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Saying Good-Bye is Hard

Saturday, November 05, 2011

Last night we said good-bye to our Tucker Boy.
Rest in peace my friend. Rest in peace.
You're gone too soon and my heart weeps for you.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SGRAY478 11/10/2011 10:40AM

    So sorry for your loss. It is always hard to loose a beloved furry friend

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MANLEYSANDY 11/7/2011 12:21PM

    I am sorry... emoticon

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ABB698 11/7/2011 12:43AM

    Awww emoticonSo sorry for your loss, saying goodbye is hard. emoticon

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TRENTDREAMER 11/6/2011 3:30PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

I am really sorry for your loss.

again, emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TANYAP71 11/6/2011 9:26AM

    So sorry to hear of your loss. Pets are so special, especially cats.

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TOTALFOCUS 11/6/2011 8:01AM

    Oh my...I am sooo sorry. May God comfort you and your family during this difficult time.

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ENDUROVET 11/5/2011 8:22PM

    Oh my - deepest sympathy, darling...
It's never easy to let 'em go.
emoticon emoticon

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KT-NICHOLS-13 11/5/2011 2:58PM

    Thanks everyone. Tucker was loved by so many people in this world, he was one special boy! Our hearts are heavy today as we move forward in life missing him with each passing second. He left us too soon he went peacefully and with dignity. Hug your four legged babies today and cherish each moment you have with them.

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HDHAWK 11/5/2011 2:00PM

    I'm sorry for your loss. It's so hard to lose a pet.

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ERIKO1908 11/5/2011 12:45PM

    Sorry to read this. Hugs to you my friend!! Praying for you and your family...I know it isn't easy. I'm pretty sure the kitty is up in kitty heaven rolling in catnip and chasing mice. (Not like their life on earth is all that difficult, but it gets even better for them up there!!)

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MAGGIE805 11/5/2011 11:44AM

    I'm so sorry. May he rest in peace. emoticon

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I woke up full of awesome today!

Friday, November 04, 2011

For the past few weeks my energy level has been spiraling downward and my mood was jagged and harsh. Wednesday night during Zumba it occurred to me that I had entered into a slight depression. I wasn't all that surprised after all, for over a month now I have been dealing with life and death issues of our adorable four legged friends. During all this my awesome had disappeared. It was replaced by a fog of fatigue so bad that I'd sleep 8+ hours a night and still require two naps - one at lunch and one when I'd get home from the gym. It was shades of what I had been through before and I was more than a little concerned.

So what changed today? Let's review . . .

For multiple reasons, about three weeks I stopped taking the supplements prescribed by Doc. On Tuesday I placed an order to refill the ones I had run out of and they arrived on Wednesday. I immediately started back on my regimen. I also started a gentle detox of my liver. The detox is simply drinking one glass of warm water with lemon juice (half a lemon) 20 minutes prior to breakfast and again before I go to bed at night.

So two changes have occurred - 1) supplements again and 2) liver detox.
These two things alone have lifted the fog enough that I feel energetic again and life doesn't seem so unmanageable.

It's clear that my body is still trying to repair itself and that I must push on.

Are you full of awesome?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ERIKO1908 11/5/2011 12:55PM

    WTG on making those little changes that have seemingly turned you around. It isn't easy but it looks like you have done it. Hugs to you!! I'm thinking about you!!

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PJH2028 11/4/2011 5:47PM

    Wow. That's great. And a great reminder. The little supportive rituals and practices can LIFT our energy and set / re-set tone. Thanks, too, for your thmbs up and showing up in my days. I value you. . . . . and your awesomeness! ;-)

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KITHKINCAID 11/4/2011 4:48PM

    woohoo girl! LOVE the title of this blog. Great news on everything else :)

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The Good. The Bad. The Ugly. The Truth.

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

The Good.
My passion for boxing continues!
I'm finished being "freaked" out by new sparing partners and now welcome the unknown.

When I'm not at the gym I wonder when I can get there.

My Ms. Sara - 16 year old cat - is living large at home. The vet gave her a death sentence of two weeks (that was over a week ago) but she continues on as if nothing is gonna stop her. We enjoy her company every day and are thankful for the time we have.

The Bad.
My knee continues to give me troubles and it's a battle to go down stairs. My general doctor is unavailable any time soon and I'm not sure she can help anyway. My chiropractor promises to help via e-mail but again, I'm not sure what can be done - besides me writing checks for her services. Am I getting in my own way? Probably. Do I need to get over it? Yes.

My friends cat, the one with bone cancer, lived another week - he was sparked with life and was feeling good. His time has come however and we'll say our final good-byes on Thursday evening. My friend is choked with grief now and I worry about her now but even more so after.

The Ugly.
I feel like my body is slipping again. The fatigue I've been experiencing is shades of what I went through when my adrenal glands were exhausted. Fatigue, to me, feels like a slow lingering death. It's time to talk to Doc again. Between no weight loss and fatigue I can now say - "Something isn't right with my inner bits, let's figure it out."

The Truth.
I have a 10k race on Nov. 12th and I will walk most, if not all, of it. I'm okay with that and I'm okay if I come in dead last. I participate because I can, not for the glory in the time I finish. The truth is, I fear how this will impact my knee. I am prepared to downgrade to a 5K should I need too. My health is more important than my ego.

I found out my friend/sparing partner feels pressured because of my commitment to go to the gym and workout. It seems the flip side of me being frustrated at her for not going, not wanting to go or dragging her feet to go is that she is equally frustrated at my unwillingness to skip and stay committed. Never would have guessed that one!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ENDUROVET 11/5/2011 8:25PM

    I personally love it when one of my patients proves me "wrong" on a poor prognosis!
My R knee is making some alarming Rice Crispy sounds, but there is no pain as I continue on...

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KINSBAILE 11/4/2011 1:52PM

    Love ya hon! Keep on keeping on!

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TSEWARD 11/2/2011 9:57PM

    Sorry to hear of your kitty sicknesses...our kitties are very precious to us. Also hope you get to the bottom of what is causing your fatigue. So frustrating to be weighed down with!
sending you warm fuzzies.....

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 11/1/2011 11:43PM

    So sorry about the bad and the ugly...never a fun part of life, but does help us appreciate the good. Glad kitty is enjoying her days and you are enjoying the extra time. Glad you are going to see the doctor about the health concerns. Hope you find answers without too much trouble and they are easily remedied. Hope things are good this week :).

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TRENTDREAMER 11/1/2011 6:47PM

    Sorry to hear about the knees and the fatigue. Hope that you feel better soon.

Glad that you are still doing the race and being sensible about it. Best of fortune, whichever race you run/walk and whenever you finish it.

I really appreciate your friendship.

- Trent

Comment edited on: 11/1/2011 6:47:32 PM

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MZA1ANIZ12409 11/1/2011 4:14PM

    It can be difficult to find a compatible workout partner. Good luck!

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Wordless Wednesday

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ITSHOWYOULIVE 10/31/2011 12:28AM

    beautiful pics!!

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KINSBAILE 10/20/2011 1:38PM


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TRENTDREAMER 10/20/2011 7:35AM

    emoticon emoticon

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ABB698 10/20/2011 2:21AM

    You are a fabulous photographer!

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DESERTFLOWER8 10/20/2011 1:21AM

    LOVE! You really have an artistic eye, KT! I am enjoying your "Wordless Wednesdays"..creative and fun!

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ERIKO1908 10/20/2011 12:31AM

    The door falling off of the barn really spoke to me. It is amazing what pictures can convey & bring out of a person!!

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SGRAY478 10/19/2011 8:53PM

    I live in Iowa!! :)

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COMPASS_ROSE 10/19/2011 5:46PM

    Beautiful pictures! WOW!

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MANLEYSANDY 10/19/2011 3:41PM


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KT-NICHOLS-13 10/19/2011 12:58PM

    While visiting "home" aka my parents farm in rural Iowa I snapped these photo's while on a walk in the snow. I even made the snow angel.

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RUNNER12COM 10/19/2011 12:52PM

    Great photos. Are each of these your own? Wow!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 10/19/2011 12:45PM

    I love these!

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It's what I did

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Friday afternoon I gave blood. It's what I did.
I ate too much after I gave. It's what I did.
Friday night I joined The Gang at Mangia Mangia and had a fantastic dinner. We giggled and carried on as if we hadn't seen each other in years. I hugged my Munchkin, who was back in town from college. It's what I did.
Saturday morning I had breakfast with The Gang. We laughed even more than the night before. It's what I did.
Saturday afternoon after the Mr and I were finished with errands I scooted over to my friends house to spend time with her furballs. The oldest one and I took a nap on the sofa. Ya, it's what I did.
Sunday I morning laid in bed and read my book while my furballs played "catch me if you can" all around me. It felt peaceful. It's what I did.
Sunday while the Mr was at work I went back over to spend more time with friends furballs. My footing slipped from there and I ate and ate. Then I sat and contemplated my journey - where I have been and the journey forward. I got lost in my head. I spiraled into the abyss and then I just sat, numb. It's what I did.
Monday I got up and started again.
I finally made it to my first mammogram. The place I went was fantastic . . . free valet parking, quiet music, soft fluffy robes for each patient to wear and a nurse who walked you gently through the process from the beginning to the end. Quietly, it's what I did.
Later in the day, when I slipped into my workout gear I glanced in the mirror and then I struck a poise. I smiled a little smile and I slid my hands down my curves and I embraced them. Ya, it's what I did.
I fought my way through boxing - both mentally and physically. When I spoke the phrase, "I'm not sure my body will allow me to do that move," my NEW sparing partner looked me dead in the face and replied, "Oh KT you'll be surprised at what you can do, let's do this!" In her strength I powered through. High fives and hugs came thereafter! Oh ya, that's what I did.

Sometimes this journey can knock me down even when things are going so right. Sometimes I get lost inside my own head and I fight my way out.
Sometimes I actually wonder if I'll ever move on from 232.5.
Sometimes I question everything and I rage.
Sometimes I find myself a quiet place and I cry just to feel the release.
Sometimes I find this journey to be mentally exhausting.

Then I stand up, brush my self off and I begin again.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KINSBAILE 10/20/2011 1:40PM

    YES! I think you rock. You're the BEST!

Giving blood is awesome too!

Seeing the munchkin is very coool.

I ate noodles last night... too. emoticon

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DESERTFLOWER8 10/20/2011 1:34AM

    WOW--just wow! What an inspirational and profound blog. You beautifully captured the ennui and frustration, as well as the joy that is such a part for this journey. I love the way you think, KT, and the way you cope, and the way you immerse yourself in every little bit of joy you find. Seems to me you really know how to live life.... emoticon

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ABB698 10/19/2011 2:29AM

    I just read an awesome blog from an amazing, inspirational woman. Ya, its what I did!

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ERIKO1908 10/18/2011 9:40PM

    This was a powerful blog! Thanks for sharing!! It really isn't about beating ourselves up, though it is often what we do manage to let happen. It should be about the carrying on. Always about the carrying on...

It isn't easy. We do what we do. We go on. It is what we do. Luckily we get to do what we do among friends!! That really makes a big difference.

Thanks for being my friend & being here with me!!

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TRENTDREAMER 10/18/2011 8:05PM

    You're a gr8 sparkfiend. That's what u are.

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ENDUROVET 10/18/2011 4:31PM

    Thanks for the reminder - it's probably time for me to be able to give blood again... (last donation, end of July)

I find myself questioning "What I Do" esp in the aftermath of a nasty scene from my boy, but then again that's what teenagers specialize in, isn't it?? I'm glad it triggered no kind of relapse on my part...

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