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Conquering my fear of running outside

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." ~ Bill Cosby

Today I decided to take the first step in conquering my fear of running outside.
Since the awakening of the "why" I knew I had to take this fear head on. Why not today? Why not after work? Why not?! So with that seed planted in my mind, I laced up my runners and headed out the door. Distance traveled was 1.69 miles ... I ran/walked and I sucked wind. I ran down one of the main streets in town and avoided another. I passed two different men during my adventure and both smiled and gave me the head nod - *SMILES*! I mapped and logged my time and note that I did a 16/min/mile - slower than my usual pace but you know what - I don't care how fast I was. Today was not about speed, it was about me taking my life back and moving forward. I did that one step at a time.
I'm not kidding myself, the fear isn't totally gone but its hold on me has weakened. And for my next trick ... another run outside on Friday afternoon.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
~ Frank Herbert

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRENTDREAMER 5/26/2011 8:45PM

    "I don't care how fast I was. Today was not about speed, it was about me taking my life back and moving forward. I did that one step at a time.
I'm not kidding myself, the fear isn't totally gone but its hold on me has weakened. And for my next trick ... another run outside on Friday afternoon. "
* A big step (one after another). Have a gr8 run tomorrow :)

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ENDUROVET 5/25/2011 12:31PM

    That's great! I couldn't resist the allure of the treadmill yesterday, which I need to do my own post about...

But the stuff I'm mixing up is Healthy n' Fit 100% Whey protein powder that I get at Vitamin Shoppe... (Vanilla flavor, the chocolate tastes too "artificial") I had done a lot of research on whey vs rice vs soy (NO!) protein - & wound up w/whey protein.

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JENJESS48 5/25/2011 11:25AM

    emoticon on facing down your fears! It's so important!

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KINSBAILE 5/25/2011 9:42AM

    Excellent start! I ran outside yesterday at work, did 2 miles jogging 1 mile walking. My knee is not happy with me today but I did run a 11 min, 11 second mile which is 11 seconds faster than on my 5K race day! Keep going it's fun to run outside. I don't do it as much because of allergies to be honest. And training on the treadmill really works for me.

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ABB698 5/25/2011 1:50AM

    emoticon You go girl!!! You rock!!

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ERIKO1908 5/25/2011 12:25AM

    I'm proud of you!!

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Rooftop Zumbathon

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Today was the day for a new adventure! I attended my first Zumbathon in San Francisco on the rooftop of Lombardi Sports. I'm the one with the long turquoise tank. The Mr took this short video near the end of the session - fatigue had set in.

By 12:30 p.m. people were already guarding their spots.

They had free drinks, t-shirts and power bars during the event.

There were eight instructors and we danced from 1:15 to 2:50. The weather was beautiful with full sun and a breeze. We took two breaks that totaled 2 minutes - it was enough time to grab something to drink. My legs were like jell-o when we finished. Yup, I danced the whole time. :)

I was all smiles when it was over! The Mr told me I did great during the class and said I looked fabulous. (Love Him) I thought I did great too! And, I can't wait to do it again. BRING. IT. ON.

Oh yeah, I was a crispy critter when I got home.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BBGYRL4 5/31/2011 5:19PM

    Looking great!! I'm glad to hear that you had a good time and dancing on top of a roof is pretty awesome!

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TEDDYBABE 5/24/2011 6:44AM

    That looks like fun and you DID look great! You have got the moves girl! That's so fun!

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TRENTDREAMER 5/23/2011 8:55PM

    "I was all smiles when it was over! The Mr told me I did great during the class and said I looked fabulous. (Love Him) I thought I did great too! And, I can't wait to do it again. BRING. IT. ON. "
* I should re-visit iZumba!

Glad u had a good time.

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KINSBAILE 5/23/2011 8:45PM

    THAT IS AWESOME! I hope we have something like this near me!!! I would love to do a Zumbathon! BTW you look AMAZING! :)

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HEALTHYME47 5/23/2011 11:09AM

    That is so cool! I've never heard of a "zumbathon" before but it sounds like fun!

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ERIKO1908 5/22/2011 11:47PM

    Sounds like a great time!! Glad you enjoyed yourself!!

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CAREN_BLUEJEANS 5/22/2011 9:48PM

    Wonderful! I wish I was in SF, too.

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Whether it's slow or fast just keep moving.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

This week I realized that I'm falling out of love. Then I ask myself, if I was ever in love or just in love with the idea of loving. HA! I have a 5K race June 5th and I've been refusing to run. I avoid the treadmill like it's a death trap and I used the unexpected rain to stop me from running outside. After all, I might melt if rained on.

I have two races this year, the aforementioned 5K and a then a 10K in November. Both races will be completed regardless - I don't sign up and then not participate - nope, that's not me. If I start it, I'll finish it. That being said, I might have to do intervals while participating but Iím okay with that. Whatever gets me to the finish line I will do!

Maybe this is a phase? Maybe I"m just burnt out? Maybe I just fell out of love for running? I just donít know, so I am doing a lot of reflecting.

While on the elliptical the other night - still my favorite machine ever - I watched a young woman on the treadmill. To me she was a beautiful runner. Her body moved in fluid motion. Her feet touched ever so softly on the belt. Her breathing was smooth and controlled. I enjoyed watching her from a far, all the while admitting I was a bit jealous.

Running is hard for me. I pound the pavement, my lungs ache, my mind wonders, and I am no where near achieving "fluid motion." Probably normal for a "newbie" - I find it uncomfortable.

I'm a realist and I know if I keep at it things will improve. After all it's been almost a year since I started down my running path and things have gotten easier. I run, and when I say run I really mean jog, at a faster pace than I ever have before. I logged a PB not long ago so I know I'm improving. My breathing has improved and my lungs donít ache as bad. Best of all, the leg cramps have subsided. Yet, my brain and heart are disconnected. My brain pushes me to keep running but my heart just isn't in it. I think thatís the key to all of this ... my heart and itís lack of passion. I don't care that itís hard - lots of things in life are hard and to that I adjust and move on.

What to do? What to do? The only answer I have, right now, in this moment is this ... keep moving. Whether itís slow or fast just keep moving. Never stop looking for your passion.

"Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart." ~ Author Unknown

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRENTDREAMER 5/21/2011 7:51AM

    "What to do? What to do? The only answer I have, right now, in this moment is this ... keep moving. Whether itÔŅĹs slow or fast just keep moving. Never stop looking for your passion. "

* Life is often about building a plane while it's flying. Sometimes a week off gives the body a chance to recover. Maybe look into something similar to skiing.

It really does stink when something that used to be enjoyable becomes monotonous.

Best of fortune on both of the races.

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KT-NICHOLS-13 5/20/2011 2:09PM

    Between my beloved, the elliptical, 4 Zumba and 1 Step class a week I do get lots of aerobics. I have looked into swimming this summer. I'm not sure what the pull towards running is about so I sit and think about it. I give myself until the end of 2011 to figure it out. By January 2012 I'll know if I'm stopping. Again, that race in November 2011 has to be completed ...

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ENDUROVET 5/20/2011 1:56PM

    One of my riding buddies who is also a FB friend just announced her desire to run the White Rock marathon & I am consumed w/jealousy...
I'm a horrible clumsy slow jogger, but I certainly love the way it makes me feel - for the most part, AFTERWARDS! but maybe you just need to find a better aerobic exercise?

Cycling or swimming, maybe?

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KINSBAILE 5/20/2011 1:50PM

    I think there are ins and out of running. I have never seemed to dislike running. I just love it. I wish my knee loved it more! :) I think you'll come back to it!

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BBGYRL4 5/19/2011 7:37PM

    I personally cannot stand running, I hate it but I know that it's good for me and that it has some great benefits so I do it. I think that maybe I don't love it because I don't do enough of it, I believe it's possible to do something just enough to hate it but not enough to love it. I hope that you, and I, come to a point of loving running but in the meantime like you said just keep moving.

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MANLEYSANDY 5/19/2011 4:57PM

    I ended my relationship with running several years ago. I felt it was holding me back from exercing all together. I would dread running, and then feel bad if I did not give it my all and run when I did exercise. So then I would just not exercise at all and I would end up feeling guilty. Anyway, a viscious cycle and my own stuff all mixed up there, but I think it is good that you recognize it, you are so strong. It is a continued lesson for me to learn, but I know that as long as I move it does not matter how fast!!!

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 5/19/2011 1:38PM

    I think running is like all relationships. Sometimes it is hot and passionate, but then there are the times when you are staying together just because you are committed to the relationship. If you can get through the rough spots the relationship comes back to life with more strength than before. You've got this and you are committed to it so you'll get through :).

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A Tug of War

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

By 11:30 a.m. I had been in three tug of wars and it was exhausting. One was with the locally owned computer company that built my home computer, the second with the Mr and the third was with the new tenant within our building. All were minor and resolved to my satisfaction with out any real emotion expended on my end. I speak my mind, my truth and I actively listen. This sometime disarms a situation other times it can be like throwing gasoline on a fire.

What I find after episodes like this is that I am generally not hungry. Anger and frustration don't make me food hungry but it does bring back my cravings for diet soda. Crazy!! I don't keep diet soda at the office or house for this very reason so my craving passed without a sip of soda. That being said, I'm not opposed to a diet soda every now and then but I want it to be a choice not because I'm having some emotional reaction to a situation.

I find as I continue on this journey I am becoming more and more in-tune with my body and its needs. I don't want to feed the mental hunger anymore! This alone is a gift I can give myself everyday.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MANLEYSANDY 5/19/2011 12:31PM

    That is so awesome! emoticon

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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I've secured a spot at the Party in Purple II Zumbathon this Sunday. It's outdoors on the ROOFTOP of Lombardi Sports in San Francisco - 90 Minutes of Heart-Pumping FUN in the SUN!! It benefits Women affected by Domestic Violence. There will be at least eight instructors.

I heard about this event at Zumba class last night. It took me a little over 12 hours before I bought the ticket.

My mind was flooded with questions when I heard about the event:
1) Can I do this - 90 minutes?
2) Are all fitness levels welcome?
3) I don't know all the steps and I get mixed up sometimes, will this be a problem?
4) Can I find the place?
5) Can I get there via BART and by foot?
6) Do I want to go alone?
7) How many people will be attending?

My answers to those questions:
1) Ya, you can!
2) You might be fluffy but you're conditioned.
3) Do you really care if you get mixed up - SERIOUSLY?! You're there to have fun, live life out loud, workout and support a great cause.
4) Of course you can find the place. Take a map and ask questions!
5) Yes BART will get you part of the way and then you can walk those SF hills the rest of the way. What a great warm up and cool down.
6) Truth is, I don't want to go alone but the Mr is working and no one else is willing to go on this adventure with me. Better question is: Do you want to miss out? NO, so put on your big girl workout pants and get moving. You'll be fine.
7) The roof top holds close to 300 people. Do you really care how many people will show up? Put on your best smiley face and take this opportunity to possibly make some new workout friends and maybe next time you won't have to attend alone.

Dance until you feel free and embrace the sunshine. I'm gonna dance on the rooftop and I'm gonna laugh. I WILL LIVE OUT LOUD!!

Fear isn't an excuse to come to a standstill. It's the impetus to step up and strike. ~ Nisandeh Neta

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WILD22 5/18/2011 11:04AM

    sounds like fun to me!!

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BBGYRL4 5/17/2011 7:16PM

    You're going to LOVE it!! I did a 4 hour Zumbathon a few months ago and it was great! If you feel like you need to take a break then stop for a little but trust me you'll love doing it. I hope that you let us know all about it!! Have fun!

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KINSBAILE 5/17/2011 2:22PM

    Sounds WONDERFUL! I would love to find something like that here!!!

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MANLEYSANDY 5/17/2011 2:18PM

    Sounds fun! Have a great time!

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JENJESS48 5/17/2011 1:42PM

    Sounds like fun! And totally worth overcoming your fears and reservations!

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 5/17/2011 1:14PM

    Sounds like you will have a blast!! Can't wait to hear how it goes :).

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