Thursday, May 19, 2011
This week I realized that I'm falling out of love. Then I ask myself, if I was ever in love or just in love with the idea of loving. HA! I have a 5K race June 5th and I've been refusing to run. I avoid the treadmill like it's a death trap and I used the unexpected rain to stop me from running outside. After all, I might melt if rained on.
I have two races this year, the aforementioned 5K and a then a 10K in November. Both races will be completed regardless - I don't sign up and then not participate - nope, that's not me. If I start it, I'll finish it. That being said, I might have to do intervals while participating but Iím okay with that. Whatever gets me to the finish line I will do!
Maybe this is a phase? Maybe I"m just burnt out? Maybe I just fell out of love for running? I just donít know, so I am doing a lot of reflecting.
While on the elliptical the other night - still my favorite machine ever - I watched a young woman on the treadmill. To me she was a beautiful runner. Her body moved in fluid motion. Her feet touched ever so softly on the belt. Her breathing was smooth and controlled. I enjoyed watching her from a far, all the while admitting I was a bit jealous.
Running is hard for me. I pound the pavement, my lungs ache, my mind wonders, and I am no where near achieving "fluid motion." Probably normal for a "newbie" - I find it uncomfortable.
I'm a realist and I know if I keep at it things will improve. After all it's been almost a year since I started down my running path and things have gotten easier. I run, and when I say run I really mean jog, at a faster pace than I ever have before. I logged a PB not long ago so I know I'm improving. My breathing has improved and my lungs donít ache as bad. Best of all, the leg cramps have subsided. Yet, my brain and heart are disconnected. My brain pushes me to keep running but my heart just isn't in it. I think thatís the key to all of this ... my heart and itís lack of passion. I don't care that itís hard - lots of things in life are hard and to that I adjust and move on.
What to do? What to do? The only answer I have, right now, in this moment is this ... keep moving. Whether itís slow or fast just keep moving. Never stop looking for your passion.
"Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart." ~ Author Unknown