LAURALE8   5,629
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Reflections

Friday, October 18, 2013

Gosh I don't even know where to start! I am surrounded by illness it seems. My hubby is very sick with a tumor, my colleague (and friend) has been diagnosed with breast cancer. My dad needs a gallbladder operation ( if a surgeon can be found to do it).

Illness brings about a whole new set of stressors - the importance of a budget for one. I am now the sole income earner for the household and have no idea how I am going to pay for everything. I could get a second job but I am not sure when I could do it.

I have dogs - 3 are from Collie Rescue Network - do I give them back? I have only 1 that I cannot return.... I want to cry every time I consider this as an option. But it is expensive to vet and feed them all.

My kids (2 are step kids) that have lived with us forever - the youngest was 2 when he came to live with us - his brother was almost 4 continue to be so disrespectful towards me it is not even funny. I almost moved out a couple of years ago because of it - but then they moved out for about 6 months. They are back....

I am hurt and upset and so done with it! When Dana is better I will be making changes. The one thing his illness has really driven home for me is that life is fragile. I refuse to spend the next however long living like I have been. If I ask the boys to do anything - I get swore at, called names etc. Dana excuses it ALWAYS by saying they are stressed. REALLY!!! Do they know what stress is at 19 and 21??? They treat me like I am nothing in their lives just someone to yell obscenities at. I am done living with this. I was done with this before and was pretty clear when Dana said they could move back what my expectations were.... but that has fallen by the wayside and I am not addressing it again. I dislike conflict and confrontation ands I refuse to start my day with it. Change is good and positive. If I am moving out instead of them it will take me many months. I have to find a place that will take my dog for sure. Multiple ones if I can. Not to mention that my dad lives very close to me which has totally simplified looking after him.etc.... It is complicated and difficult - but change is good.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MJK0430 10/18/2013 6:55PM

    Praying for you and Dana. I cannot believe the boys are not helping out more when their Father is sick in the hospital. emoticon

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MARYBETH4884 10/18/2013 6:10PM

    My heart goes out to you! I hope Dana is soon on the mend! The boys need to respect you and help you considering you are doing the biggest share of care giving! Your friend and father will be added to my prayer list! You and Dana will continue to be in my prayers! ((HUGS))

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Half way through BLC

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Well halfway through the challenge and I have gained 2 pounds! How frustrating is that. Food wise I seem to do OK most of the time. I am choosing better foods, not snacking and drinking lots of water.
Where I am not doing well is with movement. I think I need to schedule it in so I start doing it. I have been telling myself this for awhile - but have not done it. I know it will help my stress level, and I know it is key for me to lose. But still I procrastinate.... I really need to make this my year where I am the priority, but so unsure of how to do that!
So although it appears that I know what I need to do - the stumbling block is the how. I may need to rework the SMART model again. I know I am tired of carrying this weight - so what am I prepared to do about it?????

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUCCESSN2014 2/21/2013 10:51PM

    10 minutes is better then 0! Keep your head up!

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SUZECOOKS 2/21/2013 1:19PM

    What are you going to do? Do you have a plan yet? Have you done any of SparkPeople 10 minute workouts? They are awesome. I love the 28 day boot camp workout videos. They vary and are short but effective - especially if you aren't doing anything right now.

Good luck with this! I'm making changes too. You can do this!!! emoticon

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MARYBETH4884 2/21/2013 1:18PM

    Just add a little movement in here and there throughout the day. Do schedule an exercise time and keep the appointment! You can do this! Little changes here and there add up to big differences in the long run! Just tweak your schedule here and there. When it is a habit add a little more!

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Stress Eating

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

I am mindful of myself most of the time - so when I started to mindlessly eat - I was able to talk myself out of it. Yes I did eat 10 donut holes before I stopped - but I stopped.
I keep wondering if it is worth it to do my Masters. I am stressed to the max all the time and the classes are the only thing I can get rid of. Ageing parents are keepers, kids are keepers, rescue dogs are keepers, job is a necessity what does that leave - classes. I need to really consider this as an option instead of thinking I can do it. Cause the reality is I cannot do it all.
My mom has been evicted from her Seniors complex - so to try and find her a place to live.Dad refuses to give up driving even though he is a menace. These are worries and stressors that will work themselves out though.
I need to figure this out for myself sooner rather than later.....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CM_GARDNER78 2/6/2013 12:27AM

    Oh my gosh - I am stressed out just reading about it!!!

I am SO glad you recognized that yes, you DID STOP!! That is great. Could have been a whole package of donut holes! WTG.

I don't know if doing your Masters can be done on a more part time scale? Or is it a set thing, and it's kind of all or nothing? I'm sure you have researched this already, just thought I'd ask.

Things do tend to have a way or working themselves out, although it doesn't make it easier in the moment! I hope that things do calm down for you, and you are able to make a decision one way or the other about school. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

emoticon

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MARYBETH4884 2/5/2013 7:59PM

    You are right Family must come first! aging parents can be difficult to juggle with kids and dogs. There are groups that help sort out problems like you are talking about. Check out your local senior center or department of aging they would know to find such support groups. You are not alone there are many others in your situation. hope your situation calms down soon and life smoothes out a little! you will be in my thoughts! emoticon

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What will be different

Monday, January 28, 2013

When I lose my excess pounds I will feel better about myself. I want to feel good about who I am - not so self conscious. I love fashion, dressing up wearing heels etc. But at my current weight I cannot do this.
I am tired of people saying - 'she has such a pretty face". I am tired of my boss blabbing about her weight loss everyday she comments on what size she is wearing and how wonderful she looks!!! i don't think I am jealous - more like discouraged.
I am frustrated with my body and all the health issues going on - will they change if I am thinner - no way of knowing. But I need to try.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THEBESTISTOCOME 2/1/2013 12:46PM

    You can do it, Laura. Just take one day at a time!

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CM_GARDNER78 1/28/2013 11:16PM

    I feel the same way as you! My mom has been very successfully losing weight, and that's ALL she talks about. I am SO happy for her............yet discouraged for me, and it is hard to hear about it all the time! :-/ We can do this together - for health AND for dressing up pretty!! :-)
(((HUGS)))
~ Christa

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DLBROWN93 1/28/2013 12:28PM

    Congratulations on your healthy lifestyle journey. The one thing I have enjoyed since my weight loss is going to the mall and having more options, besides the plus size stores.

Since you are beginning your journey, and realize how much time, planning and energy goes into maintaining the healthy lifestyle you should be happy for your boss.

It won't be long, before you too will be bragging out how much weight and how many dress sizes you have loss.

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HCHASE2 1/28/2013 12:27PM

    Those were my thoughts as well and the answer is hell ya ! I feel better about myself. I feel much lighter and my coats and even boots are more roomy and comfy. My face looks prettier. I am having fun dressing up etc. etc. etc.
You deserve that and it will come. The hardest days are when life gets in the way and you want to medicate with food. I am having one today. I am off the chart with stress and not getting on with the day. I refuse to cheat, though. I want this that bad....
Please take care and realise they are not all hard days ,but when you are ready to be thin you will be thin !!!! Blessings emoticon emoticon

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WORK ON THIS

Friday, January 11, 2013

be S.M.A.R.T.
Specific
Measurable
Achievable
Relevant
Time bound.
SPECIFIC
Which people
How much weight
What kind of job

MEASURABLE
At the end of your time table you should be able to answer with alacrity...
Is the person gone?
How much weight did you lose?
Do you have a new job?

ACHIEVABLE
You're the toxic person (In that case work on your personality)...or that toxic person is someone who depends on you..(but for the most part...you can ditch toxic people..even a spouse, it isn't pleasant but it's doable.)
50 lbs in a year is achievable...200 isn't.
you are 5 foot tall, 50 years old and you want to play in the nba.

RELEVANT
You won't be achieving world peace any time soon..
make it relevant to your life.

TIME BOUND
Don't say "Well...I'd like to lose weight...someday." It's a recipe for a never ending dance.
Since it's January 2nd, 2013...
Make it one year..with mini goals every month, or three months etc.

So...move toxic people out...
gain some different friends..
send a letter by such and thus a date.
go and join some social clubs or activities you enjoy.
meet new friends

Weight loss:
lose 4 pounds a month...with a total weight loss of 48 lbs in a year. (I know....that's alot!)
set a calorie cap..
set an exercise goal.
write a food list..
Then do it.
Begin now, it's completely possible.

For a new job...get training...
set a goal to sign up for classes by march.
write your resume.
put out feelers and make contacts in the industry you are interested in..
Write your steps out..
and then do one thing each day to move forward

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MJK0430 1/14/2013 10:41AM

    So you are a SMART Gecko, huh! emoticon Nice to have you on the team!

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