Wednesday, November 27, 2013
It's been over a year and a half since I have actively paid attention to my weight. I've been on and off throughout this time, but never really intense about it. Now here I am, hitting that moment when I don't like what has happened. Now, realistically, i'm not totally one of those statistics of people who lose weight and then gain back more then they lost. I lost about 60 and have put back on 25 lbs. Since I was still wearing large size clothes instead of extra large, I could deal with what has happened. I certainly haven't been pleased with it considering I don't fit into most of my clothes anymore but I could deal with it. I have spent the last year (well, ok, 8 months) training to run. I got from the couch to getting through 6 miles. I have never learned to love running but I do love that I burn calories. I'm still going to keep it up (ok, everytime I run I say I'm quitting). I'll decide after both the Thanksgiving 5k and Santa Shuffle 5k if I'm quitting running or not. Anywhooo.... Things in my life seem to have cleared up a bit. My relationship is going great - a man who wants to take care of me and spend all this time with me, and even supports all of my crazy notions. My job is brand new. So I'm still completely confused and have no idea what I'm doing, I'm away from the horrible management that I had been dealing with in the factory. My house problems have stabilized for now. things still need repair but at least i can deal with them until I save some money. So I decided that I am able to take care of weight. Last week, I freaked out (internally) when I put on a pair of my favorite jammies and I saw the muffin top. I had loved those. and now they don't fit well. I used to look good in those jammies. Since that moment I got the unlimited month pass to a fitness studio that just does classes and I love it. Of course, I can't afford to keep that up. I just did it to get myself working out again. I needed the financial motivation. I've gone crazy with it though. I have started working out like a crazy lady to get my metabolism moving and because I'm completely afraid about not getting through my 5k comfortably. I can't even tell you how afraid I am of not getting through the 5k. That's a whole different issue. So here I am over a week later of working out hard and trying to keep within appropriate calories, and cutting out that glass of wine with dinner and I haven't lost enough. i don't know for sure if I've actually lost any since I didn't actually weigh myself to start. I guessed. then I was so hungry today so i ate. a day before Thanksgiving. I was holding out until I could get that food. but I didn't make it. and now I feel guilty. I feel guilty for eating. Of course that means i'm going to they gym again for a workout. I will eat a healthy dinner. I will try to do better for the rest of the day. I'm not giving up but I want to lose weight. I'm not sure how my willpower will do. I want to lose the weight immediately that I feel like i put on overnite. Did i? I feel like it came on quickly so therefore it should go quickly. I want the instant gratification. I have to be patient and pay attention each and every day but ugh. ugh Ugh Ugh!
See you at the gym!!
Friday, May 04, 2012
I finally really looked at my weight on the scale today. What a sad moment in time that was. Iíve been watching it slowly creep up, but this morning it officially hit me. Wow. I knew that Iíd been eating poorly. Itís no surprise. I was constantly in a rush, constantly stressed, constantly not in the mood to think about what I was eating, and I wasnít exercising enough. With all the being said, going up about 7 lbs since January isnít the worst I might have expected, but itís more than enough for me. I know and have known that something needs to be done. I have gotten off the really terrible sugars and carbs. Iím no longer craving chocolate (I still want it, but donít crave it) and Iím not dying for a big old loaf of fresh bread (still love it, but not craving it).
Iíve done the 1st hard part. Now onto the 2nd Ė portions. I have no portion control at all. Even last night, I tracked everything that I wanted to eat and was looking good. Then I grabbed my 9Ē plate and didnít even fill it all the way with the whole wheat pasta, some sauce, and a couple of meatballs. Good enough. Then I went back for more. What? Why? I enjoyed the taste. I knew better. I asked myself why I was doing that. Still did it. I didnít need it. I wasnít starving. I just wanted it. I didnít finish the 2nd helping because I was feeling very guilty. Thatís something, right? No. Too little too late.
I would love to hit up NutriSystems for about a month. That has always been a good way for me to lose but itís not as easy when trying to feed BF too. Even though Iím sure he can handle himself, it gets expensive eating 2 different ways like that. NutriSystems is good for portion control for me. Small meals and no thinking or preparation required. Maybe Iíll discuss that with him. Iíd really like to get back on track.
It seems like at this point in my healthy lifestyle, it shouldnít be so hard. I should just know what to do. Not fall into old bad habits again. Why is this? Why is it that mentally Iím having a hard time getting around this? And why do I constantly feel hungry? Itís not just in my head. My stomach growls. I have set up the appropriate amount of calories in my tracker based on my lifestyle, so whatís the deal? Yes, Iím aiming for high fiber and protein rich foods to keep me fuller longer. Is it maybe possible that itís in my head still? I guess maybe. Anything is possible. Oh, whatís a girl to do?
This was my skating show March 30th. Iím 3rd in from the left. I feel like in these pictures, I look like I belong in the group.
To show off some of our humor, this is my with my dummy skater. Guess I wasnít qualified for a ďrealĒ man.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Here is my new house! Ok, just 2 pictures of it so far. The house and my new fireplace. My favorite part is the deck which the only pictures I had of were covered in snow (from the day I looked at the place) and don't really do it justice. I'll add more later. In case you are wondering, the reason for the silo is where the stairs are. Not spiral, but a 180ļ turn. The dog seems to be doing well with that.
Monday, April 09, 2012
Things have somehow worked out. Not sure what happened, but my apartment complex just rolled over and said that me leaving April 30th is going to be fine. I donít care why or how, but I care that Iím all set. It eventually became more of the point of the situation than anything else. How can they expect all of these disasters to happen and tenants just want to stay around? Donít get me wrong, I do have some very nice neighbors, but living there just isnít working for me. It was strange, I did call my friendís friend who is the lawyer and even though he is Massachusetts and I am New Hampshire, he was willing to head me in the correct direction to get things straightened out. As soon as I got off the phone with him, my mother sent me an email about the results of my radon test. I decided to check my email for the radon results and there was the email from the apartment office saying ďcall meĒ. Honestly, I would have been more pleased if they had either, put the April 30th is good in writing or they had had the courtesy of calling me. Either way, Iím Outta There!
In other good news: I passed my real estate exam! This was no easy test and I had no confidence. I studied hard for 2 weeks and did all the powerful positive self-talk and come out successful. I canít tell you another weight has been lifted off my shoulders. And for this test, it wasnít even the point of getting my license that Iím so proud of, itís overcoming the fact that I had sort of washed my hands of the whole thing. After I had failed it, I didnít care enough anymore. I didnít want to be a working agent, I just wanted to learn about the business. The getting the license was really for the referral commission. But I had support from my parents and my real estate friends. My bf didnít care. Heís useless. With their help, I pushed forward and overcame. So of course I had to buy myself a pair of cute new shoes to celebrate myself since I knew there wasnít going to be a big old party for me. New shoes are just as good!
Thank you for all of your support! Now I have to positively self-talk myself into eating better again. That keeps slipping away. Gotta get back to good!
Friday, March 30, 2012
I am currently buying a house. I've mentioned the issues in my apartment. I live on the 2nd floor of a 3 floor complex. My rent increased and I was not a happy camper to begin with so I would only sign a 6 month lease. It went Feb - July. In February, the sprinkler pipe burst over the 3rd floor apartment. Her bedroom was a complete loss and my walls were wet. They had an industrial fan in the bedroom for 4 days, the bed was pushed against my bureaus, and maintenance were coming and going willy-nilly for a week. Then my room was repaired but the room above my head was still being worked on. It had to be gutted so I got to deal with the sounds of repair. 4 Weeks later - to the day - the boiler in the apartment below me blew up. Luckily no one was hurt and it happened during the day. I got a call while I was at work that they were evacuating my building. I had just taken my dog back from her stay with my parents so she didn't have to deal with people coming and going and the loud noises. I left work and got her then brought her back to work. Didn't know what else to do. The dog spent another week with family. All this time, I never said a word. I never argued and I never complained. While the abatement team was working on the apartment below, the trash company never came to collect the garbage from the dumpster. I don't think their truck fit the space that was left. For 2 weeks the trash got bigger and more disgusting. Meanwhile, my neighbor (and friend) who had passed away in December, still hadn't had his family come to clean out the apartment and I'm reminded of him every time I walk out my door.
So I solved the problem and bought a house. I was aware it would probably not be so easy to get out of the lease early but all things considered, I figured they'd owe me that. I'm looking to break my lease 3 months early. Yup, 3 months. That's it. I brought them a letter on March 17, 2012 stating that I was leaving and the background on why. I never heard a thing back from them. This morning, I got a call that the heater from my apartment was somehow leaking into the downstairs apartment. They were going to need to turn off my heat. Awesome. So I'm ticked about this. With the way things work there, I figured I'd give the office a call to make sure things were hunky-dory about me leaving April 30th. What letter? Of course they were going to say that. Not surprised at all but I really thought they'd be a little more considerate. But what do I know. I email the letter to them again and give them time to discuss it. They get back to me saying they'll let me out of the lease at the end of May since they needed their 60 days. I told them to reconsider. Told them how considerate I've been through all of these repairs. How I never complain or ask for anything in return. Like how I didn't have my dog for over a month and never asked for a cut in the dog rent. They never did give me a discount or anything for the inconvenience. I have paid my rent on time every single month for over 3 years and have been a good resident. I also tried the whole think about how you'd feel if you were afraid for your safety all the time.
So basically they are going to charge me 1 extra months rent then I'm willing to pay so I can save the other 2 and get back my security deposit. I need to go back but I think my security deposit is less than 1 months rent. I'm wondering if paying $200 for a lawyer to write me a letter to get out is the best way to spend my money. That might be the route I take if they don't reconsider. This is unfair and stupid and now I just want to eat. I don't want to stress eat. I'm so sick of doing that. Hence the blog. I'm trying to work through this smoothly and gracefully. I'm so stinking aggravated though. I just want to get away from them. I mean, this is a whole bunch of whooy! Look I'm even making up words! I would prefer to use explicitives but I'm trying to be rated G. Family friendly.
Ok, ok. I close on April 16th and I'm moving out anyway. I just need to find the best way to get out of here with the smallest financial loss possible. Going to try to relax. I can feel the tense-ness in my shoulders. At least my lawyer friend on the skating team has a lawyer friend that can help me out. There are things that can be done here. There will be no eating. There will only be healthy thoughts. Wish I could get in a good workout right now. That would make me feel much better. Stinking work. Have to wait I guess.
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