Dream, bad or good????

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Last night I dreamed it was a holiday and all the family was together and my hubby's brother and his family too. Then out of nowhere, my hubby showed up with the woman he was seeing when I left him. Now this was a long time ago, and she has become a cherished good friend. Every one at the gathering was so surprised to see her there, but DH walked up and kissed her and they sat together. People were so upset and even his brother was so angry and that isn't like him. They then left together and he tried to come back and I wouldn't let him, took him to court and took a large chunk of his paychecks in alimony.

Why did I dream this after all this time, and why am I not upset about it. I almost feel at peace and not bothered at all. Man am I baffled at this.

It's the first time I dreamed of him, and it has to be this.

But, I am feeling much better today, already went out and took Cleo for a while on the new ramp. She loves to sit on my lap and watch the birds and me too. I can smell the lilacs from the back yard out there and it is so peaceful.

Love you all and all the support you have given me. I pray every day that this depression ends soon, maybe this is the first day of the rest of my life. Maybe I will find peace after all and the pain will ease a little. I still miss him, 24/7 but I am at a place where I talk to him now instead of screaming at him. I am crying less, and when I think of him on the other side and with his loved ones he lost before him, I actually smile, cause I know, not sure how, that he is ok there.

Went to my daughters yesterday and took lots of pics of water on the way and lots of pics of her birds outside. I had a good time with her, but I still worry about her. I worry about my son also, this has been so hard on them, and we have so much to clean out of this house and I truly believe, no know they are having a hard time letting him go, so I pray they find their way too.

Have a great day all my wonderful

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MORTICIAADDAMS 5/20/2011 2:08PM

I think that your dream means that you are mourning the fact that he left you when he died and that you can't be with him for a while. Report Inappropriate Comment

JESS0107 5/20/2011 9:52AM

They say when people have dreams, it a continuation of what a person was thinking right before they nod off to sleep. Maybe you were just thinking of him and your mind went into over-drive. I also pray that your depression goes away soon so you can find happiness! Have a good weekend! Report Inappropriate Comment

PJGABRIEL 5/19/2011 12:55PM

Your dream could be that you are letting go, I however did go through with the divorce and almost 9 years later he passed away and the boys think that it was me that made the mistake, but I know it was right. I was there for the end and held his hand and talked to him and we made peace with one another, and now I live here at the house with my son which he wanted. Sometimes it is hard to clean things out, but I have been the one to do this and the boys have a hard time and that is ok, it is slowly changing here and they are happier because there is not that constant reminder. Hang in there and enjoy the Sun and outdoors it will also help you make progress. Report Inappropriate Comment

SAMI199 5/19/2011 12:48PM

I am sorry you had such a disturbing dream...try not to worry about it-you are going through such a difficult time...You are such a strong lady! Report Inappropriate Comment

SAPNA. 5/19/2011 12:30PM

Weird anxiety dreams are very common when we are depressed and when we have lost a loved one. They seem to be all jumbled up with truths and half truths and all sort of ridiculous stuff. it is like all the stuff in our heads gets jumbled up and thrown together into weird stories while we dream. Please don't add this dream to your stress. Let it go and move forward. Report Inappropriate Comment

KEKEIKO 5/19/2011 12:23PM

Maybe it's his way of suggesting that you let him go. You are getting stronger each day. He wants you to smile when you think of him and not cry. You won't ever forget him. He will be there to guide you when it is your time. Right now you are enjoying the birds and your new ramp. Hugs, Keke Report Inappropriate Comment

Rough patch.....

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I'm not sure how to explain, but I I was having trouble with everything for a few days. Spending too much time alone, I guess. Been down, depressed, and so I have just been having quiet time. I'm starting to doubt everything, maybe this check won't come in, then now house, no vehicle and basically I will be a prisoner in this house forever. I'm working on it.

Thank you for your patience and love.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MORTICIAADDAMS 5/20/2011 10:22AM

I can totally relate. Not too much fun here either. I am sending prayers your way. Report Inappropriate Comment

GLOMER 5/19/2011 10:23AM

Hope today is looking brighter my Spark Friend. Hang on!! Report Inappropriate Comment

JESS0107 5/19/2011 9:38AM

Bless your heart! Cast all your cares upon God. He will lead you safely through. I know that it's easier said than done but just hang in there. We are all here for you! Report Inappropriate Comment

JUSTJO66 5/19/2011 9:38AM

I also hope you are feeling better today. Today is a new day. Think about something you have "worried" about in the past that turned out okay..... most the things we fret about always work out. Report Inappropriate Comment

SAPNA. 5/19/2011 8:26AM

I had not seen you bog for a few days and thought you were going through a black patch. That was bound to happen at some point. Please do not give up. Everything is going to work out for you. the house and car and everything else. You have the blessing of a very supportive family as well. Just hang in there and the sun will shine again. Report Inappropriate Comment

DANCINGELEPHANT 5/18/2011 11:47PM

I hope things are on the up and up soon! Thinking of you. Lisa Report Inappropriate Comment

Still having good days.....

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Cleaned and took out the garbage and hired the neighbors kid to mow the lawns. I'd rather pay him than someone else. He has a girlfriend and needs the money(his dad told me). Working on coupons for grocery day and trying to decide what I want for dinner. I mixed WW cream cheese with WW yogurt and not sure what to call it but it was good and low points. I love experimenting with foods, so I also made a veggie dip with WW cream cheese and Walden farms onion dip, mellowed it out and it was great....so will have celery and dip tonight.

Got out on the deck twice with Cleo today and she loves to lie in my arms like a baby and soak up the sun.

Hope you all had a great Wednesday too.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUCYFIRST1 5/11/2011 8:14PM

So happy to hear your good days are becoming more and more frequent. Sun is good for you, and for Cleo too (lol). Stay busy, stay positive. I love that you're experimenting with different foods and finding things you like to eat. That equals success in my book. Take care! Mary Lou Report Inappropriate Comment

MORTICIAADDAMS 5/11/2011 8:00PM

Love the image of you and Cleo on the deck as lounge lizards. LOL. Report Inappropriate Comment

SAPNA. 5/11/2011 5:47PM

Lucky cat. Report Inappropriate Comment

A few days off......

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Been resting and cleaning after a busy weekend, and they started to pave our road in front of the house, I think I like the smell of hot tar......maybe not. Been packing away some things to take with me, and putting together the things they need at his office so someone will be here next Tuesday to pick them up.

I also packed the Easter decorations in a box to take. Put two of his pictures on display and the silk flowers he gave me,, with a candle. It's almost comforting now to see him smile. I so pray he is happy.

Well, back to cleaning and then making dinner.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MORTICIAADDAMS 5/11/2011 7:59PM

He is at peace. Report Inappropriate Comment

PJGABRIEL 5/10/2011 7:18PM

Take it one day at a time, and keep on smiling as best as you can. Report Inappropriate Comment

SAPNA. 5/10/2011 4:16PM

God Bless You Linda. Report Inappropriate Comment

Birthday was good....

Saturday, May 07, 2011

My son and two grandson's showed up with presents and he got me the silver ware set I wanted and two professional knives I have wanted too. Now I can really cook and eat....LOL

Then my DD and SIL and myself followed them to Denny's where I got my free grand slam, guess it pays to have a birthday. Went home with daughter and spent some time watching the food channel. Then we went to supper at a great Italian restaurant, and I had Cappacino and Lobster Corn Chowder. With special bread and olive oil, cheese, black pepper to dip it into...what they call Italian butter....so yummy and I had biscotti with my coffee and then before we left, the waitress arrived with a piece of decadent chocolate cake with ganash filling..and a scoop of ice cream,. took two bites of cake and had the ice cream and brought the rest of the cake home with me.

DD and SIL payed for dinner and bought me a box of sugar free candies, from Andies Candies...so good.

So I did have a good day and will be with DD tomorrow and spending the day at her house and ordering dinner in.

I will make it through this weekend, yes I miss him, so much it hurts, but I know I have to get used to not having him there for celebrations.

I can't thank all my friends here and on Facebook for all the birthday good wishes. I love you all.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MORTICIAADDAMS 5/11/2011 7:57PM

Happy Birthday!! It sounds like your family made it very special for you. Report Inappropriate Comment

COOKWITHME65 5/10/2011 9:06AM

Glad to hear you had a nice birthday with your family! Report Inappropriate Comment

DFROMTX 5/9/2011 10:27AM

Happy Belated Birthday!! Glad you had a nice day. Report Inappropriate Comment

JESS0107 5/9/2011 9:31AM

Happy Late Birthday!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

PJGABRIEL 5/8/2011 2:19PM

Happy Birthday! Report Inappropriate Comment

SAPNA. 5/8/2011 12:21PM

So alls well that ends well. You were so worried and then things turned out ok. God is watching over you and wont let you down. Report Inappropriate Comment

LUCYFIRST1 5/7/2011 11:53PM

Happy Birthday, and Happy Mother's Day! I'm so glad you have family support. We are here for you too. You will get through this, and you WILL be stronger for it! Hugs, Mary Lou Report Inappropriate Comment

CJJANISS 5/7/2011 11:05PM

Happy Birthday! Report Inappropriate Comment