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Picture Day!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Picture day for the office. (sigh) Panic. What will I wear? Suits are binding. Restricting. Professional. I made the exception. I dusted off the suit jacket. I slid on my pumps. Judgment time - if only in my eyes. As I turned to the mirror I saw her - the woman within. She shined yesterday. She walked tall. She stood in judgment and judgment was kind.

The meeting was short. Thankfully! The photo op even shorter. Smile. Fidgeting - not allowed. I stood proud.

Next food and drink. Why must it always be about food? Panic set in. Breath. The rest of the group ordered deep fried. I would not. I ordered a grilled artichoke. Simply Fabulous! Let's add a Caesar Salad with a side of salmon too. When my food arrive, I smiled, they stopped and stared. To wash it down I sipped a vodka tonic. Slowly I ate. Delicately I sipped.

My day was a success!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SINCEKINDER 12/17/2010 8:52PM

    You are looking so good! Way to go!

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WILD22 12/16/2010 10:28PM

    looking good! your hard work is paying off emoticon

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KITHKINCAID 12/16/2010 12:31PM

    Awesome! You look great!

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ABB698 12/16/2010 12:27PM

    Sounds like a great day! And you look FABULOUS!!!!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Monday, December 13, 2010

Waking before the alarm always seems like a plus. Iím rested. Watching as the darkness turns to light is comforting. Listening to my own thoughts today in the quietness of the morning seemed overwhelming. How do I turn it off? The scale, again unkind, read - FAT. I quietly stepped off and gently put her away. Anxiety. Concern. Anger. Numbness. It seemed I walked in circles, caught in my own maze. Then I sat and I wrote. Dear Doc, some thing is wrong. I wait for a response. Mechanically I go through my routine. I walk 908 steps to reach my office, all the while listening to Eminem and Rihanna - I love the way you lie - how fitting. As I walked I tried to turn it off - my brain. That switch is broken.

Yesterday, with sleep in my eyes I made my way to the gym. Would I run? Yes. I lost myself inside my mind and I ran. The sweat dripped. My lungs were strong. My breath easy. My legs sturdy. I ran. When time ran out and the cool down phase started I cursed and thought - too short! Today. Right now, I wish I were running. Soon enough.

Until then I wait. Searching. Asking. Looking. I shall embrace the day and make it mine.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KITHKINCAID 12/16/2010 12:14PM

    I'm liking this new poetic side to your writing! Lovely!

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GEEKYGRANDMOMMY 12/14/2010 11:06AM

    Oh my gosh, my thoughts exactly!

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ENDUROVET 12/13/2010 2:19PM

    I wish I woke early each morning (at least an hour before my alarm, sometimes MUCH earlier!) bcz I was well-rested instead of my incompetent bladder!

All I'm trying to do this holiday season is hold steady - so far, so good w/clients bringing more homemade candy & cookies, chips & pretzel snacks oh me oh my!


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Friday, December 10, 2010

The littlest fur ball woke me up at 5:50 a.m. to play, but how can I be mad at a purring, loving ball of fluff - I can't. The scale was unkind today. Bloat! After a hot, nutritious breakfast including 6 glasses of water I slipped on my earphones - Usher and I walked to work. I took 877 steps to arrive at my office chair. The mist covered my coat and the fresh air filled my lungs - I took a deep breathe. Yes, it is another day, another dollar but today is mine and I will embrace it for all it's worth!


Breath deep, blink, breath deep, blink ... repeat

Monday, December 06, 2010

Breath deep, blink, breath deep, blink ... repeat. If you were in my head this morning as I walked to work and then to the bank that's what you would have heard. It played on a continual tape. The sadness and emptiness swallowed me whole this morning and it was all I could not to break down in tears as I went about my business. Don't get me wrong, I love a good cry but I love that cry to be in a private location and not on display for the world to see or react to. I'm not sure where it's all coming from so I'll ride the wave and see what comes up for me. Something has triggered me but I don't know what the trigger was or what was actually triggered. For the love of all emotions I'll feel what I feel and stay present.

I've already created my fitness goals for 2011, which I did while on the elliptical yesterday.

So far I've come up with the following:
March, 5K run
June, 5K run
November, 10K run

Friday night a young man (half my age) told me that I was "hot" and he liked that I was "thick." I smiled. Yes, I'll take the compliment!

Saturday the Mr and I bought our Christmas tree. Fun times!

Sunday we went shopping and I bought a few sweaters from Old Navy. I was surprised to find out that I fit into a Large. Woo Hoo.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KITHKINCAID 12/8/2010 3:19PM

    I know what that emotional purge wave feels like - ride it to the max lady - it means good change is on the way!

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DIVALOUNGER 12/6/2010 4:53PM

    Just show up and do it everyday! You are on a streak! emoticon

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It's time to clean out the closet

Monday, November 29, 2010

Old man winter has finally found my little corner of the world and it's chilly outside. We don't run the heater much, too cheap to pay for it, and we can generally get warm and cozy with a simple pair of socks and a sweatshirt. That's of course when we are at home.

Over the long holiday weekend I took the time to clean out and up the place. I took out 2 trunk loads of stuff to either sell, donate or trash - Amazing. It takes a lot to let go but my mind finally reached the point of, "it's just stuff, it's not who you are." There are of course sacred items from family that will live with me for my lifetime. I'm still not done with this process, my deadline to finish is Friday at 11:00 a.m.

I didn't get to my clothes closet, yet. It's time! It's amazing how my body can shift, tighten, tone and even drop a few pounds but some of those clothes are still ill fitting. The first skirt I pulled out fit like a sausage casing. Sexy. It's now in a ball on the floor. Frustrating. It's time to clean out the closet and figure out what fits, what makes me feel beautiful and what really needs to go. Hanging onto something because it's pretty but doesn't make you feel pretty is just wrong on so many levels. If I let it go, someone else can benefit and I can move on with my life.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAGIC10FINGERS 12/4/2010 9:41AM

    It feels good to purge. I did that the wk b4 TG, when our weather finally turned wintery. I've taken many bags to our local 2nd hand store, making me feel even better to be donating to help a struggling local business. I too tend to have a hard time "letting go" of certain items, but sometimes we have to dig deep to get rid of the clutter. I'm finally doing that, but I still have a long ways to go!

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THATS_LOVELY101 11/30/2010 6:26PM

    Fit like a sausage casing? LOL I loved that comparison! I know exactly how you feel.

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KITHKINCAID 11/29/2010 5:35PM

    Here here!

I remember going through a bag of stuff that I kept hoping "one day" it might fit me. A lot of the items I kept because, like you said - they were pretty. Turns out, even when they do "fit" - they don't fit. So now since I've been living without them anyway it's been easier to say "OK - I wore it and it still doesn't fit right, so it's going bye bye."

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3LITTLEBUNNIES 11/29/2010 1:23PM

    You have motivated me to look through my closet today. I have been putting it off forever. I have clothes waiting to be worn as well as clothes that are now to big, but I like them and have held on to them in fear that I may need them again. They need to go....because I won't be needing them again!!

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LASIE1 11/29/2010 1:16PM

  You know that is exactly how I feel. We hang on to stuff just because it's pretty. And I know about the ill fitting clothes I have a bunch of them. I think that you have just made me realize that I really just need to get in there and get rid of stuff. I have to much anyways. Thank you for your inspiration and good luck on your journey

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