Wednesday, March 23, 2011
If you remember yesterday, I talked about how I was so stressed out at work that I hyperventilated. Well, it was an interesting learning experience for me because it got to the point where I was so bothered by the stress level that I realized: My stress is now hindering me, instead of driving me. So I decided it was time to go home.
The other interesting aspect of this is that I literally felt like I would explode if I didn't do something active right away. So, I sped home, changed into my workout clothes and disappeared from the house before anyone could even notice that I was home. I then took a high speed walk on the trail near our house, even with the prospect of rain at any minute. I walked the ENTIRE trail. It was a total of 4 miles.
When I got home, I didn't feel too much better. Just starving and frustrated. But, about half an hour later, it was as if my workout finally "settled" at the same time my dinner settled in my tummy. And I felt complete and total calm.
My sleep last night was AMAZING and I woke up today feeling calm and serene. I put in 12 hours at the office today. Didn't freak out once. Got my e-mail load down from 104 messages to about 40, all within the past 48 hours (which is where we are supposed to be at all times). And I answered about 15 voicemail messages. I still have a bit more digging to do to feel completely caught up, but I made INCREDIBLE progress today. And didn't blow up one time in anger or frustration.
Wow. This week has been such a learning experience for me. And I'm so thankful!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
So, my day has been beyond stressful today at work. To the point that I actually almost hyperventilated. So, my wonderful co-workers (and Biggest Loser teammates) whisked me away on our lunch break to go shop for a really hot outfit for this weekend's roller derby bout. I am notorious for having no eye whatsoever for fashion, let alone things that flatter my body and don't make me look like a massive lump.
So, I took these fashion savvy ladies with me and they asked me what my size was and I told them. Next thing I know, they are tearing through the aisles and piling my arms up with random things (things I NEVER would have even looked at, by the way). I checked the tags and said, "Wait...this isn't my size...it's 2 sizes too small." But they ignored me and just said, "Try it on anyway. We'll deal with sizes later."
As I got busy trying things on in the dressing room, I found a couple really cute outfits and finally settled on the PERFECT dress. I mean, it looked HOT. Suddenly, I thought, "Wait a second." And I looked at the tags on all the clothing I had tried on (which had fit perfectly) and it was all 2 sizes too small. Well...not anymore! I just stood there in complete shock.
It's real. I mean...it's REAL!?
I'm kind of speechless right now. It's only been 3 weeks! How is this possible???
But deep down, I know. It's possible because I'm working hard. And using my brain and tracking meticulously and moving every single chance I get. And it's paying off. Surprisingly, though...I never expected it to be this easy. Or this enjoyable.
Suddenly, my day has turned for the better.
Monday, March 21, 2011
I realized today that, even though I've only lost 7 lbs so far (pssshhh....ONLY. That's a HUGE deal for me!), I am actually seeing a difference in my confidence and my self-esteem. Not only does my body feel great, I feel great about my body. I actually feel sexy for the first time in, well...I can't even remember. And, although I'm sure I don't really LOOK very different to the outside world, the change in my feelings regarding myself have got to be shining through. I feel like I am radiating energy and positivity.
I actually find myself excited to go out and shop for a cute outfit for this weekend's bout on Saturday. Instead of hiding in baggy clothes, I want to find something that fits well. I literally want to make people's jaws drop. I know this is possible, because there are girls in our league that are bigger than I am and all they do is put a little effort into their appearance. A little planning and a lot of confidence and they are...GORGEOUS.
This is so new. It's confusing. It's like something brand new awakening in me and I must admit, it's not without it's challenges. I still am not quite sure how to handle this feeling. It's got me thinking, "If I can succeed at this (health), could I succeed at anything I put my mind to?" And the possibilities of that are exciting...but also sometimes scary. I'm not used to guys noticing me...or desiring to be with me. As a married woman, I haven't had to deal with this issue before now.
I feel like a brand new person. Maybe it's not necessarily a new person...maybe it's the real ME that I've buried under layers of shame and guilt and food addiction and laziness. Quite honestly, whoever it is...I feel that it will be a journey in itself just to "get to know" this new person. I can tell you this, though...I can't wait to meet her!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
So, the road trip wasn't bad! Started out great. Filled up on Kashi Go Lean Crunch cereal for breakfast and drank a lot of water on the trip. Stopped at McDonald's for lunch and I had a grilled chicken salad with water. Then, there was another unscheduled Taco Bell stop and I actually resisted and got nothing...because I figured I didn't need second lunch when I knew my evening was going to be a challenge (stadium food and alcohol). It was pretty hard sitting in the car smelling Taco Bell, but that moment passed and I was OK. At the bout, I caved and ate nachos...but only ate half because they were kind of gross. Still, those packed a 650 calorie punch. Blech. At the after party, I had THREE Smirnoff Ices, which added up to 750 calories. I thought it was all over for me when I logged everything this morning. But no!!! I also danced (like crazy, high energy, sweat pouring off me dancing) for at least 30 mins, which BURNED 500 calories. So, I ended up UNDER my calorie limit! Sweet!
Today was not as great...but I only went over by a couple hundred. Not nearly as terrible as I expected. I think I have lost weight from last week. I really do. I am excited for the weigh in tomorrow morning.
When I got home, I took the family on another 2 mile walk. And, I feel GREAT. Even after the extra calories today...who cares? My body feels awesome and that's all that matters to me right now. I am so happy!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Going on a road trip today to Akron, OH. Cramming in a car with 4 other rollergirls (should be comfy for 6.5 hours each way. LOL!) Then, double header tonight and after party. Wish me luck in the calorie department! Road trips can be killer. And since we're all poor, I'm sure it'll be all fast food all weekend. My first REAL test. Can I make healthy choices when there is REAL peer pressure involved?
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