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A New Day, A New Beginning

Monday, October 31, 2011

Every once in a (great) while, there are days that just feel monumental. You know, the kind where you wake up in the morning & you have all this energy, this driving force of passion to tackle anything & everything head-on, no matter how big or ugly it might be. Today is one of those days for me.

I've been in a rut for the past month or two, & while most of me wanted to change circumstances of why I was in a rut, it was never 100% and I just didn't WANT to. I didn't want to face any of it. So I started to change little things here and there, hoping it would spark me to make the big leaps. I started being more mindful of what I was eating & how much, I started voicing my opinions & emotions more instead of bottling them all up, I started exercising on a semi-regular basis more. I didn't make any specific goals as I knew I would quickly burn-out due to stress or an unforseen situation that would set me back. And when I fall off the bandwagon of working on a goal, I stay off. For a long time.

So I didn't put any high pressure or stress on myself to "have to do 30 mins of cardio at the gym 3 days a week" or "no eating out whatsoever all week", because those goals would've set me up for failure. I did what I could, when I could, to the extents that felt right at the time. And I'm proud to say that I'm starting to notice changes. Now my appetite is more regulated - I get hungry when I'm supposed to, but not ravenous starving. When I do eat, it is much easier to tell when I'm full. I only dish up what I know will satisfy that. My body doesn't like being stagnant anymore. It wants continued variety in exercise activities. So I make it a point to exercise at least once a day, for about 30 minutes. If I can get to the gym & do strength training, awesome! If I can't or am more lazy, I'll make myself do yoga to get the energy & clarity I need. Clothes are fitting a little bit better & I can see my legs & arms becoming more shapely again, & just possibly, my midsection may be getting more flatter (whether that's cutting out gluten again or exercising, I don't know!).

Stress is still a huge part of my life. It's more manageable & bearable now, knowing that I can work through walls that I run into (real or not) by exercising. Taking time for myself by simply breathing & listening to some music for 20-30 minutes greatly helps too.

Today is really stressful. I can feel big changes coming on again, & I know I have the determination & commitment to make bigger goals & actually stick to them. I also know I'm ready to change other important facets of my life. I have to tackle e-mails and situations with school & work that I have been putting off, but I think by taking the time to breathe, not letting myself get too carried away, & get rid of some excess nervous energy by working out, I'll be able to tackle them with no problem.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KELLEY421 11/1/2011 7:42AM

    Sounds like you are walking down the right path!

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Stress entry - day 1, week 1

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Today, actually this entire weekend (and past week), was quite stressful for me. What made today stressful was I had a few e-mails from individuals who I needed to address concerns & issues with ASAP. Anyone who knows me well knows that I abhor confrontation of any kind & shut down quicker than a turtle retreats to his shell. I woke up ready to tackle these though, & after consuming a hearty, filling breakfast I did respond to some of them.

One e-mail changed my perception about my standing in a class, in a good way, so that was a delight. Though it was stressful because I know I need to amp up the workload for the next week to stay on top of things. Another e-mail basically confirmed that I am no longer working the halloween magic show, which was something I was looking forward to & my own fault for letting it get out of hand.

I also contacted my insurance company today to figure out what version of my medication I need is covered (if at all of course). I also have a midterm in a class tomorrow morning that I am just not into & keep putting off.

All in all today was pretty stressful, but I did take time for myself this afternoon to just be alone & quiet. I also took a half-hour nap with the kittens sleeping next to me. Later on in the evening I decided to walk to the grocery store to return a movie instead of driving, just so I could get out, moving, & some fresh air. I was mindful of not doing (too) much emotional eating. At one point I realized I was mindlessly snacking on tortilla chips & stopped, realizing I was quite hungry and made a meal instead. I am aiming to fall asleep within the hour so I can get a decent amount of sleep for tomorrow, which will also help me less stressful tomorrow.


A year in retrospect

Friday, September 17, 2010

A year ago I joined Sparkpeople. My goal was to lose weight and firm up my body after being lax about it for a few months (or so) beforehand. For the previous couple of years, I was used to going to the local Y to work-out with my mom after work or classes. After moving down to Milwaukee for transferring schools, I quickly fell out of a workout routine. Joining Sparkpeople was my attempt at starting and keeping a routine. This didn't work out so well since I not only had a full load of classes, but a part-time job and I was also heavily involved in at least 2 student groups at the same time.

After the beginning of this year, I started to creep on a few extra pounds. I am back at (or nearly) my biggest weight I've ever been. I've tried attempts here and there throughout the year of starting and maintaining a workout routine again, but life always got in the way after a couple of weeks. My brother had his jury hearing and sentencing in March, and then was incarcerated in a prison in April. I got kicked out of the dorms late April for a ridiculous reason, forcing me to move back home temporarily. I obtained a job in Milwaukee for the summer so I moved back to Milwaukee a month later. That didn't go through so well and I was kicked out mid-July, forcing me to stay at my girlfriend's for a couple of weeks while I found a new place so I wouldn't lose my job. All the while I was trying to transfer schools and dealing with a student loan issue which never got cleared up until late August.

Now it is mid-September. I still have a job with stable part-time hours and am actively looking for another one. I have a place with a great roommate I get along with in a neighborhood I love. I still have my amazing girlfriend and I am thankful for her every day. While I am still 6 ft. under in financial issues, there are things I'm happy to have. Life is a *tremendous* struggle right now in many areas, and I am stressing daily to the point of panic attacks. I know things will get better in the coming months.

One of the things I want to SLOWLY start to do is take care of and better myself. I am starting to find a neuropsychologist that my insurance will accept so I can get an eval done not only just for me, but for documentation for my SSI appeal when it comes around mid-winter. With this I want to start seeing someone again to treat the anxiety mainly. I already have started seeing a dermatologist for facial acne issues I've had since Jan. that kept getting worse. The regime he has me on is working great so far. I want to ease into working out. Yoga will be no problem to do, but I want to add on me. Living in a duplex in my area of Milwaukee poses some issues for alternatives I can do for working out besides yoga, walking, and videos. I've been working on other ideas of activities I can do that are free or close to free.

A friend of a friend's is having a friendly competition where for 90 days, we track our progress with healthy changes in our bodies (whether that's lose weight, gain, tone, etc). We have to put in a certain dollar amount, and also take before and after photos. Only the individuals participating who have paid will vote on who the winner and runner-up is. Winner takes 80% of the money while runner-up takes 20%. I'm seriously considering doing this aside from daily blogging and tracking on Sparkpeople again, because it is a monetary incentive, with a small group of people, and I could definitely use the money. Having a set workout schedule is a necessary part of keeping me relax nowadays I know, and it is one of the areas of my life that I am in and feel in control of.

This weekend will be spent brainstorming what I want to do and include, realistic goals, and eating plans.

Let's begin the journey....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SCRIBBLIN 9/17/2010 10:35PM

    Sounds like you're on the right track! Hang in there!

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