Thursday, August 23, 2012
So, my blogs have been rather down in the dumps and mysterious the past few days. I'm happy to say that I've begun to come out of the over-emotional fog a bit and am adjusting to the "new normal" of my life.
Although I've been a bit out of sorts the past few days, don't think I've been neglecting my health, skipping workouts, moping around and eating vats of fried oil. I mean, if I'm being honest, there have been a couple small food indiscretions...but nothing major.
I just realized today that I have been in the pool ALMOST every single day since I received my non-weight bearing treatment sentence from my ortho. Most of my time in the water has been deep water exercise classes (sometimes challenging, but other times not...but, I figure, at least it's SOMETHING). I have actually only done a real lap swim four times.
Today was my 4th time. Although I'm still having MAJOR issues with figuring out breathing (I swim the freestyle crawl), I have been pleased with my form and technique - especially considering I learned by watching a video on YouTube! I haven't had any soreness or strained muscles or anything. But...I just can't get the breathing pattern down, for the life of me! Ugh! And I still have to stop every 100 meters to catch my breath.
My biggest challenge has been to control my appetite after a swim. Man, my body is burning through the calories, but it takes every last bit of willpower for me not to eat continuously for the entire rest of the day and night. It's been ROUGH in that department...which is probably why I've seen no loss yet.
You might remember that I did 22 lengths (length of a sprint triathlon) in 26 minutes a week or so ago. As much as I try to slow down (so I can breathe better), I just can't get my body to slow down. I, personally, think that it's easier for me to just fly through two lengths because the faster I do it, the faster it will be over. Today, I was WAY ahead of schedule and I had really wanted to get a full 30 mins in the pool. So, I thought, "You know...I could make a little challenge for myself...30 lengths in 30 minutes and see if I could do it." It seemed impossible. That's 1500 meters and let's remember that I can barely breathe.
Well, I had just finished 28 and I was at 29 minutes. I thought, "Nah...there's no way I can do down and back in just one minute!" But then I thought, "Dammit, I'm doing this!" Fastest lap of my life and I was just about dead by the end but I DID IT! HA!
Frankly, I have no clue if this is "good form" for triathlon training. I probably ought to be more focused on swimming continually for 30 minutes and not stopping...and slowing down and breathing and such. But, I honestly don't care too much about all that right now. I have at least a year before I even sign up for a sprint triathlon. I still have to learn how to ride a bike again. And I want to run several half marathons (and maybe a full marathon) before I go for a sprint triathlon. I would hope that, if I keep up with the swimming for a whole year, it would get easier. I mean, you'd think, wouldn't you?
And crosstraining in the pool and on the bike can only be a good thing for a serious runner. It will certainly give my ankle the breaks it needs...and I hope to drop some weight and lessen the likelihood of re-injuring my ankle.
When I think about the fact that none of this would have ever come about if I wouldn't have suffered that ankle pain a month ago...it's kind of interesting.
I found that this happened with my really huge accident and injuries a couple years ago (5 broken bones on the right side of my body). I came out of that accident, 3 months later, with a renewed appreciation for my kids and the basic blessings of being able to walk and move my arm and take a shower. I actually felt, at times, that the accident was the best thing that ever happened to me. We were broker than broke...but I spent so much time with my little ones and really got to know them. It was priceless time that I never would have taken on my own.
This injury, though smaller in magnitude, seems to be having the same effect. It's less about my kids this time, and more about my own personal health and my ability to sustain my lifestyle of fitness, no matter what happens. The fact that I've been able to put in almost 1,000 fitness minutes without my exercise of choice (running) is extremely significant and a huge confidence booster for me.
And I can guarantee...if this injury had not occurred and taken me off my feet, I never, in a million years, would have even considered triathlons.
Funny how life works out sometimes. How have "negative" circumstances turned out for good in your life?
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Wouldn't you think that SparkPeople would have made me an expert on letting go of things by now? Especially things that are not good for my body, for my soul or for my mind?
I've let go of quite a lot of unhealthy foods.
I've let go of toxic friends that couldn't handle my new joy and mental balance.
I've let go of trying to control my body and have learned to work WITH my body toward health.
I've let go of laziness, overeating, television (for the most part), sleeping in, convenience meals, fast food.
I've let go of anger, low self-esteem, self-hatred.
But no matter how many things I learn to live without or get rid of, there are always more. That's what's both wonderful and horrible about this thing we call life. Things are always changing and, usually, when we are least prepared for them to change.
That list up there is pretty impressive and motivational, eh? But, if you were me...if you had lived through each of those...you'd know how heart-wrenching it was to actually give those things up. It's nice to see it all together and draw inspiration from it. And, don't get me wrong, I am all the happier for it...but it wasn't easy.
Letting go is the hardest thing...sometimes you just have to cry, rage, pout, sulk. However...it is true that time is a great healer.
And so I wait for time to pass...and for pain to let up and healing to come.
Your wonderful support and love has really helped me throughout this whole process of letting go...I really couldn't do this without you guys. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. THANK YOU. For being friends. And for loving a stranger. God bless you.
Monday, August 20, 2012
So, I know I don't usually get all religious on ya, SparkFriends. But, today...it's what's on my mind so I figured I'd share. It's OK if you don't have the same belief system as me...that's what makes our rainbow of friendship so beautiful.
This morning, as I was spending my daily time with the Big Guy, I was reading through a daily devotional that I picked up at Barnes & Noble. It's called "Come Away, My Beloved" by Frances J. Roberts. It's probably the best little devotional book I've ever worked through and today's entry really touched me pretty deeply.
THE ART OF COMMITTAL
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3
O My child, lay your heart in My hand, and let Me heal it. Yes, let me gather up your tears, for they are precious to Me (see Psalm 56:8). You have not been suffering alone, but I Myself have been near you all along the way. My heart has felt all that you have felt. You do not have a high priest who is not able to sympathize with your sufferings, but one who experienced every grief and human emotion common to all people. In the midst of these painful experiences, He did not sin. Therefore, He is one who is able to help you (see Hebrews 2:18).
He is one, who having walked the same path Himself, is able to teach you how, in the midst of these human experiences of hurts, frustrations, loneliness, and heartache, you may rise above the natural self-reproach, depression of spirit, resentment and the like.
It is not easy. Not only is it not easy, but in the natural, in the flesh, it is impossible. But the same grace I promised to the Apostle Paul to help him bear his affliction, this same grace I will give to you (see 2 Corinthians 12:9).
You may bring the whole of your burden to Me. I will help you as the days go by, and as the trials come and go; and as the learning process continues, I will teach you the spiritual secrets of the art of committal.
For in complete and repeated commital lies the key to victories that can be thus more easily won, less painfully achieved, and more quickly gained, so that valleys become less deep and less dark, and more quickly passed through.
"Man is born," it is written, "to trouble, as the sparks fly upward" (Job 5:7). This is true as surely as rain falls and snow is cold. But it is equally true, and gloriously so, that I have promised to deliver you out of all your troubles.
So will you now take the first step in this experience of commital and give Me your heart?
Make it as tangible a transaction as possible, and visualize your own hand laying the physical organ of your heart in My hands. Say to me, "Take this, Loving Master and Wonderful Lord, and do with it as pleases You."
Wow. I can't fully explain the circumstances in my life to which this applies. But I can tell you I've been placing my heart in the wrong hands...and I've known this for quite some time.
Even though I knew in my heart that I was choosing incorrectly, my stubborn will (and my fear of not feeling loved) has kept me from giving up all my vain pursuits at love...which are, in the end, insufficient to fill me and make me feel truly worthy.
So, it was kind of a breakthrough morning for me. A lot of heart change here and I don't want to struggle anymore with these things that hold me back, that make me feel like I'm worth less and that feel great for awhile, but ultimately bring me heartbreak.
This choice to move forward has come with a flood of peace that surpasses understanding...and that's really how I know that it's the right move.
So, today...I am content. And thankful. And looking forward.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
This is Sunday Blog - take 4. I am feeling...agitated...frustrated...ugh. All kinds of things on my mind...budget, busy schedule, no change in weight, worry about returning to running, wanting to be better at work, feeling somewhat guilty about bad parenting choices today, etc etc etc. You know...life.
If there were ever a time where I would just LOVE to go for a long, 7-mile run all on my own, it is right now. I need some sort of outlet and I just don't have it right now. I can do the toughest deep water exercise workout...swim my heart out and I still don't get the same release that I get after a good run.
I've been doing all I can to fill this four weeks with good things...to keep my body in peak physical shape. But, it's the mental and emotional that's getting to me now. Gosh, I'm halfway through...more than halfway. I just need to hang in there a BIT longer. My follow-up appointment with the doc and hopefully the removal of the boot is in just 11 days. I can't afford to lose my focus. I'm already losing precious half marathon training days...I can't let myself go in this last week and a half. That would be so sad.
No...truth be told, I know I'll keep doing what is right. There are just times that I miss running SO much, I can't quite describe it. It's so much more than just exercise or a weight loss tool for me. It's my heart.
Oh August 30th....please hurry!
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