Friday, July 17, 2009
well, i survived being at my mom's and now have gone 7 nights without eating after bed. thank you god. I got back to Madison yesterday late afternoon. I had gone to Verizon a week ago and got a cable and paid a monthly fee so that i could use the intenet while i was at my mom's. i think that made a huge difference. i didn't feel so isolated while i was in coal valley. yes, coal valley illinois. anyway, i felt connected and less scared with my computer. i think there was a little fear about living with an extremely limited computer use time. i was afraid of computer withdrawal. so once i made arrangements to have computer access at any time i felt a burden release.
after not eating at my mom's and having built that up into such a HUGE TEST, i also felt a relief getting home without having blown my string of nights of not eating. i woke up and went to the bathroom last night but didn't eat. it is still something that i really have to say no to, but last night was not as hard as it was at my mom's. i can tell i have made progress because i am thinking about the next step. that would be not eating after 10 pm. i am going to spend one more week of consolidating the not eating after bed, then move on. well, i am going to go now. maybe more later.