Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Yesterday sucked I guess my weigh in set the tone for the day. Because after I got home from work it only got worse. I was mad, frustrated, stressed, and just all around angry. Without going into detail, basically I had it out with my child, I had it out with my husband and I even had it out with my dog! :-( Nothing went right, everything I said, did, and felt were bad, wrong, angry. I was grateful for Bunco last night so I could get away, but when I got home it started all over again. For the first time in our married life I went to bed mad and didn't solve it. (I have gone to bed mad before, but never stayed in bed, we have always gotten up and dealt with the problems before we actually went to sleep.)
I completed #1 and #2 yesterday. I was at 800 calories when I left for Bunco last night and there is no way I ate more than 500 calories while I was there. #3, I thought of it before I went to Bunco but didn't want to be all sweaty so I was going to do it when I got home, but since I had it out with my husband and the dog then I ended up chosing not to do it, I was too mad. While I should have used that for fuel to get it out, I chose to just go to bed instead. I didn't care at that point. #4 Mickey and Minnie are done, and even my nephew's card is done! #5 I got to bed about 10:22pm, considering we didn't even leave Bunco until 10pm it was pretty good. #6 I did really well at Bunco, the girl hosting had mostly healthy foods there so that really helped me out. I had watermelon, cantalope, and then these crackers that had a veggie cream cheese spread on them with a bunch of veggies on top. It was sooooooooooooo good! I had two of them and I am so getting the recipe from her! lol I did have one cupcake and one girl scout thin mint cookie. I should have chose one or the other, but since I only had one of each, I gave myself a break.
Even with my super stressful day, my weight is back down to 165.1. I just don't get it.
1. 10 glasses of water
2. Stay under 1300 calories
3. Exercise for at least 30 minutes
4. Finish my nieces birthday cards and get the cards for two SIL's birthday ready to be mailed (I hope that is everyone for this month! UGH! lol)
5. Get to bed by 10:30pm
6. Get church visits completed
7. Wrap DS's birthday gifts
Oh boy this list is long. I know I can do it though! I can put my energy into accomplishing my tasks so that I can become a better person, so I can have less stress, which in turn will help me have less angry and hopefully less bad days because of it. I know I will still have stress and bad days, but I also think that sometimes I have these bad days because of how I feel about myself. Most days I feel decent but there are still days when those worthless thoughts sneak in and take over. I know I can do this, I have to do this. I must overcome these things. I must not let my past and the way I was raised rule my life. I must forgive and I must learn to love myself, even with all my faults. I can't do any more than just keep trying and know that this happens less and less, I really am getting so much better, but sometimes it just rears it's ugly head and I get caught in the downward spiral of frustration and angry. I pray today will be a much better day. I pray that I can forgive my child, husband, dog but most importantly me. I can't change what happened yesterday, but I can learn from it and vow to do better. I can do this. I can.