Wednesday, March 10, 2010
From down the hall came a little girl, cute and kind and on her best behavior, wearing her Girl Scout vest with an order sheet in hand. With dad by her side she asked ever so quietly if we would like to buy some girl scout cookies and explained all the different kinds available. We ordered four boxes. With a smile she told us she would stop by again when they arrived. I know the cookies are in!!!
I could have made a money donation and skipped the cookies but NO, I went for the cookies. I have all sorts of reasons why I did that but at this point they don't matter. What matters is that I know those cookies are literally 3 doors down waiting for delivery. That same little girl will soon knock on the front door ready to deliver and collect.
These cookies are low on the trigger food list but they are on it. I'll be completely honest here, once the seal is broken on those boxes the cookies don't stand a chance. I'll eat them and love every bite. I haven't, in the past, blinked an eye at this because I figure if I'm going to do it then accept the end results and have no regrets. In short, my eyes are wide open.
This year I placed the order fully aware that those little cookies, as yummy as they are, are truly not good for me; my body will try to reject them due to food intolerance and my lack of consumption of sugar for the last 30 days. Aware or not, I placed the order. I had every intention of eating every one of those cookies - in plan site or in secret! (yes, I sometimes eat in secret and it doesn't have to be "junk" food it can simply be chicken or rice or green beans - weird huh?)
What about now??? This is when the rubber meets the road! What will I do???
Well, I'm going to have to write the check for those four boxes of cookies and I'm going to have to take possession. I'm even going allow them in my home but for a temporary amount of time. You see, I'm not going to break the seal, I'm won't even smell a cookie or see a crumb. My plan is this, if a friend of mine does not want what I ordered then they will go straight to the food bank. I can NOT throw them in the trash for many reasons, I will NOT eat them but I can give them to others that will enjoy them. SERIOUSLY, I the pressure!
Next time it will have to be a cash donation! I shouldn't have put myself in this position but I did so now I have to deal with it.
I will say this, what a difference 30 days makes.
Monday, March 08, 2010
I completed the challenge of 28 Days Sugar free and I feel Fabulous.
It has been an enlightening 28 day journey. Lots of childhood memories surfaced, emotions ran a little high at times, my body feels great and I'm healthier.
Blogging about the childhood memories helped put them into focus, give them a voice and let that little hurt, scared girl see that she grew up to be a woman.
Emotions about food and sugar really ran its course. I found out how much food that I used to consume on a daily bases has sugar in it - an amazing amount. I went from excited to sad, nervous to calm, angry to acceptance and finally to a resolved state of mind. I'm sure there were a lot of other feelings in there - it really was a roller coaster.
My body really does feel great. Sure at first is screamed for sugar and if I didn't feed it sugar it screamed for a sugar substitute. It was crazy! I felt propelled to search for it but never found it due cleaning up my environment prior to the challenge. My taste buds, body and brain chemistry have changed and I no longer hunt for it or crave it.
The aches and pains that I've had for too many years have left. I've spent thousands of dollars trying to make my body feel better and the key was in my hand the whole time. It might not be a miracle but to live pain free is something darn close.
During this journey I've asked myself if I'm going to continue to live without sugar and today I've decided if I've come this far and feel this great why would I even go back. What's the point? What's the benefit?
Sure I miss certain foods . . . chocolate and peanut butter come to mind, but I'll live. I actually won't fall over if I never eat a Reese's peanut butter cup again.
I'll have to continue this journey one step at a time and one day at a time. No one in my circle of peeps even comes close to eating like I do so I fight daily to resist temptations put in front of me.
I believe the longer I go without sugar and sugar substitutes the more my body will just revolt if I ingest them. And yes, I realize fully that I will be "that person" in the group who places special orders and refuses to eat it "just because." Bring it on - I'm stubborn and I'm scrappy - I can handle it. I despise peer pressure and when asked why I don't want to eat something or drink something offered to me I simply respond with, "Because I choose to." Simple as that, I need nothing more.
So, 28 days and counting without sugar or sugar substitutes - it really doesn't get any sweeter than this!
EDIT AFTER POSTING:
At the Beginning of the challenge my weight and measurements were:
Beginning Weight: 243.6
Stomach measurement: 52 inches
Waist measurement: 40 inches
On Friday/Saturday my weight and measurements were:
Stomach Measurement: 50 inches
Waist Measurement: 38
Okay, the weight didn't melt off but take a look at those measurements! I should have reflected on this before getting so upset on Friday after my weekly weigh-in. These numbers really tell me something. 5.2 lbs down, 2 inches off my stomach and 2 inches off my waist! SERIOUSLY that's fabulous.
Friday, March 05, 2010
I have three jobs: 1) My "regular" day job, 2) My Saturday job and 3) Getting healthy.
Although I'm running on fumes when it comes to jobs one and two, I know I can refuel and move onto a better place with them. It's job three that I just want to quit!
I'm working way to hard to see such little return! Standing in all my glory this morning, I woke up the electronic beast and took a step. The numbers jumped around and finally landed on 238.6 - SERIOUSLY!!! I stood like a stone, mortified. As tears came to my eyes I realized I only lost .2 pounds this week.
As I took a step back I wanted to pick up the electronic beast and smash it into tiny, tiny pieces. I wanted to yell and I wanted to cry. I wanted to lash out at anyone or anything.
I used to way 325 pounds - back in the day, which was in 2002 - and I'm now at 238.6. I'm stuck on a nightmare of ride. I've done all the work and I've followed all the rules but I'm stuck and I hate it. I can't even find a single person in the health care industry that can explain the reason why I can not lose this weight.
Why shouldn't I give up? I mean seriously, why? I've made the decision to not consume sugar, sugar substitutes. I am intolerant to gluten, egg, dairy and soy so those things have been taken out of my diet. I don't drink soda now because it's laced with sugars and is just plan bad for me. I consume on average between 25 & 35 grams of fiber a day. So, for many reasons medical and otherwise I'm left with a diet of "clean foods" and I follow that diet. I even workout at the gym 3 nights a week, walk outside everyday, use my Wii and do other strength training routines at the house, plus I joined a belly dancing class.
It's not like I eat crap and don't move, if that were the case then I'd have my reasons. I don't so there for I can't help but be frustrated.
I'm tired. I'm defeated. I'm sick of being stuck. I'm tired of looking for the answers. I'm tired of working so hard and seeing such little results. I'm completely frustrated!
What else am I supposed to? What is it that I'm doing wrong that I can't see?
I've rejoiced in my own past success but that number needs to come down. Numbers matter no matter what anyone says. If it didn't matter millions of people worldwide would not be stepping onto their electric monsters. If it didn't matter insurance companies and doctors wouldn't have weight/height charts to set a standard.
I'm not striving to be stick thin, no thanks, I like my curves. But carrying around 70+ extra pounds just isn't healthy!
SERIOUSLY - FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION but neither is this constant madness.
Thursday, March 04, 2010
I have to admit now that when I started my own personal challenge of 28 days without sugar it seemed easy enough, reasonable and it was only going to be 28 day - I can do anything for 28 days. Positive thinking is always key when starting a journey and many times it carry us through difficult times.
Now that the end is coming up fast I have to admit now that it wasn't that "easy" in the very beginning - finding all that hidden sugar is hard and time consuming and makes ones pantry a little bare, at first. PLUS, not falling back on substitute sugars was hard. I loved - yes past tense there - Splenda. I mean Yummy! It made things so very, very sweet and my body just took it all in and asked for more, more, more.
PLUS, there are all the fancy $20 words the food industry uses on food labels - seriously! if it's sugar just say sugar. And, I learned 0 grams of sugar on a label doesn't mean there isn't added sugar in the product. Again, if you put sugar in the food don't label it as having 0 grams of sugar . . . omitting the truth is still a lie!
I have learned even "healthy" "natural" foods can have added sugar. I'm still annoyed that the local natural foods market carries dried cranberries that have sugar added to them. REALLY, what is the purpose? Any WHY would THAT market carry such a product. I must ask the next time I'm there.
Is 28 days enough or too long to kick this habit? I can say my journey started getting easier by day 12. Since day 12 it has been about getting into a routine and knowing I can't trust any product and that I must read every label, ask lots of questions and do my homework. So, I wouldn't change it . . . I think it's a solid number and makes me accountable.
And yes, I can do anything for 28 days if I set my mind to it. It's the rest of my life journey that leaves a question mark in my mind. With three days to go in my challenge I know I will finish strong. After that I am going to have to take it one day at a time. I'm going to have to rework some of the recipes that I've avoided in this challenge and figure out how to get around those food pushers in my life.
I've found in the past that it's easy to get those food pushers on board for a little while. They respect the decision in the beginning to become healthier and to drop a few pounds but then they just can't handle it any more and I start to hear, "It's only a little bit. Come on, what harm can it do? Just have a little bit." At my very core I respond with, "Really, if it's all that then you eat my portion! If it's really no big deal you come help me when I need to start over and fear for my health. If it's really no harm in it you pay my medical bills because I've damaged my body and need treatment. IT is a Big Deal . . . so put it down!"
I dislike any type of "pusher!" If I say no, respect me enough to let it go and move on.
Benefits I've seen in 25 days are:
1) chronic pain has been relieved
2) Random eating and searching for food has disappeared
3) I no longer crash at different times in the day
4) My body doesn't get the shakes if I can't eat on schedule
5) I have more energy
6) I sleep better
7) I enjoy the taste of the actual food
8) Empty calories are no longer in my diet
9) From research, I have a better understanding of sugar can do to my body and what the food industry is doing and not saying
10) I am healthier and food has purpose in my life
It really isn't easy to rid my life of sugar and sugar substitutes but it's doable and with a top 10 list like that I would be crazy not to stay the course!
Yeah, life without sugar is much sweeter . . .
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