Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Well. Yesterday was quite the challenge.... Pretty draining, all in all.
DH threw out his back, or pulled some muscle, or something... We're not sure of anything besides the fact that he can barely move without pain. Of course this happens on a week when I actually have to be in the office, so I'm not around to help as much.
But somehow it helped to keep reminding myself that yes, I didn't get a ride with him, so I had my 15-minute walk to the bus stop (plus 10 on the other side). And yes, I had to do the evening dog walk, but look at how many extra steps I got out of it. Yes, I just wanted to crash when I finally got home (almost 12 hours after I left), but think of all the extra steps running up and down the stairs helping him out?
I just kept peeking at the results from the activity tracker... It really did give me a better attitude about it all!
Today is going to be even longer, so I'm off to get in my meditation.
Have a good one!
Sunday, March 23, 2014
I can get so caught up in waiting for the "right" time to compose a perfect blog that sometimes I forget to just use it as a tool to help me keep track of where I am and where I want to be.
For a long time, I've been trying to convince myself to do more strength training. I haven't really found a way to get myself into a good lower body routine, but I've been much better with my arms. I usually do this near a mirror (not by design--just happens to be the best place). The other day, I was wearing a sleeveless top--ya know, there's nothing like actually seeing progress to keep me going !! Yay!
For a few years, I've been able to have sugar in moderation. I still can in terms of not bingeing... but lately I feel like it's making things harder. Plus it can be inflammatory, and I'd like to opt out of the family tradition of arthritis, if I can. So I decided to stop for awhile.
I expected it to be a bit of a struggle, but it's really weird--I just don't want it.
Wonder if it's related to the fact that I've been listening to more IOWL podcasts lately. I also did the conflict resolution journey the other day, but I didn't quite finish. Maybe I did enough to help my subconscious straighten out a few things?
Or maybe it was something as simple as increasing my water intake? I shifted things so that I've pretty much finished a liter before I get to work (home or office). Which has the benefit of encouraging me to get up more often, to pee and be free, as they say... But maybe I really did just need more?
I've been having a lot of fun with the activity tracker. Since I was sick (again? still?) last week, I didn't work too hard towards increasing my goal. But I can still see an upward trend. End of this week, I'll officially increase the count, methinks.
100 days till summer....
I haven't officially joined the team yet. But somehow seeing spark friends counting down inspired me to tag along. But I'm doing it in stages: For March, my main goal is to meditate every day. Coincidentally, I had started doing that right around the time the challenge started, so I'm pretty sure I'm on the same count as the people who are officially counting to the solstice.
Some days it's just... meditation. Some days I feel thoughts and emotions welling up. So I've added some EFT. Maybe that's also helping the ease of releasing sugar? Dealing with triggers before they're... triggered... instead of after? Hmmm. Definitely plan to keep the meditation in April, and just add another good habit on top of it.
Guess that's it for now!
Thursday, March 13, 2014
My husband was in the States last month, so I finally broke down and got the activity tracker. I wanted another way to keep track of what I'm doing, and see what I might do to boost my activity without needing to devote extra hours to the treadmill.
After almost two weeks, I basically confirmed what I already suspected.... but still had some surprises.
I suspected that when I'm at work, I don't move much. Probably a lot less than I should. But I was a bit surprised to look at the tracker Tuesday and see three whole hours with no steps....
Goal: Get up once an hour, even if I just walk around the hall. Actually, we have a lovely skylight on one hall. It's not the same as going outside, but it really does make me smile to see the sky.
I suspected that walking the dogs really doesn't count as exercise. I almost never count it, unless I only go out with the younger dog. He behaves better off leash, so I don't have to stop every time he does.
What?? I get in *that* many steps on the medium loop?
One of our standard walks really doesn't count for a lot of steps. But there's another place I often go that really ended up boosting my step count. On the other hand, it never registers as exercise--confirming my suspicion that we stop a LOT.
Goal: Stick with one of the longer loops. I can do this without totally ruining my morning schedule, and I'm getting a lot more out of it than I realized. (The dogs prefer it, too...)
I suspected that on the days I work from home, I get in a lot more steps. The first week, this was a bit hard to measure since I was sick and spent a day or two in bed, but the second week mostly backed this up. I do still have a tendency to get totally immersed in work and not move for a couple hours, though. Probably not good all around. Yeah, I like being in the "zone" where I lose track of time--but sometimes it's just because I feel like I have too much to do and shouldn't stop. It's actually supposed to improve productivity to take regular breaks--never mind the fact that it's not healthy to sit that long.
Goal: take those hourly breaks at home, too...
I learned a few other interesting things, too--like how many steps I get in when I take the bus to work. It's a good 15 minutes--fast--to get to the bus stop on the main road. Then another 7-10 from the other end to the office. The bus stop for the way home is closer, but still a lot more steps than I would have considered. It's almost enough to make me want to take the bus more often.
I also get a lot more steps than I thought just going to various places in my neighborhood. I rarely consider it as exercise--but maybe I should plan to get out more often.
Went to folk club last week. There was only one group I could dance to--but of course, I couldn't sit still. The steps there didn't surprise me--what surprised me was the number of steps from setting up tables and chairs ahead of time! Who knew??
I haven't been on the treadmill much in the last two weeks--I've been trying to get in more strength training instead. One time, the steps tracked seemed reasonable--but one time they seemed way low. I don't like the idea of "double dipping"--tracking the mileage separately--but I think I'll have to. And in the meantime I'll play with placement of the tracker when I run.
Since I've been focused on baseline, I haven't really worried much about whether I hit the goal or not. And I just stuck with the default goal, instead of worrying about where I really want it. Next week, I will focus on the goal.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
I really have been over thinking things lately. Developing elaborate stories in my mind of how things might play out, and how I'll feel, and how that one will react, and and and….
My temporary freak-out at finally being tracked down by the reunion team is a pretty good example.
It's not that the feelings weren't real, or that the stories were fiction.
It's just that they really weren't that important, at the end of the day.
I got a message, I got back in touch with a few people I had actually wondered about over the years, and… That was it. Most of the people I didn't care about, also don't care that much about me…. And I mean that in a good way! LOL!
It helped me so much to just dump the whole story line out here. Partly because the writing process helps me get it all out where I can really look at it instead of just letting it go on simmering inside. But mostly because of the responses. Each response was exactly what I needed to hear. How I needed to hear it.
Thank you so much!
Sunday, February 16, 2014
There are days when the Soundtrack to My Life is basically one song that I keep playing over and over. Today:
Indigo Girls, I Don't Wanna Know
It's always kind of reminded me of the town I lived in while I was in high school. I was in touch with a few people for a few years…. and then basically cut all contact.
This morning I woke up to the dreaded Facebook friend request.
Strange days we live in. There were sirens down south yesterday, and at least one rocket fell. I shrug it off, check the supplies in my bomb shelter, and go about my day. But if someone from my past tries to contact me, I'm filled with dread, and feel like curling up in a little ball and hiding.
I so want to ignore the requests. We've all done quite well these 30 years, ignoring each other. Why stop now?
It seems like such little thing. But it's feeling huge to me. Like this hiding, ignoring, is a blow to my own integrity. Interesting that yesterday, Ellen Page came out. “I am tired of hiding and I am tired of lying by omission,” Page said.
Can't say that I was tired of hiding--it was so easy just not to contact people. NOW it will become difficult. I will have to either actively ignore people (and so far, the ones who have contacted me are people I actually like), or directly reject people, or… stop lying by omission.
Start actually owning up to some of the reasons I want to hide.
Like, let's just start with not wanting to deal with the whole issue of growing up as a midwestern preacher's kid, and ending up a Conservative Jew in Israel…. Yes, it's not quite the same as coming out, but when the town I left behind was rather in favor of cross burnings back then--and hasn't changed much as far as I know--I just don't want to deal with it.
It was not a place I belonged. And I don't belong there now. Frankly, my stomach is in knots just contemplating a visit.
But I think there's one even bigger issue holding me back. Especially from the idea of a reunion.
It's that "most likely to succeed" vote.
How can I go back, when I spent so much of my life convincing myself I had failed? And if I had any success, it was because I was a fraud???
But what is success? What is failure? Back then, I wrote that my vision for myself was the white picket fence, husband, 2.5 kids, a dog, and a Nobel prize in medicine. Where am I now? I have a great house in the country, overlooking the Mediterranean. The fence is chicken wire… so all the flowering vines can grow on it. Twins, foster child (guess she's the .5), husband, two dogs even. And a cat. And I work in a medical device company, often reporting directly to a director.
What is success? Last week, we decided to replace our mattress. The price was the last thing we looked at, not the first. Not saying that's a good way to buy things, but after all the years of struggling, it hit me that being able to just go buy a mattress without losing sleep over the budget is a measure of success. (Yeah, I aim high! LOL!)
Why do I care if someone else's measure of success is not mine? Why does it matter? Because I still feel like such a fraud???
Yeah, but that doesn't matter any more, right? Because it's already been declared that I'm a fraud (see recent blog!):
Maybe it's time to just let the barriers down. To just be me, whenever, wherever.
And yes, I like Shakira. And the Indigo Girls. And the Bangles. And Renascence music. And bluegrass. And jazz festivals. And Led Zeppelin with a middle eastern twist….
Get An Email Alert Each Time LE7_1234 Posts