KT-NICHOLS-13   43,017
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Chasing the sun

Wednesday, March 06, 2013

For reasons I can't explain I am in love with the idea of running. To be a runner. To run. To strap on my kicks and head outside to run thrills me.

Yet ...

I have the heart of Jackrabbit but the ability to run like an elephant. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I POUND the pavement. I am not, by any means, light on my feet and/or quick.

Yet ...

I've completed numerous races, some running some walk/running. I love race day. The start. The finish. The middle. The burn. The thrill. The energy. The everything. So I keep entering, showing up, participating and taking home my "Precious."

Yet ...

I stopped really trying to run. I stopped. Sure I walk. I walk quickly and I walk everywhere but I don't run. Not these days. Unless running for the bus to take me home counts?! No? Sure feels like ... *GIGGLES*

I've dropped some significant lbs since I stopped and with that comes the whisper. The one that says, try it again. Let's do this. The whisper has gotten loud enough for me to download the C25K program on my Ipod. It's now there taunting me ... daily. O_O

Last night I looked at my personal calendar trying to figure out where I can put in the time. The when! I already do three days a week of ST and that has got to stay on the calendar. ST really is where it's at for fat burning. We're currently readjusting the schedule as my partner is feeling like she needs a complete day off to do nothing but nothing so has proposed dropping Sunday ST and putting it on Tuesday night. I am agreeable as long as it stays on calendar.

Yet ...

I'm having a hard time figuring out when to fit in three days of running. Oh, that's just silly talk ... I KNOW!! *FACE/PALM*

Here's what I'm dealing with:

1. Sleep ... getting up earlier in the a.m. just doesn't work for me. Ya, sounds like an excuse but the reality is this ... I'm not a morning workout person (I've tried it any number of times) and to try force it sets me up to fail. *FAIL*

2. The Mr ... he is lacking in the support category. To hear him whine about my absence after work before he has to go to bed (he works at 4:30 AM) drives me to frustration.

IF my Sunday's free up and I don't have ST that day then I can get out there and start moving my feet. That leaves two days to fill. For beginners and I'll be a newbie again, it is recommended to have a break between running days. I guess, that leaves me Wednesday and Friday.

Here's the question I ask myself ...

"How bad do you want it?"

Bad enough to jump up and down and make it happen.

I'll be chasing the sun for awhile while I'm getting my running legs back.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAB7801 3/28/2013 11:08PM

    Do it for yourself

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PEARLJGURL 3/7/2013 8:57AM

    The heart of a runner is what makes you a runner... Not speed or lightness on your feet!

Good for you for starting it up again. Even if you just run when you can. That is better than nothing :) You will probably need extra protein but even if you did a little jog before or after ST, prob before. Or if all you can do is once or twice, do that to start. You might not progress as fast but my guess is a couple successful runs and you'll have the Bug and will find the time purposefully because it makes you feel great.

I relate to this 100% because I too used to do 5ks and such. I have been wondering how my weight loss would impact my horrible excuse for a running style :) Been feeling lighter when running after my kiddo so it's promising but I'm scared of messing up my loss. Good luck and have fun!

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When the bottom falls out

Monday, March 04, 2013

When the bottom falls out from under you what do you do?

a) Hold on for dear life with broken fingers nails and white knuckles
b) Scream
c) Cry
d) Reach deep inside and find strength

Ya, the answer is (e) all of the above.

After months of advising the owner of the firm that we were running on empty and new clients needed to be obtained somehow, someway he finally got the message last week. Albeit to late to save us.

Friday, afternoon, he let me know that we will be closing the doors for the final time at the end of March. THE.BOTTOM.FELL.OUT! O_O I sat stone faced and simply asked, "how do we prepare for that?"

Having seen the writing on the wall for months I wasn't all that surprised but it's still a shock to the system. I've spent 12 years of my life with this company. I don't like job changes so I hung through the best and worst of times. We've had partnership formations, break ups, embezzlement (by the owners wife), our corporate office was fire bombed by defendants in a case and we've hired/fired a few fantastic people and a few not so fantastic people.

I've been tasked with shutting it down but I'm not sure what that looks like. Gotta match and some gasoline? That should do it, right?! HA. I'd handle the task a lot better if I could get answers to my questions but Mr In Charge seems to be too busy to chat. *SHOCKING!*

My emotions are all over the map. The worst one yet, suddenly feeling insecure about my knowledge and know how of the business. That's a sinking feeling of all kinds of nastiness. *SHAKE.IT.OFF*

I'm also angry at Mr In Charge for not paying attention. For not listening. For always being the guy who dreams big but doesn't have a plan in place to make those dreams a reality. I'm equally angry at my Mr for being a spender. I told him months ago that things were grim and to stop the unnecessary spending. He didn't listen either.

I'm bitter at those around me for taking on my issue and making it theirs. I don't want to have to babysit someone else because they suddenly have a mental break due to my employment status. Really, this isn't about you! I tell them and then repeat ... this is why I don't share things because I suddenly have to be your rock and my own pillar of strength. I get the wide eyed stare and silence after that. Here's a thought ... ask me how I'm doing and if there's anything you can do. *VENTING*

I'm sad. It's been 12 years. TWELVE.YEARS!! I'm comfortable and I'm in charge.

I haven't found my happy place yet. I'm still looking!

Sure my Mr works but he makes just above minimum wage. He's been trying to get a new position with a higher wage but the market is competitive. Between his wage and my pending unemployment things will be TIGHT for awhile. Doable? Well, it's gonna have to be doable.

I'm holding on by my fingertips when it comes to my nutrition. I cannot afford to loose control. I can't slide into the blackness and allow binges to take over. Eat responsibly if nothing else right now. I can report I've not binged since the news. A couple of nights I felt the urge and knew if I stayed up after the Mr went to bed I'd be in trouble so off to bed I went to read. *CRISIS AVERTED*

Workouts are a must and I am sore to prove I put in the time. Saturday I was at the gym for Zumba and strength training and back again on Sunday. My workout friend is helping keep me focused and on task. For that I am eternally grateful.

This is a dark time for me right now and I'm trying to keep my head on straight. I'm looking for the next best thing and a soft place to land. I'm looking inward to find the strength I know I have and the power to push through.

When the bottom falls out ... what will you do?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ON2VICTORY 3/5/2013 5:12PM

    I am so with you on this... i get it.... trying to keep it together.

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MANLEYSANDY 3/5/2013 10:46AM

    I was laid off from a job for the first time in my life in July 2011. I hated the job itself, but the money was good, it was very low stress and it afforded me the time to study at work, so I took the trade off. I received severance pay which was great but I "freaked" out about not having a job, especially during this slow economic recovery. I was lucky, I found a job right away but boy I hated the job and what it represented, being at the bottom again. I was literally in a daze for a few months, but decided that things could be worse, I was lucky I had a job and tried to make the best of it, and I did. But I felt much like you, insecure about who I was forgetting that I am a professional with a lot of wonderful experience just like you are and I persevered during the toughest of time. Now I am in a job I am being to love but not because it is the wrong job but because I am still trying to shake that feeling of insecurity. That is not the job's fault, that is my fault!

I hate when people say. "well everything happens for a reason", of course it does, but losing your job is a big deal. I know you will land on your feet, but I also know how easy it is to avoid the stress and uncertainty with food. It does not help in the long run and just adds to the problem.

Keep doing what your doing. My advice to you, if you can financially, take the time to find the right new place of employment, not just a job. I wish I had done that, it would have avoided a lot of murky days.

Hope there is some help in all that!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 3/4/2013 7:45PM

    I'm so sorry... You are strong and you know what you're doing, don't ever doubt yourself. I know you'll fight your way though it. *HUGS*

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ENDUROVET 3/4/2013 4:38PM

    (F) RIDE... Ride hard, ride fast, ride until your back seizes up & you must cry for mercy.
(Blog post coming)

Condolences on the demise of your law firm... But I have confidence in you my dear!

emoticon emoticon

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AUGUSTDRAGON 3/4/2013 4:10PM

    I've had the bottom fall out. It's not pleasant, I feel for you. You sound like you have your head screwed on right though, so you'll come through with flying colors. emoticon emoticon

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Coming back around

Friday, February 22, 2013

I took a break from using my nutritional tracker here at SP. I do that when I get fed up and bitter about tracking everything I put in my mouth. This time around I lost weight and then maintained. When it started to feel like things were going sideways I came back around to the tracker.

After a few days this is what I've noticed ...

Lunch is very low in calories
Dinner is higher in calories

This imbalance can cause at least two things to happen: 1) hunger in the afternoon and a slow down in productivity 2) over eating at night due hunger issues when I arrive home from work. This ultimately has brought on binge episodes which lead to all sorts of fun facts. Time to find balance with my two larger meals during the week.

I've also started to incorporate veg snacks throughout my day. At this time I am leaning more towards English cucumbers and celery to fend off hunger. It works. I've also been exploring different types of cucumbers with the English being my current favorite.

At night my favorite veg to snack on is roasted kale and/or roasted radishes. Both are super easy to make and inexpensive!

I'm still going strong with the strength training workouts but I have to admit that I miss my hot, sweaty cardio sessions. I desperately miss boxing too! Strength training is were it's at so I'm staying put for now. I did get a boost at the gym the other night when a woman walked over and complimented my arms and how they are toning. YES!

I'm spot on with my water intake. I drink water like it's my job now. I have my favorite cups at work and home with each holding 32 oz at a time. Can't go wrong there.

Self Care:
I've been dedicating more time to me. What a difference that makes. I'm enjoying quiet time, reading, scrabble, massages and music again. This has helped with all aspects of my life.

The Mr.:
We have decided that we need more "fun time." Work, work, work makes us a bit cranky and let's face it, it's fun to have something to look forward too. We indulge in free activities around town, go into the city and walk and use Groupon.com to find great deals that are affordable. This month we went Go Kart Racing, talk about fun. This weekend we are going to see the Monster Truck show. Next month, racing again - Go Karts and Stock Cars. In the summer we have plans to go to a botanical garden up North.

It's good to find what works, fix what isn't and to remember to have fun.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ENDUROVET 2/25/2013 2:55PM

    Historically it has worked better for me to eat one "main meal" at lunchtime, relying on snacks or mini-meals to get me thru the rest of the day w/stable energy levels...
Obviously, I have hardly been able to keep this consistent routine "AZ" (After Z).
Still workin' on it!
& I've really enjoyed my hot yoga sessions - copious sweatin' there ;-) !

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HOPEFUL199 2/25/2013 6:31AM

    Take care of you time is important and all work and now play can be stressful!

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KNEWMETODAY 2/22/2013 6:27PM

    Ever think about making breakfast your biggest meal and making both of the others smaller? Looking back I find that my easiest days are days when breakfast is my largest meal.

Tracking is so important. The only times I miss is when I don't have access to a computer. I love how easy it really is.

Good luck and I'm glad that you're remembering to have fun!!


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What's working

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Today I feel strong, healthy, beautiful and accomplished.

I headed for the gym for my usual ST session. I couldn't foresee then that I would have one of the best sessions yet. I've progressed from 5 to 7 to 8 to 10 lbs hand weights. I insisted that we move from 12 reps to 20 too. If we think we can't we must try, that is our motto. If today we couldn't maybe it will be next time. My workout friend is fantastic. We don't compete with each other but push each other to do our best. Our end games are the same ... be better today than we were yesterday.

I left the gym sweaty and smiling. It was wonderful! Tomorrow we'll do it again.

We have come up with a plan that once a month we'll head out to a new location. Take an adventure so we don't get board and will have something to look forward too. This month, we are using guest passes to a different, high end gym. In March we are traveling overnight to participate in a 5K. April we are doing a three day workout with new equipment, in a new gym with a new trainer. Our end goal, Rock Climbing!

In other news, I've been putting my new tools in place to control my out of control eating. It has worked. Somedays it's harder than others but I'm determined to retrain my brain and body. A learned behavior CAN be unlearned.

I'm feeling better.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAB7801 3/28/2013 11:05PM

    That's great! I also increased my weights from 3 to 5.

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TRENTDREAMER 2/19/2013 6:14PM

    "Take an adventure so we don't get board and will have something to look forward too. This month, we are using guest passes to a different, high end gym. "
* Amen!

As always, congrats on your progress.

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ENDUROVET 2/17/2013 10:21PM

    Great news! I wish I could dredge up a weight lifting buddy, I really enjoy those sessions w/trainer when he pushes me past my comfort limit. (last week, since I requested upper body, he had me do 2 circuits on our 10 machines, 1 solid min on each! Doesn't sound that hard, but try it! I think we are used to knocking out 12 - 15 reps in 25 or 30 sec...

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PJH2028 2/17/2013 12:18PM


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READY4CHANGE81 2/17/2013 2:28AM

    AWESOME!!!!!!!!!! Keep up the great work! emoticon

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 2/16/2013 7:11PM

    That's sounds SO awesome!

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BRINGTHESPARK17 2/16/2013 6:46PM

    Wow, what a powerful first sentence! Hang on to this feeling, and make more of it! emoticon

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RAPUNZEL53 2/16/2013 5:35PM


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Challenges. Rewards. Hobbies

Monday, January 28, 2013

I was sucked into the vortex of random acts of eating over the past few weeks. I could feel the pull to the dark side and was able to fight it off & then I let go. Clearly this is something I need to dig deeper into. I need to figure out the pull and the release. I can tell ya, it's not always an emotional reaction to something. THEN, sometimes it is. Funny how life works!

I crashed & burned the other day after the Mr was physically threatened at work. I ate after the call came in. I ate after my ST session. I ate after coming back from the police station. In general, I ate. Talk about a reaction!

I also slept A LOT this past weekend. I was exhausted so I took the time and slept. When I eat like this I get a high from it and then I crash. It's quit the ride let me tell ya.

I'm not sure I need to return to therapy - the one on one kind - to explore these urges and splurges but I do need to find a different outlet. I was asked the other day if I have a hobby. *CRINGE* Hmmm, a hobby?! Does playing scrabble, cooking, cleaning, working and playing with my furballs count? Ya, didn't think so but thought I'd try.

It's time for me to find a hobby. I used to spend HOURS at the gym. I used to paint for HOURS on end. I used to do a lot of things for a lot of hours. I need to find something that gets me out of my head and into a healthier place - physically and mentally. I need to escape to a place that doesn't involve food. MAYBE I'll try running again. I need an activity that can replace the eating episodes ... exchange one behavior for another. *THINK.THINK.THINK*

In other news:

I registered for the 5K in March! It's gonna be an overnight trip for me & my fitness friend. We are super excited.

The ST sessions I've setup three days a week are going very well.

The latest squat regimen is getting easier. Sunday I did 220 squats. I average 160 a day during the week. I'm hoping my quads will stop screaming at me this week.

I'm setting up a reward system for myself. I haven't previously done this so I'm looking forward to it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KELZIEROSE 2/7/2013 4:37PM

    Aww dude, I eat when I'm sad, overwhelmed and stressed. And bored. I need a hobby too! Am thinking about going back to ceroc, but with mirrors on all four walls, I'm not sure I can face it just yet!

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ABB698 2/6/2013 4:31PM

    You will feel so much better when you get back to doing things for YOU.. Hope everything is ok with the Mr. and that you all are safe!

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SGRAY478 1/28/2013 8:41PM

    PS - playing scrabble totally counts :)

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ENDUROVET 1/28/2013 8:03PM

    Sorry to hear about your Mr's troubling "incident"...

Hang in there friend!


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TCANNO 1/28/2013 6:16PM

    emoticon Keep it up

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