Tuesday, February 26, 2013
I am so excited! since January 1, 2013 I have lost 8 pounds and my body fat has gone from 52.6% to 37%!!!!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Sometimes life is hard. Things get rough, unexpected things surprise us, and we have to make adjustments. I had to make an unexpected adjustment this month by deciding to leave my abusive husband, packing my daughter, my pup, and as much important stuff as I could into my car and moving us all into my older daughter's home temporarily. I am blessed to have a daughter who is willing and able to take us in, and I'm thankful for that. I thought I'd learned all about abusive men and how to avoid them when I left my ex, went through serious depression and anxiety, counseling, the whole bit, including hospitalization for suicidal attempts.......I guess I didn't know enough, because I found myself right back in a very similar situation, but I didn't stick around to waste 15 years this time, at least. It only took me 7 years to grow a pair and walk out. It was not an easy decision, but it's getting easier every day and I"m surrounded by the love and support of my kids, as they all live right near here, so I am seeing them almost daily. The biggest thing, actually hearing my daughter say "I'm so proud of you." These are words I've wanted to hear from my kids all my life, words it took my mother till her dying days to say to me, and you know what? I'm proud of me too. It won't be easy starting over at 51, with a 12 year old while trying to finish a double bachelor degree program, and going back to work for the first time in many, many years, but I know we will be ok. There will be tough, tear filled, emotional days, and we'll have to give up lots of stuff as we adjust to one little income and start over, but my young daughter will see that it's not ok to let someone treat you like s*&t, and that it's ok to move on and start over, and mainly, that we'll be ok, together, and happy, just the two of us and our little puppy girl. From now on out, it'll be just us girls and I'm ok with that.
Wednesday, February 06, 2013
How often do we miss a chance to pay it forward? Having a bunch of kids and grandkids, we often find ourselves in possession of slightly used baby/kid things that we'll pass on to tenants or whatever. Last week I had received back a bassinett that our daughter had used for our grandson, and then gave to us to loan to a tenant. I had planned to donate it to a local center, and couldn't seem to coordinate my schedule with the few hours a week they are open, so it was sitting in my car a few days. I suffer form social anxiety and rarely go out, but needed to make a trip to Walmart and as I was coming out I spotted a VERY pregnant woman and her bf/husband walking into the store. It was a VERY cold and windy day, yet neither had a jacket on, so after a few moments of serious self-talk, I walked toward them and said, I have a weird question, do you need a bassinett. Of course they looked at me like I was nuts, but I said, I happen to have a practically brand new bassinett, used only a couple months in my car that I've been looking to donate, please help me get it out of my car as I need the room and cannot find a place to donate it? They looked a bit shocked, a bit nervous and skeptical, so I just opened the back of my car and pulled it out and handed it to them. They smiled and I could barely see the tears in their eyes through the tears in my own, they thanked me numerous times as I got in my car and drove off, but I was so thankful and happy. I overcame my anxiety for a moment, and it made my whole day. God must have known I would run into this couple and put me in the right place at the right time-I only wish I'd given them my number, as my husband came home that day with an almost new infant seat! Maybe stalking Walmart is a good idea?
Sunday, February 03, 2013
So, we've had a rough week, the husband and I. He's put well over 70 hours in this week in one apartment (we manage close to 40 properties) and a frozen heating system. Making it especially depressing was the fact that it's our anniversary today, and we'd hoped to have a nice night last night and that too was run over by this craziness that is truly just part of being a property management company owner in the middle of a New England winter. So, today, suddenly, it seems to be finally coming together, with the final test tomorrow morning, but we decided to just take a quick break today and visit with a friend (and former tenant)who is, get this, opening a GYM!! So, off we go to meet him at the new facility, to see what needs to be done to get it opened, and in the middle of a conversation about what needs to happen andwho should be brought on board we decide to call our former Best Man who isa world champion kick boxer to see if he'd like to teach at the gym, and he is immediately on board. The friend mentions that he knows a martial arts instructor who is also coming on board, but he can only remember the first name......as he says it, my mouth pops open and I immediately spit out the last name followed by "SHUT THE F--- UP". Now, both hubby and friend are looking at me like my last marble has just escaped, when I announce, he is some one I've known my entire life, in fact he was my adopted "Big Brother"(which means he was involved with a family member, a cousin, they were engaged, and he was deeply rooted int he family when I was a child-so deeply that when he had his daughter, she was named after me). I'm following the story, but everyone else was still a bit befuddled, especially my husband who has never met this guy. So, I explained. He was there for me when my stepfather was abusing us, when my mother was a drunk, when my ex was an abusive ass, and when I needed a shoulder, and a guy to kick a bit of tail, and I both adored and idolized him. After their breakup we all lost touch and when I was a teen I reconnected with him and spent a lot of time in his dojo training and just relieving stress, but he had developed an unfortunate and serious drug addiction. Eventually, we all realized it was time for him to get help, and he turned to me. I agreed to spend one last day with him, on the condition that he allow me to enter him into rehab the following day, and that he NOT return to the city where we lived and where all his drug connections were. And so it happened-we spent a fantastic 24 hours at the beach and then at the dojo, meditating, praying, and saying what needed to be said, we made the loooooong drive to rehab the next day and said goodbye, knowing full well it may be for good. We had 2 conversation while he was there, and he did well. I heard later that he was very ill with cancer, but he was out, remarried, and she wanted no contact with any former friends/family members, understandably, so I stayed away. Tomorrow, he will be meeting our friend at the gym to set up final details for his classes, and I will be there to surprise him..........none of us are where we were those 30 long years ago, geographically, mentally, or physically, but, with God's help and a lot of faith,we will once again be spending time together training and supporting each other. God sure knows how to put a smile on my heart.
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
So, after a week of being mostly on track and a great 3 pound loss, I "celebrated" last night by stuffing my face. Honestly, what the h** is wrong with me? I ate dinner, so happy to have had another successful day, feeling proud of myself for having a big spinach salad with a few lean beef slices on top rather than the big buttery potato and hunk of steak the hubby was eating. Yeah, even turned him down when he was making himself a bowl of ice cream..........and then it hit me. An overwhelming hunger that I could not stop, or so it seemed, and I broke down and fed it-fed it a lot. As in an entire bag, not those cute little single-serving bags, no I had to eat the entire family sized bag, of white cheddar popcorn and still I was "hungry" so I followed that little debaucle with a big fat peanut butter and banana sandwich and a glass of almond milk. I mean, are you f'ing kidding me right now?? I know better, and I knew I certainly wasn't hungry. So, I should probably just say the hell with it all and start over on Monday right? I mean, isn't that what we do? No, today, I am going to get back on track, I'm prepping food for the week now, to help me avoid that "nothing to eat so I'll try everything" binge. And I need some help, I need to be accountable, and to admit my screw-ups, so here it is, in writing, my huge well over 2000 calorie day.............
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