KT-NICHOLS-13   43,017
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KT-NICHOLS-13's Recent Blog Entries

ARTICLE: 5 Authentic, Useful Restaurant Ordering Tips from a Chef

Thursday, January 10, 2013

I found this article very helpful and informative.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUE5007 1/10/2013 3:22PM

    Thanks for sharing!

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30 Days, 1 Day at a Time

Monday, January 07, 2013

I made myself a promise at the first of the year that I would stop consuming dairy and sweeteners. I reviewed the Whole30 program again. I wasn't surprised to rediscover it mirrors what I've been striving for since April 2012.

Admittedly, I slacked a bit in the dairy department. I'm intolerant so shouldn't have it but as one of my doctors points out ... your body WILL crave what it can't/shouldn't have. I also slacked on the sugar, or rather Splenda. Damn white powder!! O_O

I can also admit that my workouts had been lacking too. I was a cardio junky. I.LOVE.ME.SOME.CARDIO! However, my body was producing cortisol in staggering numbers after each workout. All my doctors were concerned about it so I quit it. COLD.TURKEY.THANK.YOU.VERY.MUCH. Yup, I had a little girl fit and said if I can't have my cardio I'll have NOTHING. Not the smartest thing to do and each doctor tried to put me back on the right path by encouraging strength training as an alternative. I smiled and sarcastically replied, "it simply is not the same - thanks NO."

It would also appear as the end of 2012 was nearing my binge episodes had increased in frequency. My body was becoming used to these episodes and if too much time went by without one I could feel the pressure building up. *SIGH* I needed a fix and I needed to keep it quiet too. So not only do I binge but I do it secretly. *FACE/PALM* My doctors don't know, my bestie doesn't know and the Mr has only started to put two and two together. (Of course, I'm not sure anyone openly binge eats.)

Side Note: I've been binging like this since I was a little girl. *SAD* This weekend I was flooded with memories of these of episodes that increased in frequency and consumption as I got older. The shame around it came when my parents would confront me with the "evidence" and I'd feel like I had failed. They didn't understand it any more than I did. Imagine being a little girl trying to get through a day without being a disappointment - if only in her own mind - and to find a release from it all in the frig or cabinets late late at night under the cover of darkness.

Maybe, I should title this blog, "True Confessions" emoticon

Back to today.

I looked at the reality of ALL of this and knew I had to TRY and do something to change the behavior. After all, it's all behavior driven.

I have a small - okay - TINY circle of friends (always have) and most of them claim to be too busy or too unmotivated to become my fitness friend. In 2012 I started to hang out more regularly with a woman from my hometown gym. We started to do more outside the gym and it was always positive experiences and never felt forced. She started participating with me in races and things just naturally progressed. In November I chatted with her about strength training sessions and she happily said yes let's do it. We did!

The reason I'm writing this blog today comes from the unnerving urge to binge over the weekend. I felt it. I wanted it. I quit it. On January 1st I made a commitment to myself that I would eat healthier, be healthier for 30 days (Whole30). That commitment pushed me to change the direction I was headed.

How did that feel? Not the best. No I wasn't empowered by it. I wasn't happy about it. I wanted a fix! I was angry that I wanted it. I was angry that the Mr was around when the urge came. I was mildly irritated that I was too tired to stay up late giving me the opportunity to get my fix. Disappointed. I was flooded with memories of the little girl I was when I tried so hard to just keep it together long enough during the day so no one would see my pain. I was hurting for the little girl who just wanted to make it to the stillness of the night when everyone else was sleeping and I could cry and eat. No, I didn't feel liberated.

It's all a process and I never told myself that change would be easy. Changing a behavior that goes back as far as this one does takes time, love, devotion and commitment. It takes a willingness NOT to give up on myself. It takes courage.

I do feel empowered by the strength training sessions my friend and I have been completing three days a week since the beginning of December. I feel encouraged as my muscles ache when I move because I pushed them to their limits.

On my commute into the city today I asked myself this ... "what comes after the first 30 days?" Another 30 of course.

30 Days, 1 day at Time.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAB7801 3/28/2013 11:12PM

    One day at a time will add up quickly to 30. You can do it!

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ENDUROVET 1/9/2013 5:08PM

    I hope you were able to release some small portion of your pain here...

What a funny ol' life it is - you know, 30 yrs ago (when I **THOUGHT** I had a weight problem but really did not), I was also a secret binge eater... Yet now that I am really & truly OBESE, I haven't binged in a good solid 20 yrs (guess I outgrew it in more ways than one, huh? ;-)

Don't get me wrong - there are still many days when I overeat, steadily & consistently on all the wrong things, & that's what has brought me to where I am today. Hang in there, darling, one day at a time as you said!


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MANLEYSANDY 1/8/2013 10:48AM

    I know all about changes those behaviors, and it is not an easy task. But how smart to just take it one day at a time!

Something that I have been working on over the last little while is to listen to my head, does that make sense? It has been working about 80% of the time. So, when I feel that wave coming on to dive into the frig, I have been stopping and asking myself, what is wrong, what are you feeling or not trying to feel, and then I asked myself, do you really want to eat this? The answer has been no more then yes but in getting to know myself a little better each year, I am going to say yes sometimes, because that is part of who I am! The key I think is to get to the root of drive to eat and then for me at least, it starts to take more and more of a back seat, as I strive to deal with what is really wrong!

Keep up your amazing process!!


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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 1/7/2013 6:59PM

    One day at at time, that's all any of us can do. I understand those binges... but I do them in front of my husband. It makes him sad, but he knows not to say anything... and that hurts ME. There will be a time when ALL of that will hopefully be a distant memory for both of us. *HUGS*

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Cauliflower Soup

Thursday, January 03, 2013

With a cold snap here in SF my office has been colder than usual. It makes it hard to enjoy a salad at lunch time which leaves me hunger in the afternoon. Boo!

Last night I ordered a thermos so I can start bringing soup.

This is my newest favorite soup. Plus, it will help warm me up.


1 small head of cauliflower
1 small yellow onion
1/2 fennel bulb
6 cloves of garlic
2 bay leaves
1 box of organic chicken stock
1 to 2 tablespoons cider vinegar
Salt and pepper to taste
2 tablespoons of olive oil

Cut vegetables and place in a covered pot with the chicken stock barely covering the vegetables. Simmer until all the veggies are soft, and transfer to a blender. Be careful not to fill blender more than halfway blend in batches if necessary. Add olive oil to the final batch. Once all puréed soup is combined season with vinegar, salt and pepper to taste.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ABB698 1/4/2013 12:50AM

    Looks relish! emoticon

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TINAT247 1/3/2013 7:41PM

    YUMMMMM! I can't wait to make it for myself!!!

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I'm looking forward to healthy and rewarding 2013

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

Happy New Year friends. I hope everyone celebrated responsibly. I went a little crazy-pants with chocolate but other than that it was tame.

My update is this:

2012 Goals: where did I end up?

1) Pay off 75% of our current debt. emoticon

2) Read 13 books. emoticon

3) Bump up my savings account. emoticon

4) Family Planning. emoticon

5) Clear the Clutter. emoticon

6) Be more authentic. emoticon

7) Reconnect with my job. emoticon

8) The Scale. emoticon (It no longer controls me)

9) Recycle, Reuse, Repurpose. emoticon

10) Moving. emoticon

11) Save Money for a Retirement Home. emoticon

12) Fitness: Log 18,000 fitness minutes. emoticon

I did great with my 2012 goals. As for #10 & 12 ... they are a push. 10. We are still in our cramped apartment because we have no ambition to pay more rent. 12. I stopped logging fitness minutes so I have no idea what my number is but I can tell you it is under 18K. I'm okay with that too.

I'm not listing out any 2013 goals. My main objectives this year will be to live healthier, eat well and concentrate on what is important in life ... me, family & friends and my lil fur balls. I recognized over the last 12 months that I'm off balance ... spending too much time (mentally & physically) on things that really shouldn't matter that much.

I enlisted a friend to start-up strength training sessions with me three days a week at the gym. Our sessions started in December and we've had a lot of fun with it. They only last about 20-25 minutes and we are sore for days after so I know we are doing something right. We don't do repeat workouts and we make sure to giggle. I intend to add a light ST before work too - situps & arms - that will increase my progress too.

I started the Whole30 program which mirrors the other program I've been following since April of 2012. I let too much sugar and dairy back in my diet so out they go again. Ultimately, my body doesn't process either one very well so I need to keep them out. I also don't eat a lot of processed foods and hit the farmers market once a week to buy seasonal veggies. I can already tell a difference in my energy now that sugar & dairy are out ... amazing how that happens.

I'm looking forward to healthy and rewarding 2013.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAB7801 3/28/2013 11:13PM

    Right on!

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ABB698 1/3/2013 12:15AM

    I know you will rock 2013!! emoticon

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MANLEYSANDY 1/2/2013 3:52PM

    Good for you, you did great on your goals!

Happy New Year dear friend, can't wait to see what 2013 holds for you!

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Looking back at the journey (photos). Then to Now.

Monday, November 12, 2012

When I need a little perspective I take a look at where I started ...

When I turned 30 I weighed 325+ pounds.

When I saw the photo's of myself after my birthday/college graduation party I took my broken self image, angry, bitter self to therapy and got some perspective. That folks saved me from suffocating in my own fat.

Things started changing.

Then I got stuck. I almost lost hope but I kept pushing ... myself and my doctors for answers.

This is me in Jamaica in 2008 at 245 pounds. (The Mr called me chubby then. That always made me giggle ... "chubby" at 245 lbs, okay! Love him!)

I still struggle with binge eating. I still struggle to find my "thin." I still struggle but I have NEVER given up on myself.

This is me now ... at age 42. Ya, it's been a long journey but worth every step.

I love my Spark Peeps and I love my life ... now and then. I didn't take the fast track to 199.1 lbs and I still haven't found the expressway to "thin." Yet, I know my path - with all the bumps and broken hearted moments - has given me the strength to find wellness without hiding.

To Be Continued ...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BELAFUNK1985 12/11/2012 10:44AM

    WOW! You have been and always be my number one motivation. Congrats to you and all of your hard work!!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TRENTDREAMER 11/13/2012 8:48PM

    "I still struggle with binge eating. I still struggle to find my "thin." I still struggle but I have NEVER given up on myself. "
* Amen! Thank you for your friendship.

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MANLEYSANDY 11/13/2012 11:28AM

    You just plan ole ROCK! I am honored that I can share this with you because I truly care about you and your struggles!!


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JENJESS48 11/13/2012 9:08AM

    Healthy and radiant are better than thin any day - and you have achieved those, which are harder anyway! You look younger now than you did at 30! You're truly an inspiration, KT.

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ABB698 11/12/2012 11:57PM

    Did I miss the blog about you reaching ONEDERLAND? Nevertheless, emoticon
You have come so far and are emoticon

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LANSELMO7 11/12/2012 10:14PM

    Thank you for sharing your journey!!!!!! You have given me a great motivation boost tonight, I needed it!!!!!!!!!! emoticon

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SGRAY478 11/12/2012 8:42PM

    So great to see your journey!
emoticon emoticon

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RADIANTROBIN 11/12/2012 8:36PM

    Congrats on your weight loss! You are an inspiration!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 11/12/2012 8:21PM

    You said it sister! I wouldn't have changed a thing about my journey. Slow, stop, binge, whatever, I'm thankful for every minute of it. I'm not sure I'll ever find my thin... But I know I've found healthy! You look great, and I know you feel even better! *HUGS*

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JAMBABY0 11/12/2012 8:07PM

    Great pics thanks for sharing

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