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LADYSHERRY's Recent Blog Entries

Day 1

Monday, December 01, 2014

1st Day of my streak!! 10 minutes of exercise everday

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GTKARLA 12/2/2014 10:50AM

    Great goal to have, you can do it! emoticon

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OSDOWNS 12/1/2014 8:51PM


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KEEPITUP62 12/1/2014 8:45PM

    Wishing you all the best with your new goals and the beginning of a new streak.

Susan emoticon

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The Land of Use To

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

9-13-14 (Courtney)
Main: Figure out your "real" goal weight by determining your current lean mass and adding a healthy body fat percentage to that number. For example:
Current lean mass: 125
Estimated body fat percentage at goal weight: 25%
"Real" goal weight: 125 + 25% = 156.25
* Obviously this will just be an initial estimate since lean mass may increase as one loses weight and gains muscle. (It may also decrease, but hopefully not - we want to keep all that muscle!)
Bonus: Blog about your thoughts on this (potentially) new goal weight. Also, review your end-of-challenge goal weight and adjust it if needed.

My "Real" goal weight is 100.88 Let me just say I immediately started crying. So many emotions coming on at once. I remember that weight and how hard it was to stay between 95 and 105lbs. I had a very physical job, walked to and from work, hiked, biked, canoed on the weekends, and was always hungry. The struggle of maintaining that weight was all consuming. I think what was bringing me to tears was Reliving THE LAND OF USE TO. I use to be fit. I use to be pretty. I use to be wanted. I use to be adored. I use to feel I could get anything and anybody I wanted. I use to get any job I set out to get. I use to be confident. I DON'T LIVE THERE ANYMORE!

I live here now. 32 years later I'm here. Unfit, unhealthy, struggling with staying confident, feeling ugly, unwanted and a lot of times deflated. The bad things that I endured got the better of me . I was sexually abused by my sister's fiancÚ at 11. Then again at 14, by then they were married. My sister and her husband continually said I would be pregnant by 13. I was still outgoing and they thought I didn't know how to say no. I was date raped at 19 and had just had surgery with the bandages and stitches still on. He's dead by the way. I started living with my boyfriend at 18 and he then proceeded to beat me and verbally abuse me. I just didn't know how to react. I just took it and before you know it I was convinced it was all my fault. I did try to fight back and after 4yrs I finally left. I then proceeded to find another abuser. I didn't know any other way to be in the world. I also was very into drinking and drugging. Over the next 25yrs I was addicted to many different things. I would leave one drug alone and move on to the next high. I did manage to find a good gut to live with for a few yrs who did teach me about real love. After leaving him I went back to the abusers. It was when I was with him that I gained about 50 lbs. When I left him and went back around old family and friends most of them didn't recognize me. One ex didn't know who I was until I laughed. He said "Sherry" I said yes please don't say anything. It was so humiliating to show myself to people. I just wanted to crawl in a corner and die. I have been in and out of psych wards a couple of times. Anyway, as I said I live here now. Today, knowing I can never be abused again, knowing I have a lot to offer, and trying my a** off to get healthy. I have to admit I still want to feel pretty. I am making better choices in all aspects' of my life. I still struggle with self worth and am really starting to feel the loneliness set in. I am trying very hard to make more connections with people. I am a loner but, I use to be able to have the confidence to jump right in a social situation. I'll get there. As most of us in this struggle of life we have to continually adjust to THE LAND OF NOW. We are who we are. I need to accept who I am now. I have done some great things with my life and am trying to keep those in the forethoughts of my mind. My goal weight is 125lbs. I remember being that weight and picked it because that's where my body tended to want to be.

I know I had a hard time with this challenge because I have tried to learn to stay in the here and now. I am a dweller and if you live NOW you have no regrets and you get to start new everyday. I don't want to turn around and live in the land of use to.

My next blog will be about my camping trip and my first hike in 30 years!!! WOW

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROBEC4175 11/22/2014 10:19AM

    Hello LadySherry...just bounced over here after looking back at my blogs and seeing you had left a nice comment for me several months back. I wanted to check in on you. I can be a loner too and we have to be careful not to isolate ourselves.

I love Unicorn212's message. You've got this, girl! Leave the past where it belongs and make your present whatever you want it to be.

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UNICORN212 9/10/2014 10:45PM

    Wow, Sherry! You are truly a survivor! Don't think on the things that used to drag you down - think on the strength to acquired to make it this far! Smile, girl - you've got this!

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A New Day

Saturday, May 24, 2014

As they say-What a difference a day makes. I really wallowed yesterday. I got home had two huge Bloody Mary's, 2lbs of crab legs, a pint of raspberry chocolate chip gelato, McDonald's Fish with a large fry, and a double cheeseburger from Burger King. When I got on the scale this morning I have gained 3 lbs. That's 2 weeks in a row of weight gain. emoticon

Today is a much calmer day. emoticon As I was riding my recumbent bike I decided for the rest of the day I would only have a soothing music. I got in some stretching and strengthening exercises in as well. emoticon

Isn't it fantastic we wake up and get to start fresh? Clean Slate. Yesterday gone. We can spend thinking about right now. Not tomorrow but, now. If we could just stop, take a deep breathe and think, just now,breathe,just now. Not a minute, an hour, or tomorrow, just now.

I plan on doing that JUST NOW!

Does that mean every day is day one? I might try that. Maybe I won't spend my days beating myself up for all the mistakes of yesterday.

emoticon on this Memorial Day weekend I will honor those who fought for us by honoring myself,spending time in worship and being thankful for our freedom!!

emoticon Being grateful for the chance to learn to be better everyday!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SYDLETZIII 5/24/2014 5:04PM

    emoticon one day at a time.

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TWEETYKC00 5/24/2014 11:50AM

    Yes, we can have a fresh start anytime we need one. Deep breaths and calming thoughts for you today. Hugs.

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Feeling beat down

Friday, May 23, 2014

I just feel like the title. Beat down. I forget that my boss does not realize the work I put in. He thinks my co-worker does it all. I had told myself when he had the heart attack and found out how he viewed me that I would no longer care and put forth an effort at work. That's just not me. Yesterday I was reminded and now I am trying to distance myself. I need to go back to only doing what is required since he will not acknowledge my worth to his practice. He had a heart attack in the office. Long story short I called the ambulance and he was in surgery with in the golden hour. I went to the hospital,made all the calls he wanted me to make(after he was brought up to ICU),he wanted me to call all his friends and his children over and over. I stayed at the hospital til 10:30pm. His sister,Mother and kids finally had shown up. My co-worker could not handle trying to find a dr to sub I had to help with that. My boss (dr) kept texting me all day. I had to get the subs prepped for the day and keep everything going.His family went home the next day and he expected me to pick him up from the hospital. He texted me saying he was ready to go and it was time for me to get back to work. That just deflated me. My heart sank. I was exhausted. I texted him back asking him when did I stop working. My room mate and I were having problems and still are somewhat. When I got to the hospital I asked him what he wanted me to do. Should I drive back to the Chevy Chase location or go home. He said to call my so-worker to see if she had any work for me to do. I went off on him. I told him that I know my job and that I haven't asked my co-worker's permission in a long time. I said she even comes to me for advice. Her and I are equals, we work together to get the job done. I said you don't even know what I do there do you? I said so you tell me what you want me to do because I'm not calling Pia. He told me I could go home after I took him to his car. I was crushed. I swore then that I would just do my job and not care. Like I said I'm just not that way. I am going to learn how to write a resume this weekend and start applying for jobs. I see way to much fraud in the industry. I just want to do patient care and not know the bs that goes on. My sister is a vampire and a liar. I have had to see her and interact with her more than usual which puts a lot of stress on me. I worry about my health all the time. I am actively trying to get and stay healthy. I'm just having a bad two weeks. I can't seem to keep up with the teams and challenges that I'm trying to stay active with. You guys ROCK!!!!!!!!
Sorry for my pity party. I just can't wait to get out of work so I can really have a good cry.
I'm alone this weekend which is good but I feel left out. Everyone is off doing fun and family things that I'm not part of. The day trip I had planned with a friend fell through and I don't have the gas money to go.
Speaking of money. I am now having to buy my food,meds and supplies for my other work on my charge card. Something's got to give soon. It's bad when you can't afford to feed yourself and you're trying to get healthy.

Thanks for listening

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEVEN_D 5/23/2014 8:13PM

    That's a lot. Wouldn't want to be that guys patients. Maybe you should have let the co-worker call the ambulance? That's not nice I know, but hard not to poke at a jerk like that. I say find a better office to work in.

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MAVERICKDR 5/23/2014 5:37PM

    To thine own self be true. There's a lot for you to unpack, but there's obviously some inner spark on which you are leaning. I hope you can find some comfort in the midst of this trial.

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LADYSHERRY 5/23/2014 5:30PM

    AJB12199 thanks-I take it you live near or in DC.
Tweetykcoo I wish you were here to. Thanks for the support

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AJB121299 5/23/2014 5:26PM

    keep moving forward

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TWEETYKC00 5/23/2014 5:26PM

    Wish I could be there for you, you know, be there be there, but you know your sparkies will always listen. Sending hugs.

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Sunny Gal bonus challenge week 1

Wednesday, May 07, 2014

We're supposed to write about what is stopping us from achieving our goals. I think my main thing is still self sabotage. I am taking the stress challenge and doing (somewhat) the 10 steps on emotional eating. I am confident that continuing (notice) I didn't say if, to keep tracking,exercising,and being part of my teams with the challenges I have committed to the goals will happen!!! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SGTSUNNY 5/9/2014 5:08PM

    You will succeed! Keep up the good work and you will reach your goals

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