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It will get better, it will get better....

Friday, August 22, 2014

My kid sister died June 12. She was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer in March and opted to not take the chemo. She got hospice and they did a good job of minimizing pain.
Now I am trying to sell her house. The stale cigarette smoke is a detraction and what was the perfect house for her hasn't yet found the perfect buyer. Meanwhile, I am trying to dispose of her belongings. Some to charities, some to relative's yard sale, and I am planning on manning a booth at a flea market for her antiques.

So, Mom shut down when she learned her baby (age 62) had cancer. She stopped functioning to the point that she lost muscle strength and needed more help than I could give her, even after retro-fitting the bathroom with special tub and grab bars. So she is now in a nursing home in a nearby town and I try to visit every day. One day I couldn't because I was at the doctor with/for my husband most of the day. He will be getting a pacemaker next month. Today, I am trying to catch the dog to give her a bath before her vet appointment this afternoon. I also need to fit in a long walk for the dog before the appointment so I can get a fresh BM sample for examination. So this will be the second day I miss visiting Mom.

It's more tiring than a job because there are no days off. But, eventually the house will be sold, the other belongings taken care of, estate settled, routine established and I won't be single handedly supporting the ice cream industry. At least, with the dog walks and not eating while driving, my weight is staying pretty stable.

So THAT is where I have been the last few months.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOFLLAMA 8/22/2014 8:22PM

    I miss you very much. I'm sorry you have all this on your plate. Know that you are in my thoughts. Hug Mom!

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GLORYB2014 8/22/2014 12:03PM

    My condolences on the loss of your sister. We lost our oldest daughter last fall, 3 months after she was diagnosed with having cancer. I certainly can emphasise with you. It takes time, lots of time, but eventually you begin to live normally or as normal as possible again.

That said, I think it's terrific how you've kept your weight stable, kept busy, have lots of plans and things to do. That's what I call living!


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I matter

Friday, December 06, 2013

It took me many years of stumbling and learning. I still have a lot to learn. But I finally think I found the core problem with my self worth. All my life I have been treated as though I don't matter. Thank goodness I have a supportive husband and a rescue dog who adores me. It is still taking awhile to go from "knowing" this to accepting that I do matter and do deserve nice things happening.
It's funny that all along I have always felt that everyone else was more important than I was. As a single mother, I accepted a layoff from a good job because if I didn't, someone else would have been laid off. I didn't know who, or what their circumstances were, but I just convinced myself that I could handle it better than they could. How stupid!
It all worked out and I have a comfortable situation now, but how different my life might have been if only I thought I mattered.
So if anyone reading this thinks they are less important than anyone else, remember that I, for one, think you are very important, and now I am almost as important as you are.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IGNITEME101 12/18/2013 12:30PM

    Lovely thoughts! I have also been like that in times past. Still true in a few areas, even now, maybe.
Guess its true if I can say that.
Thank you for bringing up this subject! I didn't know I still need to deal with this topic until I read your words.

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BAMAJAM 12/6/2013 3:33PM

  A wonderful blog and it truly touched my heart! Yes, you matter indeed!
My childhood environment was terribly sad---- the lesson of childhood was that we not only did not matter, but we, the kids, were constantly held in contempt! Pretty heavy for a child to bear, day in and day out, year after year... We finally "escaped" --however, each of us needed therapy to heal our injured souls....
I wish every child could feel loved and cherished, and properly disciplined too.
Thank You!

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    Thank you for your encouraging words! emoticon You have placed value and self worth and self respect on your being~ good for you! We all need to. Even a mustard seed of self love will grow to know no bounds. emoticon

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All better now

Friday, November 29, 2013

Today I had the tumors removed from my female parts. It was an easy "day surgery". I was in the operating room for only 45 minutes and experienced no discomfort. My hubby took me (poor guy had to get up at 6:30 am) and stayed with me.
Thanks to all who sent their prayers and good wishes. It could not have gone any better. Only down side is that there was no weight loss. I keep hearing about those people with 12 pound tumors. No such luck. This is all me, and I will have to lose it the conventional way.
I am thankful that I was blessed with a healthy body, in spite of how I neglect it sometimes.
Happy holidays to all.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHEILA1505 11/29/2013 11:08PM

    I agree with Pickie - what a relief
So glad all went well for you

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PICKIE98 11/29/2013 2:56PM

    What a wonderful gift!! No big fatty tumors??No chemo or radiation, not hair loss, no death from it.. You are blessed dear lady.. I could cry with happiness for you!!! Yahoo!!!

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False alarm

Monday, November 04, 2013

Looks like I over reacted, or all the prayers worked. My OB/GYN thinks she can just remove the worst growth and leave my uterus in tact. She is waiting for the results of yet one more biopsy before she schedules the procedure. I am partly relieved and also embarrassed that I got so worked up about the whole thing.

Now I have no excuse not to get back to watching what I eat and getting my exercise in gear.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PEANUTSDOG17 11/6/2013 6:15PM

  This is so great! Glad it wasn't as serious as you thought it would be! Nothing wrong with over reacting! I've done it many times myself! Don't be embarrassed!

I wish you the very best! Keep us updated!
Shari emoticon

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MOMA5505 11/5/2013 10:33PM

    It is hard not to over react! Glad for you. Now get busy!! emoticon

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Normal Life events

Friday, October 25, 2013

So, Monday I will talk to the OB/GYN about what to do with all the masses that are growing in and around my uterus. I expect we will just take the whole thing out. At my age, I am not using it anyway. One of my ovaries also has a fibroid tumor so I am hoping I can keep the other one and maybe not need to take hormones. I'll ask about that.
It is not cancer.
My mother and husband had open heart surgery within the past ten years and that was much more traumatic than this will be. So I am not particularly concerned, but I figured I should mention what is going on.
I am happy that in spite of what all I ate while the dog was in surgery and recovering I have not gained any of the weight back. She healed totally in less than two weeks. Let's see if I can do that well....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JET150 10/30/2013 8:42PM

    I hope all goes well!

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MOMA5505 10/26/2013 1:58PM

    Prayers for you!

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STUDLEEJOE 10/25/2013 3:54PM

    Good luck on your surgery. I will keep you in my prayers.

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