Saturday, November 13, 2010
Think we're on SparkPeople just to lose weight?
It's possible that some people are, and that is fine. We are worth every inch of ourselves as individuals as we travel on our own journeys. But chances are, you're on SP because to you (as to me), a struggle with weight loss is the result of something much, much deeper.
The most important thing I've learned: it's not about the weight.
Remember that scene in the first 'Sex and the City' movie where Samantha shows up at Charlotte's baby shower, and we get an unflattering shot of Samantha's new (still rather slender) figure? Her friends' faces look aghast, and Samantha reacts with some shock.
They confront her and ask how she could let this happen. I remember being really put off by this scene. 'But she's still skinny!' I thought. This was in 2008, and I was still two years away from my own weight loss success. All I could see was the outside.
Now, however, I get it. Her friends were looking at Samantha as the individual she was. They didn't care about the way she looked. Carrie points out that the weight was symptomatic that something was not right with her dear friend.
So far in 2010, I've lost a total of 30 lbs. None of it came off from a conscious effort to lose weight. The changes I've seen and the success I've had in this particular area of my life have been the result of a strong desire to love myself, and my lifestyle has naturally evolved into a reflection of that. Having been unhappy (and unsuprisingly overweight) for all of my teenage years, I finally decided last spring that my habits of self loathing were not working for me. I simply acknowledged that I wanted to be happier, and I was going to try something else. Now it's November, and it's been a hell of a year.
I can honeslty say that all I did was choose 'yes.' I chose me.
It's not about the weight. My weight loss has been largely incidental. Do I now wear a smaller size? Yes, but that is not the essence of me. I seek to take care of my spirit first and foremost. From there, I make informed choices about food consumption and how to cultivate healthy eating habits that will promote the emergence of my slender self.
My weight loss success has been secondary, however, to accepting that I'm smart, strong, kind, and capable. This acceptance has been the best part. Realizing that I can be exactly who I want to be is a phenomenal gift.
I'm still working on my relationship to food, which has been troubled in the past, but has improved immensely this year. I don't want to feel powerless to it anymore. Period.
Knowing what I want is the key, and what I want is a peaceful balance between mind, body, and soul. If weight loss is the result of that, then fine. We'll get there when we get there.
There are no deadlines here, and there is no template. However, I'm moving to Jordan for four months in January, and I want to understand these issues more before I leave so I'm not dealing with them (or at least I'll know how to deal with them) while I'm abroad.
When I say that we are all beautiful, I mean it, because we have the capacity to love. Love yourself and see what happens.
I can already say that the miraculous awaits you.