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Standing Still

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Life has been a struggle of late. Bad news. Good news. I am indifferent.

Walking to the gym feels like Iím walking to my death. Last night I walked and walked. Then I stood. Staring. Standing Still. Watching those inside glide on the elliptical. Run on the treadmill. Chatting. Laughing. Scowling. Moving. I stood still. I watched. I thought. Finally, I walked. I found the front door and in that moment I paused. I paused - I stood still - trying to decide if I would go or stay. I stayed. I climbed the elliptical and found my settings. Then I stood still. One word repeated like a jackhammer, "WHY?" Auto-pilot kicked in and my legs moved. I felt the anger rage within me. I moved. I seem to chase the "why." I rage against it until my head hurts, my feet ache and my eyes burn. I rage. Rage does not equal rebellion. In standing still I can quiet the rage. I can channel it. Workout harder. Eat well. I Rage against the machine and I thumb my nose at conventional wisdom. If Plan A, B and C aren't working I move on. "Plan O? Watcha got for me today?"

Standing Still I see the world. My reality. Then I move ... forward.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ENDUROVET 2/25/2011 9:55AM

    Yes, so many times I find myself wasting time & avoiding The Moment of Truth, which is stepping thru those gym doors...

Great post!

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ABB698 2/25/2011 1:10AM

    Take a stand against being stuck and move forward. You are more powerful than you realize. You are strong, you are woman! (Now where's your frying pan? emoticon LOL

Enjoy your weekend!!!

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TRENTDREAMER 2/24/2011 9:01PM

    Hey there!

I'm sorry. I don't really understand what you wrote, but am glad that you got your workout in.

I really appreciate your friendship and support these past few months.

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RUNNER12COM 2/24/2011 4:25PM

    You are more powerful than you can imagine. Hang in there.


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BEXTRESS27 2/24/2011 2:22PM

    Yep. Sometimes you gotta pause, assess the monster, and then attack randomly, furiously, and without logic or reason. emoticon That's how I play video games, at least...it works. emoticon

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KITHKINCAID 2/24/2011 2:05PM

    I am so sorry you're struggling. I wish I had more to say, but I feel bad because I'm not in the same place as you are and I know how frustrating it must be!

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ELSAG83 2/24/2011 2:03PM

    This was powerful and I think it speaks for a lot of us. This is how many of us feel. You know why you're different than many? You switch your auto pilot on and ignore the stubborn questions and do it because you know it going to work towards your mini goals and overall goal. The best thing is that this rage pushes you harder in your workouts and that's fantastic! You're inspiring keep it up! *hugs*

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Mid-Month Check-in

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

My original Plan ...
February Plan:
Match or better my monthly mile totals. ( 48.3)
Bootcamp for minimum of 28 days.
Sit-ups = 10 a day for the 1st week, 20 a day for the 2nd week, 30 a day for the 3rd & 4th week.

The reality as I know it as of February 15th...
Miles thus far: 37.44
SP Bootcamp - 15 days and going strong. (there have even been some 2 a days)
Sit-ups completed: 390 - Currently up to 50/day (the original #'s became too easy so I had to kick it up a notch)

The fact that I've added in Strength Training has been a huge success and I plan to keep it up even after February has closed out. (There I've said it out loud, I can't take it back. HA!)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELSAG83 2/18/2011 5:22PM

    You have done a great job on staying focused and on track. Keep it up. I know you're grinning because you've kept up with this. It's mental and you're POWERFUL! *hugs*

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ABB698 2/18/2011 1:49AM

    Wow, you are rockin it! Fabulous!! Keep pumping it up!! emoticon

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    You go girl. Strength training is awesome.

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DIVALOUNGER 2/16/2011 1:56PM

    Really great work!! You are an inspiration!

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KITHKINCAID 2/16/2011 12:35PM

    Haha - I felt the same thing about ST. I hate it, but it's necessary.

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HEALTHYME47 2/16/2011 9:22AM

    Great work! Your February has been outstanding so far and I'm sure you'll finish up strong too.


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January Report Card ... February Plan

Monday, January 31, 2011

January Goal ... log 26.2 miles by running/walking/elliptical. I smashed it! Here's the breakdown:
TOTAL: 48.3

February Plan:
Match or better my monthly mile totals.
Bootcamp for minimum of 28 days.
Sit-ups = 10 a day for the 1st week, 20 a day for the 2nd week, 30 a day for the 3rd & 4th week.

I'm in a temporary funk so I joined two challenges on SP. This is where the rubber meets the road so I'm pushing through it and finding my way. Failure is not an option and neither is a "break." I'm finding something new to spice things up or at least not allowing me to check-out.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELSAG83 2/15/2011 1:02PM

    wow this is outstanding. I myself have started tracking mins that I work out to see where I am at the end of the month. I will probably beging to track the miles I do as well. This will keep me motivated. So this sit up challenge. Do you do that set once a day? Do you break down the set or do it all at one time? I'd like to work my mid sections so this sit up challenge sounds great! Do you do a standard sit up or variations. Keep kicking butt friend, you're doing great!!!!

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KCBYTHEC 2/8/2011 8:27AM

    Good for you KT,

I did a bootcamp yesterday, woohoo....and I can sure feel it today. Workout with a trainer, this month is fatburning month, then we switch up next month with weights and cardio. I don't wi or very rarely, but inches are gone...6.5.

Keep up the great work, challenges are always great, I like to try to get up the ranks on the teams I'm on as well, fun to do.



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TRENTDREAMER 2/4/2011 8:35AM

    "January Goal ... log 26.2 miles by running/walking/elliptical. I smashed it! Here's the breakdown:
TAL: 48.3"

* Thanks for the inspiration on this.

Best of fortune to you on your goals and challenges this month!

emoticon emoticon

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ENDUROVET 2/3/2011 12:04PM

    That's great! I wasn't logging total mileage, but clocked in around 35 mi on TM for January...

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KITHKINCAID 2/1/2011 5:54PM

    Challenges are good. back breaking, but good :)

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SWELL10 2/1/2011 7:56AM

    Great job on January! You kicked it's butt! Keep up the good work.

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The Seed

Thursday, January 27, 2011

The morning routine was going as planned. Then it happened. The Seed. The Seed of Sabotage tried to plant itself. It tried to embed itself and grow. It tried to take root. Aware and awake I noticed.

At 6:30 a.m. my brain chemistry tried to rationalize drinking a soda. "I can have just one. One won't hurt!" I didn't want one there and then. No, I was plotting my self sabotage to take place 6 hours later. REALLY?

If we are not diligent. Aware. On guard. Awake. The Seed will plant. Grow. Take hold.

Not today! Not Me! I'm Aware. On guard. Awake. I'm gonna push it to the limit and give it more.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRENTDREAMER 1/30/2011 7:41PM

    "Not today! Not Me! I'm Aware. On guard. Awake. I'm gonna push it to the limit and give it more. "
* Yeah, I hear you. Congrats on not giving in. It can be a daily struggle.

Thank you for your comment on my blog. I really appreciate it

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ABB698 1/28/2011 2:42AM

    You are in control! I love that about you!! Spark on!!

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STACYBH 1/27/2011 10:23PM

    I'm trying to get off soda, it's been 2 days. Sometimes doing the right thing is so hard. I read a book by Kim Bensen, "Finally Thin". She says in her book, (something like this) It's hard being overweight and it's hard losing weight, which choice are you gonna make?

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BBGYRL4 1/27/2011 1:35PM

    Great blog! You're absolutely right about being aware and awake. It's so easier to cop out and not take control but if we are serious about our health and the things that we want we need to push past that feeling. Keep that great attitude!!

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KITHKINCAID 1/27/2011 1:06PM

    This is already happening with me today too. I know I'm going to an Irish Pub tonight, and then out to a cocktail party afterwards. I want to have a glass of wine at the cocktail party, but I also want to eat fish and chips or a burger or nachos or something else really really bad for me at dinner...and then I just say, well I'm going to be over my calories anyway - there's no way I can't be over my calories, so I may as well "do it up good" and eat everything in sight. Stupid seed. It's bad. But I'm also worried that if I don't have the burger tonight, that I'll carry that "deprivation" over to the weekend and do worse damage later...guh!

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Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Food, it sustains or it kills. There is truth in dramatics.

My past ... I lived to eat. Food was/is my drug. Cravings. Mood Swings. An Obsession. Draining. A silent killer.

My present ... I eat to live. Sustaining! A passion.

My future ... alive. Living. Creating. Free.

My Life Lesson, after all - I don't live without faults:
If itís here and itís naughty, I will eat it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ABB698 1/27/2011 12:05AM

    My hubby and I were just talking about this in reference to a family member yesterday.....Eat to live vs. Live to eat.....
I mean why were we willing to let FOOD slowly kill us? Ewwww

Spark on Sister!!! emoticon

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