KT-NICHOLS-13   43,017
SparkPoints
40,000-49,999 SparkPoints
 
 
KT-NICHOLS-13's Recent Blog Entries

ANXIETY =

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Yup, lost my mind for a hot minute last night and I ate just about anything that wasn't nailed down. Good thing is, the home kitchen doesn't hold a lot of food that are unhealthy in generally. YET, the foods that are there can be unhealthy when eaten in larger than average quantities and combined in one setting.

Here's the quick and dirty version of what happened and why.

First, I was chasing hunger ALL frick'n day yesterday. Tuesday's have become a problem for me. I'm searching out solutions. Yesterday was an epic fail.

Second, I came to the decision that I DO NOT want to be a member at the City Gym. The culture and climate in that gym does not suit me.

Third, I found a new place that I do want to be a member at but I can't afford it on my own.

Fourth, getting out of the cooperate contract Mr H inked with the City Gym is nearly impossible for one year. Unless of course I get fired, die, move or have a medical condition that does not allow for me to workout.

Fifth, The money that is being wasted on my behalf by the office for a membership I don't use weighs HEAVY on me. Wasting money is NOT who I am.

Sixth, work is work and that equals STRESS!

Seventh, did I mention I was chasing hunger all day? Ya, that was an issue!

By the time I got home to an empty apartment - the furballs did greet me with love and affection - I was hungry, anxious and mentally tired. It was a perfect storm to cause the binge.

Home alone + Starvation + Anxiety = BINGE TIME

I don't know how to describe it all. The feeling of "that" hunger. The physical reaction I have with that first, second and third bite. The darkness that comes over me mentally. The ability to shovel in the food a bit too fast because God forbid if the Mr came home to find me in the kitchen with a plate full of "no-no" foods in hand/mouth. He's not my food police by any means and I think like most, my binges happen in the quit darkness of an empty home.

Sadly, when this episode was over the anxiety, starvation and alone time was over. Plus I had physically exhausted myself too. Why sadly ... well, because that reenforces the craptastic nature of these episodes.

The good thing is, I no longer beat myself up or feel guilty over these episodes - which are FEW and FAR between. I no longer look for perfection inside myself but try to manage what is. I'm human and food is my drug. Last night the drug won.

So, the question is ... what do I do next?!

The quick and dirty:

First, I got a good nights sleep.

Second, I am keeping my appointment at the new place for tonight. So a workout is in my future! Can't hardly wait.

Third, I reviewed the contract that Mr H inked with the City Gym and have determined I'm stuck for a year. *KICK ROCKS*

Fourth, No use crying about or eating over it. Make it work. No longer let "work" and the gym atmosphere be the excuse to keep you out of the yoga class you like. Accept that Mr H is paying a HIGH price for those few yoga classes and do the best you can!

Fifth, Talk to the "other" place about the cost & see if something can be worked out. If not, wait it out. In the meantime, enjoy the workout you get for free tonight!

Sixth, figure "IT" out. Anxiety does not have to rule me! I need to keep searching so I'm not powerless over this emotion. The end!

Seventh, Keep on ahead of the hunger. Stay on track with the mini meals.

I'm exploring a brand new day! I feel the affects of last night and I'll pay for it for a few days but dwell on it I will not.

This is me ... out there searching for the answers.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ABB698 8/10/2012 1:02AM

    I think you have IT figured out, you just had a bad day....we all do, and you're right back there kicking it in the face-BOOYAH!
Have a fab Friday!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRENTDREAMER 8/9/2012 8:27PM

    Totally hear a lot of the frustration

"Seventh, did I mention I was chasing hunger all day? Ya, that was an issue! "
* My apologies, what does that mean? I don't understand the term "chasing hunger all day".

" The darkness that comes over me mentally. The ability to shovel in the food a bit too fast because God forbid if the Mr came home to find me in the kitchen with a plate full of "no-no" foods in hand/mouth. "
emoticon emoticon

"Fifth, The money that is being wasted on my behalf by the office for a membership I don't use weighs HEAVY on me. Wasting money is NOT who I am."
"Accept that Mr H is paying a HIGH price for those few yoga classes and do the best you can! "
* Unless you had a choice in the matter and were fully informed of what the gym was like, it's not your burden.

"This is me ... out there searching for the answers. "
* Hope that you find them.


Report Inappropriate Comment
JENJESS48 8/9/2012 9:00AM

    We've all been there, KT. The key thing is that you figured out what drove you to binge and what to do about it. Also, I love that you're not beating yourself up over it. Accept and move forward! Way to go! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPARKLEPIE 8/9/2012 12:06AM

    I don't even know where to begin.... I smiles and cried when reading this... there is a fantastic and realness to this that hits a nerve... in that oooh..ahh..kinda way.

I support you whole heartly in the search for answers... and hey if you don't mind sharing along the way... I'm a girl on a mission to learn from those who inspire me... and viola lovely lady... you are one of those people.



Report Inappropriate Comment
MANLEYSANDY 8/8/2012 7:36PM

    emoticon I know that hunger...

I love the "figure IT" out line. It is so important. I have thought and said many times that I do not even realize that I am headed for a binge until I am mid-way through the bag of tortilla chips. Yesterday I was right there with you chasing that hungry... Then it hit me last night....I decided that I would not check my work emails on my phone after 7:00pm or in the morning before I get to work. That way I am not already stressed before I get to work, creating anxiety, creating hunger. This morning I kept the hunger at bay...

I know you will get your answers...you are awesome!!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Taking it Slow

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Word on the street is that strength training is where it's at. *DEEP BREATH*

This morning I put together a new workout schedule that includes that very thing. I've decided to take a page out my friends TD's (TRENTDREAMER) book and start off with mini sessions a few days a week and build from there.

Also, I'm going to attempt to break through the mental barrier and use the City gym during the week. Going to the gym on the weekend isn't a big deal due to using my Home Town Gym.

My latest plan has me attending Yoga, which will aid in stretching and strengthening muscles with the added benefit of keeping me grounded. I will also complete a mini "traditional" S.T. session that will include upper, lower and core exercises. I already researched which exercises I'll be doing, this should help when I get into the gym. Plus, I'll also attend a Zumba class once a week.

*FINGERS CROSSED*

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRENTDREAMER 7/25/2012 10:35PM

    "Word on the street is that strength training is where it's at. *DEEP BREATH* "
* That's the truth!

"Also, I'm going to attempt to break through the mental barrier and use the City gym during the week."
* Best of fortune to you. What is the difference(s) between the town and city gyms. Apologies if you've addressed in previous blogs.

" already researched which exercises I'll be doing, this should help when I get into the gym. Plus, I'll also attend a Zumba class once a week.
FINGERS CROSSED"
* You can totally do this!


Report Inappropriate Comment
ITSHOWYOULIVE 7/23/2012 1:53AM

    Sounds like you've put together a great plan. Strength Training and I have a love/hate relationship. I hate doing it, but I LOVE how I feel after a great strength session :). Good luck with your plan it sounds solid :)!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ABB698 7/22/2012 11:49PM

    You go girl!!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JENJESS48 7/22/2012 2:36PM

    Good for you, KT! Way to tackle the new recommendation!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MANLEYSANDY 7/22/2012 1:20PM

    You can do it!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TEDDYBABE 7/22/2012 11:47AM

    Good plan, applause for you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 7/22/2012 11:47AM

    I HATE ST!!! I can't bring myself to hardly EVER do it. I don't know why, it's not a big deal, it doesn't take forever, but it's SO boring!!! I know I have to do it, I know it's good for me, but I dread it... I hope you have luck with your program.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAPPLEBUM 7/22/2012 11:20AM

    Haha! I burst out laughing as soon as I read the first sentence. Get to it girly! Strength training's loads of fun!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PJBONARRIGO 7/22/2012 11:17AM

    WOO HOO, good for you! Sounds like you have a good plan for the coming week. Enjoy your ST, have fun :-)

Report Inappropriate Comment


Truth Be Told

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Truth be told, I was expecting different news from Doc today. I'm still learning and I'm still searching for the right formula for me.

He reviewed the body composition analysis from the clinic and gave two thumbs up. That's the good news. I gave him the list of supplements I'm taking as well and again got two thumbs up.

In other news ... my functional adrenal stress test shows that my cortisol levels are LOW. VERY LOW. Truth be told, I thought this was a good thing. Too much cortisol is bad for ya and apparently too little cortisol is also bad for ya. *CURSES*

Why's it bad Doc? Too little cortisol causes the metabolism to slooooow down and CAN cause a plateau and will definitely cause slower weight loss. What the What? *MIND FREAK*

When I recovered from this shocking news I asked the all important question, "what do we do next? give it to me straight Doc." Stay on the supplements I am currently taking and add in two more that will further support and aid in my efforts. Done and Done!

Truth be told ... because I told the truth when asked about my workouts ... I got in a wee bit of trouble when I disclosed strength training doesn't exist in my program but that I've been thinking about it. Docs reply, "Well thinking about it does nothing to help and I know you don't want to backslide or jump onto another plateau." Thanks for keeping it real Doc! That IS why I pay you the big bucks. *KICK ROCKS*

He gave me a few suggestions on how to overcome my mental block of strength training and some simple facts to write down. We BOTH admitted to being cardio junkies - so he knows and understands my passion - yet he gave me some suggestions on getting started with the ST. Time to get my sweet on with the free weights and ball! *GROANS*

When I look down at my notes from the meeting my eye immediately goes to this, "STRENGTH TRAINING IS KEY!! YOU WILL PLATEAU IF YOU DON'T DO IT!!" *okay, okay!!*

So the good news is ... I'm on the right track. Now it's time to tweak the program baby!

Other: He recommended a book ... "It Starts With Food" by Hartwig (last name)
I thought he'd recommend HIS book which just came out but that's not how he roles. He gives me what I need not what fits his agenda. *LOVE* I'll try to find a copy soon & will report back. Disclosure: I'm a slow reader, it might be a hot minute on that report.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ENDUROVET 7/23/2012 4:50PM

    Ha, ha! Talk about great minds thinking alike - I came back from vacation to find my new copy of "It Starts With Food" in that nice lil' Amazon box on my desk (DAMN my luck that it didn't get here in time to ward off the damage done during vacation ;-)

Nothing earthshattering, just those fundamental rules n' regulations I SHOULD know by heart by now... Anyway, it's worth it for the extra kick in the pants.

emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/23/2012 4:52:01 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRENTDREAMER 7/22/2012 9:55AM

    Really hope that the strength training and supplements help. I'm really proud of you for the progress that you've made and would love to see you hit your goal :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
JENJESS48 7/20/2012 8:44AM

    At least your doctor recommend tweaks instead of a wholesale rework - that means you're on the right track. I think ST will get to be easier and more fun as you get into it. Congrats on the good check up!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ABB698 7/20/2012 2:41AM

    Good job on working with your Dr getting all your levels worked out, the cortisol part sucks, but hopefully the supplements will help. What did he suggest? Are you.& the Mr going to the water park this summer? Hope all is well, my friend! :)

Report Inappropriate Comment


A review of my stats

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Before I get to the big reveal let me just share my Original stats from back in the day. Note the year ... 2002! Yes Kids, that's when I started this journey. I'm in it for the long haul and on some days I feel like I've been at for 100 years.

ORIGINAL STATS
August 1, 2002
Weight: 325
Bust: 50.5
Waist: 43.5
Abdomen: 56.25
Thighs: 33
Hips: 58.5
Upper Arms: 17.5

That brings us to present day ...

Reminder: I FINALLY STARTED to drop the lbs again in April after a long, frustrating four year plateau. Here's what's happened in two and half months.

In April I weighed in at 243.6 & I'm now at 209 (-34.5)

The first number below is from April 2012, the second is to date.

Chest: 44.5 down to 42 (-2.5)
Ab: 48 down to 39.5 (-8.5)
Waist: 41 down to 35.5 (-5.5)
Hip1: 53.5 down to 45.5 (-8)
Butt: 54 down to 48.5 (-5.5)
Hip2: 50.5 down to 46 (-4.5)
Thigh(s): 31 down to 28.25 (-2.75)
Arm(s): 15.75 down to 14 (-1.75)

BMI: 41.8 down to 35.9 (-5.9) NORMAL Range is 18.5 ~ 25.0
Body Fat: 51.7 down to 48.5 (-3.2) NORMAL Range is 18.0 ~ 28.0

As you can imagine, I feel fantastic! Food intolerance's are under control. Sugar is under control - gone really. I actually sleep instead of waking up 100 times a night. I eat when I'm hungry. I eat more protein and less carbs. I crave veggies & then I eat them. I am quickly running out of things to wear in my closet. I'm putting money aside for when I have to buy something "smaller." When I go to a party I concentrate on the people, not the food.

Full disclosure: Every now and then I have a mind freak when I realize that this is actually happening. That my ultimate goal is obtainable and I'm making it happen. What happens at the end? What does life look like in the land of maintenance? How does life change? The good news is, I get to find out sooner than later.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENJESS48 7/18/2012 11:22AM

    WOW!!!! I knew you'd majorly busted your plateau,but your progress is just incredible! You should be bursting with pride!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FITNESSMONSTER8 7/18/2012 11:08AM

    Wow! You have come so far!!! Keep up the good work. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPARKLEPIE 7/18/2012 9:22AM

    This is such an awesome post... you are such an awesome lady! Your absolute dedication, persistence and "stick to it -ness" is not just wonderful it is inspiring. I can imagine how great you feel...and those moments of ..really , this is happening... I totally get and understand...

You have done wonderful work and have a wonderful outlook and joy about it all. Seriously if you didn't feel it already... I'll tell you... you are incrediable and a true inspiration gem.. There is no doubt the trip to maintence is one filled with little celebratory joys and cheers and this blog is just one of them.

Bravo to you... I am cheering for you big time!


Report Inappropriate Comment
KOSHKALET 7/18/2012 1:59AM

    YAYYYYYYY!!!!

So thrilled that your diligence, persistence and grit have gotten you through to this. Mostly, though, I am so excited that your body feels good!!!

Those are some amazing changes from 2002 to now and especially from April to now - so exciting to have your body getting exactly what it needs.

Congratulations - I look forward to joining you in "maintenance land" one of these days before too long!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PURPLE180 7/17/2012 10:55PM

    Wow, that is awesome. You have done a great job your weight loss from April till now is amazing. :-)

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRENTDREAMER 7/17/2012 10:37PM

    Wow! Congrats on your progress!

How did you get the sugar under control?


"Full disclosure: Every now and then I have a mind freak when I realize that this is actually happening. That my ultimate goal is obtainable and I'm making it happen. What happens at the end? What does life look like in the land of maintenance? How does life change? The good news is, I get to find out sooner than later. "
* I hear you. When I was 0.8 pounds from my goal, that was going through my mind. Unfortunately I haven't had to grapple with that for real

Report Inappropriate Comment
ABB698 7/17/2012 10:21PM

    I am so happy that you are finally reaping the rewards of all that hard work! YAY! I've enjoyed our friendship and hope someday our paths might actually cross! Keep on trucking, you are a powerhouse!!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MANLEYSANDY 7/17/2012 7:42PM

    AMAZING!!! I have been blessed to be part of your journey now for a few years and I just can't tell you how happy I am for you! You are so strong, I know it has not been easy, but you kept with it, and are still seeing the fruits of your labor!

BRAVO!!!! (I am doing a happy dance for your)

Hugs,
Sandy

Report Inappropriate Comment
HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 7/17/2012 5:46PM

    OMG those stats are AMAZING!!! Congratulations, it looks like you found something that works, and that's awesome! *HUGS*

Report Inappropriate Comment


213.8 and Tasting the Summer Rainbow

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

A Healthier Me at 213.8


Taste the Summer Rainbow:





  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ENDUROVET 7/9/2012 6:24PM

    Lookin' good babe!!!

Now if only I can manage to sneak away early enough to get over to MY local farmer's market (unfortunately we both close at 6:00!)...

Report Inappropriate Comment
ABB698 6/30/2012 5:08PM

    You look fabulous, KT! Way to keep at it and work it! Love summer's bounty...just made a fresh fruit salad, yum!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ITSHOWYOULIVE 6/28/2012 11:56PM

    Looking Great!! And look at all that healthy, filling, wonderful summer bounty! Great work!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MANLEYSANDY 6/27/2012 12:53PM

    You look amazing! My heart is just so happy for you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PURPLE180 6/27/2012 11:57AM

    You look awesome. :-)

Report Inappropriate Comment
PJH2028 6/27/2012 8:57AM

    You're beautiful! And so fit. And what a smile! ;-) Happy Summer Rainbow too

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPARKLEPIE 6/27/2012 8:31AM

    you look awesome!! I mean really and truly awesome... so fit and healthy, glowing and beautiful!!! A true inspiration.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JENJESS48 6/27/2012 7:16AM

    You look great, KT! The bounty of summer really is amazing - it's a lot easier to eat healthy and get in those 5 freggies a day in the summer!

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 Last Page