LALA91973's Recent Blog Entries

Deep thoughts

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

I thought I had a good weekend but when I put in all my foods I was wayyy over range of what I should be eating. After I put in the weight I lost my calorie range dropped by 200 calories. I don't remember that happening before when I lost the weight.
It's alright, it's okay tomorrow is another day. That is what I say! hey hey! LOL Or if I screw up in one moment, in the next I am transformed back to healthy land..weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. But I still have to learn to cope.
Like DH was gone for a couple of days working and I got lonely right in the middle and so I ate late after I had eaten an hour before. I was driving and I pulled into a fast food joint. UGH I can remember the voice in my head saying I want something, I need something. I am going to get something. I hate that voice. I need to block it out and start listing all the wonderful things to gain from me not eating that bad item or items. Learn to feel that loneliness and fear and get over it! GET OVER IT!
I have been thinking of what happened for days now just trying to figure myself out and the why of my behavior. I know I felt rejected when there was no rejection. With food I don't even feel the rejection I just know I want to eat. It has become so automatic that I have skipped several steps in the emotional process. Or it's just so instantaneous I don't even notice..I just stuff my mouth. my mouth is not a garbage can to stuff my emotional trash isn't! It is a place for nutrition ...thus nurturing me. I want to allow myself to feel the fear, rejection, boredom, loneliness, idleness.
Changing thinking is the hardest thing I will ever have to do and it is a constant struggle. I have to think of it as not a struggle but a mission of asking who is important to me. I am most important. I have to take care of myself before I take care of others. If I do not take care of me I will feel such frustration and anger that I know I have felt so many times.
It is a mission of taking care of myself daily. Making that commitment and not breaking it. Do I break commitments to a friend or loved one for something that is most important to them? Hell no!
I am tired of this symbol I carry around. This symbol of a stomach. I see my stomach as a symbol of hurting. A symbol of all those emotions put on the back shelf.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

QTLADY 2/6/2008 6:17PM

    ((((LALA)))) Tomorrow IS another day- to be sure. We can pick ourselves up and try again. As my mom always said, If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. You are a strong woman- you can do this- I know it! Love ya sistah!

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TABBYRUINZ 2/5/2008 9:57AM

    Tomorrow IS another day! You are learning so much about yourself and you already have a great handle on what affects you and how you react. You will make it! You are awesome!

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Friday, February 01, 2008

My back is really sore today but I am not getting those shooting pains I was getting yesterday. I still may have to go to the doctor. I showed my husband where the pain was and he said it wasn't muscle because of the location. We will see how I feel this weekend...ugh. I hate this and it is coming at a time that I have PMS...argh. Eating well and drinking water and taking vitamins...still on track. I will be praying this weekend that I will stay on track.



Thursday, January 31, 2008

I hurt my back and now I am hurting like heck! I did not go to work yesterday. It was a weird Tuesday night in which I went to a concert with my husband and he got so hot he fell backwards and luckily the ppl around us were nice enough to help him up. He was okay after sitting and drinking water and cooling off. Got home so late and all that worrying wore me out! So yesterday was a strange day but I feel better emotionally but it's just my back now...yowch! So I am babying it for now to see if it will get better on it's own.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBBIE84 2/3/2008 2:39AM

    I hope you guys feel better soon.

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TABBYRUINZ 2/1/2008 10:12AM

    Wow That is scary! I hope y'all are both feeling better now!

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QTLADY 1/31/2008 6:58PM

    Awww- I hope that you and your hubby are feeling much better! Take it easy!

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Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I can't figure out why I feel such furious energy so far today. So much so I feel like I am getting hot flashes. What could it be? Maybe a combo pack of things melding into one. I got good quality sleep, my back didn't hurt this A.M., I cleaned the coffee pot so the coffee was extra strong, I have been taking my vitamins for over a week now, I took my thyroid pill and drank water before my feet hit the ground today. My mind even feels sharper and faster. I am trying to figure out all day why I feel so good so I can record it and replicate it. Please let it be like this tomorrow and from now on. Please please please.
I am starting to feel a little worn down but still better than usual. Physiology is so interesting and can be frustrating to understand your own inner workings. I am thankful for this day. It gives me more hope!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TABBYRUINZ 1/29/2008 10:05PM

    I hope you can replicate it tomorrow, too! Yay! for energy!

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Still good

Monday, January 28, 2008

I feel good about last week. Even though I only was under my calories by 40 for the week for my limit. But, I know in the past few months I have gone wayy over. I drank more than enough water and took all of my vitamins and meds!! The only hiccup was Saturday we went out for a friend's birthday bash. Again, I added in all that I drank and went over my calories for the day but was under for the week. I feel less bloated now that I am eating well once again. I felt my tummy going down after the first 24 hours back on track. It is amazing the bloat from bad eating you get.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TABBYRUINZ 1/29/2008 10:07PM

    You always have a bash to go to! I am jealous! :p

Goodbye bloat! Don't let the door kick you in the a$$ on the way out the door!

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