Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Oh, SparkFriends! I have had a series of small victories today! Some of you might have seen the video blog by ON2VICTORY yesterday that dealt with making small goals and sticking to them. I have watched that blog a few times already and it is, quite possibly, the most inspiring thing I've ever seen related to health and weight loss. Robert has already lost 115 lbs and he has about 40 lbs left to reach his goal weight. I'd sent him a message asking him HOW he stuck to the plan for so long and didn't give up. And my answer was that video blog yesterday.
Basically, Robert says, "Make small goals for yourself and keep them. Every time you keep a small goal, you prove to yourself that you can do this." He also talked about how the only two things we have control over are our diet and our fitness. Everything else is totally on our body's timetable, so we can't worry about a timetable. Instead, we do what we KNOW to do and control what we CAN control and let our body work everything else (health, weight, healing) out in time. Robert said a couple of times, "Make it happen!"
Well, today I did just that. Came home from a long day of work and didn't FEEL like cooking at all. Was actually kinda pissed that my hubby (who'd been home ALL DAY) hadn't thought to make dinner. It would have been SO easy to order pizza, but I couldn't shake my CRAVING for a HEALTHY dinner. And, more than that, the craving for that feeling of victory that I would have after eating a healthy meal (my body celebrating a tiny goal achieved). So, I assembled a delicious little plate for myself (and everyone else in my family): grilled turkey burgers, steak fries, peas and skim milk. I had a very small serving of fries (still within my calorie limit) and I'll be honest...I was still fuming about having to make dinner the entire time I was eating. Emotionally, I wanted to fly off the handle and eat the entire leftover pan of fries. And, you know what? I could have. But I forced myself to be done with dinner. Because, in the back of my mind, I remembered Robert's words from his blog last night and thought, "I can do this." And, wouldn't you know...that translated into a financial victory as well (no spending $40 on pizza!) SWEET!
Then, it was close to 7pm and I STILL hadn't got my workout in. It was still light out and I thought, "I'll go for a walk on the trail." But, alas, no clean workout clothes and it was getting darker by the minute and, quite honestly, I've been feeling a little guilty about being gone and away from my kids so much on the trail. ALMOST said, "Screw it. I won't do a workout today. It's just ONE day."
But then I heard Robert's voice saying, "Make it happen! You don't KNOW where you will be in two years if you stick to your small goals." And do you know what I did next? I went to my handy dandy SparkPeople app on my phone and calculated the number of minutes I'd need to climb stairs to burn my goal of 285 calories. 23 minutes. Set my timer and did stairs and brisk walking all around my house. Around minute 8, I was ready to collapse and I could envision my calves locking up. I thought, "If I just make it to 10 minutes, I'll quit. That's good enough." Then, I made it to 10 and thought, "I've got a chance to prove to myself that I CAN DO THIS and, by golly, I'm gonna prove it!" So I kept going. The entire 23 minutes. More sweat poured off of me than I have seen in a long time! And, when it was all said and done, I felt AWESOME! Physically...and mentally. Because I achieved a small goal.
One day at a time. Heck, one MINUTE at a time, people. I finally believe that I CAN do this!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
I have never been athletic. I once tried to join the track team in high school, but promptly gave up when I was introduced to the concept of "conditioning". There was a short period of one semester my senior year of high school where my friend got me to run a mile with her every other day after school and it was torturous. This was back when I was 120 lbs and in perfect shape and never worried about what I ate. In fact, I was too skinny. I don't even know WHY I ran with her...I guess just because she asked me to. Haha.
Since then, 15 years have passed and college happened (adding a healthy 25 lbs to my girlish physique). But after college, I got married and had 3 kids and gained 106 more pounds. Now, I'm well over 200 and just praying I can find it in me to get this weight off so I don't die before my kids have kids.
I have had some successful forays at working out. A couple years ago, I was working out 6 days a week for an hour every morning and I had lost 15 lbs over 2-3 months. That was 2 years ago and that was when I had my accident (practicing to try out for roller derby) and I broke both bones in my wrist, shattered my elbow and snapped my ankle. The extent of my injuries made it difficult to even operate a wheelchair. I was completely out of commission for 3 months and bones weren't totally healed for about a year.
It's been a full year since my docs declared my bones "fully healed", but I have not engaged in a real workout program, because I was afraid. Pure and simple. I'm afraid of so many things, not the least of which is re-breaks...in particular, my ankle. I twist my ankle a lot now if I'm not on perfectly flat, level ground. The thought of jogging was terrifying to me. Until I challenged myself to do it one day and found that I actually could! After that, I just wanted to keep doing more!
I bought brand new running shoes (and I thought I had researched the right type, etc) and I ran the first day of Couch 2 5K on Saturday. I was ridiculously proud of myself! But yesterday was terrible...the shoes hurt my feet SO badly, I could barely eek out the 2 mile walk and I literally had to remove them and walk home two blocks in my socks. There was THAT much pain in my feet.
So, a lot of runner friends have told me that I probably have the wrong shoes. Dammit, I paid $75 for these! Grrr. But, I ordered them online. Not smart. Apparently, there's a runners' store in town that will do all the measurements on my feet and even watch me run and figure out the perfect shoe for me.
The real shocker here is this...WHY do I want to spend so much time to do this? WHY do I want to go to this store and have some stranger watch me shake my fatness and have him fit me with what is sure to be a SUPER expensive shoe that I probably can't afford and then WHY do I WANT to do this Couch 2 5K so badly and eventually sign up for a 5K and, later on, who knows what? I HATE running. Right????
It is shocking even to me. I don't know where this desire came from. I can only think of 2 possible explanations:
1. I have so many runner friends now, not to mention a LOT of SparkFriends that have lost a ton of weight and this is how they have done it - 5Ks, Marathons, etc. I suppose I'm just ridiculously inspired by all of them.
2. I know what it's like to not be able to use my legs at all. And I know what a tremendous gift it is to be able to simply walk. Or run. Perhaps it's just a matter of actually using the gifts I've been given.
Whatever it is, it's kind of a pleasant surprise. I hope it lasts and, more importantly, I'd give anything to feel truly HEALTHY again.
Sunday, March 04, 2012
I just got home from my Made To Crave Bible Study. It was good, but it seemed a bit more challenging to me today. Maybe God is getting at some deeper issues and I am resisting a bit. Maybe it's because my pastor preached a very emotionally intense sermon on suffering this morning, which left me somewhat depleted emotionally (while at the same time, cleansing me and imparting hope and a seed of joy as well). And maybe it's the fact that the chest cold has taken root and I am physically weaker than I normally am. No matter...I came home dragging a bit and feeling somewhat ready to collapse.
I checked my e-mail, to find that I had a comment on my previous blog (Sick...Again) and found, to my surprise, that I had FOUR. Every comment was SO uplifting and so encouraging...I have never had this experience on SparkPeople, but I literally got a little misty eyed because I was so touched that you friends, who I have never met and don't even really know very well, would say such kind things. And I know that you meant them. I know that all of us are in this together and are here because we want to help ourselves and help each other be BETTER than we've been before. Still, it sometimes hits me that there is something a bit "magical" about it.
Thank you SO much. From the bottom of my heart. I love all the Spark Teams I'm a part of and I can't tell you how much it means to me that you stop by my page and read my blogs and send me Spark Goodies. You all are amazing. And I'm thankful to have you in my life.
Have a great week, friends! Spread the Spark!
Saturday, March 03, 2012
I am sick...again. This is the third time in about two months that I have had this particular chest cold. Every time I get rid of it, I'm so thankful and then it comes back a couple weeks later! Ugh! (And, before you say I should check my house for mold...that's not it. We literally JUST built this house...it's brand new, so it's not that.)
Anyway, this sickness was kind enough to begin again just as my 3 yr old was battling a 4-day fever, my 6 year old suddenly woke up and threw up in my bed and my 9 yr old came home from a slumber party at 6am, saying she felt sick and has been passed out ever since. Lovely.
Now, normally this would completely de-rail me from any and all health goals. Let's be honest...I ate 3 cinnamon rolls this morning. :( And, you know how I was going strong and doing great last year and suddenly stopped and gave up in July? Yep...that started with an illness, a hiatus from workouts and a general resigning of my will to being lazy.
But, I realize that if I am serious about getting healthy and I really do want to see my goals met and not still feel disgusting and unhealthy a year from now, I can't let things like this derail my efforts. So, I'm saying now...the 3 cinnamon rolls this morning was IT. It was only 330 calories...I can live with that and plan the rest of today's healthy meals and still be within my calorie limit. And I WILL get out there and exercise the moment my body is feeling better. In fact, if I am up to it, I might even try to squeeze in a LITTLE bit of exercise today...even if it's just 15 minutes of squats, push-ups and crunches during the commercials while I'm watching TV.
I'm certainly down...but, this time, I am NOT OUT!!!!!
Thursday, March 01, 2012
Last night, an absolutely amazing thing happened!
I had already planned out all my eating for the day and knew what I was cooking for dinner and everything I'd eat for the rest of the night before I even left work. So, I ran my Daily Nutrition Report and found that I was on target for everything, except I was actually LOW on Fat and Protein. Ha! "Oh well...no matter," I thought.
On the way home, I really started to feel head-achey and ick. I was bummed because at 8pm, my husband and I were going to see "In The Heights" at the Auditorium and I hate to feel sick at the theatre!
This is when it happened. I walked into the pantry to get some oil for dinner and I caught a glimpse of the peanut butter jar. You should know I rarely ever open a jar of peanut butter. It's not that I don't like it. I just don't ever think it sounds super yummy or anything. At any rate, the minute I saw that jar, it was like everything in me screamed, "I want peanut butter SOOOOOOOO BAD!" But, of course, I ignored it...because I was MAKING DINNER and I only had to wait half an hour for real food.
Started cooking the chicken and literally could not ignore the craving! So, I popped a piece of Health Nut bread in the toaster, put some peanut butter on it and munched while I was cooking dinner. I kid you not...my headache instantly went away. And I actually realized, right then and there, that my body really needed protein immediately, to the point of begging for it.
I don't know why this is such a big deal to me...probably because I'm so used to craving terrible things that aren't good for me. But, I understand now that the craving for something good feels completely different. It isn't just an emotional response...it's something deeper and more urgent. I've just been eating SO much food that I haven't had a chance to experience this in the past. WOW.
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