Monday, October 31, 2011
Every once in a (great) while, there are days that just feel monumental. You know, the kind where you wake up in the morning & you have all this energy, this driving force of passion to tackle anything & everything head-on, no matter how big or ugly it might be. Today is one of those days for me.
I've been in a rut for the past month or two, & while most of me wanted to change circumstances of why I was in a rut, it was never 100% and I just didn't WANT to. I didn't want to face any of it. So I started to change little things here and there, hoping it would spark me to make the big leaps. I started being more mindful of what I was eating & how much, I started voicing my opinions & emotions more instead of bottling them all up, I started exercising on a semi-regular basis more. I didn't make any specific goals as I knew I would quickly burn-out due to stress or an unforseen situation that would set me back. And when I fall off the bandwagon of working on a goal, I stay off. For a long time.
So I didn't put any high pressure or stress on myself to "have to do 30 mins of cardio at the gym 3 days a week" or "no eating out whatsoever all week", because those goals would've set me up for failure. I did what I could, when I could, to the extents that felt right at the time. And I'm proud to say that I'm starting to notice changes. Now my appetite is more regulated - I get hungry when I'm supposed to, but not ravenous starving. When I do eat, it is much easier to tell when I'm full. I only dish up what I know will satisfy that. My body doesn't like being stagnant anymore. It wants continued variety in exercise activities. So I make it a point to exercise at least once a day, for about 30 minutes. If I can get to the gym & do strength training, awesome! If I can't or am more lazy, I'll make myself do yoga to get the energy & clarity I need. Clothes are fitting a little bit better & I can see my legs & arms becoming more shapely again, & just possibly, my midsection may be getting more flatter (whether that's cutting out gluten again or exercising, I don't know!).
Stress is still a huge part of my life. It's more manageable & bearable now, knowing that I can work through walls that I run into (real or not) by exercising. Taking time for myself by simply breathing & listening to some music for 20-30 minutes greatly helps too.
Today is really stressful. I can feel big changes coming on again, & I know I have the determination & commitment to make bigger goals & actually stick to them. I also know I'm ready to change other important facets of my life. I have to tackle e-mails and situations with school & work that I have been putting off, but I think by taking the time to breathe, not letting myself get too carried away, & get rid of some excess nervous energy by working out, I'll be able to tackle them with no problem.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Today, actually this entire weekend (and past week), was quite stressful for me. What made today stressful was I had a few e-mails from individuals who I needed to address concerns & issues with ASAP. Anyone who knows me well knows that I abhor confrontation of any kind & shut down quicker than a turtle retreats to his shell. I woke up ready to tackle these though, & after consuming a hearty, filling breakfast I did respond to some of them.
One e-mail changed my perception about my standing in a class, in a good way, so that was a delight. Though it was stressful because I know I need to amp up the workload for the next week to stay on top of things. Another e-mail basically confirmed that I am no longer working the halloween magic show, which was something I was looking forward to & my own fault for letting it get out of hand.
I also contacted my insurance company today to figure out what version of my medication I need is covered (if at all of course). I also have a midterm in a class tomorrow morning that I am just not into & keep putting off.
All in all today was pretty stressful, but I did take time for myself this afternoon to just be alone & quiet. I also took a half-hour nap with the kittens sleeping next to me. Later on in the evening I decided to walk to the grocery store to return a movie instead of driving, just so I could get out, moving, & some fresh air. I was mindful of not doing (too) much emotional eating. At one point I realized I was mindlessly snacking on tortilla chips & stopped, realizing I was quite hungry and made a meal instead. I am aiming to fall asleep within the hour so I can get a decent amount of sleep for tomorrow, which will also help me less stressful tomorrow.
Friday, September 17, 2010
A year ago I joined Sparkpeople. My goal was to lose weight and firm up my body after being lax about it for a few months (or so) beforehand. For the previous couple of years, I was used to going to the local Y to work-out with my mom after work or classes. After moving down to Milwaukee for transferring schools, I quickly fell out of a workout routine. Joining Sparkpeople was my attempt at starting and keeping a routine. This didn't work out so well since I not only had a full load of classes, but a part-time job and I was also heavily involved in at least 2 student groups at the same time.
After the beginning of this year, I started to creep on a few extra pounds. I am back at (or nearly) my biggest weight I've ever been. I've tried attempts here and there throughout the year of starting and maintaining a workout routine again, but life always got in the way after a couple of weeks. My brother had his jury hearing and sentencing in March, and then was incarcerated in a prison in April. I got kicked out of the dorms late April for a ridiculous reason, forcing me to move back home temporarily. I obtained a job in Milwaukee for the summer so I moved back to Milwaukee a month later. That didn't go through so well and I was kicked out mid-July, forcing me to stay at my girlfriend's for a couple of weeks while I found a new place so I wouldn't lose my job. All the while I was trying to transfer schools and dealing with a student loan issue which never got cleared up until late August.
Now it is mid-September. I still have a job with stable part-time hours and am actively looking for another one. I have a place with a great roommate I get along with in a neighborhood I love. I still have my amazing girlfriend and I am thankful for her every day. While I am still 6 ft. under in financial issues, there are things I'm happy to have. Life is a *tremendous* struggle right now in many areas, and I am stressing daily to the point of panic attacks. I know things will get better in the coming months.
One of the things I want to SLOWLY start to do is take care of and better myself. I am starting to find a neuropsychologist that my insurance will accept so I can get an eval done not only just for me, but for documentation for my SSI appeal when it comes around mid-winter. With this I want to start seeing someone again to treat the anxiety mainly. I already have started seeing a dermatologist for facial acne issues I've had since Jan. that kept getting worse. The regime he has me on is working great so far. I want to ease into working out. Yoga will be no problem to do, but I want to add on me. Living in a duplex in my area of Milwaukee poses some issues for alternatives I can do for working out besides yoga, walking, and videos. I've been working on other ideas of activities I can do that are free or close to free.
A friend of a friend's is having a friendly competition where for 90 days, we track our progress with healthy changes in our bodies (whether that's lose weight, gain, tone, etc). We have to put in a certain dollar amount, and also take before and after photos. Only the individuals participating who have paid will vote on who the winner and runner-up is. Winner takes 80% of the money while runner-up takes 20%. I'm seriously considering doing this aside from daily blogging and tracking on Sparkpeople again, because it is a monetary incentive, with a small group of people, and I could definitely use the money. Having a set workout schedule is a necessary part of keeping me relax nowadays I know, and it is one of the areas of my life that I am in and feel in control of.
This weekend will be spent brainstorming what I want to do and include, realistic goals, and eating plans.
Let's begin the journey....
Get An Email Alert Each Time LBSPOERL Posts