Sunday, March 18, 2012
I'm very encouraged as I write this, because even though I wasn't perfect calorie-wise today, I finished C25K Week 2 Day 1 and I made significant improvements to my interval times. So I felt really great about that.
And tonight, it seems that my husband is FINALLY getting on board with the healthy eating/correct portion sizes kick that I have been on for the past few weeks. I can't even tell you how much that helps me mentally. Also, we are preparing the kids to go back to school tomorrow (they've been on Spring Break all week) and we have them laying out their clothes and choosing the food they want in their lunches. They refuse to eat school lunch now because they saw the news story on "pink slime" that turns into chicken nuggets. Frankly, I love that...because the kids at school are all talking about it and I think that the voice of the students is SO much more powerful than a bunch of "nagging parents". The kids could bring their own change!!! That's so exciting!
Anyway, back to our house tonight...the kids are really trying to choose healthy options because they are so grossed out by the pink slime. So they are having a great dialogue with us about what is healthy and what is not. It's not a huge deal, because they won't necessarily EAT the healthy stuff yet...but it's a start.
And, you know what? I will TAKE baby steps over no steps at all!
Friday, March 16, 2012
Today was just...well...instead of boring you with all the details, let's do something fun and I'll tell my story in pictures.
Yesterday, work rocked and I felt on top of the world and I was all...
Today, work was really rough and I felt like...
At lunch, which was an hour and half later than usual because things had been SO busy, I really wanted to go to a buffet and eat...a LOT.
But, I knew in my heart that I should have this instead:
And do you know what happened THEN???? Sitting at my desk...this literally happened....
That's when I realized...there has never been a more CLEAR example of the fact that I am an emotional eater and that my trigger is stress.
So, I had an entire inner dialogue with myself. "OK, I want to eat because I'm upset. I feel....???"
Not Good Enough
Out of Control
And I chose the salad. It was delicious. But I still didn't feel better. So, the breakthrough was that I recognized, in the moment, what exactly was happening and I did the right thing.
But I'm still left with this icky, frustrated, anxious, jittery feeling. It's like...now how do I actually HANDLE all these yucky emotions if I can't just eat and stuff them down?
Thursday, March 15, 2012
I have seen a lot of runners that have lost extraordinary amounts of weight. But, after yesterday's workout, I'm worried that I might not be quite ready for running. I woke up this morning with the WORST knee pain. And I have never had knee issues before.
I have this friend, Eugene, who lost over 100 lbs in just over a year and ALL he does is WALK. Well...and eat healthy. Duh. Granted, he has a very structured program and he was out there walking EVERY day with everything in him. He could walk a mile faster than many people could run it.
My question is...has anyone on SP lost a lot of weight WALKING and not running? I feel like I could go a lot longer with less injury if I stick to walking. I like it a lot and I do believe in the health benefits. I know that I would need to push myself, the same way I would if I were training for running races. And, I do intend to train for races.
In fact, my boss has knee problems and her doctor told her that she only had so many steps left (running) with her knees in the condition they are in. He gave her the choice between running til her knees quit or walking instead for much longer. She chose walking. In 2 weeks, she will fast-walk a half marathon. Today she told me to pay attention to her Facebook statuses because, if I notice, she never says, "I RAN 8 miles today." Instead, she says, "I DID 8 miles today." Haha. Never did notice that before. Clever.
I don't know. This blog is kind of meandering...just putting down some thoughts I've been having. The last thing I need is to get injured and gain even MORE weight! Ugh!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Oh, SparkFriends! I have had a series of small victories today! Some of you might have seen the video blog by ON2VICTORY yesterday that dealt with making small goals and sticking to them. I have watched that blog a few times already and it is, quite possibly, the most inspiring thing I've ever seen related to health and weight loss. Robert has already lost 115 lbs and he has about 40 lbs left to reach his goal weight. I'd sent him a message asking him HOW he stuck to the plan for so long and didn't give up. And my answer was that video blog yesterday.
Basically, Robert says, "Make small goals for yourself and keep them. Every time you keep a small goal, you prove to yourself that you can do this." He also talked about how the only two things we have control over are our diet and our fitness. Everything else is totally on our body's timetable, so we can't worry about a timetable. Instead, we do what we KNOW to do and control what we CAN control and let our body work everything else (health, weight, healing) out in time. Robert said a couple of times, "Make it happen!"
Well, today I did just that. Came home from a long day of work and didn't FEEL like cooking at all. Was actually kinda pissed that my hubby (who'd been home ALL DAY) hadn't thought to make dinner. It would have been SO easy to order pizza, but I couldn't shake my CRAVING for a HEALTHY dinner. And, more than that, the craving for that feeling of victory that I would have after eating a healthy meal (my body celebrating a tiny goal achieved). So, I assembled a delicious little plate for myself (and everyone else in my family): grilled turkey burgers, steak fries, peas and skim milk. I had a very small serving of fries (still within my calorie limit) and I'll be honest...I was still fuming about having to make dinner the entire time I was eating. Emotionally, I wanted to fly off the handle and eat the entire leftover pan of fries. And, you know what? I could have. But I forced myself to be done with dinner. Because, in the back of my mind, I remembered Robert's words from his blog last night and thought, "I can do this." And, wouldn't you know...that translated into a financial victory as well (no spending $40 on pizza!) SWEET!
Then, it was close to 7pm and I STILL hadn't got my workout in. It was still light out and I thought, "I'll go for a walk on the trail." But, alas, no clean workout clothes and it was getting darker by the minute and, quite honestly, I've been feeling a little guilty about being gone and away from my kids so much on the trail. ALMOST said, "Screw it. I won't do a workout today. It's just ONE day."
But then I heard Robert's voice saying, "Make it happen! You don't KNOW where you will be in two years if you stick to your small goals." And do you know what I did next? I went to my handy dandy SparkPeople app on my phone and calculated the number of minutes I'd need to climb stairs to burn my goal of 285 calories. 23 minutes. Set my timer and did stairs and brisk walking all around my house. Around minute 8, I was ready to collapse and I could envision my calves locking up. I thought, "If I just make it to 10 minutes, I'll quit. That's good enough." Then, I made it to 10 and thought, "I've got a chance to prove to myself that I CAN DO THIS and, by golly, I'm gonna prove it!" So I kept going. The entire 23 minutes. More sweat poured off of me than I have seen in a long time! And, when it was all said and done, I felt AWESOME! Physically...and mentally. Because I achieved a small goal.
One day at a time. Heck, one MINUTE at a time, people. I finally believe that I CAN do this!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
I have never been athletic. I once tried to join the track team in high school, but promptly gave up when I was introduced to the concept of "conditioning". There was a short period of one semester my senior year of high school where my friend got me to run a mile with her every other day after school and it was torturous. This was back when I was 120 lbs and in perfect shape and never worried about what I ate. In fact, I was too skinny. I don't even know WHY I ran with her...I guess just because she asked me to. Haha.
Since then, 15 years have passed and college happened (adding a healthy 25 lbs to my girlish physique). But after college, I got married and had 3 kids and gained 106 more pounds. Now, I'm well over 200 and just praying I can find it in me to get this weight off so I don't die before my kids have kids.
I have had some successful forays at working out. A couple years ago, I was working out 6 days a week for an hour every morning and I had lost 15 lbs over 2-3 months. That was 2 years ago and that was when I had my accident (practicing to try out for roller derby) and I broke both bones in my wrist, shattered my elbow and snapped my ankle. The extent of my injuries made it difficult to even operate a wheelchair. I was completely out of commission for 3 months and bones weren't totally healed for about a year.
It's been a full year since my docs declared my bones "fully healed", but I have not engaged in a real workout program, because I was afraid. Pure and simple. I'm afraid of so many things, not the least of which is re-breaks...in particular, my ankle. I twist my ankle a lot now if I'm not on perfectly flat, level ground. The thought of jogging was terrifying to me. Until I challenged myself to do it one day and found that I actually could! After that, I just wanted to keep doing more!
I bought brand new running shoes (and I thought I had researched the right type, etc) and I ran the first day of Couch 2 5K on Saturday. I was ridiculously proud of myself! But yesterday was terrible...the shoes hurt my feet SO badly, I could barely eek out the 2 mile walk and I literally had to remove them and walk home two blocks in my socks. There was THAT much pain in my feet.
So, a lot of runner friends have told me that I probably have the wrong shoes. Dammit, I paid $75 for these! Grrr. But, I ordered them online. Not smart. Apparently, there's a runners' store in town that will do all the measurements on my feet and even watch me run and figure out the perfect shoe for me.
The real shocker here is this...WHY do I want to spend so much time to do this? WHY do I want to go to this store and have some stranger watch me shake my fatness and have him fit me with what is sure to be a SUPER expensive shoe that I probably can't afford and then WHY do I WANT to do this Couch 2 5K so badly and eventually sign up for a 5K and, later on, who knows what? I HATE running. Right????
It is shocking even to me. I don't know where this desire came from. I can only think of 2 possible explanations:
1. I have so many runner friends now, not to mention a LOT of SparkFriends that have lost a ton of weight and this is how they have done it - 5Ks, Marathons, etc. I suppose I'm just ridiculously inspired by all of them.
2. I know what it's like to not be able to use my legs at all. And I know what a tremendous gift it is to be able to simply walk. Or run. Perhaps it's just a matter of actually using the gifts I've been given.
Whatever it is, it's kind of a pleasant surprise. I hope it lasts and, more importantly, I'd give anything to feel truly HEALTHY again.
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