Sunday, May 20, 2012
So...this is a blog entry, which is really like a diary entry. So we have to be honest, right? It's time that I'm honest with myself.
I haven't been doing well so far in this challenge. My goal at the beginning was to lose 30 pounds, and here it is halfway through and I've stayed about the same. Of course there have been days where I've been super motivated and I'm good all day, but there have been far too many cheat days. I have to stop sabotaging myself! I don't know why this is so darn hard for me. I can say that I want to lose weight all I want, but until I get to the core of the problem (which is my emotional state, I think) nothing is going to change.
I've struggled through the past four weeks, not just with food. I can put on a happy face all I want, but it doesn't make things better. I lost my dad two years ago and for some reason, I've been really really sad for the past few weeks. Of course I still miss him all the time, but it's been even worse lately. I don't really know what happened to set it off. I've been upset about not being able to find a job. I know it's a tough economy right now, but I've been applying for jobs that I'm over qualified for and friends are recommending me, and I still don't get calls. It makes me feel kind of worthless. I had my own apartment for 5 years and now I'm back in my mom's house. I love my mom and am really close with my family, but I need to be doing something with my life!
I'll stop there. This was supposed to be a re-evaluation of my goals and it's turned into a sad post...it sounds like I'm trying to throw myself a pity party. That's not the case! Sometimes it helps me just to get things out. So maybe this will help...
So, there are 4 weeks left of this challenge. I don't want to let myself down, and I don't want to let all of my teammates down. I know I can do this, and it's time to get serious. I want to lose 15 pounds by the end of the challenge. I also want to find healthier ways of dealing with my emotions. Other than that, I just have a goal of giving it 110%, not 70% like I have been doing.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
I did something this week that I've never done before--Kayaking!
I'm not gonna lie, I was a little bit nervous. I've been white water rafting but it was years ago when I was in a lot better shape. And kayaking is a lot different because you're all by yourself and it's really easy to flip. I didn't even know if it would stay afloat with all my weight! But, I wanted to do it so I sucked it up and did it despite my fears. And I was so glad I did! My friend, Kat, is a river guide and she offered to guide me down the river. I got to the shop, we loaded up the truck with our kayaks and drove to the part where we got in. I got in my kayak first, and to my surprise, it stayed afloat! I felt a little bit better after that because that is one of the parts I was most nervous about. So, Kat pushed me off the shore then she jumped in hers.
It was only about 15 seconds in before I hit a rock, went right into some trees, and flipped. My kayak got away from me (thankfully, I held on to my paddle). At first I was so mad! Only 15 seconds in of a two hour ride and I had already flipped. I let the river float me down to where my kayak had landed and plopped my butt back in. About a minute later, I flipped again. A couple minutes after that, I flipped AGAIN! I was so frustrated! I knew that if I was going to flip every minute, it was going to be a miserable ride down the river. So I said a little prayer and told myself that I COULD DO IT. So I did! After that, I only flipped one more time, but even my friend who does this for a living flipped at that spot.
Most of the ride was pretty relaxing, we only had to paddle to stay out of the trees but the water was calm. There were a few rocky spots where I got pretty stuck, but I just had to rock my hips and paddle and I was able to get out. We were coming up on the last rapid and Kat had warned me that it was the biggest one, so I was a little bit nervous. I just KNEW that I was going to flip out of my boat and get carried down the river with the current. As I was coming up on it, I leaned forward a little bit and paddled with all my might, and I went right through it! I was so proud of myself!
Although I was a little bit scared at first, I'm SO glad that I did it! And let me tell you, it was one heck of a workout! I woke up the next morning and pretty much every muscle on my body was sore. But I was okay with that because I have finally found a fun way to work out. Can't wait to do it again!
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
Okay, it's kind of a big problem...
I always get hungry late at night! Actually, I don't really get HUNGRY as much as I just get the munchies and cravings. I always want to eat at night! I can go most of the day without eating (although I don't do that) but when the sun goes down all I want to do is eat. I know there have been days where I consume more calories late at night that I've consumed all day. There are times where I will be laying in bed trying to go to sleep, and all I can think about is food. So I get my big butt out of bed and go get something to eat. And if I don't, I get really anxious and have a hard time falling asleep. I'm a night owl, so that probably adds to the problem. Told you it was a big problem.
Any suggestions of what I can do to help?
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Itís the last day of Week One of BLC#14 and Iím just now blogging about my goals. Maybe it would have helped to do this earlier in the week, but I guess better late than never.
My number one goal is to STOP PUTTING IT OFF UNTIL TOMORROW!! I think that has been my biggest challenge over the last several weeks. Iíll have one bad day and Iíll just think, ďWell, Iíll start being healthy tomorrow.Ē And then the next day comes and the same thing happens. I canít keep doing that, otherwise itís going to be the end of the challenge and I will be the same weight I am now, or worse, heavier.
I need some major motivation, and I really donít know whatís holding me back. I KNOW I need to get healthy, and I KNOW the only way Iím going to do that is to make better choices. Really, thatís all it boils down to.
Weight wise, my goal for this challenge is to get under 300 pounds, so Iíll have to lose about 30 pounds. I know I can do it with encouragement and determination. I also have a goal of not totally depriving myself. I know from past experience that it doesnít work! At least not for me. I need to do something that is sustainable for the rest of my life, and depriving myself is not the way to go.
I need to be more uplifting to myself. When I was a little girl, any time I said something negative about myself my mom said, ďUh oh, Lauren. Youíre hurting Godís feelings!Ē It sounds silly, but sheís right. I need to realize that God made me exactly how He wanted me to be, and wishing anything else is going against His will. I need to look in the mirror every morning and tell myself that Iím beautiful and Iím going to do great things, despite how Iím feeling about myself that day.
"Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality."
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