LARSMJK1   4,550
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Trying Not to be Comfortable

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

I am doing the run a 5K for rookies program. Ick. It is hard. I don't like running. Need to run today and I am dreading it. However, it got me thinking. In so many areas of my life, I give up because it is too hard. I wear clothes that are too big because they are comfortable. I pretty much never wear high heels because they hurt my feet. I think about it and I'm kind of amazed at how much I put comfort at the top of my priority list. I don't work out as often as I should because laying on the cough is SO much easier.

But why should everything be easy? Why should everything be comfortable? I need to step out of this box that I have put myself in. Yes, running is hard. I may never enjoy running. I may never be a runner, but damnit I'm going to run this 5K. For once in my life, I am not going to quit, no matter how hard it is. I will keep at it until I get it. I have no health problems. I have no reason to quit. My legs are not going to fall off, nor are my lungs going to explode. Being strong, healthy, and active are more important to me than weight loss. Although, i hope and expect that weight will come off if I run. I want to keep up with my kids. I want to prove to myself that, even though it is hard, I can do it.

Okay, now I have to go out there and do it.

  


One Bite at a Time

Monday, August 22, 2011

This last week or so has not been good. I just lost my motivation, broke my streaks...sigh. I felt really blue for some reason. And, worse, I just wanted to eat. Even worse, I had no desire to keep myself from eating. I'm ashamed to say that I would look forward to my husband leaving with my son so I could binge without anyone knowing it. I hate that. It makes me feel even worse to be secretive about it like that.

I was thinking it is like I have this monster living inside of me who doesn't want me to lose weight and be healthy. It has been sleeping for a while, but something woke it up and it is mad. It wants to be fed. Seriously, though, there has to be some part of me that truly does not want to lose weight. Why else would I do this to myself? What is it that I'm trying to feed. The most frustrating thing about it all is that it does not make me feel good. Why, oh why, oh why do I do this to myself?

Well, regardless, I am picking myself up, dusting myself off, and getting back on the horse. I will do my best today and take it one bite at a time. I am not going to beat myself up. I am in this to truly change my eating habits and be healthier and that is not going to happen overnight. I have a lifetime of practicing bad eating habits - I have a lot to unlearn! More importantly, this last week or so is not a reason to quit. That would be stupid. I have done well and at worse I have probably gained a pound or two. I can easily come back from that if I start now. But if I tell myself there is no point in trying and really give in to that monster...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEDONACAT 8/22/2011 11:04AM

    Yes you can get back on that darn horse and forgive yourself from falling off of it.

I, too, had a very strange Sun. where I could NOT get enough to eat esp. carbs. I made the mistake of buying fig newtons but could I have just one? NO! I had to have 4 before the day was over so I compensated by only having a salad for dinner. Then I was starved before bedtime. Jeez..why do we do these things??? emoticon

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Another Reason to love SP

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Speaking of fooling myself. Despite best intentions and a well laid plan for yesterday's dinner, I saw my son eating chips and salsa which made me want chips and salsa so bad. So, I decided in all of my infinite wisdom to "treat myself" to some chips and salsa and a chicken quesadilla. Which in and of itself would not have been so bad, but I added to that a cup of milk and 6, count them, 6 oreos which is roughly 320 calories or equal to 2 of my healthy snacks or 1 of my breakfast or lunch meals. Sigh. Okay, I know, I can't have them in the house. I have to do something with them. I think back to all the times I mindlessly devoured an entire package and then wondered why I couldn't lose weight. I guess, if you think about it, in some ways I've won half the battle. Because know I think about those calories. I don't just mindlessly indulge. I know exactly what I'm doing. Its what comes after that really matters.

So I had logged my planned dinner for the day already. Did I change it after my dinner? No. I hadn't fully decided yet, but I thought, eh, why change it? I'll just leave it. What difference does it makes. I know I ate that food and no one else looks at my food log, so who cares. And so I left it that way. This morning my husband had a bout of insomnia and went to Burger King armed with coupons before I even woke up. He came home with a breakfast sandwich for him and for me, 2 orders of french toast sticks, and an order of cinnidippers, or whatever they are called. Ugh. I haven't eaten this much for breakfast in a long time. I can say that I don't like feeling like this at all. I feel sick and gross. I sat down to check my email and felt like a drunk who has bright lights shown in his face when I came across SP. I didn't want to look. Didn't even want to think about it.

Then an article caught my eye about the importance of food logs. Which is amazing, because that is exactly what I needed at exactly that moment. So, I logged my food intake for last night and for this morning. I ate almost 1000 calories for breakfast this morning with not a vegetable in sight and the only "fruit" consisting of my glass of OJ. Kind of pathetic. But seeing it in this light makes me willing to face it - and, more importantly, move on. I'm not going to beat myself up, but I am going to try to adjust the rest of the day in step with what I consumed this morning. Which may just save the day. In the end it doesn't matter whether other people see my food log or not. The food log is for me. To keep me mindful and consistent. Have I mentioned how much I love SP?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRAILTRIPPER 8/13/2011 10:07AM

    I can relate about logging what you eat! At least SP makes it easy to change the nutrition log. No excuses.
Good for you for being honest to yourself.

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Oreos

Thursday, August 11, 2011

oh Oreos. How can something so delicious be so bad? So packed full of calories. So wonderfully addictive and almost impossible to stop eating. Sigh. If life were fair Oreos would be a vegetable. Life is not fair. Must continue on somehow. I've been doing really well for breakfast/lunch/& snacks now that I see my patterns. Now I'm having issues with after dinner Oreos. I don't know why I think I can handle having them. Why I think I already know so much. If I could handle it and I knew so much why do I have all this weight to lose? I guess its just another way I'm fooling myself.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PANFRIEDTROUT 8/14/2011 12:49AM

    I can so relate to what you're talking about! There are any # of things that, if they're in the house, I'm going to eat them .... no discipline at all. If that were the only thing, it wouldn't be so bad but it's actually hubby who brings that stuff home from the store. Anyways, the last time he brought home some candy, I took the package straight to the garbage can & dropped it in.

Have patience with yourself ~ it's gonna take some time to practice new behaviours that will lead to a healthier you.

Marie

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LARSMJK1 8/13/2011 8:46AM

    Yes, Eric bought me an entire box of Oreos from Costco and told me they were mine. I know that I should get rid of them, but I can't... they have a hold over me. I keep telling myself I won't open a new sleeve for a week or so, but it never happens. This morning he went and got breakfast from Burger King before I was even awake. There are times I think he doesn't want me to lose weight, but I can't be angry at him. I know he means well.

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RACHELC29 8/12/2011 8:59PM

  I'm glad you shared this and I totally struggle in the same way! I really wish I was the kind of person who could have a pack of oreos in the house and just have a few now and then. But if they are here then I will eat them....until I feel sick. I am really trying to work on my self control and give my self grace as much as possible. It's hard for me because I don't want to restrict everything so much that I freak out and eat a whole cake, but I also know that if I really cut down on the sweets then maybe I wouldn't crave them so much! Ugh.

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SKINNYIS4PUNKS 8/11/2011 10:17PM

    I love oreos too... the trick to oreos is... Don't buy them! LOL! Otherwise, you'll eat them. Or buy them in like a snack pack and then you can only eat so many, and that's not so bad. Good luck in your battle against the Oreo!
emoticon

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RAPIDASHRACHEL 8/11/2011 10:14PM

    Do you live with a hubby or your parents? If you leave enough of your calorie range to have them for dessert you could take out however many you're allowed and then have someone you live with put them away, or even put them on a really high shelf yourself. Sometimes it is easier to just not have them though, and eventually the cravings go away. Best of luck!

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Patterns

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

Well, now I'm in stage 2. I'm really glad I started stage 1 over again. It felt kind of silly at the time, but it gave me the chance to start over and reassess. I definitely see patterns that are causing me not to lose weight. The obvious one is that I'm eating too many calories. It has been a stressful couple of weeks, though; I'm not going to beat myself up about it anyway. The day after Lilly's surgery my cousin died. I was not close to him, but I did grow up with him and it is sad, especially for his parents. Of course there is the wake tonight and the funeral tomorrow and school starts next week...

Well, at any rate, I could definitely see that I was doing okay on my meals most of the time, but I was blowing it with my snacks. I'm going to try to log my meals and everything for the day before I actually eat them and it's too late. :) Simple, I know. But that is what I'm going to work on for this next week. Staying within my calorie range is my main goal and also getting my exercise, despite all the craziness.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LARSMJK1 8/13/2011 8:48AM

    You are so right! Needed those words of encouragement right now since I just ate to the point of feeling sick. Grrr...Its been a while since I did this and I don't like the feeling. I'm so glad you are on SP now.

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RACHELC29 8/12/2011 9:07PM

  love love love your attitude in this post! It's like we talked about the other day. There's no sense in beating ourselves up when we fail because it won't change anything. All we can do is recognize that we want to change and try to do better next time. Once you chew up and swallow that oreo there is nothing you can do about it ;) but we can do something about the next bite! You are doing awesome by the way!!!

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