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So it begins ...

Thursday, June 06, 2013

When faced with life changes I can either bend or break. I can either be overwhelmed or I can learn to deal. Over the past two weeks I've found myself taking a moment or two to take a deep breath and center myself. It's either that or the anxiety will overwhelm me.

Here's what's been going on:

Yup, we got the apartment we looked at. Packing, purging and general maintenance is happening. Plus, coordinating the installation of new utilities and extras and cancelling the old. Arranging for movers and parking permits oh my! Without my notebook of dates, times, vendors etc I'd be lost and completely running in circles.

I've been in the same apartment for over 10 years and it's the only home the Mr has known since moving to the states 5 years ago. It's a big move for the both of us. Well, all six of us ... the fur babies go where we go. :)

I decided to do the move in phases, three of them. Phase one is complete. I moved a large piece of furniture to a friends apartment and took her large piece to the consignment store. A win, win for everyone. On both ends of that move random men happened to be walking by and asked if they could help. Yes, please.

Phase two starts this weekend. We get to take possession of the new place a few days early so I'm moving in the bulk of my kitchen stuff over the weekend. One because I want to set up the kitchen as quickly as possible, two it will free up boxes and three I want the movers to utilize their time with the big stuff. Boil it down and it's really because I want to save money by doing some of the moving myself. There I said it ... ;)

Phase three happens a week from today when the movers show up. I'm not ready for them yet. O_o

The other happenings ... the Mr and I were fostering baby kittens (Tuff & Lilly) after the Mr found them in a box on the roadside. They were four weeks old then ... now they are eight weeks. I say "were" because Sunday I inked the final paperwork to adopt BOTH. We now have FOUR cats to which I was originally opposed to but my heart melted with each minute spent with the new babies. PLUS my older cats took to them within a day or two and are now overly protective of them. Anyway, the adoption fees were waived over the weekend so the shelter processed our paperwork. There were lots of happy tears that day! All my little ones have been rescued after being left outside by their previous owners. A lady at the shelter got teary when I mentioned we are a household of adopted and abandoned creatures - meaning all 6 of us. We have a colorful history!

Pending house guest is arriving the day before the move. Now how did this happen? *SIGH* A childhood friend of the Mr's is flying in from Jamaica to spend one night at our place and then he'll drive her 3 hours East to where she'll be working for three months. Her arrival date has been a moving target which doesn't make me very happy and gives the two of them anxiety.

Next is the Mr's "food program." OH MY! I'm not a fan of it nor am I a fan of the person who "sold" it to him. HOWEVER, he has been on it for over a month now and has found results, eats differently, feels better and promises to stay away from the craptasticness he used consume. Even though I don't like it I have supported him the best I can ... buying and cooking what's on the page and checking in with him regularly about it. He's lost over 20 lbs in the first month and now believes I should try it. No Thanks! The benefit to me is that we no longer have foods in the house that make me want to binge.

Anyway. My wellness journey has continued through all of this. I started taking my thyroid medication and I believe it's helping. I'm told it will take about a month for it to get into my system fully so I wait and see. I'll retest in July to make sure I'm on the right track or if the dosage needs to be adjusted.

Oh I forgot to mention ... Saturday I have a 5K race in the morning AND that afternoon I get to move stuff. It's gonna be a busy AND exciting day. This will be my 4th time participating in this race so I don't get all jittery prior. The only change this year is that I'll take the public bus to the start line instead of driving or having someone drop me off. This morning I made sure I had all my clothes for the day of race ... I thought I had packed them already. HA! Tonight I pickup my race packet.

One of the big things that will change with my move will be my workouts with my fitness friend. We're still trying to figure it all out. Of course, of late she's been cancelling a lot so it might be a natural breaking point. I remain open to options.

Thanks for reading my novel here ... I've been trying to write this for days on end now. A core dump really.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ENDUROVET 6/11/2013 10:40PM

    & you tell ME I've got a lot going on!!!

(BTW, I updated Part 2, "most of the rest of the story")

I used to have 4 housecats - while I miss my babies, I DON'T miss the litterbox duty ;-)

Also staying strictly away from those evil scales until I line up a few mo' good days...

Comment edited on: 6/11/2013 10:41:18 PM

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TRENTDREAMER 6/8/2013 10:36AM

    Congrats on the move, the kittens, your husbands weight-loss (I've had friends lose weight on plans that I wasn't too fond of and know the feeling).

Hope that the race went well! Hope that your husband's friend doesn't cause too much of an issue. Hope that the thyroid medication works out well.


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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 6/6/2013 7:55PM

    Sounds like you're holding down the fort pretty well, considering. Not much longer, and you'll have your new place.

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MANLEYSANDY 6/6/2013 6:16PM

    Sounds like things are moving right along....

I can't believe you have 4 cats, this is awesome!!!

Keep on keeping on, you are amazing!!


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The Universe Has Responded

Thursday, May 23, 2013

A week later the universe has responded ...

I put in the universe that I wanted a safe and affordable two bedroom apartment. On Monday this week as I clicked on line I found just that. I made the appointment for the Mr and I to look at it. Today we received approval and will ink the lease this weekend. First official day in the new place, June 12th.

The short version is ... I fell in love with it immediately and the Mr hated. Later I found out that he didn't hate it but was overwhelmed at the thought of ACTUALLY moving. He never thought it would happen. The next morning his head had cleared and now he's super excited.

I'm a control freak and have moved the office and my boss so many times that I told him I'd take point on making this all happen. He'll help with the lifting and moving but the planning and scheduling will be up to me. I've made what seems like a 1,000 phone calls today alone.

This alone makes breathing easier!!

My four furry ones are doing absolutely fabulous. The older boys have adopted the wee ones and they are one happy little family. It has proven a blessing ... now Irie lets me sleep at night. They are going to love this new place! ***We have decided to adopt the foster babies ... Tuff and Lilly. *** Yes they melted my heart and I can't image my home without them. The women at the shelter were not surprised. LOL

I had my blood drawn for the tests on Tuesday. The doctors office called earlier today but tried to reach me at home. I'm waiting now for the doctor to call my cell ... it must be about the results although it seems like a very fast turn around - I'll take it.

I continue with my workouts and look forward to exploring my new territory on foot. So many places to walk to and explore!!

I think moving and settling into our new place is going improve our marriage. I'm all about togetherness but I like separate too and this place allows us room to be alone when needed.

Human baby ... well we haven't figured this one out yet. BUT a larger place was one of my requirements prior to pregnancy. We are one step closer.

My commute will change a bit and from what I can tell it's gonna be a bit crazy what with switching from the bus to our train system. I've done it twice now and I can assure you the bus is more civilized way to get around during rush hour. I'll adjust. Did I mention I'm within walking distance of the train? Oh ya, it's right there!

Everything happened so flawlessly and with lightening speed. I'm beyond excited and believe this can only lead to more success. The happier I am the better I feel. The better I feel the easier it is for me to concentrate on my wellness program.

EDIT: The lab results are in ... My TSH levels are abnormal. They are over producing. Doctor one wants to put me on a low dose medication for it. I'm waiting to chat with Doctor two to see if he has recommendations as well. The rest of my labs when it comes to my thyroid all showed normal functions.
My bad cholesterol is elevated but she said to continue to eat well and workout and it should right itself ... no medication recommendations on this one.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ENDUROVET 5/26/2013 1:59PM

    High TSH means your pituitary is asking for MORE T4; sounds like you need some supplementation -
Love, your friend who is NOT a human endocrinologist ;-)

(but my endo gave up the fight w/me after many years: in order to feel functional, I need my TSH to be almost completely suppressed, T4 at the highest end of the normal range... This reminds me to get my bloodwork rescheduled!)

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MANLEYSANDY 5/24/2013 11:32AM

    Looks like things are moving a great directions, I am happy for you! I know moving sucks, but once it is over, it is nice to have a new place to call home!

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SGRAY478 5/24/2013 1:32AM

    Hmm. Strange that your TSH was high, but not T4. Interesting.

I am glad that things have worked out otherwise. My mother always tells me that, "things will work out as they should" but I am a crazy stress person and freak out until they fall into place, so I understand how having it fall together nicely for you must make you feel!

I am so glad to hear about your new fur-babies!! At the clinic we always tell people that are interested in fostering how easy it is to get attached and to think about that when they say they don't want to add another pet!

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TRENTDREAMER 5/23/2013 10:39PM

    Congrats on the new apartment. Glad to hear some of the situations are working out. Hoping for the best regarding the medical situation.

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 5/23/2013 9:37PM

    Wow, that's fantastic! *hugs*

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EDENFELL 5/23/2013 8:15PM

    The new apartment sounds really nice. Congratulations! Good luck with all your goals. emoticon

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ELLES26 5/23/2013 7:59PM


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Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I feel like I'm suffocating. Like the plastic bag has been pulled over my head and I'm fighting for air but it doesn't matter how much I fight I can't find relief.

In general, all is good. In micro bits everything seems to be falling apart or at least cracking. Here's how it unfolds ...

The Foster Kitties
In general - it's all about the love, safety and health of the furry babies. I'm okay to let them go when foster care is complete. It'd break my heart but I know someone will love them.
In Micro bits - it's darn hard to care for TWO foster babies and do it right. Feeding, care, cleaning and safety of four week old babies is exhausting and time consuming. The Mr is NOT willing to let them go. He's attached! As are my two older furry babies. I had to take a morning off from work due to the Mr's schedule and not being able to leave the kitties in the kennel for extended periods of time. It was last minute. SIGH

The Boys aka my two older cats
In general - they are fabulous. I love them like mad.
In Micro bits - they have become attached to the two wee ones. So much so that they panic if something appears wrong at any given moment. That's tough to take. One of them likes to wake me at 4:00 a.m. to play or at other random times during the night. Sleep is fleeting at this point ...

Weight loss
In general - I'm healthy and my body is adjusting. I haven't binged in quit sometime now.
In Micro bits - I haven't lost weight for months now. It would appear all things have stalled, again. SIGH. I do. I change. I stay the same. I won't become complacent about it either! I am going to have a bunch of blood tests done to see if is crazy within my inner bits that need a tone up. Oh joy ...

In general - I've come to terms with being a walker vs. a runner. The pressure is off!
In Micro bits - one of my healthcare professions suggested to me today that I might want to cut back on my walking to see if that will allow me to loose weight again. I asked if she could be my taxi service due to the bulk of my walking being for commute purposes. I'm tired of being told NOT to workout and move my body. She also suggested I increase my ST training. It's always fun to micromanage someone else's world, so I think.

Apartment life in the Bay Area
In general - I adore my little one bedroom apartment. I've been in the same place for 10 years plus - I'm comfortable. The location is perfect for all my daily needs. Yet, we need a bigger place.
In Micro bits - Moving is stressful AND expensive. Plus, the Bay Area might be a great place to live but it's also dangerous and expensive. Pick the wrong location and you might be hit by a stray bullet or be knifed by your neighbor. I don't make this stuff up. Plus, rental prices are crazy high. Owners no longer look for the right tenant but rather the bottom line. If you want affordable housing you live in a war zone / gang territory. If you want safety you pay the same as you would for a mortgage but you have nothing to show for it in the end.

The Mr
In general - it's all good. We are quickly approaching our 5 year anniversary.
In Micro bits - he needs to step it up and pay up. Get a different job and earn a bigger paycheck. He needs to stop talking about vacation ... it might not happen this year and I don't need the pressure of trying to make it happen.

Work -
In general - I still have a job. THANK.YOU.VERY.MUCH
In Micro bits - I feel like unemployment is right around the corner due to the boss being a horrible money manager.

Human baby -
In general - it's a great idea.
In Micro bits - are you kidding me? A great reward BUT ...
The Mr has tunnel vision on this one and I'm just standing still. The Mr is of the mindset that it will all just work out so why not move forward. I am so not that type of person!

So ya, everything on the surface is GREAT! Underneath it - in the darkness - I am panicky and suffocating. Once things start to move I think I'll find the release and breath I need. Until then, I just keep fighting.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRENTDREAMER 5/15/2013 2:02PM

    I totally hear you.

I know the feeling of "on paper" or "on the surface" everything's "fine" or "OK".

Sorry to hear.

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BLISS_OM 5/14/2013 10:12PM

    Hi KT,

Your blog was honest and raw and said so much about ... how this life can be the good and the bad of it. I think you're doing a great job being able to watch it all ... as a witness and catalogue your list of pros and cons. I make lists like this and it helps me step back from it all and be more objective. If you're not doing so already ... breathe. Take deep breaths as you review this chronicle and trust yourself to act on something ... in some small way ... even a micromovement forward will help you feel more empowered. At least that tends to work for me. I send you my support and I am rooting for you. Congratulations on all you have accomplished and keep in order "on the surface"! Blessings, Bliss!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 5/14/2013 8:54PM

    emoticon I have no words of wisdom. I completely understand what you're saying.

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SGRAY478 5/14/2013 7:34PM

    I am so sorry you feel like suffocating KT. I understand how on the surface things can look good with so many dark pieces underneath. And let me tell you I am not a "it will all work on in the end person" either. I hope things get better for you!. Hugs!

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MANLEYSANDY 5/14/2013 7:20PM

    I would LOVE someone to tell me not to work out so I could lose weight :-)...but I know you enjoy it!!!

I am so glad you still have your job, that you have not binged in quite some time and that things are going good with the Mr., the other bits are just what happens in life and I am a lot like you, I am so not that person, I have to have a plan too...but whenever I start to freak out, I usually have a good cry and then just take things one day at a time. That is all you can do...

Hang in there my lovely friend....

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ENDUROVET 5/14/2013 6:09PM

    At least w/kittens, you've got 'em weaned in 6 wks flat ;-)

But seriously, sorry you are having a rough time, darling. Hang on, keep breathing & WALKING for the love of God! I can't see what is the least bit harmful about that...


P.S. I have enjoyed my infrequent visits to sunny CA but I couldn't imagine trying to finance living there!

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STUDLEEJOE 5/14/2013 4:56PM

    You are doing a great job with fostering the fur babies. Relax about things that are not within your control right now.

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Reactions to Stress

Thursday, May 09, 2013

On Tuesday night I blogged about two kittens my Mr found on the roadside in a box. It would have been interesting to see what happened to my cortisol levels at the moment he walked in the door and I heard their little cries. If stress / crisis produces cortisol then my inner bits were drowning in it.

It is in these situations that I learn A LOT about myself and where I am on my wellness journey. IF any emotion sends me into the depths of my food addiction it would be stress/anxiety. I was in the thick of it on Tuesday night.

Here's what I learned -
My bodies first response was to shut down. I wasn't the least bit hungry or thirsty even though it had been a good 5 hours since I last ate. After the rush of adrenalin I still wasn't hungry but my mind was overwhelmed. The Mr went to bed leaving me to figure out the schedule for the night and left me alone with a stocked frig/pantry.

I took a moment to breath and then I fell apart. I cried the ugly cry. Then I wrote my blog on SP. Then I ate but with control and purpose.

That's progress kids!

Progress report on the wee ones:
We took them to the shelter yesterday and they were checked out. They are four weeks old and generally in good health. After hearing they had 45 other kittens in foster care we decided to foster the two we found. They supplied everything we would need for the next four weeks and off we went. Thankfully there are no more night feeds. They are adorable and will steal your heart. Our older cats are getting along great with the change too.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SGRAY478 5/13/2013 5:02PM

    I am glad to hear about your positive reactions to stress! Also my heart is so happy with the news you are fostering. After spending so much time working at the vet clinic and various animal shelters I can tell you that good fosters are the reason the tiny helpless ones can thrive! You are truly doing a good thing friend!

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JENJESS48 5/10/2013 9:51AM

    I'm so proud of you, KT! Stress eating is my demon, too, and I'm super impressed with how you handled it. And I'm glad the fluffballs are doing well - and that you're getting more sleep!

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TRENTDREAMER 5/9/2013 11:40PM


I very rarely get stressed out to the point that I can't eat. It's happened, but not often.

"Then I ate but with control and purpose. That's progress kids! "
* It totally is. I am really happy for you.

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 5/9/2013 9:13PM

    Good for you, being able to keep it together. Like you said, THAT'S progress!

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PURPLE180 5/9/2013 6:09PM

    emoticon and way to keep things under control. emoticon

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EDENFELL 5/9/2013 5:19PM

    The kittens sound adorable. I hear you on the stress leading to overeating bit. I've been slowly getting out of that mode weirdly enough by not stressing about how much I eat (if I measure every last bit, I get stressed out and eat more so relaxing is definitely the way to go)..way to go with coping with anxiety in a healthy way. Sounds like you're doing very well! emoticon

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A blog about life in the moment and how to deal with it -

Wednesday, May 08, 2013

We live in a city that has a no kill, no judgment shelter. So why does the Mr find two baby (3 weeks, maybe) kitties in a box on the side of the street? My heart is so heavy and sad. I rushed them down to the Pet Food Express, due our Vet Clinic and Shelter being closed, and those fine folks stepped up and without question donated ALL the supplies necessary to get me & those babies through the night - well over a $100 worth of products. They bottle fed both babies before I left the store too. What does a soft hearted, animal loving woman do ... scream, cry and love like she never has before. *OVERWHELMED*

All my pent up emotions came flooding to the service once the Mr went to bed. Ya, he has to be up at 4:15 a.m. so I'm the one caring for the wee ones. They are napping now that their little tummies are full.

It really does pain my heart to know that we have to turn them over to the shelter. It really pains my heart to know people can toss away animals.
It really pains my heart to know my two boys - Irie and Road - are stressed tonight because there really is something in the bathroom.

I guess I'll cry a little more and know that within a few hours I'll have to say good bye to two little guys that instantly stole my heart. Sometimes doing the right thing hurts ...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PURPLE180 5/8/2013 9:30AM

    You (and your "Mr.") are very loving. I hate to see animals being mistreated and thrown away like garbage. I hope they find a good home, they are adorable. emoticon

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JENJESS48 5/8/2013 8:56AM

    DH and I rescued a kitten a couple years back and it was wrenching. But our cats hated the little guy and we found a good home for him almost immediately. You did the right thing, KT, and I'm sure the little fluffballs will find good homes quickly. As for hating your spouse temporarily because you're sleep deprived, don't feel bad - night feedings do that to all of us at one time or another. :)

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FITANDFIFTY2 5/8/2013 1:04AM

    We have also taken care of baby kittens!! It is so sad!! It was a lot of work (4 kitties) but it was worth every second!!! The next time it was for just one kitty. It was so hard when we gave them to their new forever homes as I had grown to love each one of them. Bless you for having such a wonderful and kind heart to care for these little innocent animals. emoticon (I have pics of a few of them on my spark page)

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