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Vacation and personal growth

Monday, October 29, 2012

The back story:
In April 2011 the Mr and I traveled back to Iowa to see my parents. Things went horribly wrong as tempers flew and feelings got hurt. It seemly came out of no where but had to originate from something. It suddenly became a family divided and I felt cut off - not only by the physical miles between us but emotionally. That weekend was never talked about, the phone calls were strained and came less often. On a deep level, I was sad about what happened and too proud AND hurt to deal with it. On the surface, I was angry.

I love my family ... more than anyone can ever begin to imagine so this pain I was feeling cut deep to my soul. STILL, I remained headstrong as did my parents. *SIGH*

Time was passing quickly and I could tell my mom was wanting, needing, me to come home for a visit but we remained divided. Finally, a high school reunion came up and tickets were reasonable so I headed home.

Not knowing what the emotional temp's would be I politely asked the Mr to stay home. I had to explore the waters and see if I could put 2011 to rest. It would be easier if I went it alone.

I left earlier this month for Iowa, admittedly I was still bitter but open enough to figure out what happened. Either way it went, I was going to let "it" go.

My first morning there my mom sat down with me and immediately apologized for what happened. She said they - her and dad - were out of line, abrasive, judging and misspoke at every turn. Internally I took a deep breath and then we talked. We didn't rehash details, we both knew what had been said but we did talk about it coming out of nowhere. It was acknowledged that the relationship had been strained since then and that she missed me. Her apology meant more to me than I can express here. I accepted it without hesitation and we made amends.

This trip, I finally felt like the adult I am. I no longer felt like that awkward or like I was reverting back to my childhood self while under their roof. It was freeing.

Oddly enough, I am 42 pounds lighter than when they last saw me but nothing was mentioned about my continued weight loss. Even more odd, it felt great to just be and not have to explain my journey. I could just be. I could eat what I wanted, when I wanted without the questions.

I stuck to my wellness journey and eating healthy guidelines while I was there. I planned ahead for travel days, eating out and even desserts. It was a success and I lost 2.2 lbs while I was away.

I learned a lot about myself on this trip. *LOVE*

Me on the Farm:

I fell in love with this little one while there. It's a wonder I didn't smuggle him/her out of Iowa.

Mom and Me at the Tea Room

This is me, the day I came back to Cali. I was feeling sporty & fabulous!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENJESS48 10/31/2012 1:10PM

    I'm so happy for you, KT. Family can be so complicated - nobody can make us feel as bad or as good. We have all struggled with our families at one time or another. I also left the Midwestern farm and struck out on my own - and my family found that hard to accept. But we made it through and I think we're all better for it. Sounds like you and your folks are, too. Congrats!

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MANLEYSANDY 10/30/2012 11:56AM

    Good for you! You look beautiful!!!

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SPARKLEPIE 10/30/2012 8:43AM

    I love this blog....
Bravo for you for being open... it sounds like it was a healthy (mental) coming back together... with your family and I am so glad... that kind of riff can tear a person so emotionally for years... And super bravo for losing wieght, enjoying your time and sticking to better choices... You are truly amazing..

I love the pictures- you are so beautiful and look so healthful and happy.

Life's journey sure keeps us moving along to better versions of ourselves... you are truly amazing and lovely.

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ABB698 10/29/2012 11:57PM

    You look sporty and fabulous, and skinny!!! :) Glad you were able to work it all out with your parents. Was the Mr. okay with the outcome? Glad all is well!

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PURPLE180 10/29/2012 9:19PM

    Looking good....I am glad all seemed to work out for you. emoticon

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TRENTDREAMER 10/29/2012 8:35PM

    Glad that the trip went well and that you feel more like an adult in dealing with them. That is a big deal. Really glad to hear that amends were made.

Hope the reunion went well.

Life is one step at a time.

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 10/29/2012 8:34PM

    I'm so glad it worked out with your family. And you look FABULOUS!

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KARIDIAN1 10/29/2012 8:29PM

    Glad your visit mended some fences and hurt feelings. Hopefully things will continue to improve on the home front with your parents.

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Monday, October 08, 2012

I just ate a salad like I was mad at it. Ya, I was that hungry and it was that good. *GIGGLES*

The moment of truth finally came about on Friday . I slipped into a pair of jeans and couldn't deny how big they were- size 20 from Lane Bryant. They sagged on me and I pulled on them all day long. That's not a sexy look girls!

Luckily the Mr and I had plans to go shopping on Friday afternoon in San Francisco. Well it turned out that I had no idea where to go to find clothes. That is NOT an exaggeration by any means either. I've been conditioned to shop at Lane Bryant and The Avenue for years. I've also been conditioned to walk to the back of or the basement of a department store to find the "Women's" section. I never really took notice of where the other women would stop and shop.

While I floundered about the Mr waited patiently on the sidelines and kept himself entertained with his iPhone. THANK.YOU.VERY.MUCH.APPLE!
If I sense he's getting bored I get anxious ... talk about conditioning. In his defense, he loves shopping - for him and/or me - and it's my own made up anxiety. *FACE/PALM*

Anyway. At one point we ended up in Nordi's but we quickly left when I discovered their jeans start at $110 and go up from there. I thought the Mr's tail had caught on fire due to his quick exit from the building when he heard the prices. HA! We then ventured into Forever 21. We quickly left that store too - I found the crack den for shoppers, it's on Market Street in San Francisco and they call it Forever 21.

By the end of the day I still had no jeans and still no idea where to go to find them OR what size I needed. *SHRUGS*

On Saturday I ventured out to the local Old Navy to checkout their fleece jackets that were on special that day - $15! YaY! What else did I find ... a dress for our upcoming trip back home to Jamaica to see the Mr's family. It is size SMALL! THANK.YOU.VERY.MUCH After exhausting myself trying on their jeans I was about to give up the search when I came across the trouser pant rack marked to sell at $13.50 a pair. What the What? I love me a pair of trouser pants so I grabbed the largest size they had left - an 18 and just for kicks I grabbed a pair of 16's. Good thing I grabbed those 16's because they fit like a glove. So good that I nearly did a little dance for the rest of the shoppers. I refrained from dancing but did go over & snag another 16 AND a 14. At $13.50 a pair I couldn't leave them behind. *FIST PUMP*

I ended my shopping at the local consignment store where I found another pair of trouser jeans and a pair of black slacks in a SIZE 16 from The Gap. I even found a rain jacket, size M that will work wonders for my commute into the city this winter.

On my way home I stopped by my tailor to discuss the length of the jeans & how he could help but keep the cost down. He'll have them hemmed by the time I need to leave on my trip home. This should be a fun trip home, no one there realizes that I've lost another 41+ pounds since they last saw me.

The Mr was delighted that I found AND bought new clothes, even if some of them were second hand. He was equally delighted to see me in the jeans that are form fitting instead of the over-sized ones I had been kicking around in for months. I don't often buy for myself so he gets excited when I finally do. I laughed and told him this time it was necessary what with fall and winter coming on strong.

In other news, have I mentioned my new fitness friend? Ya, I have one and we went to a Zumba street party on Sunday morning. It was absolutely amazing. There was a street fair to start at 11:00 so they had the Zumba party prior. Between the energy of the people, the 10 instructors, massive sound system and fabulous weather it would have been hard not to have a good time. I danced like no one could see me and sang like no one could hear me. *GIGGLES*

I hope to have a few new photo's to share soon.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENJESS48 10/9/2012 10:20AM

    I LOVE IT when shopping gets fun and you're in a smaller size! Congrats on the fab NSV!!!!

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ABB698 10/8/2012 11:57PM

    So glad to see you enjoyed shopping and scored!! LOL @ Nordy's jean prices...crazy huh? Macy's sells this brand of jeans called "Not your daughter's Jeans" NYDJ, and they run about $120, but if you can find them on sale on sale (LOL) they can be about $40. They are the most amazing jeans EVER! Here's the kicker-I find them all the time at Goodwill for $14.99! Glad you are happily rockin those new clothes!! emoticon

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MANLEYSANDY 10/8/2012 6:32PM

    Love it! I was totally going to recommend Old Navy. I have a big booty not matter what size I am and I have found Old Navy to be an easy fit in all kinds of styles!

I cannot WAIT to see pictures!!

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ENDUROVET 10/8/2012 5:17PM

    That is awesome! I'm so happy for ya!

I have been prowling consignment stores myself - that's where I found my MIchael Kors size 16 jeans for $20! Finally packed up my old LB size 20's - fortunately even w/regain they remain baggy & I AIN'T going back there...

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

My exit out of the 200's will have to wait a week.

After a perfect week of nutrition and dodging cupcake-ville my system rewarded me with a .4 gain. There's something funny in all of this I just haven't found it, yet. The tiny gain is just that, tiny, but it wouldn't sting so badly if I had eaten the F'n cupcake and indulge a bit at the birthday dinner but I was perfect I tell ya, perfect.

In other news, my right knee seems to be unhinging itself. Which sounds as bad as it feels. At random times my knee will hyper-extend - walking, yoga, standing - and that's not fun kids. PLUS, my leg cramps are edging there way back and disrupting my sleep again.

I'm having Good Times kicking rocks today. [INSERT SARCASM]


If anyone is wondering - I don't regret not eating the cupcake. A sugar high, panic and a trip into binge-town would have followed and I can do without that THANK.YOU.VERY.MUCH

Kisses and Hugs to all my peeps out there! Your continued support rocks my world and gives me strength even on days when all I want to do is Kick Rocks.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MANLEYSANDY 9/26/2012 1:59PM

    I feel your pain with you....but I KNOW you will prevail!!!

Keep that gorgeous chin up!!!


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ABB698 9/25/2012 11:31PM

    If it were easy, you wouldn't know what to do, K.T., but you just make sure kicking those rocks doesn't hyper extend your knee while you're kicking some more SP booty! Hang in there, you are a WARRIOR!!! emoticon

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SPARKLEPIE 9/25/2012 10:51PM

    I adore!! I mean super duper adore your blogs, humor and just folling you on this jurney of life... rock kicking life at times..

I hear you my friend.. binge-town in no fun place... it's all pretty and sparkly till you get there and then it's like it turns to snarly nasties...

I'm guessing that .4 is a fluke... perhaps heavier clothes.. and if you're a naked weigher... then perhaps you were just tired so your body was not feeling as light... but I say it's a fluke and you are awesome and that is that! :)

Terrible about your knee... don't overdo it... get a brace or ace bandage if it helps.. for the night cramps... hylands makes some great homeopathic aids... they take time and dedication but they might work...

other than I send you much love!

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ENDUROVET 9/25/2012 6:31PM

    Aw honey - don't kick rocks, you'll bruise yo' lil' feets! (Sorry, still fighting off this sinus crud so I ain't got much here)

We keep on fighting the good fight.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Challenge Accepted!

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Sometimes I have feeling of being left out when I sitting right there with the group. *SIGH*

At the birthday party I hosted last night I had those very feelings. I setup the dinner at a restaurant approved by the birthday girl knowing I would have to mind my self-control. As they ate on lovely dishes dripping with cream sauces and dipped into the three varieties of rice I sat and ate veggies and seafood which was flavorful and fabulous. We ordered family style so there was plenty to go around and we ate like the Kings and Queens that we are. The dish I choose was called Deluxe Vegetable with seafood. I ate a bit of the proteins from the other dishes just to have a taste; however, for the most part they consumed with great gusto.

The birthday girl loves her a cupcake - red velvet - to be specific, so during the week I went to a bakery that specializes in cupcakes and ordered a variety for the party. I even asked an office mate if they were willing to taste test a red velvet one - I wanted to make sure I was ordering from the right place - she approved with a two thumbs up! :) I was grateful for the taste testing. I digress ... as the meal came to an end the staff at the restaurant turned the lights off and surprised my friend with a platter of beautiful cupcakes and we all sang happy birthday. Everyone gleefully picked a cupcake and raved over the taste. I sat back, smiled and simply watched. *SIGH*

Here's what I took away from the dinner: Everyone, and I do mean everyone, talked about how full they were. Like hurt me I've eaten too much food kinda full. One person even said her back hurt because she ate too much. Yup, been there and I remember that feeling. The pain of the extended stomach and the ache. I walked away last night feeling light and wonderful - I think they call that satisfied. :O I would not be entering into a food coma within minutes of leaving. YAY, I found that to be a beautiful thing.

That being said, it doesn't make those feelings of being left out any less painful. I felt a little disconnected from the meal & those enjoying it. I couldn't add comments about the foods due to not consuming most of it. I missed the sugar wonderfulness of a single cupcake and how the frosting tastes. *KICK ROCKS*

Sure I could have "treated" myself last night but I know it takes days for my body to recover from meals like that and I didn't think I would be strong enough mentally to walk that line. I'm 2.6 pounds from exiting the 200's so I kept asking myself if one meal and one cupcake was worth it and the answer was no. That pull to the other side of 200 is just too great right now.

The bar we went to was a little easier because I pretended to be the designated driver even though I walked. :)

In the end, the friends were supportive of my choices (no food pushers in the group), the birthday girl had a good time and I walked away feeling like I had really turned a corner in my wellness journey. This morning I woke up and saw a fantastic number on the scale. I had won!! Official weigh-in is on Tuesday morning - good things are to come.

Sometimes this journey can be difficult, lonely, thrilling and exciting. Last night was everything wrapped up into one neat little package. The Universe handed me a challenge yesterday - I accepted that challenge and I Won. *FIST PUMP*

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ENDUROVET 9/24/2012 6:06PM

    Word, girlfriend! had a celebratory dinner w/old friends Sat night; just couldn't resist the chocolate mousse (hey, at least it was better than fried cheesecake! ;-)

Can't help but believe that contributed to my exhaustion/low mood yesterday so I was quite proud of myself for maintaining my modified juice fast. Today I'm almost back to normal (but could use a good night's SLEEP, what else is new??)


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JENJESS48 9/24/2012 9:36AM

    emoticon Sometimes asking yourself if something delicious is worth its effects is really effective - I'm having to rely on that tactic more and more these days. :) This is a major NSV, KT! Congrats!

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ABB698 9/23/2012 2:17PM

    Now that is some serious self-control, you rocked that night, K.T.! I know you felt somewhat left out for not partaking in all the food, but the feeling of satisfaction is a much better feeling than a food coma, as you stated, but you were successful in all ways and I am so proud of you!!!! GO Girl Go! Can't wait to hear about the WI!!! emoticon

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-MOJOJOJO- 9/22/2012 6:38PM

    You.Are.My.HERO!!! emoticon

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MANLEYSANDY 9/22/2012 12:53PM

    *Smiling* while ready this story!!! KT you are awesome!!!

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DRAK416 9/22/2012 12:32PM

  Congrats, GJ

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Lymphatic Massage

Friday, September 07, 2012

Last night I went to my regular massage person and had a lymphatic massage. A few days prior I was given instructions to hydrate, hydrate, hydrate for 48 hours before the massage and to not eat two hours prior. Easy, Peasy. Done and Done.

Never having a lymphatic massage before I asked about the details ...
What I heard was this: it's a full body massage, lighter in touch than a regular one, you start face up, it will help release toxins and can aid in weight loss. Deep breathing is recommended throughout the therapy.

An hour into my hour massage my therapist asked if I was okay on time ... um, sure, I'm good. I ended up with a 90 minute massage due to the fact that she was so into the session she lost all track of time. Okay, THANK.YOU.VERY.MUCH - a win for me.

During the massage I noticed my left side was more sensitive to the treatment and today I can still feel the affects on that side. It was not painful in anyway just different and more sensitive.

After the massage I had energy to burn. I was bright eyed and ready to go, it was interesting. She did say some people feel very tired after and then others feel energetic. I was clearly the energetic one and it has carried over into today.

I've already scheduled my next lymphatic massage for October and would encourage others to seek out a therapist that has been trained in this type of massage.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ITSHOWYOULIVE 9/16/2012 8:47PM

    Awesome!! It is kind of sad how little value Americans give alternative therapies. The fact that your body responded so positively speaks highly of the techniques. Glad it worked well for you and maybe I'll add that to my Christmas list :).

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ABB698 9/11/2012 6:45PM

    Sounds like something to try! I've been getting accupressure on my foot, and it's helped tremendously! Hope you're feeling great today too! :)

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SGRAY478 9/8/2012 10:23AM

    Sounds pretty cool!

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PAMNANGEL 9/8/2012 1:42AM

    Sounds interesting!

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