Saturday, March 12, 2011
I feel like crap. Well, if I'm down and out physically...I think I'll do something worthwhile in the time that I'm not sleeping. Got "The Spark" in the mail yesterday and I'm so excited to read it!!! I'll let you know how it goes.
P.S. Here's a picture of me and my little man. He turns 3 tomorrow. I am in love with him.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Rough, rough day. Recently found out a good friend has very aggressive stomach cancer. He's been so positive and wonderful through the whole ordeal, but today's journal entry was all about how he is going to start chemo next Thursday. He said he has pre-readied journal entries for the time after chemo when he is too weak to update all of us and one of them is his funeral arrangements and what to do after he is gone. This was a serious and bracing reality check for me and the thought of losing him is just devastating. He is one of the most positive, wonderful, kind and loving people I've ever met! I am 32 years old and, by some miracle, have never had to deal with grief in my life. I've never known anyone that was close to me that has died. I realize this is a statistical anomaly, but it's true. My heart was heavy with that news.
About five minutes later, I heard the news of Japan's earthquake and the devastation there and all of this, before 7:30am. I thought to myself, "This day is simply too sad for me to survive already."
Add to this the fact that some kind of super cold bug took over my body yesterday and I feel SO HORRIBLE! Somehow I soldiered through a 49 hour work week, but it was not without some effort the past couple days. Then, instead of resting, the clock hit 5 and I was out shopping for my little boy's 3rd birthday party on Sunday, which we are having at our house.
Amazingly, with all of that, and frankly...with me not really giving a crap about ANYTHING today because I felt SO low in general, I still managed to come in under calorie limits. AMAZING. Also, I think I can muster out a few crunches and push ups. But I intend to rest all day tomorrow and drink lots of water and organize all my recipes. Oh man, that just sounds like heaven right now.
Pray for me, y'all. This was a tough one today.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
"It is not always possible to know what one has learned, or when the dawning will arrive. You will continue to shift, sift, to shake out and double back. The synthesis that finally occurs can be in the most unexpected place and the most unexpected time. My charge...is to be alert to the dawnings." ~ Virginia B. Smith
So, I've been doing SparkPeople/Biggest Loser (through work) for two weeks now. Obviously, I've been pretty focused on losing weight. But, as I've begun to really move my body, I have begun to get addicted to the endorphins that I get right after a workout. And the day after a workout, everything just feels so good. My body is stronger already...I can feel lit. I sleep SO much better and I have so much energy!
The dawning came to me this morning, when it suddenly hit me...it's all well and good to lose weight in this health journey (and that should certainly be one of the goals for me). But, what I'm really gaining through all of this is a deeper understanding of my own body. The more I focus on what goes in and what I can get out of it (in the form of workouts), the more I feel like I "know myself" better. I'm speaking strictly physically right now.
This is the first time I've felt that I actually have CONTROL over my own body. Things aren't just happening TO me. I can make them happen FOR me. And that, my friends, is the epitome of empowerment.
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Ugh. Today was just rough. I went in to work at 7:30am and didn't leave that office til 6:45pm. It's only Wednesday and I already have 5.5 hours of overtime logged this week! I did OK for breakfast and lunch. But dinner time came around and I was really getting hungry. Add a ton of stress to that and trigger emotional eating. I wanted to eat EVERYTHING all afternoon!!! But, I forced myself to drink water and chew gum instead. Not as satisfying...but it did work. All in all, I didn't make my daily calorie count...but I only went over by about 150 calories, which isn't the absolute end of the world, I guess. As long as it doesn't happen all the time.
Also, went straight to small group from work and didn't get home till after 9pm. I'm sorry...but cardio is OUT. I will still do my quick 50 crunches and 50 push ups before bed, but I am just about worn out today. I had really hoped to do cardio (even if it is just 20 mins) every single day this week, but it is just not going to happen tonight!
The good news is...I have derby practice tomorrow night. A 2-hour, super tough workout. So, I hope to more than make up for tonight when I go to that.
Anyway, good night!
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