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My totally random post

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Hereís what I know:

Today I am tired. I believe it comes from my workouts plus the mental workouts Iíve had in this past week.

Side Note: Iím feeling a little better from my last post. Not a 100% but I did have a chat with the person involved on the other side of the situation. Once I know the ďwhyĒ Iíd rather have the uncomfortable conversation and lay all the cards on the table. Of course, it helps if the other party is willing to participate which in this case they did.

Sadly, my best friend found out that her beloved cat (Tucker) has an aggressive form of cancer and will likely pass within two months. The news has affected me greatly and sends me into fits of tears.

Side Note: My old girl, Sara, who is now 16 is slowly declining too. Sheíll be with us long after Tucker is gone but I see the writing on the wall to which her vet confirmed. Itís hard saying good-byes.

Saturday I spent the day with friends laughing and having a great time. Much fun was had by all! I enjoyed the part when a past fling saw me and did a double take. *GIGGLES* We briefly chatted at the end of the night and he expressed how great I looked. *HAIR FLIP & TWIRL*

On September 13 I went and had my girlie checkup, it had been two years. Shame on me! They gave me a referral to have my first mammogram. Yeah, should have had my first one last year but again when you skip the checkup itís hard to get the referral. Aak! As of today Iíve yet to call to schedule the appointment but the paper has made its way to my office so the odds of a phone call happening today is good.

Side Note: No, Iím not the least bit afraid of a doctor or to have my girlie checkup. I just simply forget to make the appointment so I can show up. Iím equally not putting off the mammogram, I think they are important, especially when I donít have any knowledge of my family medical history - Iíve no idea whatís lurking inside me - so itís best to let the professionals have a look see.

Iím retaining water today. I dislike water retention but have come to recognize it for what it is, temporary. What caused it, maybe the cup of homemade mac n cheese I had last night? I need to find macaroni noodles that are made from brown rice which would help me if I want to indulge when I do make it.

Side Note: I think the gluten consumption makes me retain water, among other things. This is another reason I need to fully quit gluten! Damn stuff is everywhere. HA! Iím fighting back today with water!

The trip to San Francisco is happening on Sunday. The Mr and I agreed weíd go regardless of anyone elseís schedule. The Bay Area weather has been warm and inviting this week and it wonít last. If we go alone, weíll take the ferry in and walk to our final destination of fun. Itís cheaper to take the ferry and walk than it is to drive, pay a toll, park and go. Iím all about saving money and using my feet to carry me. :)

Boxing is tonight. Have I mentioned lately how much I love boxing?! Ya, I do! Mondayís session was brutal in all the right ways, and I was paired with the men again. My arms are still sore today from all the work on the heavy bag.

Side Note: I use boxing and other workouts as therapy now. I workout my emotions at the gym and leave it on the floor when Iím done.

I have been enjoying biking this past week and have decided I need to buy a different lock so I feel more secure when Iím out and about. I always worry when I lock my bike up somewhere that someone will steal it. The lock I currently have can be cut if someone really wants the bike so Iím hunting for a U-lock that will give me more comfort.

This is the end of my totally random post.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KINSBAILE 9/28/2011 3:26PM

    Love the randomness! It's awesome! I am glad you're feeling better. Pets are our family members. I can see where this has upset you greatly!

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ENDUROVET 9/28/2011 3:23PM

    **Heavy sigh** It's never easy to let 'em go, even when you know it's inevitable...

My own gluten elimination experiment seems to be stalled in its tracks - yet the more reading I do, it seems to be pretty much an "all-or-nothing" endeavor; even just a lil' bit can be as bad as a lot!

Have a great time in SF this weekend!

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Today I feel . . .

Friday, September 23, 2011

Today I feel sad. My heart was torn apart last night and I felt vulnerable, exposed. I have retreated inside myself. I am drained mentally and need to rally with fits of giggles, which I hope to achieve this weekend. In time, my heart will mend and I'll be back to my bright and shinny self yet I'll never forget the pain. I'll even forgive and let it float off into the universe so I won't hold on to the poison but I also know my heart will have a scar.

Today I crave boxing. I crave the power of the heavy bag under my punch. I crave the vibration I feel when my kicks land on target and I rebound. I crave the physical exhaustion and stillness in my mind that it creates. Boxing won't happen but Zumba will and a short bike ride.

It used to be that I'd loose myself in food but now I loose myself in movement. I rode my bike to work today and went for a ride at lunch - it was calming. I take comfort in knowing that I now find comfort not in food but in activity.

Today, I dedicate "To Make you Feel My Love by Garth Brooks" to myself because above else I love me.

youtu.be/8DVwCf9Sn3o

Ah, the tears come now and I welcome the release. Thank you dear friends for listening and letting me take the first steps in letting go.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KINSBAILE 9/27/2011 12:37PM

    I am sorry you were hurt! I wish that we didn't have pain and hurt in our lives. However, I guess we learn and grow from it.

*HUGS*

I hope it gets better!

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ENDUROVET 9/25/2011 2:03PM

    ??? We are here for you darling, lots of love,

emoticon

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TRENTDREAMER 9/24/2011 7:53PM

    "Today I feel sad. My heart was torn apart last night and I felt vulnerable, exposed. I have retreated inside myself. I am drained mentally"
* Sorry to hear

"Ah, the tears come now and I welcome the release. Thank you dear friends for listening and letting me take the first steps in letting go. "
* emoticon

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ABB698 9/24/2011 1:29PM

    I am so sorry you are hurting, but so proud of you for finding a healthy outlet and taking care of yourself during these tough times. You are in my thoughts! emoticonSending lots of giggles your way!!!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 9/24/2011 8:31AM

    I'm sorry you're hurting. *HUGS*

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SGRAY478 9/23/2011 9:33PM

    I hope your heart heals. Thinking of you!
emoticon

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Playing with the Big Dogs!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Tonight I got to play with the Big Dogs in Boxing and it was amazing!

I arrived at class all warm and fuzzy from ST and logging a mile on the treadmill - I was ready! After warmup, Alfredo the instructor, split us into pairs for kicking combinations and to my surprise he refused my regular sparing partners request to be paired with me and told me to go with Miguel. Miguel is the seasoned vet that trains outside the gym. He's a powerhouse and he didn't hold back, which I appreciated. A few of my kicks put him off balance at which he smiled, nodded and said, "you got power." *CHEESY GRIN*

After kicking combinations we moved to the heavy bags with our gloves. Again I was pleasantly surprised when Alfredo instructs me to go with the men and the toughest veteran woman. Oh yeah baby - what a rush! We did punching combinations and kicking combinations on the heavy bag. I loved, loved, loved the punching combinations and it was even better when the guy holding the bag for me simulated getting hit by using his voice. It brought out the power in me. Alfredo gave me lots of "kudos" too! Tammy, the toughest woman vet, is the sweetest woman and a great supporter.

While I was packing up my gear I thanked Miguel for sparing with me and he nodded and told me that I am a power kicker. YA! I love playing with the big dogs!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KINSBAILE 9/22/2011 1:32PM

    NICE! That's awesome!

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DESERTFLOWER8 9/22/2011 11:37AM

    *************BIG SMILES************************
(
love it, kt!!)

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PJH2028 9/22/2011 8:40AM

    Brava!!!! It is very fun for me too whenever I realize my strength, my physical strength and abilities. What a lovely share. Thank you! And keep on keeping on.


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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 9/22/2011 7:13AM

    That's awesome, way to go!

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ESHERRILL3 9/22/2011 5:46AM

    emoticon Go KT!!!

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ABB698 9/22/2011 2:28AM

    emoticonKicking A$$ and taking names again, I see KT! emoticon

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TDWANDD2MYK9 9/22/2011 1:42AM

    emoticonYup I love playing with big dogs, Mine is 14 stone with four legs! emoticon

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"If you want to learn, I'll teach you."

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Sunday night I had a poor night sleep brought on by sinus drain, my four legged babies needing extra attention (one of them is not feeling well) and the Mr getting up at 3:45 A.M. so he could be at work an hour later. Following that night I got up to a disappointing weigh-in. It was a rough start to the day and I hadnít even left the house yet. At the office I was tired and it was hot, summer has finally arrived in the bay area, and my boss flashed on everyone throughout the day. (Sometimes I think he forgets we are all on the same team.) At lunch I went home and packed my second workout bag, this one for cardio, only to remember after returning to the office that I had forgotten my dance/Zumba shoes. What a day and it was only 2:00 P.M.!

By this time I had come up with many reason why I shouldnít go to the gym. Here are the reasons I came up with before 4:00 P.M.:
I was tired.
I had concerns for my little fur ball.
I wanted to be home for the new fall season to start on TV.
I forgot my dance shoes.
I wasnít in the best of moods.
It was terribly hot - inside and out.
My sparing partner sent me a text that she was skipping boxing, again.

By 4:30 P.M. the Mr had arrived with my dance shoes. At that point I decided to go to Zumba and figure out the rest of the night from there.

I arrived at the gym in enough time to secure my spot for Zumba. It was packed - lots of new faces and giggles in the back rows. Love that! I danced my heart out and the sweat poured off me. Equally love that! After Zumba was over my sparing partner asked if I was going to stay for boxing and I admitted that I was tired and didnít know if I would stay. *SHRUG*

I went and ran my quarter mile and then walked on an incline for another half mile. Both were tough and I noted my knee had tightened up again. I stretched it out best I could while I had my snack. Guess I was staying for boxing after all because if I eat a snack at the gym Iím certainly not going to go home soon after and eat dinner! I pushed on and did my strength training which felt good. I moved from 8 lbs. hand weights to 10 lbs. - no discomfort today so I can work harder next time.

Boxing was next and as time ticked away it appeared, I would be the only attendee. Out of respect for the instructor and my own selfish last ditch effort to skip class I went to the front desk and asked them to call him. I told him that it appeared I would be the only one in class and asked if he still wanted to come. His response, ďIf you want to learn, Iíll teach you. What do you want to do?Ē What fresh new hell is this? I have to make this decision after a day of trying to figure out how NOT to attend this class? I took a deep breath and told him Iíd start the warmup. As I started the warmup, another class mate showed up - a veteran!

In the end, my excuses and reasons didnít matter, the veteran and I had our own private boxing lesson. It was one of the most grueling workouts I have ever had. Many times I thought Iíd loose the contents of my stomach or just pass out. I held my own when we did kicking combinations and the veteran told me later that she thought we paired well together which was a huge compliment. Alfredo, the instructor, pushes me harder and further than anyone and he does it without being loud and aggressive. He just makes me want to do it. I wanted to quit a few times, or at the very least take an extra break, but when he corrected my moves and told me, ďagainĒ I looked him dead in the eye and responded, ďokay!Ē Did I have something to prove? Not sure but I pushed on and I accomplished something bigger than all those excuses I dreamed up during the course of the day. Boxing only lasted for 45 minutes but with only two of us in the class we had little downtime so the energy and calories burned was significant. At the end we were told to do different combinations of situps - 90 of them. Ya, I made it to 60 before I collapsed!

During the session I had the urge to apologize for my lack of stamina but then stopped myself. As I sucked wind I told myself that I have NOTHING to apologize for. Iím there! I showed up! I workout all the time! Iím building my stamina! I might not be the best conditioned but I have the most heart! Why should I apologize?!

When I left the gym the air outside was warm and I walked at a snails pace to get home. At one point I wanted to sit down on the sidewalk and just cry so I could feel the release. I didnít out of fear of not being able to get back up again. Knuckles dragging I finally made it to the front door and then collapsed into a chair where I sat still and silent for a long time.

Sometimes youíll find every excuse not to do it. In the end all you need is one reason to move forward - let that reason be you. I could have given in to all those excuses but that would have been giving up on myself. Iím worth more than that!

Today I rest! Tomorrow, I begin again.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KINSBAILE 9/22/2011 1:34PM

    You always kick ass, warrior! :)

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TRENTDREAMER 9/21/2011 5:02PM

    Really well written. Glad you went through with the boxing :)

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ABB698 9/20/2011 11:46PM

    I just got the chills at the end of this blog KT! You are so amazing, and really inspire me to keep fighting. Plateaus suck, but you're right, we show up, take names and kick ass, who cares how high or low the kick may be, point is-YOU DID IT! So proud of you! emoticon

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ESHERRILL3 9/20/2011 9:35PM

    Wow! You always manage to give my doubts a one, two punch just when I need it. It's not easy to make the choice to push through when you have SO many valid excuses that sound good. It's so easy to listen to that voice in your head....but I have accepted a challenge to get rid of that "nag" in my head that tells me I can't do it. Thank you for sharing....it means a lot to me and everyone else that pops by your page to say hello. As JENNSWIMS says "you are wicked freaking pfabulous"!

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 9/20/2011 5:23PM

    Wowzers!! Impressive. I know the feeling of wanting to sit on the curb, or the sidewalk, or the middle of the street and just stop...I haven't yet and neither have you...You ROCK!! I think that you were proving something to yourself during that class. You did have a significant and reasonable list of reasons to not stay. But, you proved to yourself that you are better than all of your excuses. That you are STRONG mentally, emotionally and by staying for the class you ensure that that strength will also be physical. WAY TO GO!! How is furball doing? Hope you pet is feeling better today.

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MICRAELIE 9/20/2011 4:21PM

    Wow -- you've done it again! Your dedication and willingness to work SO very hard has inspired me all over again. I am just humbled by your dedication and willingness. I think you are doing an amazing job and am so thankful you share your experiences with all of us. And I'm really glad you are one of my SparkFriends.

Wow, wow, wow!!

Michele
emoticon

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ENDUROVET 9/20/2011 4:18PM

    Boy howdy GF, are you an inspiration to me! I was bellyaching to myself, surfing for excuses to skip today's gym visit, when I stumbled over your post...

So I stumbled into the gym for a "quickie" (12 min elliptical, 10 min practicing floor exercises to prove how much I suck!) which is better than laying back on my a$$ feeling sorry for myself.

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SANDY-RENO 9/20/2011 3:19PM

    Amazing blog! You are an inspiration and you are so right. We are sooo good at coming up with excuses, but all it takes is one reason. Thank goodness reasons are stronger than excuses! Thanks for sharing.
emoticon emoticon

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Reset

Monday, September 19, 2011

Yup, my weight reset itself over the last week. Last week I weighed in at 232.5 which was down from 235 and today I am back at 235. I wasn't even going to weigh-in today because I knew this would be the case but to keep it real I woke the scale and stood tall. When the numbers flashed I looked down and remarked out loud, "Typical." As I placed the scale back in it's resting place tears stung my eyes a bit but I wouldn't let them fall. The anger bubbled and boiled but I kept it contained. These numbers haunt me and yet, I forge on. I shall begin again!

Honestly, I thought about sending Doc an email to update him on my progress or lack thereof but then noted it has only been one month and he asked me to give it two, I'll respect his wishes. The Mr and I are heading to Jamaica in a month to visit family & friends so I'm going to contact Doc after we return which will be the first part of December. I am hoping that I have different news to report come the first of December!

Here are some happy facts that keep me going:

Current Streaks on SP
1) I've logged in 190 Days
2) For 21 weeks I've exercised for at least 90 minutes per week
3) I've consumed at least 8 cups of water per day for 91 days
4) I'm 92 days Soda Free!! (THIS IS HUGE!!!)
5) I've done something active outdoors 1 time per day for 92 days

These my friends are things that keep me going. They're small but significant!

I've also decided to open up about my life, weight-loss and journey to wellness with a new friend. She has lots of questions and when answering those questions I reflect and discover new things. It's a good thing.

Other positives:
My stamina has increased drastically since starting boxing.
I'm running short distances again and enjoying it.
I'm doing short sessions of Strength training and enjoying it.
I can bust a move in Zumba like I've been dancing my entire life. HA!
I crave movement rather than stillness.
I love buying fitness gear.
The pants I'm wearing today are a smaller size.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENJESS48 9/20/2011 8:55AM

    Your scale and mine must be in cahoots; I have the same up-and-down thing going on despite consistent effort. Blech! We just have to stay strong and keep sparking; those stupid scales will catch up with us sometime.

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ABB698 9/20/2011 12:34AM

    I'm right there with ya Girl, on feeling stuck, but then looking at what we have accomplished is AMAZING and so much better than where we started this journey at! Be proud, you are an amazing, strong, kick-ass woman! emoticon

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 9/20/2011 12:11AM

    Keep those NSVs in mind! They are not insignificant!! You are a rock star and things will turn around, you won't let them not get better :). That is so totally awesome!!

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TOTALFOCUS 9/19/2011 9:41PM

    KT!
Look at the weight ticker where you started and then take a look at where you are now on that ticker. You are almost down 100 pounds! Thats something to get excited about!
You can do it!
WooooooHooooooo!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/19/2011 9:43:21 PM

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TSEWARD 9/19/2011 8:57PM

    You are doing AWESOME!!! It is just amazing how we let those stupid numbers affect us so much. The same happens to me. I love your positives! Going that long soda free, boxing, craving movement, smaller pants size, all those days w/8 glasses of water each day? So glad you shared your positives...many are goals I am still struggling with, so I know how hard you have to work to get there. you are an inspiration!

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KINSBAILE 9/19/2011 5:00PM

    *HUGS*
*HUGS*
*HUGS*

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 9/19/2011 4:42PM

    Yah, the scale sucks! But you know what, all of those other NSV are SO important. Tomorrow, that scale may say 237 (not a wish, just saying), but YOU know you can run farther than you did last week. You know you can go hiking and rafting without being exhausted. You're doing great KT, just keep doing it!

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ENDUROVET 9/19/2011 4:10PM

    I wish I had some useful advice but I'm also teetering at the tippy-top of my lonesome High Plateau... (not that I can claim any of your virtuous habits either, but that's another story ;-)

Hang in there - as DesertFlower says, the good lifestyle must to a certain extent, be its own reward!

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DESERTFLOWER8 9/19/2011 3:24PM

    KT-- I am so sorry for the damn frustration. However, your positives are so A M A Z I N G, and are truly the things that mean you are living a full, rich, and healthy life....isn't that what we all really want? The numbers are gonna come, hon, they will. For now, go on rockin' your warrior spirit, and show us all how it's done. I think you are a goddess!! emoticon

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