Thursday, June 21, 2012
D. Not wanting to show weakness
E. All of the above
Which one of the above describes why I generally don't ask for help? Ya, it's E, all of the above.
It used to be that I'd grind myself into the ground trying to do it all. I had to prove to the world that I was capable and to myself that I could not fail. Forty plus years later I let all that crazy self talk go. My higher than the stars standards for myself was exhausting. I realized that it takes strength to ask for help and that it's a valid, positive quality when used in the correct way.
Yesterday, in a moment of pure and utter frustration at work I had a complete melt down. In a fit of tears, no where to turn, no one to talk to, if I could even find my own voice, all I could think about was diving head first into a giant pizza. (Pizza is my ultimate comfort food) Instead of grabbing my wallet and walking to the all you can eat pizza joint down the street from my office I picked up my phone. No silly ... not to order in but to text my bestie.
My text to her: Tell me something good. Anything as long as it's wonderful and peaceful before I dive head first into a pizza and eat myself into a food coma.
Her response text, which reached me in 30 seconds: The sun is shining. You are fantastic. Your determination to stay on your wellness journey brings me hope. We get to see a movie on Sunday afternoon. Oh ya, I love you!
As I read her text tears rolled and I giggled.
When standing at the cross-roads which direction will I go? In that moment I chose to ask for help. The aggravation that once held all my attention was soon forgotten. Life wasn't going to end in that moment and a pizza certainly wasn't going to make it all go away and better.
I'm learning something on this journey ... to be kind to myself and to ask for help in anyway I can.