Tuesday, April 22, 2008
OK, time to come clean. Recently I've been going through a review of my disability benefits(UK) and late last week I got a letter telling me that I no longer qualify so they had stopped them. I totally flipped and seriously felt like taking all the tablets in my house and just ending it all. I was so suicidal my Doctor called the Psychiatric Crisis Team out although I didn't end up in hospital, but it was a close call. Somehow despite feeling so bad I did have the sense to call for help.
Up until now I've just about been coping with my anxiety and depression without the need for medication, but now after 6 months of trying to avoid it, I've finally been pushed over the edge and my doctor prescribed citalopram (Celexa). I took my first dose this morning and right now I feel dizzy and weird. I'm told these symptoms will pass and that eventally I'll stop feeling so sad and hopeless again. I truly hope so because I don't want to continue to feel like this. I really don't know if I have the strength to claw my way out of this black hole again, but I have to keep trying.
At least I don't have to worry about overeating right now because I don't feel like eating, period and I'm not even making the bottom of my calorie range most days. This is one reason why I know how serious this is because the only time I haven't wanted to eat before is when I've been seriously ill or very depressed.