LE7_1234   28,248
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On the Bright Side...

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Well. Yesterday was quite the challenge.... Pretty draining, all in all.

DH threw out his back, or pulled some muscle, or something... We're not sure of anything besides the fact that he can barely move without pain. Of course this happens on a week when I actually have to be in the office, so I'm not around to help as much.

But somehow it helped to keep reminding myself that yes, I didn't get a ride with him, so I had my 15-minute walk to the bus stop (plus 10 on the other side). And yes, I had to do the evening dog walk, but look at how many extra steps I got out of it. Yes, I just wanted to crash when I finally got home (almost 12 hours after I left), but think of all the extra steps running up and down the stairs helping him out?

I just kept peeking at the results from the activity tracker... It really did give me a better attitude about it all!

Today is going to be even longer, so I'm off to get in my meditation.

Have a good one!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUEPERWOMAN 3/31/2014 8:13AM

   
Sorry about your husband. I can empathize since I've been having back spasms lately.

Good for you for reframing, as Julie said. Perfect word. Our perception is so important, and can either make or break us.

Love, Sue

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EDDYMEESE 3/26/2014 2:52PM

    Ugh, your poor hubby. I've been there and it is terrible. I hope he can see a chiropractor - mine fixed it immediately. I had to be carried in and walked out 30 minutes later, by the next day it was as if nothing had ever happened.
That's great you're you're getting more exercise in, but yes, a 12-hour day can be so draining!

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PHEBESS 3/26/2014 7:21AM

    Hope he's feeling better by now!

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JYGETSFIT 3/25/2014 6:37PM

    Sorry your husband is hurting. It's good you can see something positive.

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MANDELOVICH 3/25/2014 7:53AM

    Great reframe

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BOPPY_ 3/25/2014 3:38AM

    Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

;-)R>
Lee

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POSITIVEHOPE 3/25/2014 1:08AM

    Sorry your DH is in pain. Ice and heat are the best treatment depending on which he likes.
You sure did get in extra steps going to work and then when you got home you had some stair climber minutes to log, too. Being a caregiver is exhausting and far under appreciated IMO. Hopefully, this will pass quickly and Hope you don't pull some muscle, or something being helpful.


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Progress Report

Sunday, March 23, 2014

I can get so caught up in waiting for the "right" time to compose a perfect blog that sometimes I forget to just use it as a tool to help me keep track of where I am and where I want to be.

***
emoticon For a long time, I've been trying to convince myself to do more strength training. I haven't really found a way to get myself into a good lower body routine, but I've been much better with my arms. I usually do this near a mirror (not by design--just happens to be the best place). The other day, I was wearing a sleeveless top--ya know, there's nothing like actually seeing progress to keep me going !! Yay!

***
emoticon For a few years, I've been able to have sugar in moderation. I still can in terms of not bingeing... but lately I feel like it's making things harder. Plus it can be inflammatory, and I'd like to opt out of the family tradition of arthritis, if I can. So I decided to stop for awhile.
I expected it to be a bit of a struggle, but it's really weird--I just don't want it.

***
emoticon Wonder if it's related to the fact that I've been listening to more IOWL podcasts lately. I also did the conflict resolution journey the other day, but I didn't quite finish. Maybe I did enough to help my subconscious straighten out a few things?

***
emoticon Or maybe it was something as simple as increasing my water intake? I shifted things so that I've pretty much finished a liter before I get to work (home or office). Which has the benefit of encouraging me to get up more often, to pee and be free, as they say... But maybe I really did just need more?

***
emoticon I've been having a lot of fun with the activity tracker. Since I was sick (again? still?) last week, I didn't work too hard towards increasing my goal. But I can still see an upward trend. End of this week, I'll officially increase the count, methinks.

***
100 days till summer....
I haven't officially joined the team yet. But somehow seeing spark friends counting down inspired me to tag along. But I'm doing it in stages: For March, my main goal is to meditate every day. Coincidentally, I had started doing that right around the time the challenge started, so I'm pretty sure I'm on the same count as the people who are officially counting to the solstice.
Some days it's just... meditation. Some days I feel thoughts and emotions welling up. So I've added some EFT. Maybe that's also helping the ease of releasing sugar? Dealing with triggers before they're... triggered... instead of after? Hmmm. Definitely plan to keep the meditation in April, and just add another good habit on top of it.

***
Guess that's it for now!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SALAM4545 3/23/2014 9:33PM

    So glad you decided to jump in and blog. How great that you are seeing progress on your arms, that's one of my trouble spots and I haven't really seen progress yet. Maybe I'll work out in front of a mirror too. emoticon

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BAMATEACHER 3/23/2014 8:39PM

    I enjoyed reading your blog. I begin a "30 day reset" tomorrow where I will work on several of the things you talk about.

Thanks for sharing!

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Activity Tracker: setting a baseline

Thursday, March 13, 2014

My husband was in the States last month, so I finally broke down and got the activity tracker. I wanted another way to keep track of what I'm doing, and see what I might do to boost my activity without needing to devote extra hours to the treadmill.

After almost two weeks, I basically confirmed what I already suspected.... but still had some surprises.

emoticon I suspected that when I'm at work, I don't move much. Probably a lot less than I should. But I was a bit surprised to look at the tracker Tuesday and see three whole hours with no steps....

emoticon Goal: Get up once an hour, even if I just walk around the hall. Actually, we have a lovely skylight on one hall. It's not the same as going outside, but it really does make me smile to see the sky.

emoticon I suspected that walking the dogs really doesn't count as exercise. I almost never count it, unless I only go out with the younger dog. He behaves better off leash, so I don't have to stop every time he does.

emoticon What?? I get in *that* many steps on the medium loop?
One of our standard walks really doesn't count for a lot of steps. But there's another place I often go that really ended up boosting my step count. On the other hand, it never registers as exercise--confirming my suspicion that we stop a LOT.

emoticon Goal: Stick with one of the longer loops. I can do this without totally ruining my morning schedule, and I'm getting a lot more out of it than I realized. (The dogs prefer it, too...)

emoticon I suspected that on the days I work from home, I get in a lot more steps. The first week, this was a bit hard to measure since I was sick and spent a day or two in bed, but the second week mostly backed this up. I do still have a tendency to get totally immersed in work and not move for a couple hours, though. Probably not good all around. Yeah, I like being in the "zone" where I lose track of time--but sometimes it's just because I feel like I have too much to do and shouldn't stop. It's actually supposed to improve productivity to take regular breaks--never mind the fact that it's not healthy to sit that long.

emoticon Goal: take those hourly breaks at home, too...

I learned a few other interesting things, too--like how many steps I get in when I take the bus to work. It's a good 15 minutes--fast--to get to the bus stop on the main road. Then another 7-10 from the other end to the office. The bus stop for the way home is closer, but still a lot more steps than I would have considered. It's almost enough to make me want to take the bus more often. emoticon

I also get a lot more steps than I thought just going to various places in my neighborhood. I rarely consider it as exercise--but maybe I should plan to get out more often. emoticon

Went to folk club last week. There was only one group I could dance to--but of course, I couldn't sit still. The steps there didn't surprise me--what surprised me was the number of steps from setting up tables and chairs ahead of time! Who knew?? emoticon

I haven't been on the treadmill much in the last two weeks--I've been trying to get in more strength training instead. One time, the steps tracked seemed reasonable--but one time they seemed way low. I don't like the idea of "double dipping"--tracking the mileage separately--but I think I'll have to. And in the meantime I'll play with placement of the tracker when I run.

Since I've been focused on baseline, I haven't really worried much about whether I hit the goal or not. And I just stuck with the default goal, instead of worrying about where I really want it. Next week, I will focus on the goal.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RRUDEPARANORMAL 3/17/2014 3:06PM

    Oh, this is AWESOME! Thank you for noting all these details. I'm getting closer to biting the bullet and ordering the tracker. I'm pretty much convinced now.

I'm pretty sure my dog walks would be the same as yours. Pokey, unfocused dogs ;D

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TRIANGLE-WOMAN 3/17/2014 9:56AM

    Lots of great observations and goals!

I've trained myself to march in place so I get my fitness minutes when I'm walking the dog. No, walking is not an intense workout, but my tracker does not catch much of my strength training and I don't bother with manually tracking that, so I figure it all balances in the end.

I'll be curious to see how you like it over time. You seem to like data like I do!

XOXO

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SUEPERWOMAN 3/16/2014 12:25PM

   
You have made so many discoveries!! I had the Spark tracker and now I just got the Fitbit, and I adore it! My goal is always 10,000 steps but I am finding that I am able to surpass that rather easily now that I can see my steps throughout the day (the Spark tracker does not allow that luxury).

Love, Sue

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MINIUM 3/13/2014 3:41PM

    Very eye-opening indeed! You've inspired me to use my own pedometer the same way (it's been resting on my shelf forever)...

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MANDELOVICH 3/13/2014 6:31AM

    Its fun to see. My fitbit really changed my lifestyle!

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KASEYCOFF 3/13/2014 3:18AM

    I've got a fitness tracker in my sights within the next couple of weeks; lots of good information here for a 'newbie,' and I thank you very much for it! Also think using a treadmill to check against the tracker is a good idea: until you know you have it set for the optimum personal settings, it's a good way to double-check if the readings are in sync, and seems as though it's ideal to make adjustments until they more or less match.

Like the scale, I suppose, the actual number might not be as important as whether you have an increase or decrease, but it'd be good to know it's fairly accurate, yes?
emoticon emoticon

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Thank You!!!

Thursday, February 20, 2014

I really have been over thinking things lately. Developing elaborate stories in my mind of how things might play out, and how I'll feel, and how that one will react, and and and….

My temporary freak-out at finally being tracked down by the reunion team is a pretty good example.

It's not that the feelings weren't real, or that the stories were fiction.

It's just that they really weren't that important, at the end of the day.

I got a message, I got back in touch with a few people I had actually wondered about over the years, and… That was it. Most of the people I didn't care about, also don't care that much about me…. And I mean that in a good way! LOL!

It helped me so much to just dump the whole story line out here. Partly because the writing process helps me get it all out where I can really look at it instead of just letting it go on simmering inside. But mostly because of the responses. Each response was exactly what I needed to hear. How I needed to hear it.

Thank you so much!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FANJII 2/25/2014 11:27AM

    Sometimes just laying it out separates it from you, and you can see it for what it is...So glad you did, since so many of us identify with the situation. emoticon

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MINIUM 2/21/2014 4:04PM

    I'm so glad!
Writing really helps healing, doesn't it?

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PHEBESS 2/20/2014 11:20PM

    Writing is definitely cathartic!

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POSITIVEHOPE 2/20/2014 10:13PM

    When you find what fits...it's awesome! So glad you were able to work through your feelings and then act on them.
Turns out, other people really don't walk around thinking about us much at all. Hope the ones you did connect with had interesting stories to tell.


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MANDELOVICH 2/20/2014 6:44AM

    So glad!

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What I Left There For

Sunday, February 16, 2014

There are days when the Soundtrack to My Life is basically one song that I keep playing over and over. Today:
Indigo Girls, I Don't Wanna Know
www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7vHVAdVqa8

It's always kind of reminded me of the town I lived in while I was in high school. I was in touch with a few people for a few years…. and then basically cut all contact.

This morning I woke up to the dreaded Facebook friend request.

Strange days we live in. There were sirens down south yesterday, and at least one rocket fell. I shrug it off, check the supplies in my bomb shelter, and go about my day. But if someone from my past tries to contact me, I'm filled with dread, and feel like curling up in a little ball and hiding.

I so want to ignore the requests. We've all done quite well these 30 years, ignoring each other. Why stop now?

It seems like such little thing. But it's feeling huge to me. Like this hiding, ignoring, is a blow to my own integrity. Interesting that yesterday, Ellen Page came out. “I am tired of hiding and I am tired of lying by omission,” Page said.

Can't say that I was tired of hiding--it was so easy just not to contact people. NOW it will become difficult. I will have to either actively ignore people (and so far, the ones who have contacted me are people I actually like), or directly reject people, or… stop lying by omission.

Start actually owning up to some of the reasons I want to hide.

Like, let's just start with not wanting to deal with the whole issue of growing up as a midwestern preacher's kid, and ending up a Conservative Jew in Israel…. Yes, it's not quite the same as coming out, but when the town I left behind was rather in favor of cross burnings back then--and hasn't changed much as far as I know--I just don't want to deal with it.

It was not a place I belonged. And I don't belong there now. Frankly, my stomach is in knots just contemplating a visit.

But I think there's one even bigger issue holding me back. Especially from the idea of a reunion.

It's that "most likely to succeed" vote.

How can I go back, when I spent so much of my life convincing myself I had failed? And if I had any success, it was because I was a fraud???

But what is success? What is failure? Back then, I wrote that my vision for myself was the white picket fence, husband, 2.5 kids, a dog, and a Nobel prize in medicine. Where am I now? I have a great house in the country, overlooking the Mediterranean. The fence is chicken wire… so all the flowering vines can grow on it. Twins, foster child (guess she's the .5), husband, two dogs even. And a cat. And I work in a medical device company, often reporting directly to a director.

What is success? Last week, we decided to replace our mattress. The price was the last thing we looked at, not the first. Not saying that's a good way to buy things, but after all the years of struggling, it hit me that being able to just go buy a mattress without losing sleep over the budget is a measure of success. (Yeah, I aim high! LOL!)

Why do I care if someone else's measure of success is not mine? Why does it matter? Because I still feel like such a fraud???

Yeah, but that doesn't matter any more, right? Because it's already been declared that I'm a fraud (see recent blog!):
www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=5616476


Maybe it's time to just let the barriers down. To just be me, whenever, wherever.

And yes, I like Shakira. And the Indigo Girls. And the Bangles. And Renascence music. And bluegrass. And jazz festivals. And Led Zeppelin with a middle eastern twist….
www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-TCDMZY4Ks

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RRUDEPARANORMAL 2/17/2014 11:53PM

    This was such a wake-up call for me. You and I just sort of connected and I didn't go through your page and blogs to learn more about you. I made assumptions about you based on the work you do for IOWL and, I suppose, from your profile picture. I had no idea that you were in Israel. I had no idea, period.

I clearly need to stop making simple assumptions. People are so much more complex than that.

To tell you the truth, as someone who is just a few miles away from the town I grew up in, I can't imagine you thinking that you are anything but a huge success. Heck, all I want to do is move a thousand miles to the south east, and I haven't yet managed it. :) Your life is large and authentic. That IS success.


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POSITIVEHOPE 2/17/2014 12:59AM

    So, you didn't become who you thought you'd be when you were 17. Most people don't.
Inviting someone from your past into your life is a choice. Would you have anything in common? Would that person enhance your life in any way? Would you be interested to find out about the life of someone who took the well traveled path you left behind?
Unless YOU have an interest in them or their lives, I'd let it go. No slight intended but you have moved on from there and that life. I suspect your discomfort is their curiosity about your life. You might feel on the spot to explain your choices which is really no ones business. There curiosity is not your concern. The value of your life is measured from within. Your life is a success if you think it is. Your life is still a work in progress so it is premature to make a final decision. You work at being honest with yourself. Frauds are content with the lie.




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NUMD97 2/16/2014 7:52PM

    Fascinating blog, Lisa. I signed up for Facebook several years ago, with just one intention: To find one person who I knew in high school and that was it. My sleuthing which took over 30 years or so to accomplish, was finally successful. I had sat on a fence deciding whether or not to let "sleeping dogs lie" or not, and then just went for it. As it turned out, because of finding her, I got her in touch with a close friend, who eventually flew out to CA to meet up with her once more. I decided that that was the positive outcome that came out of all this. The negative part of being on Facebook was that people fell out of the four corners of my previous lives. Why revisit all that? Or as a former friend (not from Facebook) said, "If we didn't keep in touch for the past thirty years or so, why do so now?" What would we talk about? Is it idle curiosity that you want to know how the story evolved?

I, too, went to Music and Art in NY. The best way to say what that means is if you know the sister school from the movie "Fame" you have a sense of the kind of school I went to. As a result, picking up a newspaper, there's a good chance I'll find a classmate doing some incredible thing with his/her talent. An acquaintance of mine, from the class behind mine, always asks me to go with her to the reunions they have annually. I have no desire. For one reason, anyone I would want to meet up with, wouldn't go, and for another I cherish the memory. I don't believe you can go back.

If you are stressed by someone contacting you on Facebook, you do have the right to ignore it. And by no means are you a fraud, Lisa (and, yes, I had read your other blog). You're living the life you chose, and are content with where it has taken you. That should be all that matters.

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PEGGY11 2/16/2014 8:55AM

    It sounds like you have the life you wanted. It is your choice if you need your past infringing on it. You be you, not who you think you should be. emoticon emoticon

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MANDELOVICH 2/16/2014 5:59AM

    You are wonderful to me and so many, and I completely get your reaction. I too escaped my LI life...was a fish out of water...wanted to be a musician and was poor. My nabe was full of rich jocks. I escaped to NYC for the HS of music and art. And I married out of my race and religion... I so get your blog...

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LE7_1234 2/16/2014 5:08AM

    I'm guessing most still live in the same region. And a lot are still in the same town.... Even the rest of my family now lives in a different state. :-)

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MINIUM 2/16/2014 4:15AM

    Very interesting. Thank you for sharing. I really don't know what to say but I'm grateful for Phebess's answer. I think she's right. You are yourself, what's wrong with that? And it's ok if you don't want to share it with others from your past. Why wouldn't it be?

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PHEBESS 2/16/2014 4:02AM

    You know, it might surprise you that the people you thought were the successes actually peaked in HS, and it's been downhill for them ever since. Really. I went to my 20th reunion, and people kept telling me I looked great. I finally told them that it's only because I was overweight in HS, and I still weighed the exact same - so that it looked like I hadn't gained weight (which most of them did). There were the people who were alcoholics (drunk by the end of the evening), or had numerous divorces, or were grandparents at age 38. And yes, there were successes - the nerdy guy from math/physics class who learned how to dress decently and was happily married; the bright guy who became an attorney in WA DC; the couple of friends who had published a book or had a good job and were happily married with kids. No one had a Nobel prize. And me? People voted that I had the best job, teaching art in the Virgin Islands.

So - all that is to say that we measure success differently. Most of your classmates would probably be impressed that you're living in Israel, happily married, have a job in your chosen profession, and chose a new and different life than anticipated.

Because trust me, 99% of them aren't where they expected to be at this point in life. Unless they never moved out of that town, which goes to show how low their expectations were.

Hope that helps - you aren't a fraud, you just found who you really are. That doesn't make your "previous" self a fraud, just a seeker.

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