Thursday, September 30, 2010
When I say "mental weight", what do I mean by that? Mental weight, for me, is the falsehoods and stinkin' thinkin' that can get in my own way of being the best person I was meant to be. I spend time today reflecting on now versus about seven months before I started SP. The reflection comes just days before I am to attend another friend's wedding. The last friend's wedding I went to was 2.5 years ago, serving as bookends around this time.
In looking back over these past ~two years and two couples' weddings, each uniquely beautiful in their own right, I am delighted to say that I've had some physical weight move, yet I've also had a deeper sense of mental weight move.
I feel more confident than the person that I was two years ago.
All this time, yes, I have been in classes to finish my bachelor's degree, and, by golly, I will be done this coming March, but--weddings of friends--what a lovely way to mark time.
I feel that I am less critical of myself. Less worried with other's opinions and more willing to "let my light shine". I go to a school which has narrative evaluation for granting credit. That is, no GPA. I have requested my GPA to be calculated so I can fill in the numeric field for computer applications for grad schools. I have released all anxiety around just what my GPA is/might be. Whatever it is, will be fine for me. Being without a GPA has been a liberating blessing to me. I just write, do my projects, and turn my work in on time. BREATHE. It is not all about the numbers.
There are intangibles, too, that come with this SP journey.
I am currently repeating a class. Humble pie, right? The same class was last attempted, yes, two years ago. Well--my grandmother's death and my older sister's cancer diagnosis and, later, treatment--all happened in quick succession two years ago.
I can look back over the last ~2 years with deep gratitude and a sly smile on my face. I am am blessed beyond belief.
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
I'm (relatively) young. My recent university studies as a non-traditional student majoring in Health and Wellness have really made me hyper-aware of the health problems brought on by obesity. I'm going to shed this fat because it is what I did when I lived in fear, rather than action. Fat and comfort eating is what I turned to when I thought no one would listen.
I am worth so much more than thinking less of myself. I am so super aware that I need to step away from the self-pity. I would not trade my winding way through my undergrad for anything. It is the past, and I can not change that. I have today, and that is where I can take action.
I'm getting into stationary bike spinning. I say it that way, because some of you know that I am also into fiber arts. Yes, I would like to spin yarn one day. One day.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
I am so glad that I have made it this far. I've been paying off these things since getting in debt in '99 or something obsurd like that. Never again. Now, I still have medical and student debt, but that's different!!
Also, I have registered for one of the two classes I am taking during Summer Term. The other one, I have to register for in person.
SP has really helped me gain perspective. Next goal, build my savings account, and, eventually have 8-12 months' earnings in savings. Wowza. A famous lady financial guru would be proud!
I breathe better now, knowing my hard work towards repayment is in process. May I one day live financially, emotionally, spiritually in the clear. May my work on my physical body be a rich investment in me. THANK YOU for helping me with persistence. Debt can be a soul zapper. I'm here to say "There is another way!"
Now that I've made some strides to repayment, I should have an easier time in repaying myself by a change in attitude. NO MORE COLLECTION CALLS for credit cards. My medical and student debt will get paid off, too, one day, one dollar, at a time.
Blessings to all my Sparkfriends!!!!!
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Probably one of my favorite outdoor activities is backpacking. It is hiking and camping and conservation and being sensible all rolled into one. I really want to go again now that I have a mummy-style sleeping bag rated down to 41°F.
I'm going to be conditioning for that. You have to strength train to carry your pack while hiking. Frankly, I really have been hibernating this winter. It is beginning to be SPRING for real here. With grace, I am moving every day.
A few friends are going to do the Nike Women's Marathon for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society this October. I'm not sure that I can be in San Fransisco that day, but I certainly can train-in-place with them, not-for-charity this time, then go walk the FULL Columbus Marathon, held that same day. My jersey will shout out to my partners-in-training two time zones away...
Who would have thought?
I'm also realizing that I am not alone. I have imagined this active, full life for myself. I think it is pretty awesome. I REALLY am psyched about the backpacking. I think the backpack conditioning will drive my marathon training instead of the other way around. I've wanted to backpack again since my last backpacking adventure 15 years ago. Then, I did not own my own gear. I now have my own tent, pack, and mummy-style sleeping bag. I have more options now that I have my own gear.
It is not all about stuff. You can rent equipment.
I can get back down to that fit person I was when I was a little younger. Before, I let go of my dreams because I was requiring that other people believe in them. I realize now that I did not know that I could choose.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
The last time I flew in March of 2008, I was at my highest weight. I was so in denial of the situation. Some of the weight was medication related. I'm so glad to be off of that drug. I am saving money to fly to Canada for at least a week. As embarrassing as this sounds, I really would like to have an easier time being in an airplane.
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