Thursday, May 19, 2011
Last night I dreamed it was a holiday and all the family was together and my hubby's brother and his family too. Then out of nowhere, my hubby showed up with the woman he was seeing when I left him. Now this was a long time ago, and she has become a cherished good friend. Every one at the gathering was so surprised to see her there, but DH walked up and kissed her and they sat together. People were so upset and even his brother was so angry and that isn't like him. They then left together and he tried to come back and I wouldn't let him, took him to court and took a large chunk of his paychecks in alimony.
Why did I dream this after all this time, and why am I not upset about it. I almost feel at peace and not bothered at all. Man am I baffled at this.
It's the first time I dreamed of him, and it has to be this.
But, I am feeling much better today, already went out and took Cleo for a while on the new ramp. She loves to sit on my lap and watch the birds and me too. I can smell the lilacs from the back yard out there and it is so peaceful.
Love you all and all the support you have given me. I pray every day that this depression ends soon, maybe this is the first day of the rest of my life. Maybe I will find peace after all and the pain will ease a little. I still miss him, 24/7 but I am at a place where I talk to him now instead of screaming at him. I am crying less, and when I think of him on the other side and with his loved ones he lost before him, I actually smile, cause I know, not sure how, that he is ok there.
Went to my daughters yesterday and took lots of pics of water on the way and lots of pics of her birds outside. I had a good time with her, but I still worry about her. I worry about my son also, this has been so hard on them, and we have so much to clean out of this house and I truly believe, no know they are having a hard time letting him go, so I pray they find their way too.
Have a great day all my wonderful
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
I'm not sure how to explain, but I I was having trouble with everything for a few days. Spending too much time alone, I guess. Been down, depressed, and so I have just been having quiet time. I'm starting to doubt everything, maybe this check won't come in, then now house, no vehicle and basically I will be a prisoner in this house forever. I'm working on it.
Thank you for your patience and love.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Cleaned and took out the garbage and hired the neighbors kid to mow the lawns. I'd rather pay him than someone else. He has a girlfriend and needs the money(his dad told me). Working on coupons for grocery day and trying to decide what I want for dinner. I mixed WW cream cheese with WW yogurt and not sure what to call it but it was good and low points. I love experimenting with foods, so I also made a veggie dip with WW cream cheese and Walden farms onion dip, mellowed it out and it was great....so will have celery and dip tonight.
Got out on the deck twice with Cleo today and she loves to lie in my arms like a baby and soak up the sun.
Hope you all had a great Wednesday too.
Saturday, May 07, 2011
My son and two grandson's showed up with presents and he got me the silver ware set I wanted and two professional knives I have wanted too. Now I can really cook and eat....LOL
Then my DD and SIL and myself followed them to Denny's where I got my free grand slam, guess it pays to have a birthday. Went home with daughter and spent some time watching the food channel. Then we went to supper at a great Italian restaurant, and I had Cappacino and Lobster Corn Chowder. With special bread and olive oil, cheese, black pepper to dip it into...what they call Italian butter....so yummy and I had biscotti with my coffee and then before we left, the waitress arrived with a piece of decadent chocolate cake with ganash filling..and a scoop of ice cream,. took two bites of cake and had the ice cream and brought the rest of the cake home with me.
DD and SIL payed for dinner and bought me a box of sugar free candies, from Andies Candies...so good.
So I did have a good day and will be with DD tomorrow and spending the day at her house and ordering dinner in.
I will make it through this weekend, yes I miss him, so much it hurts, but I know I have to get used to not having him there for celebrations.
I can't thank all my friends here and on Facebook for all the birthday good wishes. I love you all.
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