Sunday, July 04, 2010
I've been so bad about tracking this summer. I have been exercising quite a bit more than in previous summers, but my eating...has been...well...a bit out of control! I just love me some ice cream!
It didn't help that we took a 10-day vacation to the beach and then another 5 day vacation to the Six Flags. Eating on the go is so hard! Especially when you are surrounded by scrump-dilly-ious ice cream. Everywhere! (Mama discovered Maggie Moo's. Uh-oh!)
Today is a new day, though. No more vacations scheduled, and my kids are taking swim lessons at the Y so I have no excuse for not getting my daily workout. Now, if I could just stay away from that darn ice cream! Mama don't like moderation.
On to topic #2... I've got a problem I'm hoping some of you can help me with. No, not the sister-wife thing again (although I'm still taking applications). This is serious, Mane! Family stuff. Trouble in the tribe. Stuff is broken, and I don't know how to fix it.
*insert big, big sigh and deep breath here*
It's about our pastor. He did something horrible to my family, and I'm having a hard time getting past it. No one was harmed mentally or physically, but the potential for harm was there. Our family could have been destroyed by what he did. Literally!
But we survived. The truth really did set us free! No scars, just lingering apprehension.
Let me back up by saying that our pastor is a good man. He is extremely humble and very devout in his beliefs. We stood beside him when there was some serious division in the congregation because we believed in him. When the opportunity to reciprocate rolled around, though, he did not. Instead, he acted on the words of a malicious stranger with whom he had no relationship. Basically, he didn't know her from Adam's house cat; yet, he chose to side with her without even so much as telling us there were even any allegations!!!
I know it's confusing. I'm sorry, but it really is the stuff Jerry Springer thrives on. Like I said, though, it all turned out okay. My family persevered.
Our pastor apologized profusely. I really do believe that he is truly sorry. And I have forgiven him. Like I said, he's a great man who made a mistake. We all make mistakes. We are human!
Still...I cannot bring myself to get past it. I've gone to church a couple of times since then, but my heart was not with me. I feigned warmth, but I was really uncomfortable. A place that always felt like home to me is now full of strangers!
Everything has changed. While the rest of the congregation is oblivious to what transpired, I still feel extremely uncomfortable in church. I've avoided the actual service each time we've been since then. Instead, I just hang out with my kids in Children's Church pretending that they really need me by their sides.
I'm so sad. And I'm so confused. I do not want to continue skipping Sunday service. I did not grow up in church, and vowed that my children would. I want them to know God. Right now, though, we are in limbo. Not going. My kids are turning into vegetation on the sofa. We've got to get our groove back!
Any advice? What would you do in this situation? How do I go forward? Will the time and distance eventually heal our relationship with our pastor?
Saturday, May 08, 2010
Things just aren't as they used to be. I don't feel the same; I feel stuck. It requires so much effort on my part, and is placing a terrible drain on my resources. Our relationship is starting to feel completely one-sided. I do all the work while JC gets all the reward. But am I ready??? Sometimes it's just easier to stay in a relationship that isn't working. Break ups are so hard!
No, I'm not talking about my marriage, silly goose. My husband is stuck with me and these kids until he dies! We ain't going nowhere. Instead, I'm talking about Jessica, my Jenny Craig consultant. I started the program in January. Jessica has been there for me every step of the way and I've lost about 20 pounds (yay me!). For that, I am soooo thankful. But things have changed.
My scale hasn't moved in several weeks. I've been eating the food and exercising, but I've reached a plateau. And I'm still about 20 pounds from my goal!!! The conservative girl in me says I should just stick with it until I reach my goal. Work out harder and more often. Skip the afternoon and evening snacks.
But the wild, liberal girl in me wants to stop wasting my precious money on something that isn't working anymore. After all, I know what to do. I know about how many calories it takes. That $125 per week can be spent on more important things like electricity or car insurance!
Wild girl has gotten me in trouble many times before, though. This ain't my first rodeo, ya know. I've done the JC program off and on since my first miscarriage. Each time, I'd lose about 20 pounds, stall, quit, and then gain all the weight back. I know, I know, I know... Past experience should tell me that I'm not ready. But what if this time is different?
Uuuggghhh!!! Decisions, decisions... What would you do?
Friday, April 23, 2010
I know yall are sick of hearing about it. Hell, I'm sick of talking about it. The frustration is just so overwhelming, though. I'm seriously considering some pretty drastic measures. If it weren't for the cost, I'd have already had some plastic surgery.
I'm talking about my fat ass! Well, that's not really accurate. It's not my ass that needs the help; it's my mid-section. I am so sick of being a lardo! I work out and eat right (for the most part), and have managed to slim down in other areas. For the life of me, though, I cannot lose the stubborn belly fat!
I think I may be cursed. It sounds crazy, but I'm serious. I think some fatty put a gris-gris on me for making fun. I am literally eating my own words! Words which are evidently covered in milk chocolate and trans fatty acids.
I remember when a friend of mine started to have children. At that time, I was still not married and definitely NOT considering children. After she gave birth to her first child, she showed me the stretch marks and flab rolls. I was mortified. It was then that I exclaimed, "Ain't no way I'm having kids! I'll just adopt. Call me vain, but I don't want my body destroyed!"
I should have never let those words cross my lips. I'm sure as soon as they did, a voodoo priestess was summoned. I can just see her now mixing up a little chicken feet, toad eyes, and bat blood concoction especially for moi'.
Feet of fowl,
Eyes of Toad,
Make LB reap what she sowed.
With all the powers of blood from a bat,
May the fruit of her womb
Make her FAT!
Poof! Just like that; I was cursed. I've been battling hopelessly ever since.
It's torture because I don't have the mind of a fat girl. In my eyes, I think I'm still a young, skinny hot chick. Then someone takes a picture, and I see the image of a heifer with a fat belly and a double chin. It depresses me beyond belief.
I guess I could avoid taking pictures. Of course, that leaves my kids with no keepsakes once I'm gone. That would really suck for them. I know how much I love looking at pictures of my family and me back in the day. I can't do that to them. But what's my alternative?
I could invest in a good program like PhotoShop. Then I could just digitally "enhance" all the pics of me. Unfortunately, that would require a whole lot of work and a whole lot of time. Seeing as I'm very efficient (lazy), that's just not a good use of my time.
Why can't liposuction go on sale? Why don't they offer clearance pricing on older technology when something new comes along? Or why can't a scientist with some entrepreneurial spirit and a healthy trust fund create a magic pill that dissolves fat cells while you sleep?? Even better...why doesn't Jillian Michaels create a new show for the "Not Super Big Biggest Loser"??? Seems unfair that she and her posse only want to help the morbidly obese. So I don't need to lose 800 pounds, does that make me any less worthy?
If I ever find that voodoo priestess, I'm going to whip her ass! That may not break the curse, but it will sure make me feel better. Hey, and isn't that good exercise???
Monday, April 05, 2010
Blah, blah, blah, BLAK!! I hate when I'm in a miserable funk. I know the people around me hate it, too. I'm a b-word from H-E-double hockey sticks when I'm feeling out of sorts.
My foul mood began on Saturday when I had my weekly weigh in with my JC consultant, Jessica. When I got there, she was still with her previous appointment. Usually I'm not impatient, but we had an Easter egg hunt, a baseball jamboree, and a birthday party on the agenda for the day. I had too much going on to be waiting for something that I dreaded any way. To make matters worse, and to be expected, I'd gained a pound. Uuugghhh!!! I suck!
I'm sure it had absolutely NOTHING to do with the whole bag of Cadbury mini eggs I devoured on Wednesday, all the beer I drank Thursday night, or all the pizza I ate Friday night to help absorb Thursday night's alcohol consumption. I guess I should be thankful that it was only a pound. So what do you think I did? Do you think I went home and re-evaluated my food choices? Do you think I went to the gym? Maybe developed a stringent plan to eliminate any distractions from my focus?
Hell, no... I went home and ate some more Easter candy. On Easter Sunday, I ate even more candy and a scrumptious, traditional Easter dinner complete with candied yams and hot yeast rolls. I just didn't seem to give a rat's ass about my weight loss goals!
Today, I'm still in a funk. I awoke at around 1 a.m. to a severe upset stomach. I've felt nauseous all day, and still wish I could puke. My head is in a fog, I'm ill as a hornet, and my ass is expanding as I blog.
What is freakin' wrong with me?
It's got to be my lovely anticipatory blahs before Mother Nature's gift. Or AIDS. How many years can that stuff go undetected?
If it's terminal, God, please don't let my husband marry the first nympho stripper who comes along. I can't have someone like that raising my children. If it's not, can it at least be a stomach bug that will cause me to puke and defecate until I lose five pounds??
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