Thursday, June 21, 2012
D. Not wanting to show weakness
E. All of the above
Which one of the above describes why I generally don't ask for help? Ya, it's E, all of the above.
It used to be that I'd grind myself into the ground trying to do it all. I had to prove to the world that I was capable and to myself that I could not fail. Forty plus years later I let all that crazy self talk go. My higher than the stars standards for myself was exhausting. I realized that it takes strength to ask for help and that it's a valid, positive quality when used in the correct way.
Yesterday, in a moment of pure and utter frustration at work I had a complete melt down. In a fit of tears, no where to turn, no one to talk to, if I could even find my own voice, all I could think about was diving head first into a giant pizza. (Pizza is my ultimate comfort food) Instead of grabbing my wallet and walking to the all you can eat pizza joint down the street from my office I picked up my phone. No silly ... not to order in but to text my bestie.
My text to her: Tell me something good. Anything as long as it's wonderful and peaceful before I dive head first into a pizza and eat myself into a food coma.
Her response text, which reached me in 30 seconds: The sun is shining. You are fantastic. Your determination to stay on your wellness journey brings me hope. We get to see a movie on Sunday afternoon. Oh ya, I love you!
As I read her text tears rolled and I giggled.
When standing at the cross-roads which direction will I go? In that moment I chose to ask for help. The aggravation that once held all my attention was soon forgotten. Life wasn't going to end in that moment and a pizza certainly wasn't going to make it all go away and better.
I'm learning something on this journey ... to be kind to myself and to ask for help in anyway I can.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Today I packed a lil' Bento Box ...
It contains: lettuce, chicken breast, yellow bell pepper, pickle, cucumber & a boiled egg. All so very yummy and in just the right amount. Yup, I eat my lunches with chop sticks - gotta keep it fun. Another added benefit, for me, it slows down my eating.
What's new with me -
Today marks a 109 pound weight loss. For those keeping track, 27 of those pounds have been shed while I've been with SP. Clothes are coming & going quickly now and I'm passing on my gently used ones.
Today also marks a year off soda. I must say, it has not been an easy accomplishment. I LOVED soda. Now I'm not even sure if I could handle the mouth feel and sugary taste. I won't test that theory! One year down, a lifetime to go.
Doc had me take another adrenal test, results in later next week. I'm interested in the results. I believe there will be good news all around.
New Doc has confirmed that my lean muscle has steadily increased and my body fat has decreased. Body measurements show a major decrease in inches too.
The Mr is having a difficult time with my newly found weight loss. It's complicated and in no way has he even tried to sabotage my progress. I listen to him when he finds his voice and that is reassuring enough for him.
I'm discovering, again, all veggies are not created equal. As we know, many of the "go to" veggies can be high in carbs and natural sugars. Tasty as they are they mess with my blood sugar. *BOO* So I'm quickly revamping my shopping list and finding creative ways to cook. Variety can't be a bad thing.
I have yet to start training to walk a half marathon. I'm mentally stuck and need to work around, or rather through that.
The Mr and I will go to a water park again this summer. It should loads of fun and those board shorts from last year are looking and feeling fabulous.
I'm still finding my way with fitness at the hometown & city gyms. It's a process. Life in the gym, or rather getting there, will be easier once I've hired a receptionist at my office.
New health insurance has been secured. Our office was able to secure a small group plan that saves us all money. Of course now, my weight is not that big of an issue so I could, if necessary, obtain a individual plan.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Saturday ... what a lovely day!
I had LOTS to do in town and originally thought I'd walk & take the bus about to get things done. Then it occurred to me that it would be a perfect day for the first ride of summer. I broke my yellow/black beach cruiser bike out of storage and went for a ride. I returned home five hours later! Don't let me lead you astray here, I didn't spend the whole time pedaling but I was out enjoying the fresh air and getting my fitness on for most of it.
First stop was the small shopping center. I wanted to have a look see at all the food trucks that are now permitted to come into our lil' community. What fun! I didn't buy anything, instead looked on lovingly. (In another lifetime I want to own & operate a food truck!)
Second stop was Old Navy. Off the sale rack, I scored a few tops for summer. Size L thank.you.very.much!
Third stop, and quit the trip on 'The Bird' aka the bike, was the sand castle contest. (The head winds were killer.) What Fun! They always have a bike valet so I didn't have to worry about chaining her up or checking on her while on the beach. The castles were wonderful this year and the crowd was huge but in good spirits. After looking at the entries I soaked up the sun and took my shoes off so I could put my feet in the sand. I love to people watch.
Fourth stop, my local shoe store to see if my new shoes were in. Sadly no.
Fifth stop, Peet's coffee for a much need sit down & refreshment. Again, more people watching.
The best part of the day ... discovering how different it feels to ride after shedding another 25 pounds. What a difference!
Friday, June 08, 2012
Yesterday I stepped back into the City gym with a fresh attitude.
As the minutes of the day passed I felt that old jumpy, gotta get moving, it's almost gym time feeling come over me. I was craving yoga and I wouldn't be stopped! LOVE this feeling!!
In the past I have made a mad dash through the gym to get to the yoga studio. After all I didn't want anyone to notice me. Not this time! I walked with purpose and I looked at people, not past them. I smiled as I approached and they responded in kind.
As I entered the yoga studio I noticed the back row had already filled. Aak, my hiding spot was taken. After all if I stayed in the back no one would notice me. As I took a deep breath and set my things down I noticed a different spot in the middle a little to the left - that's where I set up camp.
While I relaxed on my mat I wondered ... is it ME vs. THEM or ME vs. ME? These people aren't the enemy. I have no proof that they wish me ill will. I have no proof that they dislike me because I'm fluffy and they aren't. Somehow I had made this perfectly nice gym into a mental war zone. What the What! I projected all those inner negatives onto the THEM and I allowed them to become the enemy.
There is no war here. There is no ME vs. THEM. They have come here, like me, to do a job - get their sweat on and work out/off their aggressions. I am but another person breathing in the same oxygen as them and working on similar goals. In the end, it really is ME vs. ME?
What is your purpose? That is the question at the beginning of yoga. Remember your purpose. This is the statement to bring us back to center.
My purpose, in that moment, in that hour, was to learn & remember I am the only person in my own way. My purpose ... to remember who I am, where I've come from, where I want to be and why in this moment I am here.
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