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LAKEWOODGARDENS's Recent Blog Entries

knee progress

Sunday, January 02, 2011

had my second knee surgery in august. i was able to walk in october but the wear and tear of working and walking took a toll. i have been using crutches now at work. after 2 weeks off work with only doing my exercises and some walking around home, i am in pretty good shape in terms of knee pain. i am walking with a limp though. but we will see how i'm doing back at work after tomorrow. i have a doctor appointment tomorrow. i really want to walk well and without pain again. i am going to really take my time and not have another set back.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AJDOVER1 1/9/2011 7:31PM

    So good to see your post. I hope you're feeling better. I remember last winter was very hard on you. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

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CUBS07 1/2/2011 10:54PM

    It's good to hear from you again. I'm sorry you are experiencing so much pain. Listen to your body and take the time you need to heal. We're here for you!

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the first day of the week

Sunday, July 11, 2010

i had a good week of following my eating goals, then thursday i weighed in. i had gained 2 pounds from the thursday before. what in the world? so i took a couple of days off from spark program. i didn't go crazy eating and still weigh 270 this morning, but i was kind of put off. it's funny because my weight loss buddy told me he had a goal of losing 5 pounds, and i told him my goal was just to do my exercises and follow my goals. i said that way i could make my goals and not be disappointed if the scale didn't reflect my progress. i guess it is easy to say those things but harder to accept them. so my new week starts today, and i will work on acceptance of whatever happens. i know there have been some weeks where i have really overeaten and gotten on the scale only to find that my weight was the same. at those times, i breathed a sigh of relief and went on overeating. so now it is my turn to take a deep breath and go on with my program.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KNUTE4477 7/11/2010 11:19PM

    hey buddy.... I think the main thing is to not start playing mind games. We know what healthy eating and behavior are, just do it and the rest (including
the scale) will fall into place... I talk myself out of more good eating by rationalizing that I care to think the $1 nachos at Kwik trip yesterday and today...rationalized that out becasue I umpired 17 games this weekend...I'm sure I burnt the calories, but it's not know what I mean. So busy, I'll try to stay in gone Tuesday and Wednesday for
chemo with my sister and Dads Dr. appointments...I'll have my laptop, so write. Mike

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BRAVEONE92 7/11/2010 8:52PM

    I think the main thing is to not let discouragement set in. Also, I don't like weighing in, because our bodies hold water and getting on the scale weekly, we see weigh gains, that is not necessarily fat, but water or muscle weight. I have made a habit to weigh in once a month or less often. I can always tell if I have lost by how my clothing fit, loose or tight. I also choose measuring over weighing.

I like your statement, that you are just going to go ahead with your program and follow your goals. emoticon Your body will be healthier and if you stick to it and eating healthy foods, you will lose those pounds too. Hang in there,

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hot day

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

it wasn't as hot here as it was in the east coast, but it was really humid here today. it rained two or three times or maybe more. it seemed like the water just kind of slipped out of the air. just walking the dog my shirt got completely soaked with sweat. i went out in the yard and did a few things and my shirt got soaked. i rode the exercise bike outside and my shirt got soaked. i grilled out and my shirt got soaked. i could have felt miserable, but there was something about it that i enjoyed. maybe it was that it made me feel like i was in the real summer. i enjoy hot weather. there was an informal poll run by a television station. it was done during that first streak of 90 degree weather this summer. they asked people if they would rather have a 90 degree day or a 5 degree day. the vote was close. i don't remember which one most people chose but i was shocked that it was so close. i love 90 degree days. the cold just chills me and i shiver and sometimes my teeth chatter. give me sweat soaked tee shirts every time.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AJDOVER1 7/8/2010 5:51PM

    I made up my mind one day that I shouldn't complain about hot weather AND cold weather, so I made a choice. I hate cold weather. Bring on the summertime! Fortunately I live in So Cal, so I don't have reason to complain all that much.

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SOFT_VAL67 7/8/2010 9:19AM

    i like it around today already is about mid 80's we are supposed to get a hot one today and then cool off

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DEE107 7/8/2010 8:11AM

    just remember to drink more water tooo

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further thoughts on honesty

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

i wrote this following blog in response to a comment on my "honesty" blog from yesterday. as i wrote this response, it made me think so much that i decided to put it this blog so i can refer to it later. i am considering talking to my therapist on this topic. here is my response.

oh, i am sure i could talk to my mom about my incidents of dishonesty. it's funny i was just using that going to church "lie" as an example of my dishonesty---saying that i was dishonest over things that really are not important enough to be dishonest about. but as i read your response to my blog, i realized how i had frequently been dishonest with my mom. i didn't have nearly as hard time being honest with my dad because i never felt his love very much so i had nothing to lose. ( in fact sometimes i was honest with my dad in order to hurt his feelings. ) whereas my mom's love was something that i needed so badly that when young I always did exactly what she wanted. finally when i started not doing what she wanted, it was a scary process and not one that i could easily share with her. she had such high expectations for me, and she was so inflexible that i hid the effort to define myself. wow! as i write, i see that truly in order for me to grow up and separate from my mom I need to be who I am and be honest with her about it. i have to think about this. it seems so simple that i must have thought of it before, but it may have proven to be easier to forget my intuitions than to work on them. my intuition says that this breaking with my mom's expectations and being honest about it is very important for my growing up at nearly 60 years old. in a lot of ways i have been honest with her, but still in many ways i lie and keep secrets. i don't think i need to tell her the intimate secrets of my life especially not if they would hurt her, but i do think that i should make efforts to be as honest as possible with her on an everyday level. my goal is to be honest with everyone, and not to have any "intimate secrets" that i have to keep to myself. i wonder how honest other people are with their families. it is my feeling that overeaters have a lot of honesty issues. how many times have i denied eating something that i really did eat? often it is a stupid lie because who else could have eaten it. but my initial guilt makes me deny and lie until my back is to the wall and i can't keep the facade of the lie up. any way, i don't want to do things that i have to lie and deny. i want my external self to match the image that i and other people have of me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LYNNWYNN 7/6/2010 6:31PM


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TUBLADY 7/6/2010 2:10PM

    I have told lies, who hasn't? Sometimes they were to protect someone, sometimes to protect myself. But that part of my life is over. Lies have a way of catching up to us. So the truth is much better, or nothing said at all. I sleep much better, I feel free from guilt. My life is uncluttered of living lies.
Live in the moment...the past is over, and who knows what the future holds? emoticon emoticon

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BRAVEONE92 7/6/2010 1:41PM

    In my opinion, I think that you have to be true to your self. Everyone has sins and hidden secrets in their lives from everyone but the Lord. But we should strive not to do wrongs nor tell lies, so that we don't feel guilty about them. We cannot go back in the past and undo a wrong, but we can start out today and strive to be an honest & true person in our daily life and do nothing that we will regret later down the road. Now, would be a great time to grow closer to your Mom & Dad and show them respect, love and honesty. I am sure that you would feel better about your self and them also.

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completely honest

Monday, July 05, 2010

i was at an aa meeting the other day where they were talking about relapse. one person said that her relapse started long before she drank again. it started when she began not being completely honest in everything. i took that to heart because it holds true for my eating as well as drinking. i have things that i do that i hide. it's in my nature to sneak and be dishonest. my mom will ask me if i went to church and even if i didn't go to church i say i did. i tell her that i went so as not to disappoint her. i really just don't want to deal with her hassling me. i want to do what i want but i pretend that i am doing what she wants me to do.secret pleasures without paying the price. i think that is part of what goes on when i eat in secret. it is almost like it doesn't happen unless someone sees me do it.
last night i got up during the middle of the night to eat. i didn't sleep well and got up 3-4 times. but the reason i didn't sleep well was because i had cookies in the house. my mom had made for my daughter. i had not eaten any of them for a week, but last night i gave in and started eating them. i ate 2-3 each time i got up and ended up eating 8 or so. i would have never done that if someone had been watching.
i don't know if i can handle it but from now on it is my intention to be open and forthright about everything. i don't want to hide anything anymore because by shading the truth i start down a path of deception and pretty soon if i am alone and don't think anyone will notice i may take a drink and that would be worse for me than sneaking food. there is always a risk that when i start to deprive myself of food i may think i could reward myself in a different way. i need to keep everything above board. i need to see that whatever i do that is healthy is rewarding myself not depriving myself.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LYNNWYNN 7/6/2010 10:21AM

    Hi Bill,
Just read your blog entry, and I can feel you struggle with all this. We're the easy ones to be honest with. Are you willing to sit down with your mom and do the same? It would be a huge step, and not easy to do.

Mom, I have some things I need to tell you. I would very much appreciate it if you would listen without interrupting me. I'll ask you at the end if you have any questions. Please don't offer me any suggestions for making what I'm going through easier, because this is something I need to work on by myself for now. I want to be honest with you without any judgment on your part. At the end, if you want to tell me how you feel about what I tell you, that's fine, but again...please don't offer advice. I love you, and much of what I've been doing has been to keep you from feeling hurt, or worrying about me, but I find that the time has come for honesty, if I'm going to make any progress in dealing with problems that I'm causing for myself.

Bill, I have no idea if any of the above would get you started on a conversation with your mom. Moms always want the best for their kids, want to make it better. This is something you need to do for yourself, and not your mom.

Best wishes!

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KNUTE4477 7/6/2010 9:33AM

    Good analysis Bill. Now make sure you take your words and incorporate them into your life. I'm watching! I've raised my level of expectation for you now...not because I want to be an enforcer, but becauae I know you'll be happier and healthier.

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