Tuesday, March 13, 2012
I have never been athletic. I once tried to join the track team in high school, but promptly gave up when I was introduced to the concept of "conditioning". There was a short period of one semester my senior year of high school where my friend got me to run a mile with her every other day after school and it was torturous. This was back when I was 120 lbs and in perfect shape and never worried about what I ate. In fact, I was too skinny. I don't even know WHY I ran with her...I guess just because she asked me to. Haha.
Since then, 15 years have passed and college happened (adding a healthy 25 lbs to my girlish physique). But after college, I got married and had 3 kids and gained 106 more pounds. Now, I'm well over 200 and just praying I can find it in me to get this weight off so I don't die before my kids have kids.
I have had some successful forays at working out. A couple years ago, I was working out 6 days a week for an hour every morning and I had lost 15 lbs over 2-3 months. That was 2 years ago and that was when I had my accident (practicing to try out for roller derby) and I broke both bones in my wrist, shattered my elbow and snapped my ankle. The extent of my injuries made it difficult to even operate a wheelchair. I was completely out of commission for 3 months and bones weren't totally healed for about a year.
It's been a full year since my docs declared my bones "fully healed", but I have not engaged in a real workout program, because I was afraid. Pure and simple. I'm afraid of so many things, not the least of which is re-breaks...in particular, my ankle. I twist my ankle a lot now if I'm not on perfectly flat, level ground. The thought of jogging was terrifying to me. Until I challenged myself to do it one day and found that I actually could! After that, I just wanted to keep doing more!
I bought brand new running shoes (and I thought I had researched the right type, etc) and I ran the first day of Couch 2 5K on Saturday. I was ridiculously proud of myself! But yesterday was terrible...the shoes hurt my feet SO badly, I could barely eek out the 2 mile walk and I literally had to remove them and walk home two blocks in my socks. There was THAT much pain in my feet.
So, a lot of runner friends have told me that I probably have the wrong shoes. Dammit, I paid $75 for these! Grrr. But, I ordered them online. Not smart. Apparently, there's a runners' store in town that will do all the measurements on my feet and even watch me run and figure out the perfect shoe for me.
The real shocker here is this...WHY do I want to spend so much time to do this? WHY do I want to go to this store and have some stranger watch me shake my fatness and have him fit me with what is sure to be a SUPER expensive shoe that I probably can't afford and then WHY do I WANT to do this Couch 2 5K so badly and eventually sign up for a 5K and, later on, who knows what? I HATE running. Right????
It is shocking even to me. I don't know where this desire came from. I can only think of 2 possible explanations:
1. I have so many runner friends now, not to mention a LOT of SparkFriends that have lost a ton of weight and this is how they have done it - 5Ks, Marathons, etc. I suppose I'm just ridiculously inspired by all of them.
2. I know what it's like to not be able to use my legs at all. And I know what a tremendous gift it is to be able to simply walk. Or run. Perhaps it's just a matter of actually using the gifts I've been given.
Whatever it is, it's kind of a pleasant surprise. I hope it lasts and, more importantly, I'd give anything to feel truly HEALTHY again.
Sunday, March 04, 2012
I just got home from my Made To Crave Bible Study. It was good, but it seemed a bit more challenging to me today. Maybe God is getting at some deeper issues and I am resisting a bit. Maybe it's because my pastor preached a very emotionally intense sermon on suffering this morning, which left me somewhat depleted emotionally (while at the same time, cleansing me and imparting hope and a seed of joy as well). And maybe it's the fact that the chest cold has taken root and I am physically weaker than I normally am. No matter...I came home dragging a bit and feeling somewhat ready to collapse.
I checked my e-mail, to find that I had a comment on my previous blog (Sick...Again) and found, to my surprise, that I had FOUR. Every comment was SO uplifting and so encouraging...I have never had this experience on SparkPeople, but I literally got a little misty eyed because I was so touched that you friends, who I have never met and don't even really know very well, would say such kind things. And I know that you meant them. I know that all of us are in this together and are here because we want to help ourselves and help each other be BETTER than we've been before. Still, it sometimes hits me that there is something a bit "magical" about it.
Thank you SO much. From the bottom of my heart. I love all the Spark Teams I'm a part of and I can't tell you how much it means to me that you stop by my page and read my blogs and send me Spark Goodies. You all are amazing. And I'm thankful to have you in my life.
Have a great week, friends! Spread the Spark!
Saturday, March 03, 2012
I am sick...again. This is the third time in about two months that I have had this particular chest cold. Every time I get rid of it, I'm so thankful and then it comes back a couple weeks later! Ugh! (And, before you say I should check my house for mold...that's not it. We literally JUST built this house...it's brand new, so it's not that.)
Anyway, this sickness was kind enough to begin again just as my 3 yr old was battling a 4-day fever, my 6 year old suddenly woke up and threw up in my bed and my 9 yr old came home from a slumber party at 6am, saying she felt sick and has been passed out ever since. Lovely.
Now, normally this would completely de-rail me from any and all health goals. Let's be honest...I ate 3 cinnamon rolls this morning. :( And, you know how I was going strong and doing great last year and suddenly stopped and gave up in July? Yep...that started with an illness, a hiatus from workouts and a general resigning of my will to being lazy.
But, I realize that if I am serious about getting healthy and I really do want to see my goals met and not still feel disgusting and unhealthy a year from now, I can't let things like this derail my efforts. So, I'm saying now...the 3 cinnamon rolls this morning was IT. It was only 330 calories...I can live with that and plan the rest of today's healthy meals and still be within my calorie limit. And I WILL get out there and exercise the moment my body is feeling better. In fact, if I am up to it, I might even try to squeeze in a LITTLE bit of exercise today...even if it's just 15 minutes of squats, push-ups and crunches during the commercials while I'm watching TV.
I'm certainly down...but, this time, I am NOT OUT!!!!!
Thursday, March 01, 2012
Last night, an absolutely amazing thing happened!
I had already planned out all my eating for the day and knew what I was cooking for dinner and everything I'd eat for the rest of the night before I even left work. So, I ran my Daily Nutrition Report and found that I was on target for everything, except I was actually LOW on Fat and Protein. Ha! "Oh well...no matter," I thought.
On the way home, I really started to feel head-achey and ick. I was bummed because at 8pm, my husband and I were going to see "In The Heights" at the Auditorium and I hate to feel sick at the theatre!
This is when it happened. I walked into the pantry to get some oil for dinner and I caught a glimpse of the peanut butter jar. You should know I rarely ever open a jar of peanut butter. It's not that I don't like it. I just don't ever think it sounds super yummy or anything. At any rate, the minute I saw that jar, it was like everything in me screamed, "I want peanut butter SOOOOOOOO BAD!" But, of course, I ignored it...because I was MAKING DINNER and I only had to wait half an hour for real food.
Started cooking the chicken and literally could not ignore the craving! So, I popped a piece of Health Nut bread in the toaster, put some peanut butter on it and munched while I was cooking dinner. I kid you not...my headache instantly went away. And I actually realized, right then and there, that my body really needed protein immediately, to the point of begging for it.
I don't know why this is such a big deal to me...probably because I'm so used to craving terrible things that aren't good for me. But, I understand now that the craving for something good feels completely different. It isn't just an emotional response...it's something deeper and more urgent. I've just been eating SO much food that I haven't had a chance to experience this in the past. WOW.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Been doing pretty well in the food area, mostly due to the awesome things I'm learning from Made To Crave. There is a quote from the Participants Guide & DVD that has been very inspirational for me this week:
"Remember who you are. You are a Jesus girl. You are not a failure. You are not incapable. You are not a loser. You are none of those things. You are a Jesus girl capable of victory. You are absolutely capable of being empowered. God loves you - head to toe. Remember who you are."
I just LOVE this! Hope it encourages you today as well!
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