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Updates and Thoughts

Friday, October 28, 2011

Had a nice day today. Got in a 50 minute workout because of the wonderful friends here on spark. I was reading some friends blogs that sounded just like what I was thinking. I started out really strong in October and then petered out. I can't tell you how many times I read that today along with I'm going to get back to it again. My response to each of those was I will get back to it with you. I firmly believe we all lose together. My motto is : TEAM..Together Everyone Achieves More. You'll see it on the bottom of my signature.

I can't guarantee if it weren't for seeing those other blogs that I would have gotten off my butt. I only got in 50 minutes because my daughter called and I had to go get her, but it was better than nothing.

As far as updates...my son's car is fixed...well our other car. He knows it is not "his" car, but the car he uses. We have only let him drive once since he got into the accident. The talk we had with him on Monday seems to have worked. There has been no arguing or yelling. He understands he can't just go to his grandmother's when the going gets rough and hasn't asked to. He was upset, but didn't say anything, when his sister got to drive my husband's car last night and he has never driven it.

Now, the decision. We are picking up the car tomorrow. My husband went and drove it to make sure everything is ok. He says it looks as good as when we bought it. The only thing we didn't do was put freon in it. Brian says we will deal with the airconditioning this summer. We can probably do it cheaper ourselves.

How do we handle letting my son drive? He is on a very short leash with school and his job. They call me with everything now. I still believe this wouldn't have happened had the job placement let the school know he wasn't showing up, but that is water under the bridge. We just need to go forward. We need him to transport my daughter next week. We have stuff almost every afternoon. My husband has to go for his first colonoscopy next Friday and my daughter has a half day. I need my son to get her. Thursday we have to be in a meeting at 3:00. I can't get my daughter and get there.

My thought is to let Ben drive the car strictly to school, his job, back to school to get his sister and home. That is it. If he blows it again, we will just put the car in the garage until Sarah gets her license in January.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SVELTEWARRIOR 11/6/2011 1:09AM

    Your plan sounds reasonable to me

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IMIN2GENES 10/29/2011 8:27PM

    Tough decisions ahead. I do like your plan - it sounds reasonable. Good luck!
Chris
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DARINGR8LY 10/29/2011 10:25AM

    You're right Nina. October has seen many people doing well just to start slowing down toward the end. I was just thinking oh boy with the holidays approaching it will be that much tougher to stay strong. Heck we can do it if we are creative and determined.

I remember the teenage years with my daughter and they were tough. It's great you and your husband are in agreement with how to handle the car situation. For the most part all parties win.

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SARALEIGHM 10/29/2011 7:44AM

    I know what you mean. I started out October fairly strong but got sidetracked (sideswiped by life is more like it) last week. I'm determined to get back, right along with you.

I think your plan for your son and his driving is a good one. He should be happy with getting that much of his driving privileges back. If he shows that he's responsible, then you can gradually allow more.
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THETURTLEBEAR 10/28/2011 11:38PM

    Yikes! Tough decisions!

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TXGRANDMA 10/28/2011 11:15PM

    Hooray for you for getting your exercise in! That is just great!
I agree with you in the limitations you have thought about setting for your son's driving. If you need him to drive and do something for you, that is OK, but he shouldn't be allowed to drive somewhere just for fun.
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EJOY-EVELYN 10/28/2011 10:18PM

    You sound so together after all you've gone through. Sure hope you can attack your personal goals and loves with a fervor and that life tends to simply fall into place beautifully.

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JEANUT 10/28/2011 10:14PM

    First congrats on getting the exercise in.
Secound, the responsiblilty of getting his sister will be good for him. And if he pulls through like he should a big help for you. Hopes and prayers that all goes well

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KNITTABLES 10/28/2011 7:30PM

    Wow Have I missed a lot, Glad you got things worked out and it sounds like a good plan to keep you son on that short lease for awhile. Good luck with it all and I will keep my fingers cross that your son behaves himself. emoticon

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LOPEYP 10/28/2011 6:47PM

    Glad that our lack of motivation motivated you! emoticon

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YIWEN39 10/28/2011 6:25PM

    Glad you got things sorted out, what a relief that must be :-)
Glad also that you got some exercise done emoticon
And I love your TEAM acronym, very inspiring emoticon
Have a great weekend!
Eve emoticon

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My Me Day

Thursday, October 27, 2011

One of my challenges this week is to do something for me each day. Yesterday..was crazy and I was working from 8 a.m. until 10 p.m. I was absolutely exhausted trying to make a deal workout that was just going no where. In the end, we rejected that deal. Of course I was doing all of that while doing the training for the Relocation Team.

When I got home, that buyer wanted me to write on another house. We had to figure out how to make the numbers work. So, it took until almost 10 last night to get that all put together and I needed everything signed by her. I also got a call on a new lead and spent over an hour on the phone with him.

Today, I decided to do what I felt like doing. I forwarded some paperwork. Other paperwork was left out. I e-mailed my buyer once and figured when she gets it to me; she gets it to me. I wasn't going to stress over it anymore. Same with SP today. I wasn't going to stress over the challenges etc. I watched tv, relaxed, and checked e-mails every now and then. I have to learn that some things are just going to have to wait until tomorrow and stressing isn't going to help.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JEANUT 10/28/2011 2:18PM

    Good for you... you needed some me time


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KELLEEH 10/28/2011 2:16PM

    Right on! Sometimes things just have to take care of themselves!

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ZIPCONTROL 10/28/2011 4:46AM

  Good for you !

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 10/27/2011 10:39PM

    I agree about JC, but I also love that you took a me day! emoticon

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TXGRANDMA 10/27/2011 10:28PM

    So glad that you had a day you could rest! I have decided that I will do things at my pace! The world won't end! I am still a perfectionist, though! emoticon

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4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 10/27/2011 7:58PM

    WooHoo! Finding the courage to just relax is tough. Glad you had a good day.

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LOPEYP 10/27/2011 7:33PM

    I'm glad that you had a good day!

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YIWEN39 10/27/2011 7:25PM

    Good for you :-) That's probably just what you needed right now :-) Take care! emoticon

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HEALTHYBARB1 10/27/2011 6:57PM

    I think you are so right and by taking the time to not stress it sounds like you got in a lot of me time!!! I usually have me time each day but as soon as it became part of our challenge it became a struggle this week...seems like the minute you decide something must happen life comes along to put some crazy in your day!!! So glad to be and the Teddy Bear team with you and to share our challenges and successes!! Thanks for sharing and making me smile!! Barb emoticon

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DETERMINDCHICKY 10/27/2011 6:00PM

    Glad that you took a relax day to just chill in front of the tube. You deserve that. Don't forget that working out and eating right is YOU time too. emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 10/27/2011 3:20PM

    JC is DEFINITELY "Me time!"

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SARALEIGHM 10/27/2011 3:02PM

    That's absolutely right! Sometimes there's nothing you can do; you just have to let things take their course.
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Hoping Worst is Over

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

We met with my son yesterday. I think he finally realizes the full extent of his actions. His teachers don't trust him; we don't trust him. We told him that if he chose to move out when he is 18, that is completely up to him, but he will not move to his grandmother's. He will have to find his own place and come up with a plan for getting a job. He will have to support himself. He can not decide to leave and expect us to support him.

We told him that if he chooses to stay here, he will have to live by our rules. If he gets mad, there is no running to grandmother's. He has to earn a stay at his grandmother's. We further told him we would allow him to drive the car when it comes back, but strictly to school (pd $200 for the parking spot), his job and to pick up his sister. No place else. Right now, he is on watch everywhere he goes and he knows it.

Finally, got in a good workout today. Found my buyers a different house and am working on that offer. We are then leaving for Northbrook Illinois for the Relo training tomorrow. Going in tonight to celebrate DH's birthday a few days late and because I didn't want to get up at 6 a.m. to get there.

Felt good to get back to out of breath exercise :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TXGRANDMA 10/26/2011 10:58PM

    Good for you, setting those boundaries for DS on a united front! Just what he needed!
Good luck with the offer, hope you sell another house!
Have a great trip! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EJOY-EVELYN 10/26/2011 9:23AM

    Kudos on setting a great foundations -- Let the good life begin! I can appreciate that this was not an easy process to go through. My hat's off to you as you continue to make the best out of the chaos we sometimes experience more than our fair share of. Hoping you get some more great JC time between all those great RE shows.

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SARALEIGHM 10/25/2011 11:24PM

    Good for you! Let's hope your son takes it to heart.

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SVELTEWARRIOR 10/25/2011 9:41PM

    Congrats on everything!!! I think your son my just get it this time!!! I wish you and your family peace.

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JEANUT 10/25/2011 9:39PM

    Good for you

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YIWEN39 10/25/2011 9:38PM

    emoticon Hope it will all go more smoothly from now on!
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WIZKEY 10/25/2011 9:16PM

    I have two teenage sons and I completely sympathize with your situation!! They want to be so independent, but don't want to have to "really" take care of themselves. Good for you for laying down the rules - now be sure to stick by them!! Prayers for you strength and lots of love during this difficult time. emoticon

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NEWMAC2011 10/25/2011 8:39PM

    Glad things are going better. I'm sure that's a load off your mind. Trust must be earned and once lost, it's hard to get it back, but it is possible.

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GEORGIAGIRL26 10/25/2011 7:45PM

    Congrats on the exercise.
I hope that you have a good trip tomorrow.
Holly

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THETURTLEBEAR 10/25/2011 4:59PM

    emoticon

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4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 10/25/2011 4:40PM

    Congrats! I'm happy that the talk was done with both of you and that your son is starting to learn, one hopes.

Have fun on your trip and hope it's worth the trip.

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IMIN2GENES 10/25/2011 3:34PM

    Congrats on both counts! Hopefully your son will take it all to heart. Way to go on your exercise!
Chris
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Frustration con'd

Monday, October 24, 2011

I thought about a lot of the comments I received regarding the issues with my son. I have not heard from him since he left on Friday. I know he is at my mother's as I have talked to the person staying with her, but he is causing issues there too. There are enough issues over there without him adding to it.

I thought about one comment where someone asked what my husband was doing in all this..the answer is and always has been the same..NOTHING! This has always been mine to deal with. Brian may get mad for 5 minutes and then act like Ben did nothing wrong. He didn't bother to find out anything about him this weekend. Just said, "Well, I'll take money over there to him." That's not the answer.

I called my husband this morning and said we had to do something. Ben can not keep hiding out at my mother's expecting everyone else to pay for him. My mother fell yesterday and I don't need to hear from my sisters that my son is causing too many problems and stress there. I found out that my sister, who doesn't speak to me, is going to put my mother in assisted living. I did call her and I said that she can not unilaterally make these decisions there are 4 of us. Needless to say, I haven't heard a word from her.

I did decide that we have to deal with this issue with my son today! I told my husband that I called the school and told them that Ben was to be excused after his classes are done and told to come home. He will just have to miss his volunteer job this afternoon. My husband needs to come home and we need to lay the boundaries for Ben together. He can not go to my mother's and hide. If he wants to leave home so bad, he better figure out where is going to go and how he is going to pay for it. My husband has to be a part of this instead of letting me always deal with it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEVIEANN 10/26/2011 8:12PM

    I am so sorry you are having such issues with your son... I had very similar issues with my son when he was in his late teens... It is heart wrenching and often times you don't know where to turn or what the answer is... ONe thing for certain it will pass although when you are going through it it sure doesn't seem lik eit will... My son did get through it and is a responsible adult now with 2 lovely sons and a wonderful wife...

He did end up leaveing and I didn't hear from him mujst for about 2 years.... but I would call him once in awhile... my heart still hurts when the memories of those times come up as they have lately in dealing with my neice... But one thing I do know that it will pass...

Am thinking of you through these trying times and trusting that you were able to set boundaries and work it out wiht him.. is so hard when you feel like you are the bad guy and the dad just goes along with it... it will be okay... he will grow up and realize what he has put you through...

Take care...

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4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 10/25/2011 2:48PM

    **HUGS** I know how stressful dealing with something like this is. You are correct that this has to come from both of you. It would help if you and DH could talk about what you can and are willing to do and not do, to allow and not allow and consequences if things happen.

Good luck!

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TEDDYBEAR662 10/25/2011 12:10PM

    Sorry you are going through all this. Know I'll be praying for you! I hope your husband steps up and becomes a Dad / man! Also I REALLY hope your Mom is okay! Last, PLEASE take care of yourself!!!
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ZIPCONTROL 10/25/2011 11:00AM

  I agree with Teresa....your mother has to stop keeping him.

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YIWEN39 10/25/2011 9:30AM

    Great plan! I hope things get sorted out, or at least improve somewhat, very soon. Hang in there, you are doing great in such a complicated situation!
Thinking of you,
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SVELTEWARRIOR 10/24/2011 11:39PM

    I hope this talk works out for you. There is no doubt that you and your husband need to be a united team. I will say a prayer for you and your family.

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4MRSDAND123 10/24/2011 8:43PM

    Sorry you've having to go through all this. All this stress is emotionally and physically draining. So remember to take care of YOU!

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TXGRANDMA 10/24/2011 8:06PM

    I agree, you didn't make your son by yourself, you shouldn't have to be the one who makes all the decisions. Hope that things are soon settled, this is a lot of stress for you!

That is exactly what your son is doing, hiding at your Mom's house, and that is not a good thing. Sounds like more trouble with Sis on the horizon, too. emoticon

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JEANUT 10/24/2011 6:53PM

    I hope your plan works


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1BEACHWALKER 10/24/2011 3:42PM

    Sounds like a good plan! Good luck! I hope it all works out for best for all of you! Hope your Mom is ok after her fall too!

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TERESA159 10/24/2011 3:29PM

    Unless your mother's incapacitated mentally, she's the only one that can decide if she's moving. Also, your mother needs to stop enabling your son. Or whoever over at that house is allowing him to come and stay. You need to get that person in line with what you want. Good luck with the talk, remember to use "I" or "We" phrases instead of "you" ones.

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IMIN2GENES 10/24/2011 1:59PM

    I agree too! You definitely need a united front if you hope to make a change. As long as your son keeps getting money regardless of what he does, he won't find any motivation to care for himself. Best wishes!
Chris


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CANDOK1260 10/24/2011 12:57PM

    all i can you are my prayer what i do all i can tell is my mom live thru 5 sons youth and twenty and you will do the same

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THETURTLEBEAR 10/24/2011 11:59AM

    I agree! You need a united stand and some help in the parenting!!

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5% Challenge Week 5

Sunday, October 23, 2011

I can't believe the 5 % challenge is passed the halfway mark. I am still doing good. I am still down in my weight which makes me very happy. I didn't have the best week last week as far as exercise. Between my son and work, I just didn't have the time I usually do.

This week I want to get back to it. Get back to doing my daily routine. Today, I am going to go to the barn. I was supposed to go on Friday, but ended up with the issues with my son instead. Tomorrow, I will get back to my regular workout routine. I find that if I start at 11:00 a.m., I will generally go until 12:30 p.m. There is something about 11 that works for me.

My eating was not the greatest last week either. But, it also wasn't the worst. We only ate out 2 days last week which I think is a record for us. When we went out Friday, we shared one entree. I do admit to eating McDonald's on Friday also before the big blow up. I just figure every now and then you need fast food. It is kind of like a snickers bar.

For myself, I finally took the time and finished the book "The Help". It was a wonderful book. I have about 7 e-books lined up on my computer from the library. I would like to make sure I take at least 30 minutes a day and read.

I will be gone on Wednesday for relocation specialist training all day so I don't know if I will get in a workout then. But one day of not exercising won't kill me. I can only do what I can do :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMIN2GENES 10/24/2011 2:17PM

    You're doing great! Hang in there and keep up the great work.
Chris
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CROOKEDLETTER 10/24/2011 6:39AM

    Glad that despite a hard week, you took care of yourself. Heck, I eat some junk during "good" weeks.

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ZIPCONTROL 10/24/2011 3:12AM

  emoticon

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SVELTEWARRIOR 10/23/2011 9:26PM

    You sound like you know what your doing. You don't quit and you make your health a priority. I hope your week is a great one!

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EJOY-EVELYN 10/23/2011 8:50PM

    With your crazy schedule, you've done marvelous! Anxious to see you succeed! I'll be sure to tell my hubby about the ebook and library link. This might be just the thing before we jump in for a Kindle, Nook, or whatever the market's currently touting.

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YIWEN39 10/23/2011 6:51PM

    emoticon Wishing you all the best for the 2nd half of our challenge :-) Let's Rock on Teddy :-) emoticon

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SARALEIGHM 10/23/2011 6:30PM

    I love reading on my iPad. I was buying a lot of books, then I got a library card. Woo-hoo! I read every morning while I eat breakfast (e-book), then every night before bed (paper book).

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THETURTLEBEAR 10/23/2011 6:22PM

    Good job! I am in the middle of The Help (I think...since it's hard to tell with an ebook!).

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TERESA159 10/23/2011 1:34PM

    Sounds like you are living life and still making your health a priority. That's great! As long as you just keep always heading in the right direction, you'll get there. Best wishes for a great week.

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