Thursday, February 24, 2011
So, here I am again...starting over. Last year, I was training to try out for roller derby. It was a rough start, but eventually, I was able to get up to 6 hour-long workouts per week. In a span of 3 months, I had lost 15 lbs, which was really a miracle since I've never lost weight before. Then, I went skating and during a routine stopping drill, my derby dreams ended. Both wrist bones broken, shattered elbow and a snapped ankle. Two months in a wheelchair, tons of physical therapy and a year until I could walk normally again.
And I have gained all of the weight back and then some. Now I'm starting again. The thought that I have done this before is comforting...it assures me that I have the ability to do it. But remembering the hard work that it took to get to that point last time intimidates me.
Still, I know deep down inside that I let myself go after my accident. I could have kept eating healthy. There were certain things I could have done during my recovery (core workouts, stretching, etc.) but I didn't. I let myself go. I gave up on myself. I let myself get overwhelmed by depression and I just gave up.
Pulling out of that has been hard. But my derby sisters have been so inspiring. I finally made the decision recently not to let my injuries be an excuse for not being the person I want to be. If I'm unhappy, it is my job to change my situation. No one can do it for me.
Truth be told, I'm afraid I'll fail. But, thankfully, I have some amazing women in my life who will spur me on. They are always encouraging and they have been kind enough to accept me as part of their team, even though they know I will never skate. Somehow, just working out along side of them while they do skating drills and practice hitting is, in itself, inspiring to me. To be a part of the team...even in my present physical state, is just special. I pray that I won't take their hospitable spirit for granted. I want to make them proud. And, more than that, I want to be proud of myself.
There's a journey ahead of me. And it starts now...