Wednesday, June 08, 2011
So, it's been awhile since I last updated my blog. As you read before, I was kind of down in the dumps. But I am pleased to say that things are getting much better. I have still been slacking in the logging of my food and such, but I am working health and activity back into my life a bit slower this time. I don't want to be all gung ho, then give up, like last time.
Also, I've had most of my focus on other areas recently. Namely, my marriage...and working on saving it. And, that is actually going very well. Hubby and I are learning quite a lot about how to love each other and respect each other correctly and, I gotta say...it's actually been more exciting than I would have thought! So, things are looking up.
And...in other areas, I am still working on finding myself and figuring out who I really am and what it is I really want out of this crazy thing we call life. And I continue to learn and self-discover.
Some days are rough and I backslide and get depressed. But, most days are progress forward. And that is a very good thing.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
I need something. And I keep saying I don't know what I need, but I do know. Deep down. I need to learn how to love myself and not desperately grasp for that love from other people.
Ever since I went on vacation, my health goals took a serious nosedive. I tried to "get back in the game" for awhile there, but then things went south with my personal/family relationships and, quite frankly, I gave up on myself. I just didn't care.
I'm beginning to emerge from that drama (a LITTLE) and I have had quite a bit of self-discovery time to realize that I have a problem (in looking for love in all the wrong places...when I really need to figure out how to find it in myself). And sabotaging myself by letting myself go is only going to make matters worse. Still, in this place of utter depression and searching, it's hard to find the motivation to work hard and be a better me. It seems so much easier to just give up and lose hope.
I don't mean to be emo or over-dramatic. It's just the place I'm in right now. I want to get back to health...because I KNOW how much better I feel when I'm on top of my game. And I HOPE that I can do it. I just lack the faith in myself right now.
Well, here's to hoping. I guess a blog entry (for the first time in weeks) is a decent start.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
My Dad went back to San Diego a couple days ago. At 3am, I received this unusually emotional text from him:
I love you so much. You're my "baby Leah". I was there when you were born. I cut your umbilical cord. I'll never judge you or disparage you. You can always tell me what you're feeling. Please call or text me anytime. I don't ever want you to feel isolated. You're not.
Wow. That is just EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. *tears*
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