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Mental Health

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Today has just been another stressful day at the office. I finally had my mid-year review today (even though the year is almost over). I got mostly good feedback, but one development item was that I leave at 5 and sometimes I need to ask if my bosses need help with anything (and therefore I need to stay late). I know that I SHOULD ask before I leave, but frankly I don't want to. It's not that I'm not a team player. I bust my butt from 8-5 with no lunch break. After 5 is my time. That's when I go to the gym to get rid of all the stress that builds up during the day. Every moment past 5 that I've stayed (when I have stayed past 5), I get more and more emotionally distressed that I can't go to the gym. I have actually cried at some points because I stay too late and I get so emotionally distressed. Call me crazy, but I go to the gym because I use it as an outlet for stress that I get while I'm at work - but if I work late, my workout is either cut short or in the worst case, I can't do it. So the stress just builds and then I'm stressed that I can't release my stress - which is just more stress. I'm kind of like a dog in that way...I'll get destructive if I can't exercise. Needless to say...I know that if I ask if they need help and they give me something, I'm going to get pissed. The split second of disappointment that will show up on my face before I bite my lip and mask it will give me away. And my work product won't be as good because all I'll be thinking about is going to the gym.

The past few days/weeks have been really stressful at work. I really need to take a mental health day and just reset. Thank goodness I have a bunch of vacation days to use...

Goals:
AM walk/jog wB - DONE
lunch walk - DONE
PM lifting - DONE
PM walk wB - DONE
healthy dinner - DONE
Stand during BL - DONE
Last Chance walk wB - DONE
Calorie Cycle Low Day (1500) - DONE

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBULACLARK 10/28/2008 7:04PM

    I forgot to add that you need to take care of you. They need to understand your health and wellness come first!

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DEBULACLARK 10/28/2008 7:03PM

    Oh. that makes me so mad. These companies want blood. You should NOT have to stay past 5 - especially if you are not taking a lunch. If it will appease the "god" of the office...make a sacrifice quarterly. I would NOT do it any more than that and I really wouldn't do it at all if you think it will not affect your evaluations in the future. Which, by the way, it shouldn't. I don't think they can use that against you. I worked for a bank for about 10 years before I went back to school for teaching. I was in a call center and I was management. I worked extra hours all the time - for free. There were nights I was there on projects until midnight. Anyway, I asked if I could take a class for my teaching degree(which they knew I was getting), on my lunch hour 2 days a week, and not take a lunch or work later the other 3...my boss said no. I told her I would not be working late anymore as if they couldn't help me out, I wasn't going to do more than I needed to and I didn't. So the moral of the story...even when you bust your hump...they want blood. They don't appreciate it at all. Oh - I did still get good evaluations because my work was done and done well.

Sorry this was so long but I hate when people try to take advantage of my friends!

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AKAYCAT 10/28/2008 5:45PM

    That is really a dumb thing on the evaluation. Do you get overtime for those minutes/hours? If you are contracted until 5 - you shouldn't have to stay late. I am so sorry - and I understand the destructive behavior. I fight that everyday! Keep a strong head - and don't let it get to you. (easier said than done)

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Phantom

Monday, October 27, 2008

I got to see Phantom of the Opera on Broadway with my whole family this weekend. This was the first time we were all together since my brother and sister went to school in August. It was great to spend time with everyone. The show was amazing! I have seen the recent movie many times, but never the live performance. At the end I always think to myself that I would have chosen the Phantom...but hey I'm not Christine. I knew that I was going to be pretty sedentary once we went to see the show so I took Bailey out for a long walk...and when I say long I mean a 73 minute, 66 block walk. He was pretty tired when I got back which is always good. After the show I picked him up and drove down to my parent's house. We went out to dinner and I ate pretty healthy - though I indulged on a brownie sundae that my sister and I shared. Yesterday I didn't get much exercise in, but I was moving around all day. I think I ended up gaining because my ratios were off. I ended up having more carbs than I was supposed to. Oh well, this is a new week I guess.

I really just want to get down to 150. I've been at this for so long. I wish I could just be at 150 already and start maintaining. I feel like there is very little that I can change about what I'm doing to drop more weight. I eat really healthy 90% of the time...and I work out hard every day. *sigh* I just want to reach goal. I think after this Biggest Winner competition is over I'm going to take a week and do no 'real cardio.' Just walks with Bailey. Maybe that will jumpstart my weight loss again.

Goals:
AM jog wB - DONE
lunch walk wB - DONE
PM cardio - DONE
PM abs - DONE
PM walk wB - DONE
healthy dinner - DONE
Stand during DwtS - DONE
Last Chance walk wB - DONE
Calorie Cycle (Low Day 1400) - DONE

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SSAINTJEAN 10/27/2008 6:59PM

    hey chickie! Ok first of all, SO happy you spent time with your family this weekend and second....I AM SOOOOOO JEALOUS YOU SAW PHATOM ON BROADWAY!!!!!!! That is my favorite, I ADORE it! I have seen it once on Broadway and got chills when Phantom sung. Since then, if I don't get chills from his very first note, the rest of the show is downhill for me, lol.

And thanks for reminding me "It will be difficult. It will be worth it!!! " AFter reading your post, looks like its my turn to remind you! lol. There is no book on how fast or what it takes for each individual to lose weight. Look at people who "eat anything and don't gain weight" then look at you kickin your ass and are stuck. So keep on doing your thing sweetie, you know that it makes you feel good, plus you have fun at your gym AND with Bailey! So in my mind, it's ALL GOOD =)
emoticon

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RUN2RIDE 10/27/2008 3:29PM

    the phantom sounds so great!!! lucky you! :)

I jumped out to your page and *love* your mantra:
The First 2 Rules of Self-Improvement:
#1 - It will be difficult.
#2 - It will be worth it. YES!!!!

Sounds like a good plan to take it easy on cardio for a week -- I've heard soooo many people say the weight dropped after they took a break -- Good luck!
Til later, beck emoticon

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Just what I needed

Friday, October 24, 2008

I was pretty disappointed this morning when I weighed myself and the scale hadn't moved since yesterday. I even did more cardio then I usually do yesterday...but still nothing. I know that the scale isn't everything, but after a big drop two weeks ago I've kind of stagnated. I really want to see the scale drop again and break through to the 160's. I was over in the pantry at work before and one of my co-workers made a comment about how skinny I'm getting. Then she went on to ask about what I'm doing. It felt really good to hear her say something because it shows me that my efforts aren't all for nothing. I'm actually making some noticeable progress. I just have to keep it up until I get to goal. I really want to give myself a great Christmas present this year. And that's to be at goal. I know I can do it. I just have to focus and keep at it.

Goals:
AM wog wB - DONE
AM HIIT - DONE
lunch cardio - DONE
long PM walk wB - DONE
healthy dinner - DONE
Last Chance walk wB - DONE
Clean apartment and pack to go home - DONE
Calorie Cycling (Low Day 1400) - DONE

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBULACLARK 10/24/2008 11:32PM

    On the Leslie Sansone website we call the co-worker comment an NSV or a NonScale Victory....because the scale is just a number...remember that. Stop dwelling on it. You have to be gaining muscle. You workout so hard. The numbers will go down eventually but muscle is heavier and I know you do a lot of weight training and stuff. Have a great weekend!

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AKAYCAT 10/24/2008 12:38PM

    Yeah - you are looking it - which means you are doing it. I know that dang scale can be so frustrating. I am inolved in 2 challenges right now, and I have pretty much decided to not weigh in every week. My weight is so up and down, with gain a lb here - lose a lb there. It makes me go crazy. But if you are looking it - you are losing it.

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JESPAH 10/24/2008 11:01AM

    What I have found -- here I'll just barge into your blog :) -- is that if I am doing things right, I either lose weight or lose inches, and they don't always happen during the weeks that I expect them to. And, if I step up cardio, often it means inch loss before weight loss.

This is not a bad thing. You are still moving in a good direction.

One piece of advice (totally unsolicited seeing as I've barged in and all) -- get a tape measure and measure yourself. I keep 8 measurements but the 4 that SP keeps track of are perfectly fine, too. Decide on one day a week for meauring. It's best that it be the same day as weigh-in so that it's all coordinated and it's also harder to forget that way.

I think you'll find that seeing inch progress will help you through weeks when you don't see scale progress. This has worked out very well for me.

Hope this helps! :)

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Cookies are a sometimes food

Thursday, October 23, 2008

This is the new catch phrase of Cookie Monster, my favorite character from Sesame Street. While I think that it's blasphemy and a little ridiculous that our culture has to change this beloved character's line, I agree with Cookie whole heartedly. Since starting this plan, I have falling on the other end of the spectrum though. I have been fiercely avoiding cookies because I don't want to mess up my diet. Last night I went to Shoprite to get some groceries. I really wanted to get some of their delicious cookies because it was a spike day so if I was going to cheat a little it might as well be that day. While coming to my decision I looked at the contents of my reusable Shoprite bag: chicken breast, Frank's buffalo sauce, egg whites, Turkey Hill diet, zero calorie green tea. My diet has changed so much and I'm only eating/drinking the good stuff. So I decided to let myself indulge a little. I got chocolate chip cookies and white chocolate pecan cookies from the pay by the pound and headed to check out. While I was sitting in the car driving back to my apartment, I couldn't resist reaching into the bag and eating one of the white chocolate pecan cookies. It just melted in my mouth and I wondered what I'd been missing all this time. Needless to say, I enjoyed my cookies and despite having gained a little over night - I don't regret having them. I know that eating them will help hold me over until my next cheat day - whenever I let myself have one. I guess cookies really are a sometimes food.

Goals:
AM wog wB - DONE
AM lifting Back and Biceps - DONE
lunch cardio - DONE
PM cardio - couldn't pull a three a day
PM walk wB - DONE
healthy dinner - DONE
Last Chance walk wB - DONE
Calorie Cycling (Low Calorie Day 1400) - DONE

  


Disappointed in Biggest Loser

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I couldn't help but feel disappointed during last night's episode of the Biggest Loser. The contestant Vicky on Bob's team didn't even care about one of the challenges that involved walking on a circular balance beam to win videos from home. Her attitude was kind of like, well the prize isn't that important to me so I don't care. Bob was equally disappointed when he found out that she just gave up. Throughout the whole episode we were shown how conniving and mean this person is. I really don't want her to win either on the ranch or in the at home competition. At one point she even said that it's all about the money. That's not why the Biggest Loser was made - it's about changing your life for the better and losing weight. Sure the money is a plus, but that's not why the contestants should be there. I just don't like her. I was disappointed that Amy P. was voted off. I really hope that her being gone fuels Phil, her husband on the black team, to kick butt.

Goals:
AM walk wB - DONE
lunch walk wB - DONE
PM HIIT - DONE
PM abs - DONE
PM walk wB - DONE
healthy dinner - DONE
Shoprite - DONE
Groom Bailey- oops
Last Chance walk wB - DONE
Calorie Cycle High Day (1800) - DONE

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THATMARY 10/22/2008 3:17PM

    I didn't like it either- Vicky or Heba. When Vicky said it was about winning the money I thought it was so selfish! Sure part of it is the money but still, what about the thousands of dollars of personal attention coming your way? She just didn't sound appreciative. And I didn't care for Heba's attitude towards Amy when she said she would vote against her b/c of her husband. It was all junior high mean girl talk. I think Bob will be disapointed that Amy is gone.

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DKAYCROWDER 10/22/2008 1:36PM

    I totally agree! I dont like vicky, brady or Heba! They just frustrate me because they are there for the wrong reasons... Its not about the stupid money its about changing your life! The one thing that made me really happy was that the black team won a weigh in! I couldn't believe that Colleen pulled an 8! She is my favorite person... I guess I see myself through her. I am up a lb since my last dr appointment. I have another appointment on halloween. I am ok with the gain..I just can't wait to get back to losing. I did go running this week and I think I might try to get to the gym today or tomorrow.


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