Thursday, February 25, 2010
It's Day 18 without sugar or sugar substitutes!
Sugar is hard substance to get away from, that I've discovered in the last 18 days, but I've also discovered it can be done. Of course this takes some dedication and knowing what to look for (those food manufactures can be tricky). I've discovered products that have sugar added to them that still leaves me questioning why. Do you know that some dried cranberries have sugar added to them? Well, I did not until I read the tiny label on the bulk bin while standing in the all natural food market. I was seriously disappointment. Sugar is everywhere and hidden in all kinds of foods and "they" do it so the food will taste better. No one wonder I'm addicted to sugar and random food items.
The biggest benefit (I'm sure there is a list), so far, is the lack of pain in my body. I've been plagued by chronic foot and neck/shoulder pain for years and within this last 18 days that pain has disappeared. Again, the only change I've made is taking sugar out of my diet. This new development alone could very well keep me off sugar for good . . . but I won't make any grand announcements here, I'm choosing to do this one day at a time.
Random thoughts that aren't so random anymore:
1) I don't like my boss very much.
2) I don't like my boss' girlfriend much either and she now works for the company. Talk about sleeping your way in the door. LMAO!
3) I like my job and most of our clients, it's been 8 years.
4) I am burned out.
5) The numbers on the scale don't mean as much, which really means I'm not going to obsess about them but merely note them.
6) Work-outs have become boring at best but I'm under contract with my gym so I continue to go.
7) I found a belly dancing class and I'm going to go on Wednesday, March 3.
8) I've have a friend of 13 years who is addicted to food, an abusive boyfriend and drugs, I can't help her.
9) I don't want children, my husband does.
10) SP is a great outlet and I've found some awesome support.
11) I've learned to love raw cabbage.
12) I have a love/hate relationship with sugar and sugar substitutes.
13) I am a food and sugar addict and I can slip at anytime but that doesn't mean I'm any less or lost my way on my journey.
14) I have food pushers in my life that don't care if I'm healthy or not as long as I eat so they feel better.
15) I can't wait for spa day in March!
16) My husband loves me "fluffy" . . . I love him for that and about a million other reasons.
Life is good today and I'll commit to striving to do my best in any given situation and to support those around me.
Monday, February 22, 2010
I have two idols: Mom and Dad
They adopted me when I was six months old and love me like no other parents could.
They have always been my idols and my hero's. No one holds a candle to them, no one!
I would not be who I am today without their strength, guidance, love, and dedication.
They helped me find my values, work ethic, love, forgiveness, strength, independence . . .
So who slipped from the pedestal? My dad.
Today, I have been teary eyed and sad thinking about an event that happened at Christmas time involving my father. I can't quit shake the sadness and disappointment that the event caused me.
My dad is 74 years old, runs a full working farm in the mid-west (including livestock and grain), and has hyperglycemia. On the day in question, which happened to be the day that our extended family Christmas and a reception so family and friends could me my husband, he apparently was "low on sugar" and stressed about weather and the livestock. With that combination, unknown to me at the time, he was a walking time bomb. The bomb went off on me . . . loud and ugly! I was mortified but stood my ground because he was just in the wrong all the way. I was further mortified when he announced he would just stay home. I walked out the door and didn't look back; with 8 of us, we had already decided that separate cars would be driven into town. I rode with my mom and husband - in silence and behind large sunglasses that hid my tears.
I ended up crying on my mothers shoulder (something I haven't done since I was a child) and she said he would be there - no matter what. I told her I was so upset that I lashed out at my dad. She said he had it coming with the way he was acting and it doesn't hurt him to have people stand up to him AND that he would be there without fail. She was right, Dad did come that day and we all had a grand time but no one talked about the big pink elephant in the room. That elephant STILL lives in the room to this day.
Even with the urging of my mom, dad never did apologize or acknowledge the moment that went so wrong.
In my 39 years on this earth I don't have any memories of fighting with my parents. It may have happened while I was teenager but nothing this extreme. To this day have friends who are jealous of my relationship with my parents.
I'm not sure what I need from him, if anything, but I know this ways heavy on my heart and soul. So much so, that I sit here in my office typing this blog while tears stream down my cheeks almost 2 months after. (certainly hope my boss' conference call lasts long enough for me to get it together)
The good news is, he only slipped, he didn't fall off the pedestal.
I just wish my hurt would go away.
I think a good cry will happen on my walk home tonight . . . until I get this sad out I'm going to keep replaying that moment in time over and over again.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Day 13 started out great and is ending on the same note.
I was up early after a great nights sleep and work-out for 45 minutes. I had enough time to fix a fabulous breakfast and my lunch prior to leaving for my Saturday job.
On my way to work I had one of those OM-Gosh moments. The back story is that for as long as I can remember I have had chronic neck and shoulder pain on my left side. My chiropractor and massage therapist both can ease the pain but it usually comes back within a day of treatment. I have lived with constant pain for years! Well, today when I was driving to work I looked over my left shoulder and it hit me .... I have NO pain! It's gone and has been gone, the mobility is much better too. Literally the only thing that has changed in my world is the lack of sugar. I am, of course, going to keep an eye on this and see how things progress.
Weekends being the worst time for me due to lack of scheduling I tend to get off track but not today. I ate on schedule, logged my food AND I had a work-out.
Another great moment was finding an organic tomato sauce that has NO added sugar - I was so very, very excited. I came home from the store and made a small pizza out of a baked corn tortilla, tomato sauce, hamburger and sweet onion - I was literally in heaven. Yup, I don't miss the cheese at all and can't wait to make one again.
With the end of the day coming up quick I am settling in for a hot cup of tea and relax.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Seems to be met with the same routine just on a different day. Not a bad thing when it comes this process and keeping it under control.
My energy level in step class was amazing last night. I nailed the routine, again, and left for my walk home with pep in my step! Gotta love that.
Yesterday's weird craving came and went without action. Staying aware was key and not having any no-no foods around helped.
With the weekend coming up in mere hours I can't help but hold my breath a little, it is my most troublesome time. People tempt me, in the name of love and routines are ever shifting, so I have to stay on top of my game.
On Saturday's I work with a friend who is a food pusher, I love him but hate him for this. "When I say no thanks, I mean no thanks! So please stop asking!" I've had the uncomfortable conversation with him but he just doesn't get it or see it. I'll have to defend against his temptations.
Day 12 into this journey I find that cravings are mental, not physical and in the past I formed some habits that need to be broken. Like my Saturday job, as soon as I walk into that office I think Peanut M&M's and soda come to mama - they used to be my afternoon snack. I have to retrain my mind just like my body which is a tough assignment but completely doable. Instead of the Peanut M&Ms I will take roasted peanuts and to replace the soda I shall take some sparking water, this should help.
The nagging question on my mind has been, "What are you going to do on the 29th day KT?" As Winnie the Pooh would say, "Think, Think, Think." I'll leave the answer to this question until the 28th day but I'm sure doing lots of changing and self assessment now so I won't be caught off guard when the time comes.
My thought for today: "I am Fabulous! and I don't need sugar to make me sweet."
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