Friday, March 05, 2010
I have three jobs: 1) My "regular" day job, 2) My Saturday job and 3) Getting healthy.
Although I'm running on fumes when it comes to jobs one and two, I know I can refuel and move onto a better place with them. It's job three that I just want to quit!
I'm working way to hard to see such little return! Standing in all my glory this morning, I woke up the electronic beast and took a step. The numbers jumped around and finally landed on 238.6 - SERIOUSLY!!! I stood like a stone, mortified. As tears came to my eyes I realized I only lost .2 pounds this week.
As I took a step back I wanted to pick up the electronic beast and smash it into tiny, tiny pieces. I wanted to yell and I wanted to cry. I wanted to lash out at anyone or anything.
I used to way 325 pounds - back in the day, which was in 2002 - and I'm now at 238.6. I'm stuck on a nightmare of ride. I've done all the work and I've followed all the rules but I'm stuck and I hate it. I can't even find a single person in the health care industry that can explain the reason why I can not lose this weight.
Why shouldn't I give up? I mean seriously, why? I've made the decision to not consume sugar, sugar substitutes. I am intolerant to gluten, egg, dairy and soy so those things have been taken out of my diet. I don't drink soda now because it's laced with sugars and is just plan bad for me. I consume on average between 25 & 35 grams of fiber a day. So, for many reasons medical and otherwise I'm left with a diet of "clean foods" and I follow that diet. I even workout at the gym 3 nights a week, walk outside everyday, use my Wii and do other strength training routines at the house, plus I joined a belly dancing class.
It's not like I eat crap and don't move, if that were the case then I'd have my reasons. I don't so there for I can't help but be frustrated.
I'm tired. I'm defeated. I'm sick of being stuck. I'm tired of looking for the answers. I'm tired of working so hard and seeing such little results. I'm completely frustrated!
What else am I supposed to? What is it that I'm doing wrong that I can't see?
I've rejoiced in my own past success but that number needs to come down. Numbers matter no matter what anyone says. If it didn't matter millions of people worldwide would not be stepping onto their electric monsters. If it didn't matter insurance companies and doctors wouldn't have weight/height charts to set a standard.
I'm not striving to be stick thin, no thanks, I like my curves. But carrying around 70+ extra pounds just isn't healthy!
SERIOUSLY - FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION but neither is this constant madness.
Thursday, March 04, 2010
I have to admit now that when I started my own personal challenge of 28 days without sugar it seemed easy enough, reasonable and it was only going to be 28 day - I can do anything for 28 days. Positive thinking is always key when starting a journey and many times it carry us through difficult times.
Now that the end is coming up fast I have to admit now that it wasn't that "easy" in the very beginning - finding all that hidden sugar is hard and time consuming and makes ones pantry a little bare, at first. PLUS, not falling back on substitute sugars was hard. I loved - yes past tense there - Splenda. I mean Yummy! It made things so very, very sweet and my body just took it all in and asked for more, more, more.
PLUS, there are all the fancy $20 words the food industry uses on food labels - seriously! if it's sugar just say sugar. And, I learned 0 grams of sugar on a label doesn't mean there isn't added sugar in the product. Again, if you put sugar in the food don't label it as having 0 grams of sugar . . . omitting the truth is still a lie!
I have learned even "healthy" "natural" foods can have added sugar. I'm still annoyed that the local natural foods market carries dried cranberries that have sugar added to them. REALLY, what is the purpose? Any WHY would THAT market carry such a product. I must ask the next time I'm there.
Is 28 days enough or too long to kick this habit? I can say my journey started getting easier by day 12. Since day 12 it has been about getting into a routine and knowing I can't trust any product and that I must read every label, ask lots of questions and do my homework. So, I wouldn't change it . . . I think it's a solid number and makes me accountable.
And yes, I can do anything for 28 days if I set my mind to it. It's the rest of my life journey that leaves a question mark in my mind. With three days to go in my challenge I know I will finish strong. After that I am going to have to take it one day at a time. I'm going to have to rework some of the recipes that I've avoided in this challenge and figure out how to get around those food pushers in my life.
I've found in the past that it's easy to get those food pushers on board for a little while. They respect the decision in the beginning to become healthier and to drop a few pounds but then they just can't handle it any more and I start to hear, "It's only a little bit. Come on, what harm can it do? Just have a little bit." At my very core I respond with, "Really, if it's all that then you eat my portion! If it's really no big deal you come help me when I need to start over and fear for my health. If it's really no harm in it you pay my medical bills because I've damaged my body and need treatment. IT is a Big Deal . . . so put it down!"
I dislike any type of "pusher!" If I say no, respect me enough to let it go and move on.
Benefits I've seen in 25 days are:
1) chronic pain has been relieved
2) Random eating and searching for food has disappeared
3) I no longer crash at different times in the day
4) My body doesn't get the shakes if I can't eat on schedule
5) I have more energy
6) I sleep better
7) I enjoy the taste of the actual food
8) Empty calories are no longer in my diet
9) From research, I have a better understanding of sugar can do to my body and what the food industry is doing and not saying
10) I am healthier and food has purpose in my life
It really isn't easy to rid my life of sugar and sugar substitutes but it's doable and with a top 10 list like that I would be crazy not to stay the course!
Yeah, life without sugar is much sweeter . . .
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
In the attempt to get a better handle on finances and health insurance costs my husband and I met with a new agent today about different coverage. It was all good until the dreaded weight and height chart came out . . . I hate underwriting!
I stand at 5'4 and weigh 238.8
To qualify for coverage I need to weigh 231!
We want the new policy in place April 1, 2010 so that means I must drop 7.8 lbs.
I keep telling myself, "Do not panic, do NOT panic!"
My action plan is:
1) kick up the workout sessions
2) eat very healthy
3) log Everything that I eat
4) stay focused on the goal
5) use no excuses and stop with the BS
6) know that I can do this
7) ask for help when I need it
8) keep sugar and sugar substitutes out of my diet
Nothing like a goal to kick things up a notch! I CAN do this . . .
There is no room for failure here!
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