Tuesday, October 25, 2011
We met with my son yesterday. I think he finally realizes the full extent of his actions. His teachers don't trust him; we don't trust him. We told him that if he chose to move out when he is 18, that is completely up to him, but he will not move to his grandmother's. He will have to find his own place and come up with a plan for getting a job. He will have to support himself. He can not decide to leave and expect us to support him.
We told him that if he chooses to stay here, he will have to live by our rules. If he gets mad, there is no running to grandmother's. He has to earn a stay at his grandmother's. We further told him we would allow him to drive the car when it comes back, but strictly to school (pd $200 for the parking spot), his job and to pick up his sister. No place else. Right now, he is on watch everywhere he goes and he knows it.
Finally, got in a good workout today. Found my buyers a different house and am working on that offer. We are then leaving for Northbrook Illinois for the Relo training tomorrow. Going in tonight to celebrate DH's birthday a few days late and because I didn't want to get up at 6 a.m. to get there.
Felt good to get back to out of breath exercise :)
Sunday, October 23, 2011
I can't believe the 5 % challenge is passed the halfway mark. I am still doing good. I am still down in my weight which makes me very happy. I didn't have the best week last week as far as exercise. Between my son and work, I just didn't have the time I usually do.
This week I want to get back to it. Get back to doing my daily routine. Today, I am going to go to the barn. I was supposed to go on Friday, but ended up with the issues with my son instead. Tomorrow, I will get back to my regular workout routine. I find that if I start at 11:00 a.m., I will generally go until 12:30 p.m. There is something about 11 that works for me.
My eating was not the greatest last week either. But, it also wasn't the worst. We only ate out 2 days last week which I think is a record for us. When we went out Friday, we shared one entree. I do admit to eating McDonald's on Friday also before the big blow up. I just figure every now and then you need fast food. It is kind of like a snickers bar.
For myself, I finally took the time and finished the book "The Help". It was a wonderful book. I have about 7 e-books lined up on my computer from the library. I would like to make sure I take at least 30 minutes a day and read.
I will be gone on Wednesday for relocation specialist training all day so I don't know if I will get in a workout then. But one day of not exercising won't kill me. I can only do what I can do :)
Friday, October 21, 2011
I have spent my son's entire life going to bat for him and fighting with him. I always felt guilty for the preschool I sent him to. It was an Orthodox Jewish preschool and we weren't orthodox. I got a call after Ben had been there for a year and a half that he tried to strangle another child. I couldn't figure it out. It wasn't like him. I found out from one of the non Jewish aides that Ben had been placed away from all the other children by the teacher as we were not Orthodox and they didn't want him by those other children.
That day, I took him out of that school and sent him to the Jewish Day School. It cost us a lot of money to send the kids there. Ben started having trouble almost immediately. He had no clue how to interact with other kids because he had never had any interaction with other children. He was behind in almost everything. We took him to psychologists, therapists for children with fine and gross motor problems etc.. We even put him on Ritalen and Concerta as they decided he had ADHD. He made no sense at all on those drugs...
Fast forward to 6th grade. They couldn't keep him at the day school because they had no programs for special needs kids in their middle school. I put him into the best middle school our public schools had to offer. It was awful. I had to fight to get him in there. They didn't want any special needs students at that school. I got an advocate for him and got him in.
When my daughter was starting middle school, we decided to send the kids to my mom's school district. Ben did 8th grade there. The behavior has always been the same. All mouth no thinking.
Now, he is ready to graduate from high school. We all know the events of the past week with the car. Today, I let him drive my car with me in it. I had to run some errands. I am so tired as work has been crazy today that I said we should just stop and get something from the McDonald's $1 menu on the way home. (Big mistake..it's making me sick). We got into a discussion on the way home about what happened to the $100 dollars he took out of his savings account last week the day before he smashed the car.
I know $35 went towards gas, but I wanted to know what happened to the rest of it. He gave me his standard answer, "I don't know." That's all he ever says. Then we got into it about his lying...lying for 4 weeks about going to his job skills job when he wasn't, lying about the money. He stood in the driveway and said to me, "You are f*cking p*ssing me off. I'm going to bubbies (grandmother's)." I said fine, but if he walks out that door; he is on his own. He will be 18 in January and I don't need any child who is going to sit and swear at me and lie to me.
He says, "What you're saying I can't come back here and live again." I said that was exactly what I meant. If he is old enough to walk out when he needs to start taking responsibility for his actions, he is old enough to walk out and take responsibility for himself. I told him no more calling us when he gets in trouble with his grandmother. No more asking us for money. No more asking us to bail him out when he gets in trouble at school.
Then he went to his usual line, "What you don't care about me? The only f*cking person you care about is yourself."
Sometimes I think we did too much for him other times I think we should have done for him. I don't know when to let go and make him stand on his own two feet, but he has everyone believing that he is not capable. Right now, my stomach hurts, my head is swimming, I am emotionally exhausted and I can't keep doing this with him.
Deep down, I want him to go to Mom's just so I can get a break for a couple of days from him. By the same token, I know that that just let's him off the hook as he has a tv in his room there. He can come and go as he pleases. He doesn't have to go to school. She never cared if we went to school. My brother and I cut out of high school all the time, but we were smart enough to get all the work done. My mother was never a mother and never knew how to be and still doesn't.
I think I am just going to lay down. Don't have the energy to go to the barn. I will go on Sunday. I wish there was a magic answer here. I look at all 3 of my sister's kids who are all lawyers or soon to be lawyers. Of course, the 2 that are lawyers are practicing with her and never had to get jobs on their own which I don't think is good either. I don't know....I really don't.
For all of you who read to this point. Thank you. I know it was long. I just needed to write it to try and get some perspective on all of it.
Just looked and he left. Not a word..didn't even hear the door close.
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