Just At A Loss

Sunday, October 07, 2012

I can't even describe what I am feeling right now. When I first started this journey, my goal was just to lose 10% of my starting weight. That was 32 lbs. I did not know if I could even lose 32 lbs. That seemed like an awful lot amount to lose.

I had lots of ups and downs. Was even horribly embarrassed last month because I couldn't hardly ride any rides at six flags because I didn't even fit in the rides. I have struggled just even trying to walk 4/10 of a mile for several months. Would I ever be able to lose 32lbs.

I even went through weeks were I would gain and lose the same 5 and 6 lbs. I was getting so discouraged. Then I asked someone that I knew who walked if they would like a walking buddy. This was very out of character for me. I was really surprised when this person gladly invited me along for the walks. Since then things have changed.

The first time we walked together, I walked 2 miles. I felt like I was going to throw up on the 2nd mile but I made it. My walking buddy told me that she thought I would just do 1 mile, and was just shocked when I did 2 miles. Well here I am 3 weeks later, and I am walking 6 miles now each time. That just blows my mind because I have not done this type of activity level since I was 19 yrs old, and I am now 39 . . . soon to be 40. When I was 19, I was doing 4 miles at a time. It was a walking/running combo, mostly running. So as you can see this just really has shocked me.

Well if that was not all. There was more. I weighed in today, and I wanted to just cry. Not only did I hit my 32 lb weight loss goal but I surpassed it. I lost a total of 33.2 lbs. I am just sitting here crying as I write because four months ago, I didn't even think this was possible. Four months ago, I could barely walk 4/10's of a mile. Now here I am walking six miles.
One month ago, I was horribly embarrassed by my body because I couldn't fit in hardly any of the rides at six flags. Today, it doesn't matter because there will be another day for six flags.

I can't even put into words what I feel. Four months ago, my BMI was 53.28 and I was classified as Super Obese. Today my BMI is 47.75 and I am now classified as Morbidly Obese. That may not seem exciting to some but for me that is exciting because I am going down on the obese spectrum. Four months ago, my total measurements were 427 inches. Today those measurements were 399.5 and I have lost a total of 27.5 inches.

So in celebration of reaching my goal I went for a six mile walk. I set a new 10% goal to lose of my current weight which is 28.7 lbs. I also have been wanting a new phone, so that is going to be my reward for losing my 1st 10%.

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Embarrassed By My Own Body

Monday, September 03, 2012

Yesterday, we took the governor, aka youngest son, to Six Flags. The last time I had been to an amusemant park was 12yrs ago when I got married. I was a bit unnerved back then by my body but I was able to ride the rides, and did have a great time. Of course I weighed 240lbs back then.

Well fast forward to 60lbs more, and lets just say I didn't enjoy the park very much. Yes it was fun to watch my youngest battle his fears, and ride some of the rides but overall, I felt so embarrassed by my body. I knew I would not be able to ride some of the rides. What I didn't realize is that, I was not able to ride most of the rides. There was a couple rides that I tried getting in the seat, only to have to get off and leave. I walked away so embarrassed.

After six hours of this, I was ready to go home. I felt so defeated, especially since my weight has been fluctuating up and down by 5lbs. I finally dropped 20lbs, and got below 300's but then its has been fluctuating ever since. I know there are some things that I keep loosing consistency on. One of those is drinking my water. This is so simple yet I struggle so bad with this. Another thing is being consistent with tracking my food. I don't know why its so hard to just do this at times. I know tracking foods helps me stay on board of staying with in my calorie range.

So here I am sitting with my water bottle trying to drink what I can. I like water, I just don't know why it is so hard at times to get it in. There are times that I honestly prefer water to soda, so that is a good thing. I also made sure I once again tracked what I have eaten. I don't know if this gets monotonous after a while, and maybe that is why it gets hard to drink water, as well as track my food.

I don't want to be stuck with a fat mentality. I do deserve to be healthy, and at the right weight for me. Its just so hard to get out of that mentality. I want to get healthier, I want to be slimmer, I want to enjoy my life.

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Determined To Stay On Track

Thursday, July 19, 2012

I've been on a bit of a pity party. Those are no fun, and no one ever wants to join in with you. And what is so hard, sometimes its really hard to get off of the pity party merry-go-cycle.

This morning when I got up, I weighed myself. It is not my weigh-in day but I do weigh-in a few times a week to get an idea of how things are going. I was aggervated because the scale started moving up. I already had a gain last week, and I don't want another repeat.

I asked myself what is going on, where am I slacking at. Well for one, yesterday was a really difficult day. What did I do but dive back into old habits of feeding my emotions, and I didn't track at all yesterday. That is a bad combo.

Another thing I haven't been doing is getting all my water in. I don't know why but I did really good for the first few weeks getting all my water in, and then the last 2 weeks have been hard getting water down. It's not that I don't like water because I do.

Something else is that I have not been exercising. I did attempt to exercise a couple weeks ago, and actually did good that week but after that, I lost steam in my motivation engine. I didn't exercise at all last week, and this week was headed down that same path.

So looking at the 3 things that probably did not help, I realize that those 3 things of not doing have helped the scale to start moving upwards. This is not what I want to keep struggling with all my life. I want victory over this.

So today, I went back to what I did when I first started on my weightloss journey, and started reading some blogs. That is always motivational to read other people's thoughts about what is going on in their world, and how they are doing on their journey.

Another thing I thought about was how much I want to run. That is a dream that used to be a reality that got lost some where among the yucks of life. I want to get back to that place of being able to run. Its been over 20yrs since I ran. When I was running I was running 4 miles each time. I soooo much want to get back to that place. The feeling that comes with running is just amazing, it helps to clear your thoughts, helps the endorphines to get going, and gives you an umphhhh that sometimes get you past the yucks.

I came across a youtube video that another sparker had posted, and it just blew me away. www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SbXgQqbOoU After watching that, I thought if this guy can do it, then so can I. I have a lot of weight to lose. I don't want that if I only lose "X" pounds then I can start running to be my excuse for why I haven't started yet.

So today, I got off my duff and went for my walk. But this time I decided I wasn't just going to walk, I was going to add some jogging in with it. I probably looked horrid doing this but I don't care. I'm tired of my excuses of why I can't. I did a brisk walk for the first 5 min, and then I did intervals of jogging for 10 secs then walking 20 secs. I only did 4/10 of a mile since that it is 2/10 one way to the nearest stop sign from my house.

When I finished, I felt soooo good. I probably looked funny out there because this is a mass of body but I don't care. It takes me usually 9-10 mins to walk this but today I did my 4/10 in 8min and 29secs. YAYYYY.

My plan is to continue this 3x/wk, and when I get to the place its not such a struggle, I'm going to add in another 4/10. I hope to eventually get to the place where I can do 4 miles again but I know this will take time. I didn't get to the weight I am in one day, nor will I get to the place of 4 miles in one day either. I am determined to do this.

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Gained but not giving up

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Well I guess, good things must come to an end (at least for a moment). I gained this last weigh-in. It wasn't much but still, it was a gain. I gained 1.8lbs.

I was reflecting over why the gain. One of the things I didn't do so much on was getting ALL my water in. Yes, I would drink water everyday but somedays just wasn't enough. So it's possible my body could have felt like a drought was happening and decided to hang on to some of that water.

Another thing that I didn't do this past week was walk. That may or may not have anything to do with it since I have only began walking the week before. I also adjusted my calories by adding a little more to accomodate for the walking. Hmmm, that doesn't help much if I'm not walking, yet eating the calories.

One other thing that may have been the reason is that my floor is not level. We are in a major remodel project of our home, and the floors aren't so great. Lets just say WAVY. It didn't dawn on me till last week that may have been why my losses were soooo huge. I placed a piece of OSB board under my scale to give it a level state, and the number on the scale went WAY UP!!! Like 11 lbs up. UGGGHHHHH. To see if this might have been the culprit, I weighed myself either every day or every other day with the board. The number started going down.

So the issue with the scale may have been the problem, or it may have been a combination of things. I also know that the body after a period will yell, HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! and have a tendency to not allow any loss to happen till it gets out of that mode.

I'm a bit bummed by the gain but I'm determined to not quit. This is a life changing journey, not a race. I didn't post my pics from last weigh-in so here they are, with the comparisons of the beginning pics. Starting pics are on left, current on the right.


My shirt doesn't look as tight. So that is a good thing. The indentions in my elbow are getting smaller, and my double chin also looks like it is shrinking. So those are good things.

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On My Way

Sunday, July 08, 2012

I weighed in today, and I've been really surprised at my numbers. I lost this past week 5.2 lbs. Which gives me an average of 4.35 lbs lost per week. I am at a total loss of 17.4 lbs, and my BMI has went from a start of 53.2 down to 50.3. I also took my first measurements since I had started back this last time, and I have lost 18 inches. WOW!!! All I can say is this feels really good to being losing. I am over half-way to my first mini goal which was to lose 10% of my start weight.

Another thing I accomplished this past week was I started walking. I walk at work all the time but to do it for just the purpose of exercise, WOW! I didn't realize just how out of shape I am. What do I expect for not having done any type of exercise since the last time I tried losing. I am walking 0.4 miles right now but after this next, I am going to increase it to 0.8 miles. I soooo want to do a 5k, and I think working up to it is definitely the best way to go.

When I took my measurements, the thing that surprised me the most is where I lost the most inches at. It was my knees. I don't know why my knees but I peeled off 6.5" off my knees compared to 0.5 - 3" every where else. I'm not complaining just thought that was odd but happy none the less.

I think over all it was a great month, with consistent losses. I think one area I could really improve on is getting my water in. I strive to drink 9 (8oz) cups of water each day, unfortunately I don't always get in that much. Some days was 6 (8oz) of water, other times it was only 3 (8oz) of water.

Woo Hoo, I am so on my way to a healthier lifestyle.

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