Monday, December 01, 2014
I apologize, friends, it has been a long time since I've written.
I've had struggles. Not only with the program and following my calories and whatever, but also just with...life. There are days I am 100% happy with how I am and I don't feel like I need to do this, and then there are days that I hate what I look like and want to lose 50 pounds. My fitness has been pretty good. I have been working out with my trainer 3 days a week. I have gotten so much stronger. I am seeing definition in my legs, arms, and back. This is huge. I know this. But it's not enough for me some days. When I first started benching 100 lbs, I rewarded myself with a new tattoo.
The 3 large white stars are my husband and two kids, and the rest of the stars symbolize people in my family that have made me who I am today. The infinity symbol for the idea that family is forever, and it's painted cause, well, art. It's kind of what I do :)
We had a stressful week last week. We had to put my cat, Mojo, down rather unexpectedly. She had been losing weight rather rapidly, and when we woke up on Sunday morning she was in the bathroom while I was in there and she wasn't breathing correctly. It was very labored. So we took her to the emergency vet and after a bunch of diagnostics and x-rays, they found a massive tumor in her chest that was swimming in fluid and collapsing both of her lungs. Cancer. She was 9 years old.
I still have her sister and litter mate, Zuzu. She's been doing okay. Every once in a while it seems like she's looking for Mojo. But she's healthy as a horse. It was a really hard time for both my husband and me, he has never had to deal with that before and I've had pets that died but never that I had to make that decision for. It inspired me to get another tattoo, though, which I will be getting on December 12th. It will go right on my left side of my chest where she would knead me at night before falling asleep ever since she was a kitten.
So I don't really know where I stand. When I eat well I don't lose, when I eat somewhat mindfully I don't gain, but when I eat horribly I gain. So I guess I need to stop that. But it's hard to get motivated to eat well if I'm not seeing any benefit from it. I know that I am not in a place in my life to eat paleo like I was doing. I just can't and don't want to do that. I need to figure out what I really want my end goal to be.
I've gone almost an entire year without worrying about losing weight, just learning to love myself. I've made progress, but there are still days where that is a struggle. It feels good a lot of the time, but I know I need to continue to work on that.
Friday, August 29, 2014
I'm here. It may seem like I'm MIA because I don't comment much and I like never blog, but I'm here. I only check in during school days cause I am just not at a computer at home. Even my tablet and my phone...not on them much. I'm tracking 5 days a week while I'm here but I don't always track dinner.
It's time to get real about my goals. My goal this year has been to just love myself. I don't have an overall goal to lose weight but it's always in the back of my mind. It has been in the back of my mind since I went to college. There is never a time in my life since then that I haven't thought about losing weight. Sometimes it's just more of a wish than a goal though. Anyway, 8 months of learning to love myself. I'm doing well with that. I actually stopped wearing makeup because I realized I wasn't wearing it for myself, I was wearing it because I thought it would make it easier for other people to look at me lol. But...it didn't really do much. It's 10 minutes of my morning routine that I cut out. I don't even put on lotion most days, although I should at least put on something with sunscreen I suppose. But, I'm loving myself that way and realizing that I like the way I look. When I get dressed in the morning I like how I look. I'm still not loving myself when I see myself in videos, why are they so different?! Seriously, I think I look good in the mirror then I see a video and it's like WHAT IS THAT. Oh well. A work in progress.
Paleo. Well, modified paleo. VERY modified paleo. My MIL is doing a modified paleo for memory and brain health after reading a book called "Grain Brain." We are helping her out whenever we can, making sure there is food she likes that is "safe" for her to eat. I even cooked spaghetti squash for the first time last night. I had never had it. She and Johnny both really liked it but I wasn't a fan. Weird texture and I didn't like that it was sweet. But...I will try again with a different sauce combination. I know it's healthy and its good that at least other people in the house like it. I am definitely not 100% paleo, but I'm doing okay. I allow myself breakfast sandwiches or flavored yogurt in the mornings for breakfasts. Lunches and dinners are usually pretty good. Snacks are at about 90% for being good (I started making paleo fudge and wow it's amazing). Overall doing good, feeling okay. I don't notice myself having more energy or anything when I'm doing super on paleo, but I do notice that I don't need to eat as much food. So this is working for me. It's a doable ratio.
Working out. This i have been good at. My bootcamp was moved to Monday and Thursday mornings, and that's working out beautifully. My neighbor and another friend from spinning are doing it with me and this month another teacher friend will join us. I'm really getting a lot stronger. I've noticed a lot of areas toning up, I have a bicep that actually has a bump to it. My hips are pretty solid now...still bigger but not flabby. I think I just have my dads butt and that's how it is.
Family life? That's great. We've had some extra help, Ms. Joyce, who comes a few hours a day to help out my MIL with the kid(s). She's been a great addition to our family. The kids love her, my MIL loves having her there. She's just great. So that's all been very good. It's relieved a lot of the stress..
So things are going well. Very well. Just keep swimming!
Sunday, August 10, 2014
That will make my life so much easier. It came back the first time and worked for 2 days and then the same problem kept happening. It would lose charge very quickly and it wouldn't recharge past 60%. So I sent it in again. I got it back on Thursday and so far things are peachy keen. I hope it's fixed for realsies because using only my phone is a pain in the butt!
So. Food. It's been okay. I haven't really been tracking consistently. It's been pretty hard with only my work computer and not being in my classroom to do it. My weight is holding steady, which is good, albeit higher than I wanted it to be at this point. I'm sure I've been CLOSE to my range every day. I'm trying to keep an eye on my snacking, and since I'm at work most days it's easy to keep it at bay. Yesterday wasn't great but it wasn't bad either.
My MIL has been diagnosed (however I feel slightly erroneously, but diagnosed nonetheless) with early onset alzheimers, so that's been pretty frustrating for her. The good news is that they put her on an anti depressant as well as a patch of some medication that it supposed to help. Seems like both are working - her short term memory is getting better (only asking the same question 2 or 3 times and REMEMBERING when I start telling her the answer that I already told her vs. asking the same quiestion 6 or 7 times with no recollection of us having the conversation already). Her long term memory is still spot on. Nonetheless it's still kind of a kick in the head for her so she's trying a paleo-type diet that is designed for help with memory. Getting rid of grain-brain and stuff. She doesn't eat a lot of protein or fat so it makes a lot of sense for her to start. I've been trying to get her to eat more fat while she's here but she's so scared of it. So now we have a weekly menu up on the fridge, I am making 90% paleo dinners and she has paleoesque foods she can eat during the day. I think it will be a good change for all of us. I'm not going 100% because when I did that before it just wasn't worth it to me. But she is, and I will do a lot of the cooking so it will at least be low carb and low sugar.
Fitness has been pretty good actually. I went to the gym all 3 days of school this week, which doesn't sound like much but it's a start. Then yesterday hubby and I did a bunch of yard work. We are getting new siding right now, and it looks SO GOOD, so that made me want to make the rest of the yard look better. It takes a lot for me to want to do yardwork or to at least do it without complaining, and I did for 4 hours yesterday. I'm very sore. We have this bush wall between us and our new neighbors. We have had it forever but our neighbors have always been sketchy because the house was always rented. We finally have some buyers and they are a great young couple. Zack and Tela. They have a little blue heeler puppy named Charlotte. He works for PLV Schools doing grounds maintenance and she works for Grace University in the financial department. They are very nice, very personable people. They are doing a ton of work to their house. Needless to say I don't see the need for the bush wall to keep the weirdos out anymore. so we started tackling that. These bushes and weeds that are growing there are LITERALLY trees now. So lots of cutting things down and bending branches and blah blah blah - anyway Im tired. It will be a good change though!
So things are looking up. We have two more work days this week before students come back on Wednesday. Lots to do!
Thursday, August 07, 2014
Well. Back at school. Came into a room that was pretty much ransacked. Janitors and electricians didn't have much respect for my room while they were working in it this summer. Everything was just ripped out of the wall and put wherever. Cords in knots. Everything just...everywhere. It was really irritating. Then we had a 3.5 hour meeting yesterday so I had to see that and NOT be able to do anything about it! It was torture. Then after the meeting we had a few minutes before going out to lunch, and then when I came back from that I only had about an hour and a half or 2 hours to get anything done. Needless to say my room is still pretty messy.
I also didn't have a working computer. Finally right at the end of the day my Magnet Supervisor came through for me and got me a laptop. Thank goodness. We have open house tonight and we are supposed to have a "mini syllabus" to hand out to parents, not to mention the actual syllabus for the first day of school. I don't have a printer hooked up but at least I have the syllabus done.
So, how have I been? Well, okay I guess.
Last week I twisted my ankle pretty good trying to catch a glass bottle that rolled out of our recycle bin when I was putting it out. Ran down the hill, it was slick because we hadn't had rain in about a month, and I slipped and fell down on my butt. It was seriously YouTube worthy but thank goodness it was so early that no one caught it. That hurt though. I am only finally feeling better now.
So fitness took a back burner on those few days. Eating wasn't great cause MIL and FIL were still here. I did get my kitchen repainted though! No more oak cabinets and beige walls! Hooray!
I went back to the gym yesterday for spinning. My ankle felt okay on the bike so today I went back to running. It felt pretty good.
Today at work we have this team building thing in the morning and then staff pictures, then about 3 hours to work in our rooms and open house tonight. Somewhere in there I have to find time to eat. Glad I went to the gym today though. Feeling better than if I would have skipped it.
They've been providing breakfast and that has been okay. Yesterday they had all of these egg casseroles and bacon and fruit. I stuck to the bacon and fruit because I had eaten after leaving the gym. I love bacon. Today was donuts and bagels and fruit. I had a bagel and some fruit but don't have any temptation towards the donut, which is a nice change of pace. The rest was tasty though.
Tomorrow we have curriculum day so I'll be at the art museum all day with the art people. Probably won't get to check in much. Doing SP from my phone is a real pain. I am supposed to get my tablet back again today though so hopefully the problem is finally fixed.
So that's what's new. As of this morning I was 202.6, which I am super bummed about but it's to be expected with how I've been eating. Today will be better. One day at a time!
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