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True Beauty?!?

Friday, July 03, 2009

I got my haircut today, a seemingly small event. I had fairly long hair, long but damaged from all my attempts to find the hair colour that would make me pretty...still looking for that by the way.
So i asked the hairdresser to give me one of those inverted bobs, i wanted it to stay longish in the front but try and get rid of some of the damage in the length.
An hour later I walked out of the salon with hair to my chin, and alas I don't feel any prettier then when i went in. Actually now I feel even uglier...
so here's my struggle, as a recovering bulimic it is a big struggle, how do i find beauty in myself when it seems that I hate everything about me...
I buy stuff, it's how i work at becoming beautiful, I buy clothes, colour my hair, buy different skin cares for a wide range of "problems" from dark circles, to oily skin...the list goes on...and each time I wait breathless hoping I will finally look in the mirror and see something worthwhile, something pleasing to the eye, beautiful and beloved...
Apparently today is not that day....
I yearn to get past this deep seeded hate I seem to have for myself, I long to judge myself by the same standards, with the same love and respect that I give to those nearest and dearest to me...but at this moment, I stand as judge to myself and am found lacking in every possible way.
I long to love myself but fear I don't know how.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSTELZER 7/3/2009 10:46AM

    This is something so many struggle with - loving ourselves! This is something we all have to practise and remember to do but it isn't always easy. Hang in there and keep working at it. Thinking of you~


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