Thursday, July 03, 2014
I had a rough niteís sleep last nite so Iím tired. That means Iím quite irritable as well. I got up early enough to do my Insanity DVD but just felt too poopy to do it. I just got back from a skating competition in Michigan and my schedule was off so I didnít get much exercise except some walking and my pushups/situps combos in the hotel and my meals were way off. I didnít feel like I had eaten well enough but I did try to make sure I had more veggies, fruits, and proteins then anything else but it just wasnít great. I had my boyfriend treat us to some yummy cupcakes from the cupcake shop and I had about a bottle of wine throughout Sunday when I got home. Monday morning I decided to see the damage and was completely shocked that I actually lost 1.5lbs. I started back up my workouts Monday and eating right and for whatever reason (to make sure I didnít gain probably), I got on the scale Wednesday. Up that half pound. Then I ate well Wednesday. Decided to check that fluke from the day before and UGH up another half pound. WTF? I am back to doing things right and Iím gaining? So being exhausted, that really went straight to the heart. I feel so terrible about the gaining. Itís very confusing and I suddenly am at an impasse with my weight. How does it happen that when I try so hard that I gain and when I chill, I lose? It is time to chill for the weekend and start over again on Monday. I have been getting compliments on the weight and Iíve been noticing my strength getting better. Iím actually on my way to an unassisted pull-up. Huge goal. So I donít want to stop anything that Iím doing because I want to keep getting stronger. I will take this weekend and enjoy the 4th of July holiday with friends and family and stop worrying. I will only go for runs or hikes with friends and that will be my exercise for now. (ok, probably some push-ups and crunches). There is no reason to feel poopy.
I was looking online at some articles and saw one about a woman named Bethany Townsend who suffers from Crohns disease and has so many surgeries and ailments due to that throughout her life. She has ended up losing most of her bowels and lives with 2 colostomy bags. She is a beautiful woman and a fighter and got tired of living her life hiding from these bags. She took photos of herself in a bikini while on vacation in Mexico and posted it on Facebook. She then sent that to Crohn's and Colitis UK who put the photo on their Facebook page. She has had so many people thank her and provide her support and just being someone to fight the issues of body embarrassment. This article did come at a good time as a good reminder for me that I really have nothing to complain about. So Iím overweight. Yup. Been that way all of my life. At one point, yeah, my blood pressure was high and so was my cholesterol but I was never really sick. Iíve never had any of these serious life threatening issues that so many people have suffered with. I read through the comments and they are people living with the same problems as Townsend and thanking her for being strong and being a role model. And here I was feeling bad because my weight isnít where I want it. But I have my bowels. I have my health and now I have my muscles. All of these people have something that they could complain about and let it get them down. And yet, they continue fighting. They are very strong people and I am impressed and amazed at their perseverance. They give me something to look up to.
Iím not saying that Iím not allowed a down day here and there. Iím tired. Iím exhausted. Iím very stressed out with school and trying to keep up with everything thatís going on, including taking care of myself. I can be unhappy with my body and feel bad about it once in awhile. I do know that my problems are controlled. I control my diet and exercise. Someone with Crohnís Disease has very little control over what is going on with their body. Itís just the right perspective for today. Iím not going to feel like a champ today. Thatís ok. I know, somewhere in my head, that I am a champ enough for working out hard like I do and eating to have lost 15lbs in 6 months. Slow loss? Very. But itís still a loss.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
I'm so proud of my wonderful boyfriend. He's not much for working out. Quite honestly, he prefers the exact opposite. While I want to spend my free time exercising, he's happy sitting home playing video games. We talk about him working out. Part of him wants to. Or at least wants to want to. LOL. He has said that after my 5k's, he gets a little hint of wanting to workout but that never lasts long. Last week, I made the decision to start Insanity. Just adding it to my already overloaded schedule but I want to be able to get up early and get something done consistently, so doing a program will make that happen. I told him on Friday that Insanity starts this week. He doubted a bit. Monday nite (I can't get to bed until late on Sunday's so my start day for most anything is Tues), that Insanity starts Tuesday morning at 6:15am. He was shocked and totally unprepared. Said to wake him up and see what happens. I know he didn't have his shorts (hasn't found them since the move) and he just wasn't ready. I let him sleep while I did crazy insane cardio. He was a little bothered that I didn't wake him. He went out and bought new shorts, which he needed anyway for our obstacle course run on Saturday, and said to wake him up. So I did. We got our behinds moving at 6:30am with 2 small furry animals trying to help/play. I was so proud of him for getting through that workout! There is nothing easy about Insanity, including the stretch. I'm already exhausted from the "warm-up". He's afraid he will be sore but he has agreed that he's getting up early with me tomorrow as well. This helps me get up as well as helping him get active. I love it!! So happy for him!!
Now - my running coach came to a few of us in our group and asked us if we'd be up for training for a half marathon. WHAT?!?!?! Is she crazy? I have never had any desire to run more than 7 miles and that was only to train for a 10k but now 13.1 miles? Who does that? And out of the 4 of us that were asked, only 1 said oh sure. The other 3 of us need convincing. Since she dropped the idea on me 1st during our 3 mile run last Saturday, I've had more time to think about it. I will say that the only thing that training for a half marathon does for me is gets me ready to do one of the Disney half marathons. I mentioned that it sort of changed the atmosphere. Those girls wanted to do that as well. But a half marathon? I never ran more than 6.5 miles. And I did terribly at my 10k race. I was miserable. Could I really make it through 13 miles? This is a 12 week training class that she wants us to do which while isn't long, it is. It's a huge commitment, especially for Saturday's long runs. It's insane that I am even considering it. But when I think about being able to say that I did that - kind of like the idea. Ugh, I just don't know. I've been sort of asking people what they think and only my mother told me that I might be making a mistake. She didn't want me doing anything else crazy that would take up my time. I am kind of busy to 100%. Each moment of my life is basically scheduled for the near future. And it's all timed properly. Again, I'm so not sure I can do it. I've never really wanted to. But now that it's kind of a choice, do I go for it? Or do I live happily knowing that I have accomplished some obstacle course 5k's, some regular 5k's, and a 10k (maybe another one this year)? I am content with how far I have come. Oh the decisions. This is a doozy of a decision. Any thoughts you might have to share would be more than welcome!!! Please help!
Friday, June 06, 2014
these little buggers are sitting on my desk calling my name. I'm fighting them but I want them. Wanting them is why they are still sitting here and haven't been put somewhere else. My office has 4 people in today, they will notice that I was the one who put them up for grabs when our Irina (who is currently working in our office because life in Ukraine is far too scary) handed them out specifically. I don't want to be "that guy". I'll bring them home to my bf and he'll be happy but for now I pride myself on my strength. So yummy looking....
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
To start, I decided to do the 5% Challenge as a way to keep me losing weight. Has it worked? EhhhÖ There are far too many weeks of a stagnant number but there had been (I say had been because Iím well aware that this post-Memorial Day weigh-in is not going to be pretty) no gain. Yippy! I have lost 4 lbs in 7 weeks. Thatís pretty good for me. Iíd love to do more but there will be no complaining.
Iíve had a change of attitude in the past few weeks. Not sure what triggered it but Iím feeling good about whatever Iím doing. Iím not letting myself miss out on the fun things in life. Iím taking a cheat treat / day / week and enjoying it. No guilt. No self-hatred. No depression. I LOVE working out. Iíd rather do that than anything else right now. Good thing is that I just donít have time to spend my entire day working out. (Boo). I have a full time job, figure skating, a wonderful boyfriend, and Iím doing 2 classes for grad school. Yeah, Iím busy. Sadly, I have a dirtier bathroom then Iíd like to admit. Thatís what kills me is that I just donít have the time for cleaning! Ugh! I think that losing weight and having so many people notice really helped. Itís kept me wanting to keep moving in the right direction. Doing the 21 Day Fix helped me clean up my eating and understand that Iím way off on portions. I started eating cleaner in January, but the 21DF really focused that. I eat more veggies than ever and it makes me feel good. When I do eat poorly, my tummy reminds me. I used to plan my life around meals. Now I plan around workouts.
Memorial Day weekend was (and still is) very tough. I hate to see food going to waste. It drives me crazy and I donít know where that came from. My parentís never made me clean my plate when I was a kid. They never told me there were starving kids somewhere who would eat it. They would toss it. They didnít want me to struggle with my weight (good effort but still a fail). I think Iím really just that cheap. But it usually isnít a problem. I do grocery shopping appropriately. Usually. My mother brought over so much cookout food on Sunday and it was just 4 of us eating. Then they left it all at my house. I had another cookout on Monday that I brought a lot of it to but there is still plenty. So this means that Iím not eating very well this week. Iím trying for the most part. Lots of salad but thatís also going bad in my fridge. But you know what? Iím not freaking out about it. If the weight goes up a bit, so be it. Itís just a rough week and Iíll be back to business next week. Thatís how this stuff works, right? We move on. We donít dwell on what we canít change. We learn from things we have done. We ask our motherís not to bring as much food or we invite more people over. This is all in the process of growing up and becoming more educated with our decisions.
I got this. You got this. And should we feel bad? No. There is no reason. We are human and we make an educated decision on what to eat. When we binge to an upset tummy, we shake our heads while looking at ourselves in the mirror, and get up the next morning with an extra few minutes of exercise. We overcome adversity. We are stronger than we think we are. We make a new day just that Ė new. I love feeling this level of confidence in my changing habits. Of course Iím still very self-conscious about my body. Iím not wearing a bikini and Iím not letting my friends lift my feet off the ground. I just know that Iím getting stronger. Iím getting better. I am better. And as an added bonus, Iím making some friends jealous Ė in a good way of course.
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