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The cookies are in, OH MY!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

From down the hall came a little girl, cute and kind and on her best behavior, wearing her Girl Scout vest with an order sheet in hand. With dad by her side she asked ever so quietly if we would like to buy some girl scout cookies and explained all the different kinds available. We ordered four boxes. With a smile she told us she would stop by again when they arrived. I know the cookies are in!!!

I could have made a money donation and skipped the cookies but NO, I went for the cookies. I have all sorts of reasons why I did that but at this point they don't matter. What matters is that I know those cookies are literally 3 doors down waiting for delivery. That same little girl will soon knock on the front door ready to deliver and collect.

These cookies are low on the trigger food list but they are on it. I'll be completely honest here, once the seal is broken on those boxes the cookies don't stand a chance. I'll eat them and love every bite. I haven't, in the past, blinked an eye at this because I figure if I'm going to do it then accept the end results and have no regrets. In short, my eyes are wide open.

This year I placed the order fully aware that those little cookies, as yummy as they are, are truly not good for me; my body will try to reject them due to food intolerance and my lack of consumption of sugar for the last 30 days. Aware or not, I placed the order. I had every intention of eating every one of those cookies - in plan site or in secret! (yes, I sometimes eat in secret and it doesn't have to be "junk" food it can simply be chicken or rice or green beans - weird huh?)

What about now??? This is when the rubber meets the road! What will I do???

Well, I'm going to have to write the check for those four boxes of cookies and I'm going to have to take possession. I'm even going allow them in my home but for a temporary amount of time. You see, I'm not going to break the seal, I'm won't even smell a cookie or see a crumb. My plan is this, if a friend of mine does not want what I ordered then they will go straight to the food bank. I can NOT throw them in the trash for many reasons, I will NOT eat them but I can give them to others that will enjoy them. SERIOUSLY, I the pressure!

Next time it will have to be a cash donation! I shouldn't have put myself in this position but I did so now I have to deal with it.

I will say this, what a difference 30 days makes.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NURSECLARA 3/11/2010 8:48PM

    I brought 4 boxes to work, put them in the break room and walked away! I know how hard it is... and cookies are definitely a trigger food for me. I have NO resolve when it comes to sweet things. ugh.

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    OMG! My 4 boxes are sitting in my best friend's living room!

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TEACHINGTARA 3/10/2010 6:21PM

    Last year when I ordered from my friend's daughter I brought all the cookies to my classroom and my class had a cookie party. I had 1 cookie out of 4 boxes. See if there are any teachers who could use a little treat for their class, or give them to a child to have with their friends for a cookie party. :-)

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I made it, 28 Days Sugar Free

Monday, March 08, 2010

I completed the challenge of 28 Days Sugar free and I feel Fabulous.

It has been an enlightening 28 day journey. Lots of childhood memories surfaced, emotions ran a little high at times, my body feels great and I'm healthier.

Blogging about the childhood memories helped put them into focus, give them a voice and let that little hurt, scared girl see that she grew up to be a woman.

Emotions about food and sugar really ran its course. I found out how much food that I used to consume on a daily bases has sugar in it - an amazing amount. I went from excited to sad, nervous to calm, angry to acceptance and finally to a resolved state of mind. I'm sure there were a lot of other feelings in there - it really was a roller coaster.

My body really does feel great. Sure at first is screamed for sugar and if I didn't feed it sugar it screamed for a sugar substitute. It was crazy! I felt propelled to search for it but never found it due cleaning up my environment prior to the challenge. My taste buds, body and brain chemistry have changed and I no longer hunt for it or crave it.

The aches and pains that I've had for too many years have left. I've spent thousands of dollars trying to make my body feel better and the key was in my hand the whole time. It might not be a miracle but to live pain free is something darn close.

During this journey I've asked myself if I'm going to continue to live without sugar and today I've decided if I've come this far and feel this great why would I even go back. What's the point? What's the benefit?

Sure I miss certain foods . . . chocolate and peanut butter come to mind, but I'll live. I actually won't fall over if I never eat a Reese's peanut butter cup again.

I'll have to continue this journey one step at a time and one day at a time. No one in my circle of peeps even comes close to eating like I do so I fight daily to resist temptations put in front of me.

I believe the longer I go without sugar and sugar substitutes the more my body will just revolt if I ingest them. And yes, I realize fully that I will be "that person" in the group who places special orders and refuses to eat it "just because." Bring it on - I'm stubborn and I'm scrappy - I can handle it. I despise peer pressure and when asked why I don't want to eat something or drink something offered to me I simply respond with, "Because I choose to." Simple as that, I need nothing more.

So, 28 days and counting without sugar or sugar substitutes - it really doesn't get any sweeter than this!



At the Beginning of the challenge my weight and measurements were:
Beginning Weight: 243.6
Stomach measurement: 52 inches
Waist measurement: 40 inches

On Friday/Saturday my weight and measurements were:
Weight: 238.4
Stomach Measurement: 50 inches
Waist Measurement: 38

Okay, the weight didn't melt off but take a look at those measurements! I should have reflected on this before getting so upset on Friday after my weekly weigh-in. These numbers really tell me something. 5.2 lbs down, 2 inches off my stomach and 2 inches off my waist! SERIOUSLY that's fabulous.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TSEWARD 3/9/2010 6:52PM

    WOW. You have accomplished so much..and do you mind if I say you are awesome? Those measurements really do say it all. I love your tough and scrappy response to being offered junk. And thank you for offering to help in any way! I am taking you up on that everytime I visit your page.

Tough and Scrappy. I have never been either. Is it possible?

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    wow. That is incredible! I've heard about how great you can feel by cutting out the sugar, but I just can't even imagine it at this point...I'm still taking baby steps. You go girl.

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Hard work + Little Results = FRUSTRATION

Friday, March 05, 2010

I have three jobs: 1) My "regular" day job, 2) My Saturday job and 3) Getting healthy.
Although I'm running on fumes when it comes to jobs one and two, I know I can refuel and move onto a better place with them. It's job three that I just want to quit!

I'm working way to hard to see such little return! Standing in all my glory this morning, I woke up the electronic beast and took a step. The numbers jumped around and finally landed on 238.6 - SERIOUSLY!!! I stood like a stone, mortified. As tears came to my eyes I realized I only lost .2 pounds this week.

As I took a step back I wanted to pick up the electronic beast and smash it into tiny, tiny pieces. I wanted to yell and I wanted to cry. I wanted to lash out at anyone or anything.

I used to way 325 pounds - back in the day, which was in 2002 - and I'm now at 238.6. I'm stuck on a nightmare of ride. I've done all the work and I've followed all the rules but I'm stuck and I hate it. I can't even find a single person in the health care industry that can explain the reason why I can not lose this weight.

Why shouldn't I give up? I mean seriously, why? I've made the decision to not consume sugar, sugar substitutes. I am intolerant to gluten, egg, dairy and soy so those things have been taken out of my diet. I don't drink soda now because it's laced with sugars and is just plan bad for me. I consume on average between 25 & 35 grams of fiber a day. So, for many reasons medical and otherwise I'm left with a diet of "clean foods" and I follow that diet. I even workout at the gym 3 nights a week, walk outside everyday, use my Wii and do other strength training routines at the house, plus I joined a belly dancing class.

It's not like I eat crap and don't move, if that were the case then I'd have my reasons. I don't so there for I can't help but be frustrated.

I'm tired. I'm defeated. I'm sick of being stuck. I'm tired of looking for the answers. I'm tired of working so hard and seeing such little results. I'm completely frustrated!

What else am I supposed to? What is it that I'm doing wrong that I can't see?

I've rejoiced in my own past success but that number needs to come down. Numbers matter no matter what anyone says. If it didn't matter millions of people worldwide would not be stepping onto their electric monsters. If it didn't matter insurance companies and doctors wouldn't have weight/height charts to set a standard.

I'm not striving to be stick thin, no thanks, I like my curves. But carrying around 70+ extra pounds just isn't healthy!

SERIOUSLY - FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION but neither is this constant madness.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    I don't know a single person that has been on the weight loss train that hasn't been in this place at several points in the journey. And you're right about the numbers---they mean something. The thing is, you did lose weight. You lost .2 lbs. Find something that weighs that in your house and you'll realize that that's really something. So in this case, that's over 700 calories that are gone from your life (if you're going by the 1lb=3600 calories rule). 720 to be exact. Losing weight is hard. You know that better than most because you've come so darn far. When we're stressed it's even hard. Stress is one of those mysteries in life because it can do a lot more than aggravate us and put us into bad moods. It can keep that weight clinging to our bones. It's a defense mechanism. I learned this the hard way when I worked in the fashion industry in a job that literally sucked the life out of me. Just remember that it's your job and not your life. Go in, get it done, and leave it there so that you can take care of yourself. Maybe take a walk during lunch if you can and give yourself those 5 minute pep talks. Hang in there. You're such an inspiration to people like me. I'd love to weight 238 lbs!!! Go girl.

Comment edited on: 3/6/2010 2:57:33 PM

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MRSSTRONGE 3/6/2010 10:17AM

    Hey, Thanks for your comment on my blog... as frustrating as it is to have lost so little, at least I know I'm not the only one. As much as I wanted to give it all up yesterday, I woke up feeling much better today. I just have to keep reminding myself how great I feel right now. I may not be seeing number changes, but I'm feeling changes. I can make the walk to the print shop down the street from work and come back up that hill without feeling like I'm going to keel over! That, in itself, is an amazing feat. I've had a few false starts before where I've lost 10 lbs or so, and I always give up, and I always gain it all back plus some. This time, it has to be different. Even if I never lose another lb., at least I'm not gaining... and I've been packing on the lbs. pretty quickly over the last few years. I have PCOS, which the drs say will make it harder to lose the weight I've gained... but it's for that reason that I NEED to get my weight under control.

Anyway, thanks for helping me to realize I'm not alone. I'm taking today and Sun. to refresh and renew... then I'll reconquer on Monday, and I hope you will too!

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JENNYBETHIN 3/5/2010 8:55PM

    You have Celiac Disease? My mom was diagnosed with it 6 months ago, and we found out I'm gluten intolerant because of that. Not to sound too nosy, but have you been checked for hypothyroidism? If you have it, then your body may hold onto the weight more so than it would normally. Have you considered that you may have too many "Jobs" too? I know I sound like a giant pain, but I hope you get off the plateau you're currently stuck on.

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TSEWARD 3/5/2010 7:57PM

    I am impressed with your success already, to have lost almost 100 lbs is no small feat. I can barely keep 5 lbs off. It goes, it comes, it goes, it comes. :(
I agree with DAISYDU23. If you have insurance, it may be helpful to go get the tests done, just to get more input. I can empathize with your frustration. You REALLY are working hard, and eating cleaner than anyone I know. Your blood sugar must be AWESOME. Which would stop any belly gains. (my bs is bad, lots of belly)
I say Hang In There. Stick With It. I know that sounds lame and patronizing.
But you have come so far, and accomplished so much! I have read of others who stalled for a year, right here on SP. I don't have their names, but one of the message board threads when I first joined was about plateaus. Sticking it out eventually (hate that...no patience) you will keep losing weight. It's almost like your body is humming along right now, happy to be fed clean foods, and is probably just doing some housecleaning, shining up your cells and dissolving any sludge in your arteries. Once all that is done, I am sure weight loss will resume. You continue to be a great inspiration to me! (no pressure, really) Your determination despite frustration is something to hang on to and feel good about.

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SERAPHINA80 3/5/2010 7:02PM

    That is so so so frustrating! have you been checked for thyroid issues?...probably...I am in the same boat although I only have 20 lbs to lose it's still frustrating because I lost 25 lbs before in 2 months...and now I can't lose a lb or an inch! If I did it before how come I can't do it now?!!! I started off doing P90X in January and if anybody you know has ever done it they will tell you it's a brutal workout! After 6 weeks I hadn't lost a thing!!! So I cut back even more of what I ate and after 2 weeks I am scared to step on that electronic beast.
If you are eating gluten free you should really see some difference. Maybe see a dietician if you can. Get some professional advice. Keep working on it until you find out what's wrong. Good luck!

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Day 25 - without Sugar - a Recap

Thursday, March 04, 2010

I have to admit now that when I started my own personal challenge of 28 days without sugar it seemed easy enough, reasonable and it was only going to be 28 day - I can do anything for 28 days. Positive thinking is always key when starting a journey and many times it carry us through difficult times.

Now that the end is coming up fast I have to admit now that it wasn't that "easy" in the very beginning - finding all that hidden sugar is hard and time consuming and makes ones pantry a little bare, at first. PLUS, not falling back on substitute sugars was hard. I loved - yes past tense there - Splenda. I mean Yummy! It made things so very, very sweet and my body just took it all in and asked for more, more, more.

PLUS, there are all the fancy $20 words the food industry uses on food labels - seriously! if it's sugar just say sugar. And, I learned 0 grams of sugar on a label doesn't mean there isn't added sugar in the product. Again, if you put sugar in the food don't label it as having 0 grams of sugar . . . omitting the truth is still a lie!

I have learned even "healthy" "natural" foods can have added sugar. I'm still annoyed that the local natural foods market carries dried cranberries that have sugar added to them. REALLY, what is the purpose? Any WHY would THAT market carry such a product. I must ask the next time I'm there.

Is 28 days enough or too long to kick this habit? I can say my journey started getting easier by day 12. Since day 12 it has been about getting into a routine and knowing I can't trust any product and that I must read every label, ask lots of questions and do my homework. So, I wouldn't change it . . . I think it's a solid number and makes me accountable.

And yes, I can do anything for 28 days if I set my mind to it. It's the rest of my life journey that leaves a question mark in my mind. With three days to go in my challenge I know I will finish strong. After that I am going to have to take it one day at a time. I'm going to have to rework some of the recipes that I've avoided in this challenge and figure out how to get around those food pushers in my life.

I've found in the past that it's easy to get those food pushers on board for a little while. They respect the decision in the beginning to become healthier and to drop a few pounds but then they just can't handle it any more and I start to hear, "It's only a little bit. Come on, what harm can it do? Just have a little bit." At my very core I respond with, "Really, if it's all that then you eat my portion! If it's really no big deal you come help me when I need to start over and fear for my health. If it's really no harm in it you pay my medical bills because I've damaged my body and need treatment. IT is a Big Deal . . . so put it down!"

I dislike any type of "pusher!" If I say no, respect me enough to let it go and move on.

Benefits I've seen in 25 days are:
1) chronic pain has been relieved
2) Random eating and searching for food has disappeared
3) I no longer crash at different times in the day
4) My body doesn't get the shakes if I can't eat on schedule
5) I have more energy
6) I sleep better
7) I enjoy the taste of the actual food
8) Empty calories are no longer in my diet
9) From research, I have a better understanding of sugar can do to my body and what the food industry is doing and not saying
10) I am healthier and food has purpose in my life

It really isn't easy to rid my life of sugar and sugar substitutes but it's doable and with a top 10 list like that I would be crazy not to stay the course!

Yeah, life without sugar is much sweeter . . .


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AUSSIEFLOSS 3/4/2010 12:58PM

    WoW! I admire your determination to stay away from added sugars! It is a really really really bad stuggle in my life. It's like an addiction. I actually get a rise out of eating sugar, and feel really good, then I crash and want more. It's terrible, isn't it? I am just amazed at what you have done, because it almost seems impossible in my life, a real hurdle. Diabeties runs in my family pretty strongly. I am scared for myself. You are so totally right that the food industry is a sugar pusher. I was shocked when I looked at a trail mix that had no candy in it, and it had a sugar coating on the fruit. I think it may be a preservative to keep the fruit from giong bad or sticking too much to each other. But it's not really worth eating it then, is it? Naturally dried fruit tastes fine without all that stuff! I could write a novel here, but I won't. What do you think of High Fructose Corn Syrup? I try to avoid it at all cost. We barely drink any soda, and I check labels before I buy them. I haven't had regulay pancake syrup in the house for a few months now, even though the kids miss it.

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MERRYMARY42 3/4/2010 12:56PM

    Wow, I went on a 28 day, sweet free streak in January and I did it, and it was tough, but my no sweets was candy, cake, cookies and the like, I did cut out dried fruit, because lets face it, there is lots of added sugar in that, but I kept my splenda, I cant imagine coffee just black, (I guess I am not a actual coffee drinker, huh?) but my no sweets was just that, I didn't look for and count the hidden sugars in most everything we buy, so it sounds like you are much more dedicated than me, I tried giving it up again, at the beginning of lent, well, I have failed that, I think I just wasn't motivated enough, so next time, but GREAT JOB, so far, and continued success

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Deadline Moved - STILL No Room for Failure

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

After talking with my insurance agent again, I have moved the deadline of reaching 231 lbs. (7.8 away) by end of March to early April. It is counter productive to tell "underwriting" that I weigh something I don't. If they find out I didn't tell the truth I'm screwed.

With this determination, I am more and more aware of my foods and surroundings. Some things delight me other things concern me.

Random thoughts:
1) Fruits and veggies of Spring/Summer - LOVE THEM!
2) Clementines a.k.a Cuties - they are like sweet candies from nature
3) Blueberries - an expensive treat that I adore warmed by my morning oatmeal
4) Sunshine - I love being outside
5) 2 parties coming up in March concern me - food pushers are Everywhere
6) Looking forward to my first belly dancing class and anxious too
7) Life has been so much sweeter without sugar and sugar substitutes
8) I hate that my husband snores sometimes
9) I struggle doing sit ups - I do them everyday now - thanks to the Curvey Creations challenge
10) I have a post it note on my office computer that simply says 231 . . . a reminder of what I will achieve
11) It's hard to find soup that doesn't have sugar added to it
12) Cereal, cookies and Coconut Bliss can not live at my house
13) I miss peanut butter
14) I enjoy my daily walks now
15) Perfect timing, I received an offer from my gym to hire a personal trainer for $29.99 - I can't pass it up
16) A cup and 1/2 of black bean soup is not enough food for lunch
17) I'm going to a new class night - belly dancing - and I'm a little anxious and a lot excited

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENNYBETHIN 3/3/2010 8:40PM

    I agree with the soup. Do what I did. Eat a salad and some fruit with it.

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