Saturday, September 18, 2010
Well it's been over a week since I've blogged, probably due to my lack of energy and motivation this week. I wasn't quite sure what the heck was wrong w/ me until a dear stopped by to lend some advice. Seems after I declared "my purpose" I got overwhelmed. It was like, okay now I've said it so I must do it, right?! Well thanks to the awesome advice of Kendra, (JUSTDUCKY1405), I'm not going to let myself stress! If it's meant to be it'll be, all in good time.
I've also made huge strides in making family peace! I had taken some necessary steps to achieve this but was still so angry inside. I pretended like I didn't care my sister was not in my life, like it didn't affect me, but it did. I can now tell how big of a weight I was carrying on my shoulders. My sister finally reached out and opened the lines of communication again, [awesome], and I was almost too angry to allow it. Not only had she not apologized but she did not acknowledge the abandonment I felt and expressed when she was not there for me during an abusive relationship. I was wanting my sister to rescue me and she didn't. I finally expressed how it made me feel and not only did she deny it, but she shut me out. At last, she has reopened the door. It took all I had and A LOT of convincing to let this go for now and respond with out anger, open the lines of communication and WANT to mend fences. Thanks to my great therapist and boyfriend, (MTLHEAD86 ), I reached back out to her...and guess what?! Come to find out she DOES care. She DOES love me. I DO have a complete family!
I'm officially out of my funk and feelin' ready to CONQUER ANYTHING! I WILL MAKE GOAL, I WILL FOLLOW MY DREAMS...and I'll do it with the support of my WHOLE family!
Thursday, September 09, 2010
I'm excited on many different levels...hence the reason I'm blogging again! I love being able to share my joys with my fellow Spark Friends. After all, it's been YOUR support and encouragement that has gotten me this far and I'm forever grateful for ALL that you've done for me!
Last night I attended a church meeting so that I can become a member! I've been a member at my home town church but have been attending a nearby one as a guest for the past couple of years. I love how welcoming they are and feel God has lead me there. There's actually a really cool story behind it and I'm wondering why I haven't ever shared it with you before!!
It was 2008 when they started building this church. It was right down the road from our house so the convenience of the locality was one big plus. As the walls went up we watched it progress into a beautiful building, just gorgeous! It was huge! They posted a sign that announced the opening Sunday and welcomed guests to join. It had been a while since I had attended church, maybe a few months, and I was wanting to start attending regularly. My boyfriend hadn't attended church in 25 YEARS! You see, he was raised in a Catholic family and went to a Catholic school through out his childhood. He said that religion had been shoved down his throat his whole life and after he was a teenager he got sick of it and stopped attending. So when that first Sunday came along and the new church opened it's doors, I was anxious to go! The BF wasn't as enthused and said that'd he'd just stay home this time. I took the kids and went, enjoying the service thoroughly! So much so that I told BF all about it and how awesome it was. Next Sunday he decided to join me! And guess what?! He enjoyed it too! He saw some friends he knew and was flattered by how welcoming everybody was. The next week we attended again...and BF asked for forgiveness of all of his sins! Praise the Lord! The very next day was when he passed away.
This man had not attended church in TWENTY FIVE years. Had he not gone and asked for forgiveness I would not have the peace of knowing that he is in Heaven. God is amazing, isn't He?! It was not by accident that we walked through those church doors that Sunday. God lead us there and I am SO THANKFUL that He did!
I'm overjoyed at this opportunity to become a member! I feel I'm on the right path and that life is unfolding just as God had planned for me. My life may not have turned out as I expected but I know I am EXACTLY where God intended on me to be!
Thursday, September 09, 2010
Great things are going on in my life, I've just gotta share! You see, I've been working a job that, well for a lack of better terms, SUCKS! I do love the people and the benefits, but I'm not using my college education at all! This job was just supposed to be temporary until I found THE job and here I am 5 years later in the same position and practically the same pay. My dads been pushing me to find another job, something that pays better and where there's actually chance for advancement. I thought I was on the right path a couple years ago when I enrolled in stenography school. Things were going great until life got in the way. I pushed through the first 6 months after his death, amazing fellow students and even the teacher. I knew Chris was proud of where I was going and I wanted nothing more than to make him proud. Then, I started thinking about mortality...a lot. I mean, that's kinda what happens when sudden death is thrown in your face. I was spending so much time studying and in class that I was missing time that could be spent with my children. Maybe it even had to do with the fact that I was studying the last night before he died and missed my last opportunity to spend time with him. Anyhow, I quit. It was more than I could handle. Auto pilot was turning off and my depression was hitting me full force. So again there I was, back to the drawing board on what I wanted to do.
Then there was an epiphany last night...an A-HA moment!. I had been talking to a new friend. I met her through an online widow forum and gave her my number in case she ever needed to talk. Last night she texted me out of the blue so it was obvious that she was needing to talk. I stayed up for hours, relating to her, listening, and trying to offer subtle advice here and there. At the end of our conversation she was feeling better and surprisingly so was I! The emotional release that I got from helping her was such an adrenaline rush. Chills went up and down my arms as I realized that I may have just found my calling. I want to be a grief counselor!!!! My degree is in psychology and with my personal experience and my need to help others, how fitting is this?! Maybe I can even start up a grief support group in my church !!!!!!!! FINALLY...a decision has been made. I'm freakin 31 and I know what I wanna be when I grow up! WOO HOO! LOL =))
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