Monday, June 20, 2011
I can change my life. Losing weight is the beginning, not the end of my journey. It is a symbolic act, as I have been using my weight as armor against going out and living my life, an excuse to retreat and hide. What can I do to change my life? Keep in contact with family. Maintain friendships and make new friends. Get involved in my community as a volunteer. Even something simple like shopping at the farmer's market instead of the big grocery store is an important change. I have steps to take before I get to where I want to be. I need to learn to accept change as it happens not flail away at it and hope things will return to what expect. I need to remember to be more self-aware in my decision-making process. The choices I make impact more than just me. I need to be consistent in how responsible and responsive I am with myself and other people. Most importantly I need to realize when I am in the wrong and admit it when I am. Right now I am on disability and am unable to work, but in the future I would like to be able to go back to work and deal with work and social situations with a healthy stress response. Learning to live a healthy lifestyle in regards to diet and exercise is a stepping stone to achieving my goals. The great thing is that I know I CAN change my life and I am starting to make changes already. It feels good, and even though I will have days with low (or no) motivation, and days when I feel bad about myself and what I am trying to accomplish, I know that overall I am doing better each day, and with consistent effort (even on low energy days) I can reach my goals for my life. What a joy! What a kick! So, life might not always be sweetness and light, but it certainly could be worse... Why not foster a positive attitude? Life is, in general, better than the alternative.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
I am feeling blah. Not bad, just ambivalent, restless, and unmotivated. I know it happens to all of us at some time, and I know I will snap out of it, but it still doesn't feel good. The good part is I am not feeding my restlessness by feeding my face. So, progress has been made. I have been feeling very up, and very motivated for a couple of weeks, so this little lapse is not unexpected, but I was hoping to go a while longer without slumping like this. There has been no trigger, no cause... it just is what it is. So, I will be stoic and patient, and I WILL feel better tomorrow, if not later today. I just have to get there. It is all about the journey, and this just a stop at the station along the way. The train will move on again. I will be moving along, too. I am not getting off and abandoning the search for a healthier life.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
For some reason I am very tired today. I am not pushing myself to get going, and that feels okay. I have a tendency to push or rush myself. A habit I am trying to break. I admire people who are calm and easygoing, so I am attempting to train myself to treat myself and others that way. I will still go walking today just later in the day than has become my norm. Maybe I will slow it down a little, too. I don't want to force myself to go at a pace that will burn me out. I know I feel better when I walk though, so I will go out this afternoon.
Do you ever let yourself procrastinate a little, but still manage to reach your goals? Or does letting one thing slide mess everything up?
Friday, June 17, 2011
I had decided not to walk yesterday, but I went anyway. I am glad I went out. I stopped at my brother's house and had a quick conversation with my sister in law. Then I stopped at my aunt's house on a whim, and amazingly she was home so we chatted a while, too. The especially good part is that she agreed to take part of my walk with me today. It makes me feel good that I can help motivate someone else to do something they have been saying they should do. I know all about procrastination and finding "logical" reasons why I can't exercise or eat right. I have been doing it myself for years. Now I have the opportunity to change that, and I am grasping that opportunity with both hands and clinging for dear life. It is about having a life again for me. I have been hiding in my apartment for the last three years. It is time to stop hiding and be a part of the human race! I am not a very social person, but I do enjoy my family very much. I had even limited my contact with them. Not good. Isolation breeds isolation which encourages the maintenance of bad habits and negativity. I am tired of wallowing in my own negativity. So I walk. And I talk. And I blog. Not so isolated anymore, am I? Thank goodness. It was getting tiresome. (I think I was getting tiresome. Good thing my family loves me.) Now is the time to get out of the recliner and move toward something better! I am moving. I am moving
Thursday, June 16, 2011
I am looking forward to my niece's 6th Birthday on Sunday, but I am a little concerned about how I will do at the dinner table. Special family dinners in my family are long affairs full of delicious food, sparkling conversations (sometimes a little "punny", but always intelligent and funny), and tempting desserts... usually chocolate cake! Of course my mom normally bakes the cake and it is very simple and she glazes it instead of frosting it, so it isn't a total plan buster, but it is still chocolate and it is still CAKE. My family is aware of what I am trying to accomplish, and my sister in law even joined, but my self control will be tested. I have been eating all my meals at home since 5/22/11, and I like it, but I worry that if I get caught up in the conversation I won't pay attention to what is going in my mouth. Wait... maybe I can use the worry to focus myself and keep control of portions. Wouldn't that be funny, if I can utilize my fears to achieve a positive effect!? My birthday is coming up next month, and my mom and I have already planned a menu that fits into my nutritional plan. So, my niece's party will be a test, I suppose. Can I go to a family dinner and control what and how much I put in my mouth? We'll have to wait and see...
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