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Hard work + Little Results = FRUSTRATION

Friday, March 05, 2010

I have three jobs: 1) My "regular" day job, 2) My Saturday job and 3) Getting healthy.
Although I'm running on fumes when it comes to jobs one and two, I know I can refuel and move onto a better place with them. It's job three that I just want to quit!

I'm working way to hard to see such little return! Standing in all my glory this morning, I woke up the electronic beast and took a step. The numbers jumped around and finally landed on 238.6 - SERIOUSLY!!! I stood like a stone, mortified. As tears came to my eyes I realized I only lost .2 pounds this week.

As I took a step back I wanted to pick up the electronic beast and smash it into tiny, tiny pieces. I wanted to yell and I wanted to cry. I wanted to lash out at anyone or anything.

I used to way 325 pounds - back in the day, which was in 2002 - and I'm now at 238.6. I'm stuck on a nightmare of ride. I've done all the work and I've followed all the rules but I'm stuck and I hate it. I can't even find a single person in the health care industry that can explain the reason why I can not lose this weight.

Why shouldn't I give up? I mean seriously, why? I've made the decision to not consume sugar, sugar substitutes. I am intolerant to gluten, egg, dairy and soy so those things have been taken out of my diet. I don't drink soda now because it's laced with sugars and is just plan bad for me. I consume on average between 25 & 35 grams of fiber a day. So, for many reasons medical and otherwise I'm left with a diet of "clean foods" and I follow that diet. I even workout at the gym 3 nights a week, walk outside everyday, use my Wii and do other strength training routines at the house, plus I joined a belly dancing class.

It's not like I eat crap and don't move, if that were the case then I'd have my reasons. I don't so there for I can't help but be frustrated.

I'm tired. I'm defeated. I'm sick of being stuck. I'm tired of looking for the answers. I'm tired of working so hard and seeing such little results. I'm completely frustrated!

What else am I supposed to? What is it that I'm doing wrong that I can't see?

I've rejoiced in my own past success but that number needs to come down. Numbers matter no matter what anyone says. If it didn't matter millions of people worldwide would not be stepping onto their electric monsters. If it didn't matter insurance companies and doctors wouldn't have weight/height charts to set a standard.

I'm not striving to be stick thin, no thanks, I like my curves. But carrying around 70+ extra pounds just isn't healthy!

SERIOUSLY - FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION but neither is this constant madness.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PUNCHBUGGYBLACK 3/6/2010 2:51PM

    I don't know a single person that has been on the weight loss train that hasn't been in this place at several points in the journey. And you're right about the numbers---they mean something. The thing is, you did lose weight. You lost .2 lbs. Find something that weighs that in your house and you'll realize that that's really something. So in this case, that's over 700 calories that are gone from your life (if you're going by the 1lb=3600 calories rule). 720 to be exact. Losing weight is hard. You know that better than most because you've come so darn far. When we're stressed it's even hard. Stress is one of those mysteries in life because it can do a lot more than aggravate us and put us into bad moods. It can keep that weight clinging to our bones. It's a defense mechanism. I learned this the hard way when I worked in the fashion industry in a job that literally sucked the life out of me. Just remember that it's your job and not your life. Go in, get it done, and leave it there so that you can take care of yourself. Maybe take a walk during lunch if you can and give yourself those 5 minute pep talks. Hang in there. You're such an inspiration to people like me. I'd love to weight 238 lbs!!! Go girl.

Comment edited on: 3/6/2010 2:57:33 PM

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MRSSTRONGE 3/6/2010 10:17AM

    Hey, Thanks for your comment on my blog... as frustrating as it is to have lost so little, at least I know I'm not the only one. As much as I wanted to give it all up yesterday, I woke up feeling much better today. I just have to keep reminding myself how great I feel right now. I may not be seeing number changes, but I'm feeling changes. I can make the walk to the print shop down the street from work and come back up that hill without feeling like I'm going to keel over! That, in itself, is an amazing feat. I've had a few false starts before where I've lost 10 lbs or so, and I always give up, and I always gain it all back plus some. This time, it has to be different. Even if I never lose another lb., at least I'm not gaining... and I've been packing on the lbs. pretty quickly over the last few years. I have PCOS, which the drs say will make it harder to lose the weight I've gained... but it's for that reason that I NEED to get my weight under control.

Anyway, thanks for helping me to realize I'm not alone. I'm taking today and Sun. to refresh and renew... then I'll reconquer on Monday, and I hope you will too!

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JENNYBETHIN 3/5/2010 8:55PM

    You have Celiac Disease? My mom was diagnosed with it 6 months ago, and we found out I'm gluten intolerant because of that. Not to sound too nosy, but have you been checked for hypothyroidism? If you have it, then your body may hold onto the weight more so than it would normally. Have you considered that you may have too many "Jobs" too? I know I sound like a giant pain, but I hope you get off the plateau you're currently stuck on.

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TSEWARD 3/5/2010 7:57PM

    I am impressed with your success already, to have lost almost 100 lbs is no small feat. I can barely keep 5 lbs off. It goes, it comes, it goes, it comes. :(
I agree with DAISYDU23. If you have insurance, it may be helpful to go get the tests done, just to get more input. I can empathize with your frustration. You REALLY are working hard, and eating cleaner than anyone I know. Your blood sugar must be AWESOME. Which would stop any belly gains. (my bs is bad, lots of belly)
I say Hang In There. Stick With It. I know that sounds lame and patronizing.
But you have come so far, and accomplished so much! I have read of others who stalled for a year, right here on SP. I don't have their names, but one of the message board threads when I first joined was about plateaus. Sticking it out eventually (hate that...no patience) you will keep losing weight. It's almost like your body is humming along right now, happy to be fed clean foods, and is probably just doing some housecleaning, shining up your cells and dissolving any sludge in your arteries. Once all that is done, I am sure weight loss will resume. You continue to be a great inspiration to me! (no pressure, really) Your determination despite frustration is something to hang on to and feel good about.

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SERAPHINA80 3/5/2010 7:02PM

    That is so so so frustrating! have you been checked for thyroid issues?...probably...I am in the same boat although I only have 20 lbs to lose it's still frustrating because I lost 25 lbs before in 2 months...and now I can't lose a lb or an inch! If I did it before how come I can't do it now?!!! I started off doing P90X in January and if anybody you know has ever done it they will tell you it's a brutal workout! After 6 weeks I hadn't lost a thing!!! So I cut back even more of what I ate and after 2 weeks I am scared to step on that electronic beast.
If you are eating gluten free you should really see some difference. Maybe see a dietician if you can. Get some professional advice. Keep working on it until you find out what's wrong. Good luck!

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Day 25 - without Sugar - a Recap

Thursday, March 04, 2010

I have to admit now that when I started my own personal challenge of 28 days without sugar it seemed easy enough, reasonable and it was only going to be 28 day - I can do anything for 28 days. Positive thinking is always key when starting a journey and many times it carry us through difficult times.

Now that the end is coming up fast I have to admit now that it wasn't that "easy" in the very beginning - finding all that hidden sugar is hard and time consuming and makes ones pantry a little bare, at first. PLUS, not falling back on substitute sugars was hard. I loved - yes past tense there - Splenda. I mean Yummy! It made things so very, very sweet and my body just took it all in and asked for more, more, more.

PLUS, there are all the fancy $20 words the food industry uses on food labels - seriously! if it's sugar just say sugar. And, I learned 0 grams of sugar on a label doesn't mean there isn't added sugar in the product. Again, if you put sugar in the food don't label it as having 0 grams of sugar . . . omitting the truth is still a lie!

I have learned even "healthy" "natural" foods can have added sugar. I'm still annoyed that the local natural foods market carries dried cranberries that have sugar added to them. REALLY, what is the purpose? Any WHY would THAT market carry such a product. I must ask the next time I'm there.

Is 28 days enough or too long to kick this habit? I can say my journey started getting easier by day 12. Since day 12 it has been about getting into a routine and knowing I can't trust any product and that I must read every label, ask lots of questions and do my homework. So, I wouldn't change it . . . I think it's a solid number and makes me accountable.

And yes, I can do anything for 28 days if I set my mind to it. It's the rest of my life journey that leaves a question mark in my mind. With three days to go in my challenge I know I will finish strong. After that I am going to have to take it one day at a time. I'm going to have to rework some of the recipes that I've avoided in this challenge and figure out how to get around those food pushers in my life.

I've found in the past that it's easy to get those food pushers on board for a little while. They respect the decision in the beginning to become healthier and to drop a few pounds but then they just can't handle it any more and I start to hear, "It's only a little bit. Come on, what harm can it do? Just have a little bit." At my very core I respond with, "Really, if it's all that then you eat my portion! If it's really no big deal you come help me when I need to start over and fear for my health. If it's really no harm in it you pay my medical bills because I've damaged my body and need treatment. IT is a Big Deal . . . so put it down!"

I dislike any type of "pusher!" If I say no, respect me enough to let it go and move on.

Benefits I've seen in 25 days are:
1) chronic pain has been relieved
2) Random eating and searching for food has disappeared
3) I no longer crash at different times in the day
4) My body doesn't get the shakes if I can't eat on schedule
5) I have more energy
6) I sleep better
7) I enjoy the taste of the actual food
8) Empty calories are no longer in my diet
9) From research, I have a better understanding of sugar can do to my body and what the food industry is doing and not saying
10) I am healthier and food has purpose in my life

It really isn't easy to rid my life of sugar and sugar substitutes but it's doable and with a top 10 list like that I would be crazy not to stay the course!

Yeah, life without sugar is much sweeter . . .

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AUSSIEFLOSS 3/4/2010 12:58PM

    WoW! I admire your determination to stay away from added sugars! It is a really really really bad stuggle in my life. It's like an addiction. I actually get a rise out of eating sugar, and feel really good, then I crash and want more. It's terrible, isn't it? I am just amazed at what you have done, because it almost seems impossible in my life, a real hurdle. Diabeties runs in my family pretty strongly. I am scared for myself. You are so totally right that the food industry is a sugar pusher. I was shocked when I looked at a trail mix that had no candy in it, and it had a sugar coating on the fruit. I think it may be a preservative to keep the fruit from giong bad or sticking too much to each other. But it's not really worth eating it then, is it? Naturally dried fruit tastes fine without all that stuff! I could write a novel here, but I won't. What do you think of High Fructose Corn Syrup? I try to avoid it at all cost. We barely drink any soda, and I check labels before I buy them. I haven't had regulay pancake syrup in the house for a few months now, even though the kids miss it.

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MERRYMARY42 3/4/2010 12:56PM

    Wow, I went on a 28 day, sweet free streak in January and I did it, and it was tough, but my no sweets was candy, cake, cookies and the like, I did cut out dried fruit, because lets face it, there is lots of added sugar in that, but I kept my splenda, I cant imagine coffee just black, (I guess I am not a actual coffee drinker, huh?) but my no sweets was just that, I didn't look for and count the hidden sugars in most everything we buy, so it sounds like you are much more dedicated than me, I tried giving it up again, at the beginning of lent, well, I have failed that, I think I just wasn't motivated enough, so next time, but GREAT JOB, so far, and continued success

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Deadline Moved - STILL No Room for Failure

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

After talking with my insurance agent again, I have moved the deadline of reaching 231 lbs. (7.8 away) by end of March to early April. It is counter productive to tell "underwriting" that I weigh something I don't. If they find out I didn't tell the truth I'm screwed.

With this determination, I am more and more aware of my foods and surroundings. Some things delight me other things concern me.

Random thoughts:
1) Fruits and veggies of Spring/Summer - LOVE THEM!
2) Clementines a.k.a Cuties - they are like sweet candies from nature
3) Blueberries - an expensive treat that I adore warmed by my morning oatmeal
4) Sunshine - I love being outside
5) 2 parties coming up in March concern me - food pushers are Everywhere
6) Looking forward to my first belly dancing class and anxious too
7) Life has been so much sweeter without sugar and sugar substitutes
8) I hate that my husband snores sometimes
9) I struggle doing sit ups - I do them everyday now - thanks to the Curvey Creations challenge
10) I have a post it note on my office computer that simply says 231 . . . a reminder of what I will achieve
11) It's hard to find soup that doesn't have sugar added to it
12) Cereal, cookies and Coconut Bliss can not live at my house
13) I miss peanut butter
14) I enjoy my daily walks now
15) Perfect timing, I received an offer from my gym to hire a personal trainer for $29.99 - I can't pass it up
16) A cup and 1/2 of black bean soup is not enough food for lunch
17) I'm going to a new class night - belly dancing - and I'm a little anxious and a lot excited

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENNYBETHIN 3/3/2010 8:40PM

    I agree with the soup. Do what I did. Eat a salad and some fruit with it.

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Do not panic, 231 IS not that far away

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

In the attempt to get a better handle on finances and health insurance costs my husband and I met with a new agent today about different coverage. It was all good until the dreaded weight and height chart came out . . . I hate underwriting!

I stand at 5'4 and weigh 238.8
To qualify for coverage I need to weigh 231!
We want the new policy in place April 1, 2010 so that means I must drop 7.8 lbs.

I keep telling myself, "Do not panic, do NOT panic!"

My action plan is:
1) kick up the workout sessions
2) eat very healthy
3) log Everything that I eat
4) stay focused on the goal
5) use no excuses and stop with the BS
6) know that I can do this
7) ask for help when I need it
8) keep sugar and sugar substitutes out of my diet

Nothing like a goal to kick things up a notch! I CAN do this . . .
There is no room for failure here!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WEIGHTOSUCCESS 3/2/2010 7:32PM

    That's my philosophy failure is not an option and this is definitely doable!!! 7.8lbs girl that's a breeze lol.... emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/2/2010 7:32:29 PM

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CATLOVER7731 3/2/2010 7:31PM

    Wow you have to weigh a certain weight to get health coverage??
Good luck with your plan!
cheryl

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HMILLY2020 3/2/2010 7:29PM

    It sounds like you have a great plan for yourself! Throw out the junk that is temptation for you and get some fiber in your diet too to help you feel fuller longer.

You can do it!

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Random Daily Thoughts

Monday, March 01, 2010

Random thought in random order:
1) I dislike when people are lazy
2) I need to stop taking care of things for others when they can take care of things themselves
3) I could eat 2 giant Reese's Peanut Butter cups right now but I won't
4) Looking at the piles of paper on my desk makes me anxious and I remember I can only do what I can do
5) I can't decide what to cook for a dinner party I'm having in 2 weeks for 8 people - the love my cooking and I don't want to let them down
6) I love salad when other people make it
7) I'm thinking of buying a new scale - the digital one seems to be possessed
8) I will be able to get rid of my debt when my tax return arrives
9) Sometimes I think about locking myself in my apartment and not leaving for days
10) I lash out at people when I'm stressed - it's ugly and mean - I hate it
11) Pizza = comfort food for me, I can't eat it anymore
12) Sometimes when I lash out at people's behaviors it's because I'm reminded of my own actions
13) As a child I used to think God hated me and that's why he made me fat - as an adult I know different
14) I always wonder why people express such joy when I lose weight but never say anything when I gain
15) I hate that I work 2 jobs and my husband doesn't
16) I want to go on another cruise but worry about the food
17) Sometimes I eat in secret
18) Sometimes I'm resentful that I have to log my nutrition everyday so I don't gain weight
19) I have a mind freak when a skinny person says, "I'm so fat!" In my head I respond with,
"SERIOUSLY, get over yourself!"
20) I can't remember much of my childhood and a lot of what I do remember has painful memories attached to it
21) I have a friend who cancels on everything and wants to be included in everything, I'm tired of that behavior

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENNYBETHIN 3/1/2010 9:39PM

    Amen! I agree with all of it! For me! Can we share your list? emoticon

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SB1398 3/1/2010 8:29PM

    As I read your blog, i wanted to say me too a lot, specially for 1, 2, 7, 10,17,18,19!! emoticon

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