Monday, October 29, 2012
The back story:
In April 2011 the Mr and I traveled back to Iowa to see my parents. Things went horribly wrong as tempers flew and feelings got hurt. It seemly came out of no where but had to originate from something. It suddenly became a family divided and I felt cut off - not only by the physical miles between us but emotionally. That weekend was never talked about, the phone calls were strained and came less often. On a deep level, I was sad about what happened and too proud AND hurt to deal with it. On the surface, I was angry.
I love my family ... more than anyone can ever begin to imagine so this pain I was feeling cut deep to my soul. STILL, I remained headstrong as did my parents. *SIGH*
Time was passing quickly and I could tell my mom was wanting, needing, me to come home for a visit but we remained divided. Finally, a high school reunion came up and tickets were reasonable so I headed home.
Not knowing what the emotional temp's would be I politely asked the Mr to stay home. I had to explore the waters and see if I could put 2011 to rest. It would be easier if I went it alone.
I left earlier this month for Iowa, admittedly I was still bitter but open enough to figure out what happened. Either way it went, I was going to let "it" go.
My first morning there my mom sat down with me and immediately apologized for what happened. She said they - her and dad - were out of line, abrasive, judging and misspoke at every turn. Internally I took a deep breath and then we talked. We didn't rehash details, we both knew what had been said but we did talk about it coming out of nowhere. It was acknowledged that the relationship had been strained since then and that she missed me. Her apology meant more to me than I can express here. I accepted it without hesitation and we made amends.
This trip, I finally felt like the adult I am. I no longer felt like that awkward or like I was reverting back to my childhood self while under their roof. It was freeing.
Oddly enough, I am 42 pounds lighter than when they last saw me but nothing was mentioned about my continued weight loss. Even more odd, it felt great to just be and not have to explain my journey. I could just be. I could eat what I wanted, when I wanted without the questions.
I stuck to my wellness journey and eating healthy guidelines while I was there. I planned ahead for travel days, eating out and even desserts. It was a success and I lost 2.2 lbs while I was away.
I learned a lot about myself on this trip. *LOVE*
Me on the Farm:
I fell in love with this little one while there. It's a wonder I didn't smuggle him/her out of Iowa.
Mom and Me at the Tea Room
This is me, the day I came back to Cali. I was feeling sporty & fabulous!
Monday, October 08, 2012
I just ate a salad like I was mad at it. Ya, I was that hungry and it was that good. *GIGGLES*
The moment of truth finally came about on Friday . I slipped into a pair of jeans and couldn't deny how big they were- size 20 from Lane Bryant. They sagged on me and I pulled on them all day long. That's not a sexy look girls!
Luckily the Mr and I had plans to go shopping on Friday afternoon in San Francisco. Well it turned out that I had no idea where to go to find clothes. That is NOT an exaggeration by any means either. I've been conditioned to shop at Lane Bryant and The Avenue for years. I've also been conditioned to walk to the back of or the basement of a department store to find the "Women's" section. I never really took notice of where the other women would stop and shop.
While I floundered about the Mr waited patiently on the sidelines and kept himself entertained with his iPhone. THANK.YOU.VERY.MUCH.APPLE!
If I sense he's getting bored I get anxious ... talk about conditioning. In his defense, he loves shopping - for him and/or me - and it's my own made up anxiety. *FACE/PALM*
Anyway. At one point we ended up in Nordi's but we quickly left when I discovered their jeans start at $110 and go up from there. I thought the Mr's tail had caught on fire due to his quick exit from the building when he heard the prices. HA! We then ventured into Forever 21. We quickly left that store too - I found the crack den for shoppers, it's on Market Street in San Francisco and they call it Forever 21.
By the end of the day I still had no jeans and still no idea where to go to find them OR what size I needed. *SHRUGS*
On Saturday I ventured out to the local Old Navy to checkout their fleece jackets that were on special that day - $15! YaY! What else did I find ... a dress for our upcoming trip back home to Jamaica to see the Mr's family. It is size SMALL! THANK.YOU.VERY.MUCH After exhausting myself trying on their jeans I was about to give up the search when I came across the trouser pant rack marked to sell at $13.50 a pair. What the What? I love me a pair of trouser pants so I grabbed the largest size they had left - an 18 and just for kicks I grabbed a pair of 16's. Good thing I grabbed those 16's because they fit like a glove. So good that I nearly did a little dance for the rest of the shoppers. I refrained from dancing but did go over & snag another 16 AND a 14. At $13.50 a pair I couldn't leave them behind. *FIST PUMP*
I ended my shopping at the local consignment store where I found another pair of trouser jeans and a pair of black slacks in a SIZE 16 from The Gap. I even found a rain jacket, size M that will work wonders for my commute into the city this winter.
On my way home I stopped by my tailor to discuss the length of the jeans & how he could help but keep the cost down. He'll have them hemmed by the time I need to leave on my trip home. This should be a fun trip home, no one there realizes that I've lost another 41+ pounds since they last saw me.
The Mr was delighted that I found AND bought new clothes, even if some of them were second hand. He was equally delighted to see me in the jeans that are form fitting instead of the over-sized ones I had been kicking around in for months. I don't often buy for myself so he gets excited when I finally do. I laughed and told him this time it was necessary what with fall and winter coming on strong.
In other news, have I mentioned my new fitness friend? Ya, I have one and we went to a Zumba street party on Sunday morning. It was absolutely amazing. There was a street fair to start at 11:00 so they had the Zumba party prior. Between the energy of the people, the 10 instructors, massive sound system and fabulous weather it would have been hard not to have a good time. I danced like no one could see me and sang like no one could hear me. *GIGGLES*
I hope to have a few new photo's to share soon.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
My exit out of the 200's will have to wait a week.
After a perfect week of nutrition and dodging cupcake-ville my system rewarded me with a .4 gain. There's something funny in all of this I just haven't found it, yet. The tiny gain is just that, tiny, but it wouldn't sting so badly if I had eaten the F'n cupcake and indulge a bit at the birthday dinner but I was perfect I tell ya, perfect.
In other news, my right knee seems to be unhinging itself. Which sounds as bad as it feels. At random times my knee will hyper-extend - walking, yoga, standing - and that's not fun kids. PLUS, my leg cramps are edging there way back and disrupting my sleep again.
I'm having Good Times kicking rocks today. [INSERT SARCASM]
If anyone is wondering - I don't regret not eating the cupcake. A sugar high, panic and a trip into binge-town would have followed and I can do without that THANK.YOU.VERY.MUCH
Kisses and Hugs to all my peeps out there! Your continued support rocks my world and gives me strength even on days when all I want to do is Kick Rocks.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Sometimes I have feeling of being left out when I sitting right there with the group. *SIGH*
At the birthday party I hosted last night I had those very feelings. I setup the dinner at a restaurant approved by the birthday girl knowing I would have to mind my self-control. As they ate on lovely dishes dripping with cream sauces and dipped into the three varieties of rice I sat and ate veggies and seafood which was flavorful and fabulous. We ordered family style so there was plenty to go around and we ate like the Kings and Queens that we are. The dish I choose was called Deluxe Vegetable with seafood. I ate a bit of the proteins from the other dishes just to have a taste; however, for the most part they consumed with great gusto.
The birthday girl loves her a cupcake - red velvet - to be specific, so during the week I went to a bakery that specializes in cupcakes and ordered a variety for the party. I even asked an office mate if they were willing to taste test a red velvet one - I wanted to make sure I was ordering from the right place - she approved with a two thumbs up! :) I was grateful for the taste testing. I digress ... as the meal came to an end the staff at the restaurant turned the lights off and surprised my friend with a platter of beautiful cupcakes and we all sang happy birthday. Everyone gleefully picked a cupcake and raved over the taste. I sat back, smiled and simply watched. *SIGH*
Here's what I took away from the dinner: Everyone, and I do mean everyone, talked about how full they were. Like hurt me I've eaten too much food kinda full. One person even said her back hurt because she ate too much. Yup, been there and I remember that feeling. The pain of the extended stomach and the ache. I walked away last night feeling light and wonderful - I think they call that satisfied. :O I would not be entering into a food coma within minutes of leaving. YAY, I found that to be a beautiful thing.
That being said, it doesn't make those feelings of being left out any less painful. I felt a little disconnected from the meal & those enjoying it. I couldn't add comments about the foods due to not consuming most of it. I missed the sugar wonderfulness of a single cupcake and how the frosting tastes. *KICK ROCKS*
Sure I could have "treated" myself last night but I know it takes days for my body to recover from meals like that and I didn't think I would be strong enough mentally to walk that line. I'm 2.6 pounds from exiting the 200's so I kept asking myself if one meal and one cupcake was worth it and the answer was no. That pull to the other side of 200 is just too great right now.
The bar we went to was a little easier because I pretended to be the designated driver even though I walked. :)
In the end, the friends were supportive of my choices (no food pushers in the group), the birthday girl had a good time and I walked away feeling like I had really turned a corner in my wellness journey. This morning I woke up and saw a fantastic number on the scale. I had won!! Official weigh-in is on Tuesday morning - good things are to come.
Sometimes this journey can be difficult, lonely, thrilling and exciting. Last night was everything wrapped up into one neat little package. The Universe handed me a challenge yesterday - I accepted that challenge and I Won. *FIST PUMP*
Friday, September 07, 2012
Last night I went to my regular massage person and had a lymphatic massage. A few days prior I was given instructions to hydrate, hydrate, hydrate for 48 hours before the massage and to not eat two hours prior. Easy, Peasy. Done and Done.
Never having a lymphatic massage before I asked about the details ...
What I heard was this: it's a full body massage, lighter in touch than a regular one, you start face up, it will help release toxins and can aid in weight loss. Deep breathing is recommended throughout the therapy.
An hour into my hour massage my therapist asked if I was okay on time ... um, sure, I'm good. I ended up with a 90 minute massage due to the fact that she was so into the session she lost all track of time. Okay, THANK.YOU.VERY.MUCH - a win for me.
During the massage I noticed my left side was more sensitive to the treatment and today I can still feel the affects on that side. It was not painful in anyway just different and more sensitive.
After the massage I had energy to burn. I was bright eyed and ready to go, it was interesting. She did say some people feel very tired after and then others feel energetic. I was clearly the energetic one and it has carried over into today.
I've already scheduled my next lymphatic massage for October and would encourage others to seek out a therapist that has been trained in this type of massage.
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