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Friday, May 13, 2011

I didn't want to do it, but I did. I had a nice quiet day. Caught up on all the shows that I had dvr'd, stayed off the computer for the first time in I don't know how long and my phone didn't ring :) That was a first. I didn't even go to the barn just took the quiet time for myself. happened. I couldn't help it. I had to exercise emoticon. I am in the challenge to do at least 10 minutes every day for 1,000 days. Oh, but I didn't want to. I figured out how to plug my laptop into my tv so I could watch netflix :) But, the exercise. Well, if I can watch netflix, I can put Leslie's Walk Club on my tv too. That was the answer. I did Leslie's thigh workout, well, that was 11 minutes. Hmmm. ... I said 10 minutes. Well, I then did Leslie's ab workout. Ok. 24 minutes not bad. But, now my heart rate is up.. emoticon

One 3 mile walk won't kill me. So, I turned on Walk it Out in the other room and Leslie's 3 mile walk with the Stretchy band in the other. I finished that 3 miles, but I love doing Leslie's walk in central park only another 14 minutes. I finished my 10 minute workout 95 minutes later. I burned over 550 calories, got almost 10,000 steps and found my beautiful emoticon.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SNOWFILLY 5/14/2011 9:05PM

    YOU ROCK!!!!

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DARINGR8LY 5/14/2011 10:11AM

    Leslie just makes everything better. I so wish I could meet her in real life.

Exercise is so naturally good. You did awesome. Glad you caught your rainbow.

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SARALEIGHM 5/14/2011 8:08AM

    Good for you! I should have done that, but I didn't.

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SNOBENSON1 5/14/2011 6:54AM

    Good job!

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THETURTLEBEAR 5/13/2011 10:53PM

    Funny how those "ten minutes" add up, eh?

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HEALTHYGRAMMY49 5/13/2011 10:02PM

    Great Job...Cuddos to you...don't stop, do it again tomorrow!
emoticon BevBear Teddy Bear Team

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CERIUSLY 5/13/2011 9:48PM

    emoticon and I just read an e mail where yuore telling me you're doing another 25 for the team!
Fantastic Fur Fluffing emoticon

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LOPEYP 5/13/2011 8:40PM


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KNITTABLES 5/13/2011 7:32PM

    What a great day, glad you got to relax some and get in a killer workout. emoticon

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4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 5/13/2011 7:00PM

    WooHoo! Isn't funny how once we get started it's harder to quit. Great job on keeping your streak going.

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1THING 5/13/2011 6:52PM

    keep it up!

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Still Trying

Thursday, May 12, 2011

I am still working on that habit of don't stress over the things you can't change. So, my mother leaves messages, I delete them. We have completely resigned ourselves that we are not going to the wedding. That's fine. We are trying to make our family be the family I did not have. Now, my sisters and brother obviously want nothing to do with me so why does my one sister who I have not spoken to in probably 20+ years call me?

Last night I get a call from her which, of course, I don't answer. Then I get a call from my mother which I didn't answer. Then I decided I had had it. I called my mother and my niece answers. I will not say I was nice to her. I just told her to put my mother on the phone. I made it very clear to my mother that I had nothing to say to her especially after the way she disrespected my husband and she had no reason to call me. She had all she needed in Karen and her kids. She said that they were helping her because her phones weren't working. I told her it wasn't my problem my phones haven't worked since Sunday. I again made it clear that there was no reason for her to call me and hung up.

I really haven't missed my phones. I only have a land line for the fax machine. I use my cell phone for everything. So, here I am sitting waiting for AT&T. They have tried to call me to confirm which I know because I see it on my U-Verse when the tv is on. But. I can't answer to confirm because the phones don't work. I told them that when I called and I gave them my cell phone number. What don't they get.

I can't get into a long workout because I have no clue when the guy is going to show up or if he will since I haven't confirmed. I got in 29 minutes of Walk it Out before dh brought us a Subway fresh fit sandwich for lunch.

I thank my spark friends for helping me to keep my sanity in my insane world. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SARALEIGHM 5/13/2011 2:58PM

    If you keep ignoring the phone calls from your mother and the rest of the family, eventually they will get it and stop calling. Don't let the ringing phone or messages get to you. They just want a reaction at this point, so don't give them the satisfaction.

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STEPHIEKNITS 5/13/2011 12:51PM

    Hang in there!

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PEEKINGOUT 5/13/2011 1:51AM

    I am so proud of you for not allowing the toxic relationships anymore.
You have your own family now and they are what is most important.

Now dealing with the phone company is another story! I wonder if there is anyone out there who gets good service and has people show up when they are supposed to.

Take care and hopefully your phones will be ok tomorrow.

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EJOY-EVELYN 5/12/2011 11:04PM

    Trying is what it is all about. Every time you feel like doing the wrong thing and you choose to do the right thing you are growing and God is smiling!

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CERIUSLY 5/12/2011 8:53PM

    Sanity? What's that? emoticon Surround yourself with the positive..

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THETURTLEBEAR 5/12/2011 4:00PM

    Some weeks you just want to BE OVER WITH! I have an extremely annoying older sister who decided to move from Michigan to Massachusetts (where my parents and brother's family live) because her life was a disaster. She won't admit that - says she moved back to be near my parents because they're getting more feeble. Instead she drives everyone crazy. And her life is still a disaster. ARGH!

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MISSFORTE 5/12/2011 3:09PM

    your family sounds like mine I am sorry you go through this also! My mother and sisters whole another ball game. I pray one day it works.

Take care of yourself!

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KNITTABLES 5/12/2011 2:41PM

    Hang in there. emoticon

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4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 5/12/2011 2:38PM

    Good for you sticking to your resolve to cut the toxic people out of your life. I know it is harder because they are "family". Wishing you continued success and hope the phone situation gets straightened out soon.

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KATHI214 5/12/2011 2:27PM

    We all have issues to deal with, and knowing that helps to make it easier! Sometimes even if people are family, when they cross the line you have to take a stand. I would use your energy making your own family that way you want it to be. Life is too short to try to change things that can't be changed. Hang in there!

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KKLENNERT809 5/12/2011 2:24PM

    That's what Sparkfriends are for!

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TARANITUP 5/12/2011 2:24PM

    Sorry to hear your relationship is strained with family... I hope you can all give a little to meet in the middle - life is too short!

Take care..

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Off Routine

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I can't stand it when my routine isn't normal. This week has been really strange and I can't seem to get on track. Normally, I do my workout around 11:00 or 12:00 for an hour or so. I do Leslie Sansone and Walk it Out. The last 3 days have been off. They have been more outside activities so it feels to me, like I am not doing enough.

I just feel out of sorts. Not to mention we are eating out way too much again. Need to stop that again. I haven't been eating bad, but it's way too hard to keep track of sodium when you eat out. The scale right now is showing that.

I was supposed to go to the barn today, but it is supposed to be 80 with Thunderstorms this afternoon when we could go. Further, my husband has my car because his is in the shop. I always feel weird when I don't have a car. My mother is still calling and leaving messages which I have been immediately erasing.

Today, I am going to work on getting back into my workout routine. I am going to eat healthy and, hopefully, at home. I did feel good buying new clothes yesterday that actually looked good. I ended up going into the women's section, but the clothes were the same. I've decided size doesn't mean anything. My friend and I took a petite large and compared it to a petite small. The difference was 1/4 inch wider and longer. Ok...sizing makes no sense anymore.

I am not even going to worry about size. If it looks good, I'll buy it. I am tired of wearing sweats all the time. Off to make some sense of this day and get my head on straight.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SARALEIGHM 5/12/2011 8:08AM

    Clothes that make you feel good are a great boost! And a good motivator. Enjoy them and forget about the sizes. I've been struggling with buying a bathing suit because I don't know what size to get without trying them on and I HATE trying on bathing suits. So I gave up and ordered one from Land's End. I'll return/exchange it if it doesn't fit after trying it on in my own house without the horrible lighting they have in dressing rooms. What's up with that?

You'll get back on track again. You're determined to get this right.

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THETURTLEBEAR 5/11/2011 9:03PM

    Sounds like you are getting prepared to move back in the direction you want to be going! WOO HOO! I know what you mean about doing more outside - it feels more like fun and less like exercise.

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CERIUSLY 5/11/2011 7:18PM

    I decided a long time ago I have to feel good to look good. I agree with you about the sizes. I have to try everything on.
Hugs and prayers! thanks for being a supportive team player! emoticon

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EJOY-EVELYN 5/11/2011 5:35PM

    You're right about the eating out and salt. think they use hidden salt to keep you coming back, so I stay away the day (or two) before weigh-in day. Fortunately I really don't have a sodium problem (other then a momentary moment at the scales), so I find that I often enjoy my salty Asian food after weigh-in. Fun!

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REJ7777 5/11/2011 3:26PM

    Sometimes feeling good about some new clothes that fit well is just the push that we need to get back on track.I hope it works for you!

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DARINGR8LY 5/11/2011 2:31PM

    I feel ya! Just do your best with the available time and resources. This is a journey. Each moment.


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KNITTABLES 5/11/2011 1:57PM

    Sizing is all wrong now so I don't go by sizes any more. I have pants that are a size 2 and pants that are a size 6 and they are the same measurements to a T. So I know the feeling. Just go by how great you look in them and enjoy. cut out he labels when you get home that's what I do. You will get back into your regular routine soon. I know this. I have been ignoring my mom all this week too!. Good luck and emoticon

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4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 5/11/2011 12:53PM

    WooHoo! I always feel better when I feel I look good. Yeah, sizing is amazing in women's fashion. I have stopped worrying about the size on the label. I wear anything from an 8 to a 12, depending on cut and the manufacturer's sizing scale. LOL!

Getting outdoor activity like walking may not feel like much, but it is probably at least as active as Walk It Out. Good luck getting back to your routines. I know when my car was in the shop it really made me nuts.

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CANDOK1260 5/11/2011 12:13PM

    I don;t drive so understanding not having a car. I agree sizing don;t make sense. Hope you have a good rest of the week,

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LOPEYP 5/11/2011 12:04PM

    Well without a car you can stay in and exercise!
We all have weeks like the one that you are having. Just do the best that you can. This too will pass. emoticon

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 5/11/2011 11:39AM

    I hate not having a car too! I don't get clothing size either.

Have a great day!

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Trying Really Hard

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I am working really hard not to let this crap with my family get to me. I just wish that they would forget I exist. They no longer exist to me. I have moved on.

I have now exercised every day since April 7. I have found that some weeks I workout harder than others. It is kind of like an every other week thing lol. Last week I did really intense workouts this week, they have been a bit less intense, but I have gotten in an hour or more every day. I am working really hard to get in at least 10,000 steps a day.

I am working on getting smarter with my eating. I've even added things I never would have thought of eating like hummus. It's actually good.

Overall, I am trying to be more positive about the things I can not change. What is is and no matter what I do, it isn't going to change it so there is no reason for me to stress about it. That is my number one habit I am trying to achieve: learning not to stress about things that I can not change. That is what I will really focus on this week.

For example, aside from the obvious family stuff, I have a house that is priced right and it just isn't selling. I can't change what the house is and my seller will either listen to me and drop the price, or he won't and will sit with the house, but I can't change who he is and I'm not going to get an ulcer over it. Bad pun...I already have ulcers.

I've got to find a mantra for this to tell myself. Like I have my 10 minute exercise mantra. I've got to find a do not stress mantra. That is what I will work on.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SARALEIGHM 5/11/2011 10:35AM

    I just try to focus on something positive instead of the stressor. Doesn't always work but sometimes. Hummus is great! Just don't overindulge. It's healthy but does carry calories.

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TX.PATRICIA 5/11/2011 7:54AM

    You will find the power to overcome this!!

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LOPEYP 5/10/2011 8:49PM

    When I got older I realized that it's not worth making myself sick over things that I can't change. I hope you find the power to do this too!

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4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 5/10/2011 4:28PM

    I am the same way with exercise. My body insists on "resting". I can only do really intense workouts 2 times a week. Any more than that and my body just won't move.

One thing I've been doing to minimize my stress is to use a mini checklist.
1. Is this something I can control?
a. yes
b. no

If answer is a. go to 2. If answer is be go to 3.

2. What can I do about it?
Choose one and do it. You don't have to do it all now. Just start on it for 15 minutes.

3. Let it go. Release it into the air/ether (one I like to do but mostly just visualize it is to write it on a small slip of paper. Get a candle in a holder with a wide base. Burn the paper.)

Move on to next item of stress.

Good luck!

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BEVIEANN 5/10/2011 3:40PM

    I have found that stress and worry don't help any situation so I have just told myself that I will not stress out over it.. isn't worth it to you and your health... Just do what you can do and carry on. Usually things will eventually work out. Have a great day

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LYNNANN43 5/10/2011 3:20PM

    I still repeat slowly to myself..."Stress is NOT the situation. It is how I PERCEIVE the situation."

Hope you can find your mantra soon!

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JENERIN01 5/10/2011 1:26PM

    Isnít it irritating when someone tells you to ďnot stressĒ when you are. It seems to make it so much worse. Iím not going to do that. However, just try to think of something positive in the negative. Without being an annoying Pollyanna perhaps your family isnít something that makes you happy, maybe the great thing about that is you know how you want to be treated because of them, and you are a better friend because of how you know others should be treated.
Unfortunately I canít really say much about the housing market (field I am currently employed in). It seems like all sellers are going through that right now. So maybe the positive is you are definitely not alone.
Hope you have a fabulous day!

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    On one of the older episodes on the biggest loser Bob and Jillian told a player to just tell the stress voice to shut up. Might work.

Awesome about the exercise! WooHoo.

Your decision about your family is done to make you feel better, no guilt needed.

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THETURTLEBEAR 5/10/2011 12:58PM

    "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference." Love that philosophy - sounds like you're moving everything in the right direction! The only thing we CAN change is US - and we are doing that!

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It Happened Again

Monday, May 09, 2011

Background.. Two years ago for mother's day we took my mother to a restaurant by us. During that lunch, she got angry at my then 13 year old daughter for teasing her then 15 year old brother and stuck her finger in my daughter's face and called her an a@@hole. My daughter burst into tears and I had to take her home. Last year, again we decided to take mother out for mother's day, and she picked a fight during lunch, but a friend was with us so I made her change places and sit by my mother and I just talked to my husband and my kids.

This year I told my mother that I had to work on mother's day showing houses which I was supposed to do. However, the buyers decided that they didn't like the location of the condo so we didn't go and got the day off. Saturday evening my husband took my son to the store to get some food and then dropped him off at mom's house so he could spend yesterday fishing.

Yesterday was going great. I talked to my mom. She was fine. No issues. She asked if we wanted to go to dinner and I said no. Brian made me eggs benedict and we had a wonderful afternoon. Then, Brian and I decided to give each other mother and father's day gifts. We went to Best Buy and I got a 32" LCD tv for the bedroom and Brian got a 43" plasma tv for the office. All of our tvs were from the early 90's so we decided with 2 years to pay them off, it was doable. We haven't bought anything for ourselves in a long time.

I get back and we are trying to figure out how to hook up the bedroom tv. Never as easy as it looks. I notice my phone is blinking and there is a voice mail from my mother. She was screaming that there is no food in her house and, if we expect Ben to stay there, Brian better come and bring him food. Brian had just taken him to the store the night before. Ben said that there was plenty for him to eat. Then I start getting texts from Ben that my mother is saying how horrible his father is and he doesn't know what it means to be a father etc.

At that point, I exploded and I called her and said, "Not know how to be a parent. If that isn't the pot calling the kettle black." She started yelling that Brian was no good etc. That was it. I told her not to contact me again and she didn't need to worry about Ben as he wouldn't be there anymore. Then, of course, she threw my sister Karen in my face (the one who told everyone that I am an alcoholic) and how wonderful Karen is. I told her I hope she has a great time with her because I am done.

Brian left and went and got Ben. Ben got in the car and told Brian to leave quickly as my mom was coming out. Brian wasn't about to be afraid of her. She gave Brian a note to give to me saying how much she loves me. Literally one sentence. Brian let her have it. He even dropped the "F" bomb which is not my husband. But, he said to her that she had no right to disrespect him to his children and don't bother calling us anymore. I was very proud of him. He keeps taking her crap and doesn't say a word.

Now, he is off seeing the doctor who is the friend of my sister Karen's. He planned to confront him about the issue with him telling my friend that my sister whom I haven't seen in years told everyone I was an alcoholic and they were also betting to see if I would show up at my nephew's wedding (this whole story is back a few quite a few blogs). Brian said he is at the point that he wants nothing at all to do with my family anymore. He was always the one who pushed us to get along and I didn't want anything to do with them.

Once again, mother destroys mother's day. However, she can't take the tv's away from us and she certainly can't destroy the relationship Brian and I have.


According to the doctor "friend", now my sister is telling people that I won't come to the wedding because I refuse to buy a dress. The doctor asked my husband if we were going, Brian said no..that's when the doc mentioned the dress. My husband said that a dress has nothing to do with it, it is something between Karen and I that has been going on for a very long time and it should remain between Karen and I and that Brian doesn't want to hear that there are any rumors or anything else being said about it. At that point, the doctor shut up. I said it is time to get a new cardiologist.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DARINGR8LY 5/10/2011 10:41AM

    I am glad that you can take away something great about the day. Sometimes its only one thing but its there.

I will be praying for you.

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SARALEIGHM 5/10/2011 10:06AM

    I hope you are done with your mother now. She can rely on your siblings for her needs. Good riddance.

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PEEKINGOUT 5/10/2011 1:57AM

    I never celebrate holiday meals with family. It is just my husband and kids. No squabbles, no nastiness and I have a wonderful day.
I believe you did the right thing and I applaud you.
Enjoy your new TV's.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CERIUSLY 5/9/2011 6:58PM

    How fortunate you are to have such a wonderful relationship with your husband. Your blog makes me appreciate my Mom even more.

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BEVIEANN 5/9/2011 5:28PM

    sounds like you made the right decision..your kids and husband dont' need that in thier lives...

have a good day

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KALISWALKER 5/9/2011 4:10PM

    emoticonYou made the right decision! She is toxic to you and your family and she made it a Mothers' Day to remember.

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EJOY-EVELYN 5/9/2011 3:53PM

    How unfortunate for your mother in that she will likely die a lonely, old woman if she keeps this behavior up. She is sabotaging your relationships and has been a horrible role model. Unfortunately, we are a product of our parents, so I pray that you continue to remain diligent in remaining calm, collect, and wise in taking a proactive stance (vs reactive). If only your mother could read this blog to help understand the effect she has on your friends and family. She quite literally needs to have her head examined . . . while knitting prayer shawls, I pray that she begins to yearn to see a medical doctor or counselor for help. God be with you as you continue to be on track to be the best person you can be.

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    Wow - you are a saint for putting up with her. Yowser! Yay to DH for being your stand-up guy!!

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4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 5/9/2011 3:03PM

    Sorry your mom tried to ruin your Mother's Day. Glad you got the TV's and have a great relationship with your son.

I think you are right it IS time for a new cardiologist. If he can't keep his professional life and personal life separate you don't need to see him. Hope today is better.

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1BEACHWALKER 5/9/2011 2:05PM

    Has she ever been seen by a Dr. about those rage attacks? She sounds like my Dad! A rageaholic! His Dr. gave him antipressant meds. and he loved them and felt and acted so great. Then after a month-he threw them out and was back to himself. He felt it was weak to take medicine. I think he is bi-polar, which sounds like your Mom might be too. I totally know where you are coming from (as we talked before about it). That is too bad it happened again, especially since you keep giving her chances. It could even traumatize your kids if it keeps happening, if it already hasn't. My husband hasn't had anything to do with my parents for 3 years, because of the same bad things kept happening over and over! It is rough having parents like these! Hang in there! Hope you have a great day! You deserve it after all that! emoticon emoticon

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