LEAFFAN   12,919
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Finding my way again!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

It's been a year since I've written my last blog entry! I'm not really impressed with myself that I let myself fall into bad habits again. I remember how proud and energetic I felt and this past year is proof that bad habits and letting yourself go can have a huge impact on how you feel inside and outside.

I read my last blog entry and it saddened me because I was the reason my daughter had become more energetic and looking back in this past year I realized how that affected my daughter as well. She is not as energetic as she once was and I am the reason for this lack of interest.

however......

I am super excited about joining the 2011 Winter Dec. 5% Challenge here on SP which begins in a few days. I am really hoping I will get back down to what I was a year ago, around 155 lbs and to also encourage my daughter to be more active as well.

I will try my hardest to get at least 30 minutes of walking everyday and get myself to the gym again (which I have been paying for all along) sigh.....for at least 2 days a week.

I will stop using the excuse that I work full time night shift (even though it's a huge challenge because a year ago is when my shifts became longer) I used to start my shift at 10:30pm at night and used to go to the gym before work but since I've been starting my shifts at 9pm it's been a real challenge! I have to stay positive and tell myself everyday that whatever spare time I have i will use it wisely and get this body of mine moving and I know in the long run I will feel better!

What I used to enjoy about working out:

I loved how strong I felt using the weights at the gym

I went from barely surviving 5 minutes on the elliptical to 45 minutes without feeling like I was going to die, but now I will have to start over which I will!!

I loved how I started walking on the treadmill and in no time at all I was able to do intervals of walking and jogging. What an awesome feeling when you are running even if it's for short periods of time. There is no feeling like it!

As of December 1st, I will no longer put cream and sugar in my coffee. It's interesting how these little "bad habits" make their way into your life again without you even noticing.

I will eat less processed foods and no white pasta & bread as I used to do, another bad habit I fell into.

I will drink more water, actually I haven't been drinking water at all and merely surviving on diet pepsi and coffee. emoticon

In another week or so I will create another blog and post all the good habits that I know will return.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WELLNESSME09 12/1/2011 6:23PM

    emoticon blog!!! hope all falls into place and it works for you. emoticon

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LEAFFAN 11/29/2011 6:55AM

    Thank you guys! It so nice to be back and be in touch with everyone who are going thru the same journey as me!

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TAMI1691 11/29/2011 6:41AM

    Welcome back.
making small changes will soon add up to big things again for you


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MAPHUM 11/29/2011 6:37AM

    emoticon. I know how u feel, also going through the same thing. It is possible to do this, yes we can.

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I am so very proud of my daughter!

Thursday, October 21, 2010



I have a 13 year old daughter and a 15 year old son, my son is physically active as he's been playing hockey since he was 4 years old. My daughter on the other hand would avoid any physical activity like the plague. I worry about her because she is considered "obese" for her age. I had always tried getting her to walk, go bike riding with me, etc....but she never wanted to. That is until a few years ago when I started dropping some weight. I figured how could I tell her to be physically active when I was not. My highest weight was 192 lbs a few years ago and slowly in the last few years I have gone down to (once) 155 lbs but I hover mostly around 160 lbs. I still want to lose at least another 40 lbs so I need to step it up again and not get into my old habits.

As my daughter seen me losing weight, going for long walks, exercising at the gym she then decided she wanted to join in. We would take our ipods with us and go for daily walks together, at first she couldn't walk too far but now she can keep up with me without any complaining and we worked ourselves up to walking to over an hour at a time.

This past summer I have enrolled her in Karate which she is really enjoying. I honestly didn't realize how hard they work them during those karate sessions but she is able to keep up with the rest of them!

To give you a little history, my daughter had been complaining of extreme pain in her stomach and this past summer she was brought to the hospital because she was dehydrated. After the doctor had run some tests it was determined that she has gallstones. *Yikes* So our family doctor sent us to see a GI pediatrician and he told us that he wasn't surprised that she had gallstones because she is obese, yeah we already knew that and had been working on it! I tell ya, I felt like the worse mom in the world. I felt so bad for her because she kept telling me she was fat and ugly. What bothered me the most is that we had been working increasing her fitness level and I had been packing her healthier lunches, trying to cook healthier meals, etc.. My daughter was so depressed for a couple of weeks and didn't want to bother exercising anymore and said it wasn't even worth it because nothing she does helps her lose weight or inches around her stomach anyway. I had tried explaining to her that it's not always about weight but your physical stamina as well. Some girls are very tiny and skinny but probably could not keep up with what she can do. We are well aware that she needs to lose some inches around her waist and drop some pounds but it is so difficult when it comes to girls. The last thing I want her to have is an eating disorder......

On a happier note, she is back to working hard at karate a couple times a week, she takes the dog out for brisks walks first thing before school and I had bought her some Julian Michael dvd's (she loves Julian Michaels) which she has been doing on a regular basis. I am so proud of her for realizing that exercise is the way to go and she's also been reading all of the food labels and checking to see how many calories, fat and sodium contain in the food products and I got say we've all been eating healthier because of her determination to lose weight. I no longer have chips, cookies or anything of the sort in the house. I have to admit though it's very difficult when I see potato chips on sale to not want to buy a bag or two to watch our hockey games on a Saturday night. (I won't tell her that though)

It's actually a little ironic because the last few months I have fallen off the wagon and had not been exercising and my daughter is the one who has been nagging me to get back into shape and telling me if I'm not careful I will gain all my weight back. So I really need thank her for all her nagging and reminding me of how well I did because I've finally gotten back into the whole exercising thing and I feel better for it!



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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WALKSFAR 10/21/2010 9:22AM

    emoticon Having your daughter for a workout partner is great! Enjoy while she is still home.

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BOOCH6 10/21/2010 7:34AM

    You have SO much to be proud of ! Both yourself and your daughter. Don't beat yourself up over the whole"bad mom thing". No one ever wrote a manual with everything that can and might go wrong when raising these wonderful human beings !
We've had ruptured ovarian cysts (I let it go 3 days before taking her to the hospital), lyme's disease (I waited till her knee blew up to 3x the size) and I sent my oldest (when she was 5) to school "not feeling well" and she threw up all over the desk. I still consider myself a great mom (after beating myself up). We all survived and I have 4 great kids ! Congrats on having a wonderful daughter and friend ! emoticon

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BAYSIDE07 10/21/2010 6:53AM

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REYHNE 10/21/2010 6:39AM

    that is so awesome that you both are able to inspire and help each other. It is hard to find that spot with girls between teaching them to be healthy, and the fear that you are giving them an eating disorder. I struggle with that as well with my step daughter. Good for you for teaching her how important exercise is, and making sure she knows that exercise doesn't have to be boring!

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TINABOBEANA 10/21/2010 5:41AM

    How wonderful for you both! Kudos Mom for setting a great example! And to your daughter for picking you up when you hit a low point. Great entry! Truly inspiring!

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Annoyed by someone who is a fitness trainer

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Good morning everyone,

I haven't blogged anything in a while and I am sure that is a good indication to all of you that I haven't been exercising or eating well.

My shifts at work have been switched to 11 hours from 9.5 and to boot I work night shift *yawn* and because it's summer right now I have been working sometimes 5 or six in row which completely drains me!! I have not been sleeping well during the day so I go to work all groggy and barely able to stay awake until 8am so there's the reason why I haven't been taking the time to pack healthy lunches or even think about exercising.

Anyway.....

I have someone on my Facebook friend's list from High School, we had gone to school together, oh about 22 years ago. I have to admit she looks AMAZING and I am in awe of how awesome she looks especially after having six kids. She is a personal trainer and has recently added bulk to her body and has about 10% body fat and lots of muscle. At first I was "wow, she's amazing, look at her, she's such an inspiration! She belongs to another diet and fitness site similar to Sparks and so I joined and became her friend there.

At first I thought she would be a great motivator for me. She logs in tips everyday for us people looking for exercise ideas and such, however last week she wrote something on her wall that made me think a little less of her and actually she's now becoming downright irritating, she wrote "She is sick and tired of seeing people on this particular site that are not serious about exercising and dieting and how others offer words of encouragement to those who have a bad day and cheated on their diet or haven't exercised" and she's thinking of just quitting the site altogether because she is annoyed with people who don't want to take it seriously, blah blah

Okay, so this lady spends most of her time at the gym, I realize she has to have a great looking body and be very fit to be a fitness trainer but I resent how she thinks we should all be like her. Heck, it's not like our full time employment is working at the gym!

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I have been so consumed by her success and secretly hoping to accomplish similar to what she has accomplished and forgot why I had wanted to lose weight in first place. It was not to become a fitness model but to be healthy and be able to do everyday tasks without getting out of breath, etc...

Oh yeah, she had posted a little while ago that she had ran a 20K marathon and was so disappointed because it took her 4 hours to reach the finish line and she was soooo disappointed with herself. Arghh, she is obviously out of my league because for me running two minutes straight would be amazing!!

It is all very clear to me at the moment and I had not realized it until now. At the beginning of my weight loss journey I was focused on losing the weight and getting myself toned, then this girl comes along and without me realizing it, I am trying to be like her and reach HER GOALS and forgetting what mine were. Along the line, I have forgotten that I don't work at the gym and train clients, I work behind a computer all night long while everyone else is sleeping. In turn, I have become discouraged because I have not been successful like her and just started eating crap again and not exercising. Funny how our minds work sometimes.

Please don't get me wrong I think what this girl has done is amazing but realistically I will not have the body she has with the six pack abs, I don't have the time or ambition for that. I just want to be at a healthy weight and to have a toned body. I especially hate it when I can feel the jiggle under my arms move when I wave. Ughhh!!

I will concentrate and focus on what I can do and forget about one day running a 20k marathon because honestly I don't enjoy cardio that involves running or jumping up and down. The accomplishments I have made which should make me proud is that I can go cycling with my 14 year old son for a couple of hours and not feel like I'm dying, heck keeping up with my athletic son is something I should be very proud of and not to mention I have no problem going for very long walks such as 4-5 miles. Walking is good isn't it?

I am done venting for now and going to take my energy out on some real nasty weeds out in my garden, should keep me busy for a couple of hours then get some sleep as I am back to work tonight :(

Have a good day everyone :)




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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAVISY1 5/25/2011 5:18PM

    Just read your blog about the PT. Stick to Sparkpeople the friendly bunch who help each other on the way to success and a shoulder to cry on when we are feeling down, there is always someone to bring us back up and smiling again.

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SUEBAKER3 9/3/2010 12:13AM

    Remember SparkPeople is about healthy living. Part of healthy living is being true to your values. Obviously Miss exercise nuts values are centered around her. Yours are your family and life outside of work and the gym. You may not be the right material for that other site. But, you are exactly what SP is all about. Keep up your hard work and remember part of your healthy life is your values and goals. emoticon

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FITJANEEN 8/1/2010 5:08PM

    I know what you mean. We see them, we desire that, but when I look at the imbalance in her life that you have portrayed, I don't want that imbalance.

I feel healthy b/c I can walk/run three miles a day, I can lift weights if I put it on my schedule, I can kayak, I can fish. I can do so much that others my age cannot do.

I do what I do because I can and I can do what I do because I do it.

So everyday it's being grateful for the things we can do and thankful that if we choose to we can push ourselves a little bit more and by continuing with those "little" pushes we will become better than we were the day before in the fitness arena and we will accept ourselves and feel good about our accomplishments because we DID make the little extra push. emoticon

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LEAFFAN 7/31/2010 10:48AM

    You guys are the best! I feel so much better knowing that I am not the only one who feels that way and I can honestly say I often wonder about women who are so dedicated to gym and have children....heck, I have two young teenagers and work full-time and barely have enough time to spend quality time with them as it is, never mind spending hours at the gym or track everyday.

I have to admit that my favorite workout is when I am doing it with my kids!!

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KATHRYNLP 7/31/2010 9:44AM

    She sounds like a "Born Again Health Nut"...
Holier than thou about her life, and superior to most others.
A caustic personality that you don't need in your corner.
I try to surround myself with positive, happy people, who don't judge others, and who don't impose their beliefs on others, just to make them self feel perfect. emoticon emoticon

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GAMESETMATCH 7/31/2010 9:21AM

    He created each one of us differently and has put us on different paths. You have great challenges in your life that she doesn't have and you have worked SO hard to hold things together for your family, and you have been very successful at that. In other words, you put your loved ones first all the time. That is worth a much greater reward than a set of six-pack abs!!! In spite of all those challenges, you have been successful in your spark plan all along and will be again.
YOU GO GIRL!!!
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CADYANN1 7/31/2010 9:08AM

    I like that by exercising you get to spend more time with your son. I wonder how much time her regime leaves her to spend with her six kids. It's a matter of balancing priorities, and it sounds like yours are in the right place.

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GREEKGAL1 7/31/2010 9:06AM

  I think you are back on the right track. We have to get healthy and toned in a way that is doable for us. Not everyone can spend hours in a gym. You should be very proud that you can ride your bike and take long walks and keep up with your son. Isn't that what it's all about?
Good luck.

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AMGM2001 7/31/2010 8:55AM

    I think anyone would feel the same way. Sometimes it can be a good motivator, but if you focus on the wrong part than it can be unhealthy for you in the end. emoticon

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I bought some smaller clothes yesterday!!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Yesterday, I had gone to the mall to do some clothes shopping. First of all, anyone that knows me already knows that I HATE shopping. I'm sure it has a lot to do with not being able to find clothes that fit and hating how it looks on me. I used to shop in the Plus Size section which I hated because I am only 5'2" with a small frame and it would upset me that I would have to pay extra because I had too much weight on my body. Grrrr

So here I was at the mall wondering what size I should try on because this past winter I had been wearing the same ole' jeans and shirts I had been wearing last year. I know I have been looking frumpy, heck my kids told me the other day that I needed to go out buy myself some new clothes, that's got to tell you something!! My jeans would not stay on without wearing a belt but I couldn't justify going out and buying winter clothes when it was so close to summer.

So here I am grabbing some t-shirts from the first store I had walked into, last winter I was wearing an X-large so I grabbed a few large shirts thinking that should fit just right but to my surprise the Large was baggy. WHAT is this?!
So instead of having to go and get a larger size I had to get SMALLER size. How amazing is that?? I am wearing a medium sized t-shirt, WOW!!

Now that I am thinking back a few years ago, I was wearing a size 1x in shirts and thinking if only my breasts were smaller I would be able to wear a normal size. I had been delusional all those years thinking I was just heavy on top and that was the reason why I could not wear smaller sizes.

So out the store I go with my three new Medium size shirts, oh what a feeling!!

Now I am looking for some shorts and capris. I go into the next store and I like what I see on their racks but wondering what size I should pick.

I started off about four years ago wearing a size 18 then dropped to a size 16 and stayed there for a while. The pants and shorts that I have from last summer are a size 14 and feeling loose. I got to say, for some reason it is so difficult to lose the weight from my stomach area and it is coming off very slowly.

So I grabbed a few pairs in size 12, I noticed a pair of capris that I really liked but they only had a size 11. Oh what the heck, I might as well try them on and to my surprise they actually fit!! Yahoo!! (mind you they are comfort fit and stretchy) but I seriously don't remember the last time I wore that size on this body of mine!!

I tried to take a few photos of myself in the dressing room like a lot of you out there have done but for some reason I just can't get my entire body on the camera cell phone since I am the one holding it!

I'll have to have my husband take a photo of me in my new clothes so I can post some updated pics.

Now I have to make myself a promise and get going to the gym and exercise on a regular basis like I used to do as that is probably why I haven't been shrinking in the stomach area very quickly.




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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

APATRICIAO521 6/10/2010 9:44AM

    Congrats on your success, it is those non-scale victories that really show us how far we have come!

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69NURSE 6/10/2010 8:12AM

    LEAFFAN - Good morning and CONGRATULATIONS!!! emoticon emoticon That has to feel great to be able to buy some smaller clothes. Bet the kids think you look pretty cool now, huh? Keep up the good work. emoticon

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TAMI1691 6/10/2010 8:12AM

    Congratulations on your success.
How wonderful it must have been to get sucha lovely surprise when trying on clothes.
Keep up the great work. You have earnt those smaller clothes.

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Starting again for the "100th time" it seems

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Okay, I am starting to sound like a broken record here but I have decided to write yet another "sad" blog to remind myself that I need to quit sabotaging all of the progress that I have made so far. It seems as though once a month I go thru those "horrible cravings" and cave into a treat meal which turns into a week full of treat meals and snacks. I then start to feel lethargic, depressed and have all kinds of crazy thoughts, such as "Oh what's the point I'm never going to reach my goal, why bother?", "What's wrong with the way I look right now, I could just maintain my weight as it is now", etc....

I need to stop all those crazy thoughts and get my butt in gear otherwise I will gain all of the 35lbs I have lost in the last couple of years.

I just seem to be repeating myself over and over again and when I do lose a couple of pounds I sabotage it all by eating crap and then gaining the weight back, geez if I continue at this pace I will probably reach my goal weight by the time I am 80 years old. LOL

So starting now (yeah I know you've all heard it before) I am going to take my health and weight seriously from now on!

On a side note, I have to admit that I seem to get caught up every once in a while on a diet book I find at the library and it promises that you'll lose inches from your stomach, or eat these kind of foods and you'll lose so much quicker....the list goes on! That's the pattern I have been on for the last 6-8 months and I know realize that I am never going to look like a model or have six-pack abs but that's okay, as long as I can say that I am exercising at least 4x a week and eating a healthy diet then that's what I am going to be satisfied with.

I have many things to be grateful for in my life such as a wonderful husband, two beautiful children, a nice home, good job and friends here on Sparks :)

I am no longer going to obsess about how flat I can get my stomach as those stretch marks and hanging skin on my lower abs are all there from giving birth to my children and they mean more to me than anything else in the world. So in a nutshell, I need to stop this obsession with wanting the perfect body because I only get discouraged.

I have at least 28 more pounds I want to lose and I am hoping with giving myself less cheat days and exercising more than once a week (yeah I know, pretty pathetic) I should reach my final goal in no time!! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JESSMANBECK 6/3/2010 8:41AM

    You are SOOOO not starting over!!! You are just moving forward! If you were starting over, that would mean you have learned nothing and starting at ground zero. Remember, one step at a time, one day at a time. It is a struggle for all of us (as you can see from my blogs too), but that's why we are here for help, support and that extra push to move forward. We can do this and we will do it together!! emoticon

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TAMMIEANN717 6/3/2010 6:44AM

    I so could have written this blog! I know what you mean. I'm starting over myself for what must the the 100th time...

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