gutter! hehehe...

Hugs to you and yours!
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GETFITTER7 11/6/2010 11:29AM

    I noticed at work that my co-workers were drinking more water than they used to. Everyone has a water mug...they are the same kind! We put stickers on them to tell the difference and not to drink the others. There were so many mugs...that I picked up one mug and almost drank out of it before I noticed the sticker and found it wasn't mine!! I now put my sticker on the lid as well so THAT won't happen again! Great blog and keep up the great example for others.
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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

My Motivational Collage

Sunday, October 31, 2010

This weeks goals were to complete a motivational collage and to exercise 3 times. I'm happy to report... emoticon

I even stepped it up and tried Level 2 on Jillian's 30 Day Shred! emoticon

AND...When my kids asked to play tag they were surprised to hear me say, "Okay!" There we went, running circles around the house for a 1/2 hour, giggling and having a blast! My son even commented, "Look at mommy run!" LOL They're not used to me getting up and being so active with them! I LOVE being able to exercise and have fun with my kiddos at the same time! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROLFAITHWALKR 2/19/2011 6:28AM

    Great collage and blog, I need to do this and you are inspiring me.

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JUSTDUCKY1405 11/21/2010 9:00PM

    Definitely Deserved!!!! Remember to never forget that feeling!!!

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MEREDIE02 11/14/2010 2:00PM

    Nice!

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ANELAKANOA 11/13/2010 9:08PM

  Love it!!! emoticon

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TEENY_BIKINI 11/13/2010 6:25PM

    Super duper!

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A++++

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EBBIE22 11/12/2010 3:29PM

    I dont have kids by I have lots of nieces and nephews. I feel awful when they ask me to come outside and play running games with them, and I say "no". Thats no fun! Cant let them down so from now on I'm up and dancing around with them.
Love the collage... need to make mine now!


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SLIMTHICK2 11/11/2010 3:54PM

    emoticonall the best. emoticon

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SHERRY257 11/11/2010 8:50AM

    Fantastic! Love the collage!

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KAMAPERRY 11/10/2010 10:47AM

    FANTASTIC!!!

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HIPPIE44 11/9/2010 9:02PM

    emoticon

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RANDOM00B 11/9/2010 8:02PM

    Great collage! Make yourself, indeed!

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JEWITCH 11/9/2010 4:14PM

    What a great motivational collage!

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BELLALUCIA 11/9/2010 12:43PM

    Lovely collage!

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ILOVEDOLPHINS73 11/9/2010 12:43PM

    Hey Leslie, I like your collage too! Keep up the great work.

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TERCON1 11/9/2010 10:41AM

  Good for you!! I hope I too can do that with my kids soon, before they hit the age where they don't want to play with me!!?? emoticon

emoticon

Teresa

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BETHIE_BOO 11/9/2010 10:41AM

    very cute! I need to go ahead and make mine...

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VODKALIME 11/9/2010 8:05AM

    I am so happy for you!!! I truly bet your kiddos love you being more active with them. I give you props for enjoy all the aspects of a healthy life. People who focus on being able to spend more time with loved ones, have easier walks, and a better mood (from my observations) tend to lead much happier and thus easier health lives overall than those just focused on lose weight! Anyways, I am happy for you. :-)
Your collage is really cool. I want to make another one... need to dig out magazines from somewhere. The blog Nourishing the Soul recently posted something very relevant: http://networkedblogs.com/ahEn6.>Keep it up!
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MIMAWELIZABETH 11/9/2010 3:06AM

    I love seeing people's motivational collages... Even better was hearing how being on Spark has made a difference in your real world!
CONGRATULATIONS! emoticon

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NELLBELLA26 11/9/2010 12:45AM

    great collage! emoticon

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WAKEMEFRIDAY 11/8/2010 10:31PM

    I love that you get to be active with your kids! I need to be more active with my nieces and nephews, thank you for the motivation!

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MOMOMMA622 11/8/2010 7:02PM

    Love your motivational poster! I just made one last week!

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KNITNYAK 11/8/2010 1:54PM

    Great collage! Wasn't it fun doing it? Love it! emoticon

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2BEATIT1 11/8/2010 1:13PM

    Great motivational sheet.
Keep us the good work.
Jean

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TEXASMOM68 11/8/2010 11:58AM

    Great Job! Congrats!

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NORDAKOTA 11/8/2010 9:44AM

    Very nice!!

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HANNAH_CALM 11/8/2010 8:07AM

    Congratulations on getting the extra energy!! Running around with your kids must be the best! I love your collage, very focused! I need to make one too, I guess.

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STEADYON 11/8/2010 7:47AM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing yours, I need to make one now :)

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NORTHWOODSMOM8 11/8/2010 6:09AM

    THis is WONDERFUL! Your kids will NEVER forget that SPECIAL moment!

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BEEKAHBUG 11/8/2010 5:19AM

    I think I will make a motivational collage as well....thanks for the ideas!!!!!

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HOLLY404040 11/7/2010 11:51PM

    emoticon emoticon It is fun to play.

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GRACIE4ONE 11/7/2010 8:03PM

    Love your blog! Visit my page and tell me what you think of mine.

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GINGERVISTA 11/7/2010 5:19PM

    All these vision collages motivates me to work on mine.
emoticon job!!!!!!!!

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TONEILL1 11/7/2010 4:57PM

    Wow!! Good job!! You are an inspiration!

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PAMINHALF 11/7/2010 4:34PM

  Awesome!

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KHELMAN 11/7/2010 2:49PM

    emoticon

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DUSTYGIRL25 11/7/2010 1:21PM

    Thanks for the great story. The collage is very nice. Time to start mine. Looks like a fantastic motivator.

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GRAMME221 11/7/2010 12:40PM

    emoticon emoticon

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LARENK 11/7/2010 11:51AM

  I best get going on my collage and you can bet a pic of running around with the kids will be on it!! Keep up the healthy journey

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BRENDA995 11/7/2010 9:20AM

    Love your collage. Good job on the Jillian Shred, I can't even get through level one. Not yet, but I will.

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ANNE2002 11/7/2010 9:00AM

    Glad you were able to play with your kids!!! emoticon

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RIPPEDPAUL1 11/7/2010 8:02AM

    emoticon emoticon

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VERONICAS_GOALS 11/7/2010 7:43AM

    emoticon

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ROSETOLOSE 11/7/2010 7:21AM

    You've inspired me. I have been DRAGGING my feet on creating the collage, but I love what you did, and I am going to do it THIS WEEK! Thanks for your blog! Keep up the great work! emoticon

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NEWATTITUDE2010 11/7/2010 6:44AM

  Love the collage! Way to go!

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SHARASWATI 11/7/2010 5:38AM

    emoticon

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MELADUKE1 11/6/2010 11:32PM

    I remember the first time I played woofle ball with my grandson and realized, not only did I play with him, I did it with ease and enjoyed it!

Love the collage!

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OKIE2006 11/6/2010 11:20PM

    Playing with kids is so much fun!! :) WTG! :)

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OGOODY 11/6/2010 11:17PM

    How wonderful! Your kids will remember playing with you for years and years!

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DKELLEY35 11/6/2010 9:11PM

    Great incentive, Way to go.

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BENVENUTO 11/6/2010 8:05PM

    emoticon emoticon

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Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

Thursday, October 28, 2010

'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
~Alfred Lord Tennyson

Love is never lost, it's only to be found over and over again. Finding and experiencing love teaches us to have faith in ourselves and others. It builds our character and defines our individuality. Love fills our lives like a beautiful garden fills our soul. Without ever experiencing the joy of love, we would never be able to expand our capacity to love in a healthy and lasting way. We may feel heartache sometimes, but a little rain will make our garden of love thrive and flourish in our future conquests.

All the joy, happiness, compassion, empathy we feel derives out of love. All the fear, pain, and heartache we feel sometimes originates from love also. If you never had loved or cared for this person, you would have never got to experience all of these emotions. Life is about experiences. both good and bad. Thats how we learn and grow to become wiser. Wisdom is priceless. Knowledge brings ways to build upon the idea that love can conquer all in any situation.

You may in life lose a love that you thought would be there till the end of time, but you never would have had the chance to learn that this may not be the right path to your true happiness. Life's journey may lead you in many directions for just the simple fact of teaching you little lessons and ways to cope with larger losses in life. Life can bring you down really fast sometimes, just so it can bring you right back to the top.

Love is a gift and you should never turn down the opportunity to learn something new about yourself. All your losses will eventually turn into rewards. You will gain a new understanding of the way love can transform your thoughts and feelings. How quick you or someone else can change their mind about pursing a relationship can alter the outcome of your destiny.

Every step a person takes in life is made with an unknown outcome. Every person we come in contact with is teaching us some kind of lesson. Pay attention!! It's happening for a reason. Their mere existence in your life is telling a story. Love lost will be love gained in the long run. Everything you learn through lost loves is building a foundation and preparing you for the next love of your life. We just need to have faith that through whatever losses we may encounter, our love inside will guide us to our perfect destination.

By author Emily Whitlow

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARCYNA 11/9/2010 9:56AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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STEINERMOM 11/5/2010 6:58AM

  Beautifully written. I hope that you are surrounded by people who love you and that others are touched by your love as well.

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JUSTDUCKY1405 11/4/2010 11:56AM

    Amen to that!

But the only part I don't agree with is:

"Every step a person takes in life is made with an unknown outcome."

Why, because our present now is our future now, and we have the ability to predict our future by the thoughts we choose to hold on to!

Yes, we may not be able to predict all outcomes, but the general path of love and happiness... will always be there, if you choose!

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BELLALUCIA 11/3/2010 6:03PM

    True love never dies!

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CINCYDORA 10/29/2010 12:28PM

    I agree with ArthurTom. When we love fully, that love never leaves us. It may change. It may lessen with time. It may even be redirected. But knowing how to love is a knowledge that never leaves us. It's a muscle that never weakens with neglect. We may think it's going, but sometimes we simply forget to look because the pain that can come with it seems unbearable.

I've learned in my life that there is beauty in the pain of losing someone you love. It's as if by breaking then healing, we are made stronger. I'd rather avoid the pain, but it's worth the price of knowing what real love is.

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SHERRY257 10/29/2010 12:23PM

    30 years. True love. Thanks! emoticon

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PRUPLEBEAR 10/29/2010 10:21AM

    emoticon

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JHADZHIA 10/29/2010 12:18AM

    The only love I have experienced is that of a mother (my Mom) to her child (me). I guess I will never fully comprehend or truly understand the relationships men and women have. Are they stronger than a mother-child bond? I imagine losing any kind of love would be a devastation, hard to ever recover from..
I hope someday you will find happiness once again, out of your sorrow,,
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LIBBYFITZ 10/28/2010 10:24PM

    emoticon

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CULACCINA 10/28/2010 9:56PM

    emoticon
Love is all we need.

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 10/28/2010 7:48PM

    Leslie, this blog is beautiful. I am so glad you've found answers for your questions... that you don't just close your heart and shut the world out like so many tend to do. You make me smile with your ability to reach out and touch others who need love and understanding. I think it helps you just as much as it helps them! You are a pay-it-forward kind of gal, and I love you! emoticon

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LASARRE 10/28/2010 7:11PM

    Wonderful blog. I have been lucky enough to be with the love of my life for over 25 years. I know my life wouldn't be the same without him. emoticon

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LOOZINITNOW 10/28/2010 5:45PM

    Beautiful blog! emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/28/2010 5:50:44 PM

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ARTHURTOM 10/28/2010 5:26PM

    I have had a few women that I know and work with tell me after Colleen's death that they envied her. They would tell me that she had something that some women only dream of. They would go on to tell me not to be sad but to celebrate the relationship I had because not too many people get to experience what I had.

When those women would tell me that in 2007, it would ring hollow in that thick head of mine. That is because I was in my selfish, self pity stage. I hadn't emerged yet with the full amount of love that Colleen shared with me and wanted me to continue to grow with. I have told people that my newfound health and my sharing it with others is an extension of the love she had and shared with me. Had I had my way in late 2006 or for most of 2007, I would be right next to her in Harvard Grove Cemetery. This is not what she wanted for me.

When I would see that statement by Alfred Lord Tennyson, it rang hollow with me as well.

Now when I see it, I have to disagree with it.

I haven't lost Colleen's love. I still have it and I am sharing it with everyone I know.

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Second Chances

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I had to make a trip to the emergency room yesterday. I got a call from the school nurse saying that my daughter had fallen on the playground and her foot was hurt, swollen, and may need to be x-rayed. Like any mother, I rushed out of work in a panic. I sped the whole way to pick her up and rushed her in the ER like a mob of mad men were chasing me. It ended up just being a sprain but the Dr. said that a fracture could still show up in 3-4 days when the swelling goes down. Iím to follow up with her regular Dr. if she does not improve by then. She was told to rest for 24 hours but after that she wanted her to begin to put weight on it. My daughter is such a trooper and was very brave through out the whole ordeal. Thank God for no broken bones!

The whole rushing her to the ER and going to that hospital was like a trip down memory lane. Speeding down the same path I did while I rushed to my boyfriends side nearly 2 years ago, then taking her to the same hospital and even passing that same room where I bellowed the loudest, most heart wrenching cry of my life, throwing myself onto his lifeless body which had just held me mere hours ago. Yeah, it was hard. Nothing I couldnít handle though. Just drudged up some memories and therefore made him heavy on my mind.

Then I get to work today and hear that a customer of ours had a heart attack. I gasped at first. Then my coworker proceeded to tell me that he was fine, he had survived. They put a stint in and he is recovering nicely. I shouldíve been relieved but I just felt spiteful. How come he lived through a heart attack and my loved one didnít? How come this older man with no children was given a second chance while my 38 year old fiancť with 4 kids was not? How come I have to explain to my children how Jesus can rise from the dead but their father cannot?

Iím being selfish and stubborn and I know it. I just still canít understand why God gives other people who seem less deserving second chances and why the good have to die young.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHRISTYD921 11/3/2010 6:57PM

    oh girl ..I wish I had the answers but I don't ....all I can say is love ya girl and I'm here emoticon

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RUN2MYDREAMS 10/28/2010 11:58AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
Love you!

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RUN2MYDREAMS 10/28/2010 11:55AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
Love you!

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TRUE-NESS 10/27/2010 11:40PM

    Who determines the worth and measure of a man? Who determines the purpose in their life or death? God alone. Our ways are not his ways and our thoughts are not His thoughts. This is why we can't see the benefit, the mercy, the grace, the inner workings, the plan. When you are in a less sensitive and vulnerable spot, take time to be still and reflect and really listen...not to your heart (because it is deceitful and desperately wicked) but to the voice of God. God is just and he does all things well. In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. The thoughts and plans that God has for you are good, not evil...his plans are to bring you to an expected end/future. If you trust in God's infinite wisdom then you know that what you could work out for yourself pales in comparison to what God can work out for you. You'll understand it better as the story of your life unfolds. In the meantime, if you believe in God, continue to trust Him to lead and direct you, to comfort and support you, to be with you and make you whole. Blessings, Peace and Hugs to you. emoticon

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CULACCINA 10/27/2010 9:47PM

    I hear you, my friend.
I deeply believe that everything happens for a reason, so that keeps me grounded. I believe that my mom deserved to live more, to meet her unborn grandkids, to grow old with my dad... But I also know that her passing made me realize about the importance of life; made me have the certainty about which things really matter; and helped me to realize which things make me truly happy.
I would give anything to have her here with me today, but I know I wouldn't have grown so much, I would not have discovered the inner strength I know I have now.
Hugs.
C.

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MONKEYSNUFFER 10/27/2010 8:49PM

    I am so sorry. I feel that way when I hear of cancer survivors. I mean, of course I am happy that they survived. But part of me is resentful that none of my family were cancer survivors. It just doesn't seem fair somehow. emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 10/27/2010 8:06PM

    Leslie, I love you. I will write more to you privately when my mind isn't foggy and fuzzy with pain killers. I'm praying for you, sweet girl! emoticon

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HONEYBUNCH24 10/27/2010 6:05PM

    Sending GREAT BIG virtual emoticon your way....YOU and your little sweet ones are in my thoughts/prayers....Take care

emoticon emoticon and more emoticon

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JUSTDUCKY1405 10/27/2010 5:36PM

    Oh... I missed this! Completely!!! I can imagine why you are not yourself today! My stomach flipped repeatedly when I was able to imagine you at the hospital with your fiance!!! Oh Leslie... there are no right words for these feelings, other than that it's okay for you to feel them! You are allowed to be angry! I know it doesn't seem fair... but just look at how inspiring you are to others, because of your story! Look at how you are able to make others appreciate those that are still in there life even that much more! Look at, although you may not feel like it today, how much stronger you are because of the pain and suffering you had to endure! He's your ANGEL! Watching out for you each and every day! And he brought you to me... and I am forever grateful!

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IUHRYTR 10/27/2010 3:04PM

    An eternal question to which we will never know the answer. It may sound trite, but I'm sure you are thankful for the time the two of you had together, like the saying that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. My dad died at the young age of 48 and my older sister at 51 and I, too, wondered why they were taken so early in their lives. It hurts. There's no denying that. Perhaps this lyric from a song I wrote may help: "In the midst of our sadness our memories remain, to lessen our burden and to help ease our pain." I hope you will focus on the positive, happy memories of your time with him and be comforted by knowing that there are many people who care about you. emoticon -- Lou

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ELLFIN3 10/27/2010 2:31PM

    It is hard, but we are not suppose to know why! My Mother always said that which does not kill you only makes you stronger! It is hard to look at all the prosperous people (whether they have good health or riches) that does not always mean they are that happy or well off. You will work through this as you do everything else with strength and dignity!! Take care of your daughter. And raise your children to the best of your ability!!! emoticon emoticon

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ARTHURTOM 10/27/2010 2:28PM

    Very tough indeed. I don't know if I had similar feelings when I returned to the place where some of the deepest sadness had taken place, although it was nearly as painful returning there at the time that I did. I blogged about it nearly 13 months ago and it sounds somewhat similar to your blog...

http://www.sparkpeop
le.com/mypage_public_journal_in
dividual.asp?blog_id=2385273

I titled it "Returning to those painful places".

As you know, I too have lost one that was closer to me than no other and if I could give anything or subtract anything from myself to change that outcome, believe me, it would have happened. What has happened to me is that I have grown from what happened back in 2006. I have become stronger both physically and mentally, beyond that whick I could have ever imagined. The only difference between me and Colleen was that she knew I could do it at the time.

We all have a course we are on and while similar events may happen to different people with different outcomes, we must be vigilant to ourselves to assure that we maintain ourselves with proper nutrition, exercise and rest so the bad events that happen to others, do not happen to us.

With sincerest and warm thoughts for you,

Tim

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MCSNYDER1 10/27/2010 1:57PM

    I know exactly what you mean! I had no idea you had lost your boyfriend! I'm so sorry. I lost my first husband 15 years ago. He was 37. Sometimes I think God is taking the good ones first, and the rest wll be here to suffer. I don't know. It's just one of my crazy thought.

I'm so glad nothing more was wrong with your sweet little daughter!
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JHADZHIA 10/27/2010 1:50PM

    So sorry you had these awful memories come back so sharply :(( Life can be so unfair at times. Happy your daughter's foot seems to be okay..
Give yourself a me day and take care of yourself. You deserve it!
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CUSTOMERANGEL 10/27/2010 1:47PM

    Sending you prayers for the pain that you are feeling. Please don't be too hard on yourself I have similar thoughts about why some people get second and third chances and some don't get any.

During a long overseas flight I sat next to a neonatal nurse and I listened to her pain for the babies that they couldn't save. I think about that conversation even more these days as I can't make sense of all the tragedy in people lives.

You are an amazing strong woman who will always carry your loved ones in your heart. I wish I knew the right words to say to make you feel better.....being triggered unexpectedly in the middle of worrying about your daughter is a double whammy.....be nice to yourself you are an original, a gift how you live, how you love is your gift to God.

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REDRUNNERMOM713 10/27/2010 1:20PM

    It does seem unfair when young people lose their lives. I often wonder why children have to go through cancer, lukemia, etc. They are children!! It's hard to do, but I honestly believe everything happens for a reason. We may not know what that reason is at the time...we may never truly see it, but there is a reason. I'm so sorry you had all of that drudged up for you. emoticon

Glad to hear there were no broken bones with your daughter!!

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LOOZINITNOW 10/27/2010 1:09PM

    emoticon emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 10/27/2010 12:38PM

    emoticonMy heart goes out to you Leslie. Lots of big bear hugs. 38 is very young! It is not fair. So pleased your daughter's foot is OK. emoticon

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SASD03 10/27/2010 12:37PM

    I often wonder the same thing almost daily. I hear so many times how so and so past away or something bad has happened yet nothing has happened to the monster down the road. I am sorry for your loss but you sound like a strong woman and mother.

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