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Asking for Help.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

A. Pride
B. Stubbornness
C. Independence
D. Not wanting to show weakness
E. All of the above

Which one of the above describes why I generally don't ask for help? Ya, it's E, all of the above.

It used to be that I'd grind myself into the ground trying to do it all. I had to prove to the world that I was capable and to myself that I could not fail. Forty plus years later I let all that crazy self talk go. My higher than the stars standards for myself was exhausting. I realized that it takes strength to ask for help and that it's a valid, positive quality when used in the correct way.

Yesterday, in a moment of pure and utter frustration at work I had a complete melt down. In a fit of tears, no where to turn, no one to talk to, if I could even find my own voice, all I could think about was diving head first into a giant pizza. (Pizza is my ultimate comfort food) Instead of grabbing my wallet and walking to the all you can eat pizza joint down the street from my office I picked up my phone. No silly ... not to order in but to text my bestie.

My text to her: Tell me something good. Anything as long as it's wonderful and peaceful before I dive head first into a pizza and eat myself into a food coma.

Her response text, which reached me in 30 seconds: The sun is shining. You are fantastic. Your determination to stay on your wellness journey brings me hope. We get to see a movie on Sunday afternoon. Oh ya, I love you!

As I read her text tears rolled and I giggled.

When standing at the cross-roads which direction will I go? In that moment I chose to ask for help. The aggravation that once held all my attention was soon forgotten. Life wasn't going to end in that moment and a pizza certainly wasn't going to make it all go away and better.

I'm learning something on this journey ... to be kind to myself and to ask for help in anyway I can.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MANLEYSANDY 6/25/2012 4:27PM

    You are awesome and amazing!

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ABB698 6/25/2012 1:44AM

    Such an inspiring moment, so proud of you for persevering! Hugs

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FITNESSMONSTER8 6/22/2012 2:48PM

    Good job on reaching out to your friend instead of pizza, to get through a rough patch!!!

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JENJESS48 6/22/2012 11:44AM

    Good for you, KT! That is a MAJOR victory! I'm as stubborn and independent as you are, so I know of what I speak. :)

Given your dairy and gluten issues, that pizza would have been terrible for you. You're worth way more than that - and I'm so glad you realized it! emoticon

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KOSHKALET 6/22/2012 1:25AM

    Holy Moley!!!! What a change - what a shift - what a beautiful thing!

Way to take those old habits and just *bam* shift those puppies right to something positive! That is a huge accomplishment - I hope you're feeling this as much as one of your 5K accomplishments!

Oh, and for the rest of us (yes, I am guilty of belong in this category E, too, sometimes) - you've helped us realize that it is *great* to ask for help.

p.s. Asking your Bestie for help made *her* feel super great :)

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SGRAY478 6/22/2012 12:28AM

    I have always struggled for with the asking for help thing too. Probably because I am too proud to let people know that I need the help in the first place. I am glad you conquered your "all of the above"

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SPARKLEPIE 6/21/2012 11:43PM

    ok.. so the beginning of this just screams my name... never beng a fan of asking for help and going through life feeling like it's never good enough, i'm never good enough...perfection seems the only option... I have to say i'm no where near mastering this internal battle.... so i say all that to say this... i am in awe of you! i can hear the giggle and see the tear you had and i'm over here celebrating with you that not only did you ask for help.. but the help was so supportive and in the end defeated the pizza voice from getting louder and winning.

you are an inspirational superhero. :)

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 6/21/2012 9:28PM

    THIS is fantastic! I'm so glad you have her support. I REALLY hope things are going better. *HUGS*

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PINKNFITCARLA 6/21/2012 8:47PM

    This is great! Asking for help is hard for me too, so glad you did it!

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ENDUROVET 6/21/2012 8:45PM

    This past few weeks have been a mad whirl - tomorrow I have to entrust my son to the care [ha] of his father for 5 wks; I don't think I'm doing too badly, all things considered.

No, my dietary choices have not been perfect, but neither have I dived into that large supreme pizza ;-)

Together we can do this friend!


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WOUBBIE 6/21/2012 7:53PM

    "It takes strength to ask for help" is such an AWESOME insight! I think you're right - it says you have enough self-confidence that you won't fall apart by admitting that sometimes you need a little help. Thank you so much for this great thought!

And good going on avoiding the pizza diving!

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PURPLE180 6/21/2012 7:51PM

    Yeaaaa!!!! Glad you asked for help, the pizza may have only made your day worse. You have just proven to yourself that emoticon. emoticon emoticon

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My Bento Box & More

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Today I packed a lil' Bento Box ...

It contains: lettuce, chicken breast, yellow bell pepper, pickle, cucumber & a boiled egg. All so very yummy and in just the right amount. Yup, I eat my lunches with chop sticks - gotta keep it fun. Another added benefit, for me, it slows down my eating.

What's new with me -

Today marks a 109 pound weight loss. For those keeping track, 27 of those pounds have been shed while I've been with SP. Clothes are coming & going quickly now and I'm passing on my gently used ones.

Today also marks a year off soda. I must say, it has not been an easy accomplishment. I LOVED soda. Now I'm not even sure if I could handle the mouth feel and sugary taste. I won't test that theory! One year down, a lifetime to go.

Doc had me take another adrenal test, results in later next week. I'm interested in the results. I believe there will be good news all around.

New Doc has confirmed that my lean muscle has steadily increased and my body fat has decreased. Body measurements show a major decrease in inches too.

The Mr is having a difficult time with my newly found weight loss. It's complicated and in no way has he even tried to sabotage my progress. I listen to him when he finds his voice and that is reassuring enough for him.

I'm discovering, again, all veggies are not created equal. As we know, many of the "go to" veggies can be high in carbs and natural sugars. Tasty as they are they mess with my blood sugar. *BOO* So I'm quickly revamping my shopping list and finding creative ways to cook. Variety can't be a bad thing.

I have yet to start training to walk a half marathon. I'm mentally stuck and need to work around, or rather through that.

The Mr and I will go to a water park again this summer. It should loads of fun and those board shorts from last year are looking and feeling fabulous.

I'm still finding my way with fitness at the hometown & city gyms. It's a process. Life in the gym, or rather getting there, will be easier once I've hired a receptionist at my office.

New health insurance has been secured. Our office was able to secure a small group plan that saves us all money. Of course now, my weight is not that big of an issue so I could, if necessary, obtain a individual plan.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENJESS48 6/20/2012 7:46AM

    Sounds like everything is going very well for you! Congrats! You've worked so hard for your progress.

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KOSHKALET 6/20/2012 1:47AM

    Fantastic news! So glad the new food menu is working for you (and wow are you working it you awesome gal you). Sorry this is tough for the Mr. - it's a big transition, so I think it's super cool that you are so gentle with each other.

Good news will be coming on the adrenal front, I'm sure and I'm thrilled that you got insurance for your team that is reasonable.

Have a blast at the water park!

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ABB698 6/20/2012 12:38AM

    emoticonon the 109, KT! That's amazing, and so happy to hear the clothes are coming and going (Down) so quickly! Keep on rockin it!!

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WOUBBIE 6/19/2012 5:18PM

    Excellent - the chopsticks idea is inspired!

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MANLEYSANDY 6/19/2012 5:02PM

    Sounds like things are moving right along....

I am just so happy for your progress because you work so hard!!!


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PJH2028 6/19/2012 4:58PM

    I'm so proud of and inspired with you. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I can relate to all the adaptations with chemistry and quirks. We are awesome. At least you are! ;-)))

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JKPONYGIRL 6/19/2012 4:31PM

    your bento box looks awesome.

congrats on the no soda too!

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First Ride of Summer

Monday, June 11, 2012

Saturday ... what a lovely day!

I had LOTS to do in town and originally thought I'd walk & take the bus about to get things done. Then it occurred to me that it would be a perfect day for the first ride of summer. I broke my yellow/black beach cruiser bike out of storage and went for a ride. I returned home five hours later! Don't let me lead you astray here, I didn't spend the whole time pedaling but I was out enjoying the fresh air and getting my fitness on for most of it.

First stop was the small shopping center. I wanted to have a look see at all the food trucks that are now permitted to come into our lil' community. What fun! I didn't buy anything, instead looked on lovingly. (In another lifetime I want to own & operate a food truck!)

Second stop was Old Navy. Off the sale rack, I scored a few tops for summer. Size L thank.you.very.much!

Third stop, and quit the trip on 'The Bird' aka the bike, was the sand castle contest. (The head winds were killer.) What Fun! They always have a bike valet so I didn't have to worry about chaining her up or checking on her while on the beach. The castles were wonderful this year and the crowd was huge but in good spirits. After looking at the entries I soaked up the sun and took my shoes off so I could put my feet in the sand. I love to people watch.

Fourth stop, my local shoe store to see if my new shoes were in. Sadly no.

Fifth stop, Peet's coffee for a much need sit down & refreshment. Again, more people watching.

The best part of the day ... discovering how different it feels to ride after shedding another 25 pounds. What a difference!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ABB698 6/15/2012 1:16AM

    Sounds like an awesome day all over, KT! Never heard of a bike valet, that is the coolest thing ever!
And cool about the food trucks too..what kind is your dream to own? Fun!
Have a fabulous Friday and coming up weekend too!

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KOSHKALET 6/14/2012 2:27AM

    I love it that we live in such a bike-able place (those winds can get ya sometimes, tho). Super, super cool that you rode your errands around the town!

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NAYPOOIE 6/12/2012 12:24PM


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SGRAY478 6/12/2012 12:18PM

    Sounds like such a great experience!!
emoticon emoticon

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FITNESSMONSTER8 6/12/2012 11:16AM

    Sounds like a lovely day!

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MAGGIE805 6/11/2012 10:31PM

    Awesome!!! Sounds like you had an amazing day. :)

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ME vs. THEM or was it really ME vs. ME?

Friday, June 08, 2012

Yesterday I stepped back into the City gym with a fresh attitude.

As the minutes of the day passed I felt that old jumpy, gotta get moving, it's almost gym time feeling come over me. I was craving yoga and I wouldn't be stopped! LOVE this feeling!!

In the past I have made a mad dash through the gym to get to the yoga studio. After all I didn't want anyone to notice me. Not this time! I walked with purpose and I looked at people, not past them. I smiled as I approached and they responded in kind.

As I entered the yoga studio I noticed the back row had already filled. Aak, my hiding spot was taken. After all if I stayed in the back no one would notice me. As I took a deep breath and set my things down I noticed a different spot in the middle a little to the left - that's where I set up camp.

While I relaxed on my mat I wondered ... is it ME vs. THEM or ME vs. ME? These people aren't the enemy. I have no proof that they wish me ill will. I have no proof that they dislike me because I'm fluffy and they aren't. Somehow I had made this perfectly nice gym into a mental war zone. What the What! I projected all those inner negatives onto the THEM and I allowed them to become the enemy.

There is no war here. There is no ME vs. THEM. They have come here, like me, to do a job - get their sweat on and work out/off their aggressions. I am but another person breathing in the same oxygen as them and working on similar goals. In the end, it really is ME vs. ME?

What is your purpose? That is the question at the beginning of yoga. Remember your purpose. This is the statement to bring us back to center.

My purpose, in that moment, in that hour, was to learn & remember I am the only person in my own way. My purpose ... to remember who I am, where I've come from, where I want to be and why in this moment I am here.

I belong!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ABB698 6/9/2012 2:41PM

    You OWNED the gym, KT! You go girl!!!!

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SPARKLEPIE 6/9/2012 10:17AM

    so very true... i know those feelings you had.. it is a bit of a wonderful revelation when we see that someone we our setting up enemies because of feels and self doubt... this is such a beautiful post with such a beautiful message for anyone who ever needs to remember....

purpose.. a lovely reflection...

and you lovely lady with your dedication and reflection are an inspiration....

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KOSHKALET 6/9/2012 2:49AM

    Yay! Only the disconnecting/them/other thoughts create that "vs" mind. Glad you're feeling more connected!

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WOUBBIE 6/8/2012 8:20PM

    Great insight!

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MANLEYSANDY 6/8/2012 1:57PM

    Bravo....You ROCK!!!

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My 5K race in photo's

Sunday, June 03, 2012

I had a blast at the See Jane Run - Alameda race today!!

A lil more Bling for my collection!

It was a great morning and I've learned to laugh, giggle and stay in the moment. This race was my favorite by far due to not taking it all so serious. Times haven't been posted, yet, and I'm not concerned about it this time around.

My goal ... to compete, complete, giggle and enjoy. I'm a winner no matter what!!

UPDATE: Results are in ... I walked the course in 58:06 minutes.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MANLEYSANDY 6/4/2012 12:14PM

    Love the pics!!


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JENJESS48 6/4/2012 11:55AM


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SGRAY478 6/4/2012 11:21AM

    You look absolutely lovely! I am glad you had such a good time. It really shows by that gorgeous smile on your face!!

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ABB698 6/4/2012 1:07AM

    emoticonKT! You kook like you really enjoyed it and the pics are awesome! Way to go!!

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JOSEY98 6/3/2012 10:36PM


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WOUBBIE 6/3/2012 9:22PM

    You look great and so so happy!


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MAGGIE805 6/3/2012 8:44PM

    Awesome!!! WTG, girl...it looks like you had a fun time and I love the pictures. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 6/3/2012 7:11PM

    That's awesome! You look like you had a great time = )

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KENTUCKYGIRL01 6/3/2012 5:04PM

    Really looks like you had a wonderful time. Congrats on doing the race. You are right you are a winner no matter what !! emoticon emoticon
emoticon emoticon

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